Original subtitles

Can't talk. I'm baking.

Um, I'm not an expert, but on the cooking shows, that stuff goes in the

Oh, yeah?

Where do the eggs go?

I'm not an expert, but on the addiction shows, they call this a cry for help.

Are you upset because your mom is moving back to America?

Are you going to have to go live with her? No, she gave us a choice. Now we're

just going to go visit her in Florida whenever we want. I'm actually pretty

happy about it.

Okay, then why are we baking?

Remember how I applied for college a year early? Remember how I cried and

you not to? Remember how I said, suck it up, I probably won't get in?

Well, I got in. Yeah!

And that's why I'm doing this.

I knew Dad and Steph wouldn't even want me to apply, so I did it without telling

them. And now I'm going to be awful, so it'll be easier for them to let me go.

Gabby, what did you do?

What is this mess?

It's called my life! Deal with it!

Stop leaving!

Why do you keep leaving?

What is with Gabby?

Only one more year till she goes to college. I can't wait.

Now you're watching Fashion Hounds.

I'm sorry, darling. That skirt is hideous.

Release the hound.

Listen, missy, we're getting a little tired of your attitude.

What? You want me to leave?

Oh, I can pack my bags and be out of here by, I don't know, September.

God, what's happening in September?

My real mom wouldn't ask me that. Why'd you marry her?

voice muffled, Maggie Turner is going to start living out loud.

Aaron and I need to tell you guys something. Hey, most important news gets

floor. Pipe down, little man, and wait your turn.

Sit down, big woman, because our news is huge.

Okay, I'm sorry.

I can't be awful anymore.

I've got something to tell you all. We were first.

No, we were first.

Soon we're together.

Well, you can wait your turn together because my news is the biggest.

Okay, okay. Remember that guy that I've been dating?

news was the biggest?

Okay, do you think it's tacky if I get this ring appraised before I give him an

answer?

Goodbye, Dad.

Goodbye, feeling.

Goodbye, my favorite pencil cup I ever had.

Wait, I can take you with me.

Aaron, why are you being like this? Mom's not moving to regular Florida like

thought. She's moving to Orlando, Florida, theme park capital of the

parents have to take you on a roller coaster every weekend.

It's the law.

I know I said I wanted to go, but Dad and Steph are pretty upset.

Too bad for them. They gave us a choice. Besides, I already bought two front -of

-the -line passes and a leash for you.

I told you, I don't need a leash anymore.

Please, one churro man walked by and I'm looking for you all afternoon.

How about we stay with mom in the summer? We can visit the theme parks

The two hottest, most crowded months? No thanks. You do what you want, but I'm

going. Really?

You'd move without me?

I'd move without my leg if it got me on a roller coaster every weekend.

But, you're right.

I don't want to go without you.

I don't want to spend the rest of my childhood in line as a single writer.

James, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

Okay, I'll go to Orlando, Florida.

Good, because I sold all your winter coats and bought us some flip -flops and

metal detector.

Do you hear that, guys? We're moving. How many animals do you have living

there now? Five down here and, uh...

Professor Turtle had to go live under Steppen Danceman. Why?

He knows what he did.

Did you talk to the boys?

The boys?

Why would I talk to the boys?

Because they ripped out my heart and they're dragging it to Florida?

You said you were going to handle this. I meant I would handle Gabby. What's to

handle with her? If she feels she's ready and Yale University feels she's

she's probably ready.

Stupid Yale.

Meanwhile, we've got to keep the boys here. We can't. They want to live with

their mom.

Charlie, those boys are only moving to Florida for theme parks. We're losing

them to log rides and funnel cake.

You and I agreed with Kim that we would leave the decision to the boys.

And they decided.

Stupid Florida.

So we're losing everybody?

Still got me.

Come here.

Stupid.

Stupid you. It's only cute when I do it, Charlie.

Stop.

I'm way too sexy to be an empty nester.

Yeah, me too.

But, looks like we don't have a choice.

Unless... Unless sounds good. I like unless.

You tell Gabby she can't go to Yale early, and I'll back you up. If, when I

convince the boys...

Today, you back me up. So we team up to crush everybody's dreams?

I'm in. How do we do it?

Hi, hi, hi.

Well, you can't hi, hi, hi up here. Front and back door only.

You got three kids in the house and still light outside. Y 'all ain't doing

nothing.

Stanley got a job in Iceland. If I marry him, I'm going to have to move there. I

need to have a heart -to -heart talk with my baby. Shove over. Shove over!

Little as you used to be.

Hey!

Stephanie, what am I going to do?

The man needs an answer. I mean, I thought I knew what to say, but then he

Iceland at me. I'm about to throw this lamp at you.

Charlie, shut up!

Hey!

What do you think Steph and Dallin talked us about?

They're going to try to convince us not to move, but we have to stay strong. You

can't keep flipping and agreeing with the last person you talk to. I don't do

that. Yes, you do.

You're right, I do.

What the... Throw your hands in the air.

Wave them like you want to stay here.

Allow me to introduce myself, Easy Eagle, and my partner in...

Has a lot of theme parks. But if you think about it, Philadelphia is one

theme park. And the theme is fresh, funky history.

Let me stop you. If you wear those costumes every day, I'm not going

Don't get in, Aaron. He's going to go back to sweater vest, and she's going to

go back to dressing way too fancy for a Thursday.

Some old mouse, kick it in Philly, a sexy rockin' town. If you want some fun,

I've got the cure. Let's all go on the Valley Forge Tour. Too many roller

coasters, mush your brain.

was not the last memory of you I wanted to take to Florida.

But you get what you get.

Come on, Aaron. Let's go pack our bags. Wait, wait, wait. You're still going?

Faster than ever.

Pennsylvania, it's insane.

Pennsylvania, it's insane.

It's pathetic.

But it gets in your head.

Of course it didn't work, Charlie.

You didn't come to one rehearsal.

Well, I guess we should tell Gabby she can't go to college.

Actually, I've been thinking.

You know how I automatically say no to everything?

But this is Yale.

I can't say no to that.

thinking too.

I love being a mom.

And if the kids are really leaving, I want to have a baby.

This was not the deal. Before we got married, you said you didn't want

of your own. Well, I changed my mind. That's a woman's prerogative. This isn't

prerogative. This is bait and switch.

Oh, you want to talk bait and switch?

Mr. Hey, honey.

got to run to surgery. Can you take my kids and, you know, raise them?

Stephanie, being a dad was great for my 30s and 40s, but I want to spend my 50s

and 60s moving on to new challenges.

Like?

Watching the Phillies.

There's big things happening in this house. We don't have time for your

boyfriend drama.

This man could be your new stepdaddy, and I could be living all the way around

the world.

Mom, we've got two real situations in the house. This is just you needing to

the center of attention.

You're never going to marry Stanley, and you're never moving to Iceland.

Is that right?

Stanley!

ready to be the new Mr.

Maggie Turner.

Talking about I need attention.

I don't need any attention.

Now, take a picture of my ring so I can post it on Instagram.

I want James to make his move to Florida.

You don't want Gabby to go to college.

I know a way we can both get what we want.

How? You have to kiss James.

You don't even have to kiss him. Just pretend you like him so he won't want to

leave. And if you do that, I'll make sure Gabby stays here. How are you going

stop her?

You're seven.

Ten.

But I'm going to let that slide.

And it's not my part of the plan that you need to worry about.

appropriate for you, my lady.

You might not have heard, but I'm moving to the Sunshine State.

This could be your last chance to get with the J -Man.

Yeah, it's a shame you're leaving. I was just thinking about how I wanted to get

to know you better.

That's not me!

Really.

I'm a Pisces, I like ravioli, and I could bench press 30 pounds.

I'm a Capricorn. We're compatible.

Maybe we should go out sometime.

Out?

Like, a date?

I can get us into a petting zoo.

Wait, you're stupid. You're blowing it, James.

No, I think petting zoos are cute.

Oh, okay.

I get it. I'm hallucinating.

Hey, is Molly back yet?

I got jammed up picking shower shoes for the dorm. Stephanie said go with a

heel, but I don't trust her.

to college Gabby I have something to tell you I'm dying

I have a rare tropical disease really hmm

what's it called papaya that's a tropical

fruit the point is I might only have a year to live do you really want to mess

with a little time

Before I rot.

Erin, as serious as papaya sounds, somehow I think this is your sweet,

way of telling me you don't want me to go to college early.

Is it working?

Not even a little bit.

Fine. Go to college.

I hope you catch papaya.

Hey, Professor Turtles. I guess we went to Orlando, Florida.

Which is good for you because it's a swamp.

Unless you get gobbled up by an alligator.

But they don't have an alligator.

If you're not going to help me carry it, at least get the door.

Uh -oh. I don't want to talk about towels. We're not done talking about

baby we're having.

I'm excited.

It's a girl.

Let's call her Savannah.

Oh, Savannah's a pretty name.

But what's her last name going to be? Because it's not going to be my baby.

Charlie, you can argue until you're blue in the face, but in the end, I am going

to win.

How? If you don't want a bun in the oven, then this bakery is closed for

business.

Yeah, she's gonna win.

What's wrong? Are you choking? Did you swallow one of your bugs?

No one explained anything to this child.

Stephanie's having a baby.

I heard them talking upstairs while I was hiding under the bed.

Yes!

Finally, I'm gonna be a grandmama.

You're already a grandmama. Y 'all don't count.

I walked in here in my wedding dress and nobody said anything. My new

grandbaby's gonna care.

college when my sister is born. I don't want that. It's gonna be a brother, and

I need to be here to raise him. It'll be nice to have a second chance after

raising this one.

Yes! We don't have to move to Orlando, Florida.

And I most certainly am not moving to Iceland.

Hey, Stanley, the wedding is off.

Text me when you get this.

So, we're all saying?

Well, it looks that way, but now look.

We are not supposed to know about this baby. So when we tell them that we are

staying, don't tell them why.

Yeah, she's right. We've got to let them break the news to us when they're

ready. Hey, guys.

What?

Baby, I'm staying right here in Philadelphia with you. I'm not marrying

Stanley.

Then why are you wearing...

I have to do laundry.

And I'm going to defer Yale. That way I can spend a whole year making fun of

people who didn't get into Yale.

And we're not going to Orlando, Florida. But I can't tell you why.

Yes, you can.

Pennsylvania, it's insane -ya.

They love me, Charlie.

Oh, come on, Dad. Get in on this.

We love you guys.

We're glad you're staying.

I'm going to go take the kids for some ice cream.

Ooh, ice cream sounds good.

I know you're probably craving it, but you stay here and rest and we'll bring

you back a gallon.

I can use something sweet.

You've had enough sugar. Let the woman rest.

Well, this has been a day.

Not that I'm complaining, but...

Why do you think they really stay?

Ah, don't pull the thread, Charlie.

They're staying.

But if all of this chaos is hanging around, I can't have a baby.

Oh, yes!

Now. I can't have a baby now.

How about we revisit the subject next year?

Fair enough.

To one more year?

To one more year.

can't be drinking that oh neither can you you're driving my kids for

ice cream the tall one can drive