Original subtitles

I told you I heard a burglar. Oh, it startled me.

Can't you tell when a person's trying to get in and get out?

Let me help you. Get out.

I just heard the funniest joke.

Put on some socks, because I'm about to knock them off.

Tell me your joke, buddy. What's the difference between a bad dinosaur and a

good dinosaur?

A bad dinosaur says, Roar!

A good dinosaur's nice. Please, may I have some coffee?

I'm laughing on the inside.

At a different joke.

Well, my new best friend Reggie liked it, and she knows comedy.

Oh, your new best friend is a girl.

Yeah, I'm going to go work on some new material for her.

What's to do with cherry tomatoes?

Are they cherries? Are they tomatoes?

Make up your mind. Hi, Terry Tomatoes.

I'm killing it.

Looks like Aaron's got a little girlfriend.

He is too young for that. What's our game plan?

All right, the first thing we do is huddle up.

Then we tell you to stay out of it because it's nothing.

Aaron doesn't have a girlfriend.

Well, then how come it looks to me like he does?

Because your book club disbanded and you needed something to fill the day?

Club did not disband.

We are just no longer welcome at that particular food court.

I'm telling you, babe, I hear drone hatchers are really good. Plus, last

sat through your girl movie. No, you watched sports on your phone through my

girl movie. But fine, we'll go see it.

Hey, Brett.

Hey, Dr.

Phillips. How's that play?

Ah, much better since you fixed my back swing.

Hey, I owed you one after that help on my AP biology test.

Which I ate.

Oh, give me some phalanges.

Well,

gotta go, Gabby. See you tomorrow.

Well,

he's nice.

A little too nice.

That's ridiculous.

He's perfect for a... Plus you.

I don't know.

What's not to know?

He wants to be a doctor, he's thrifty, and he drives a sensible pre -owned

hybrid. Oh, all the things a teenage girl looks for in a man.

We have to keep those two together. What's the game plan?

All right, the first thing we do is huddle up.

Hey, I thought we only did that to her.

Stay out of Gabby's personal life, Charlie.

Women be crazy.

What's up, buddy?

Women. They'd be crazy.

What happened, buddy?

This girl at school, Paige, has been flirting with me. And Carrie, this girl

church, has been flirting with me, too.

Oh, is that who I caught you winking at over your hymn book last Sunday? No,

that was Mrs. Jenkins.

Her glass eye doesn't close all the way, so I like to mess with her.

Good to see you're getting something out of church.

The problem is, I thought these girls liked me, but I looked online and I

thought both of them had their profile set to in a relationship.

So why were they flirting with me if they've already got boyfriends?

Well, what are you going to do?

I don't know. Maybe I'll text both of them you up and see what happens.

Son, it's 3 .30 in the afternoon. That's more of a late night kind of thing. Why

would I text them late at night? That's rude.

Charlie. These two shady girls are playing him. We can't leave him to deal

this on his own.

Stephanie? Yeah?

Huddle up!

Let's see. This goes here, goes there, and you go someplace else.

Boy, this is my living room. That lives here first.

What are you doing?

Carrie's coming over. I thought she had a boyfriend.

I did too, but she still keeps flirting with me.

Clearly there's an opportunity to be the man on the side.

James, that's just wrong. Blow out that candle. Why are you hating on my candle?

You need to have more respect for yourself.

Or perhaps, I don't.

Oh, she's here. I forgot to tell her. Rub me with some JRC.

James, you need to let this little girl know that you are nobody's side dish.

You are the main course.

So the other guy's like a creamed corn and maybe a wet salad.

She doesn't get any other guy. You are a man who comes a la carte.

You're right, Steph.

I guess it's about time I had some self -respect. Now move aside.

I'm about to check that trifling two -timer. Okay, dial it back. Just be

Hi, James. Don't give me that.

Just because I'm a man who comes in a cart, does that mean he can push me

around?

What? I don't know what you're talking about.

Why don't you ask your other boyfriend?

What other boyfriend?

James, you're my only boyfriend.

Yeah, that's why I changed my Facebook status to say we're in a relationship.

Wait, so this whole time I've been your... Oh.

Hey, Gabby. Hey, Brett.

Where's Brett?

I dumped him.

I bought his favorite chips.

Oh, in that case, let me go call him and have him come right over. over we're

totally meant to be because my dad bought chips you think he'll forgive you

how'd the dumping go good i said we're done he said cool we fist bumped and he

went to class did he say anything about me what and you knew they were gonna

break up why didn't you say something because i love it when you buy these

i like these chips too i thought they were the kind of chips that would be in

our lives for a long time

It's just not fair.

Forget this noise. You know how I thought Carrie had a boyfriend and it

out to be me? The same thing happened with Pigs. Now I have two girlfriends.

Well, you need to decide.

What do you think I've been trying to do? This is impossible.

How do I decide between the nice girl and the hot girl? Well, your dad got

Which one were you?

I meant... Never mind. Just...

Make up a pros and cons list. I tried. They're both all pros, no cons.

But what if I pick one and she develops a con? Then I have a girl with cons when

I could have had a girl who was all pros.

My stomach hurts and a weird man on the side. Is that love?

No, that's an ulcer.

This is obviously too much for you to handle right now, so maybe you shouldn't

choose either one.

I can do that? Yeah, of course.

Hey.

The room isn't spinning anymore, and I think my stomach's better. But what's

with this rash?

Oh, that's from the dryer sheet. Stop doing that.

Grandma Maggie, I don't want to hold your hand. Ah, but would you say that if

were Reagan's hand?

You mean her hand on your body? You look like a T -Rex.

What is with this boy and dinosaurs?

I'm Grandma Maggie with little Reagan hands on. Can you please grab me those

cookies?

Mother, I thought we huddled up on that one.

Huddle up all you want. I'm gonna find out if he's got a girlfriend or not. He

is much too young for all of that.

So, tell me about Reagan.

She's so funny.

I love her.

See? He loves her.

Watch this. Hey, Aaron!

You want a popsicle? Oh, yeah.

I love popsicles.

See? Well,

As much as I'd like to stay here and prove that you are wrong, I've got to go

my book club. We found another food court.

This one's got the chairs bolted to the floor in case things get real.

I had fun on our date, Jane. Me too. I've never met a girl who's willing to

spend the whole day at a comic book store.

Next time, you'll have to explain the difference between Toe Boy and Feet Guy.

It's easy.

Feet Guy is made of feet, and Toe Boy lost his mother at a young age.

That's why he's a vigilante.

Well, hello there.

Who's this?

Steph, this is my girlfriend, Carrie.

We were just leaving. Hi and bye.

I get it. You don't want your mom embarrassing you.

I wonder if that was the hot one or the nice one.

Hello, Jane.

Oh, my sweet.

Steph, this is my girlfriend, Paige.

It was fun. I'll call you later, Paige.

Jane, are you insane?

You can't have two girlfriends.

You're the one who said, don't choose, so I did it. Best advice ever.

You get a lot of parenting things wrong, but I guess it's true what they say

about a monkey with a typewriter.

That's not what I meant by don't choose.

You need to do the right thing, Mr. Player Player, before somebody gets

They can't get hurt by what they don't know.

Oh, well, they're going to know because I am going to tell them.

Stephanie, there's enough of me to go around. These girls can split a main

course.

Maybe they had a big lunch. They don't have much money. Why are you being so

judgy?

All right, which one am I going to call first?

The hot nice one or the nice hot one?

Fine, I'll stay with Carrie.

You know, this actually works out for me. I promised Paige I'd take her for

cream. That's a two -for -one coupon going back in my pocket.

One day without a man and you let yourself go.

Tangle me.

Oh, honey, this is really in there. What did you do?

I was watching the video five minutes to Beyonce.

At three minutes, I turned it off. I got cocky.

Thanks again, Dr. Phillips. I always wanted to play that course.

Brett? Dad?

Oh.

Well, this is awkward.

I didn't know you'd be here.

I live here.

Hopefully, we can all be adults about the situation.

Seriously, Charlie, you're dating Gabby's ex -boyfriend?

We're not dating. Are we still on for dinner tomorrow? Pick you up at eight.

Carrie, there's something I want to talk to you about.

You know how Grandma might be a little stingy at the snack bar?

You'll never guess what I did.

You stuffed your shirt full of popcorn?

No, a kettle corn.

Plus, I have a pants leg full of licorice.

and a leg full of gummy bears.

Oh, want a little pre -show snack?

Dude, can we get some privacy?

Hi, hi, hi!

No, we cannot.

Is it time to go?

Yes, hurry!

But I gotta get a little drink for the movie.

You can always get a drink at the theater.

Not the kind that's gonna get me through two hours of a talking dog.

James isn't bringing a girl. Can I bring one, too?

Well, that depends.

Is she your girlfriend?

Of course she is. She's a girl and my friend.

Dad's right. Her mind's starting to go.

Let's get you that drink.

So, James, what did you want to talk about?

Carrie, now that you're finally my one and only... Wait, wait, wait. Finally?

You mean I wasn't before?

Well, I was seeing this other girl, but I picked you.

Great, huh?

You were seeing another girl while you were seeing me? You're focusing on the

wrong thing. The point is, you won.

Come on. Bring it in right here.

I said bring it in. That's taking it out.

Seriously, it looks like you're leaving.

Wow, James.

not go well what were you doing in the closet well i went in to get a jacket

i wanted to listen without you seeing me james i am so sorry you ended up losing

both girls but you learned a very important lesson the foundation of any

relationship has to be honesty absolutely stuff honesty hello

page good news i got out of the hospital want to go to the movies

Okay, going out to dinner tonight with Brett.

I was thinking of pitching him my alma mater.

If I wear my school tie, does that make it weird?

Dad, you blew past weird three days ago.

So you're saying I should stick with a simple paisley?

No, I'm saying you should stop dating my ex -boyfriend.

We're not dating. Stop saying that.

You're getting all gussy. up for a night on the town. What do you call it? I

might be his mentor, but we're not putting labels on it yet.

Brett, I was supposed to get you.

About that.

I wanted to talk to you face to face.

That doesn't sound good.

What's wrong?

I'll give you some privacy.

There's no easy way to say this.

I met a girl.

If you're worried about Gabby, don't be. She's totally over you.

No, the thing is, this girl has a dad.

He's a doctor, too.

What kind of doctor?

He's a brain surgeon.

I could have done that.

So, what exactly are you saying, Brett?

That we're not going to be spending time together anymore?

Well, Dr. Phillips, between school, the girl, my part -time job... No, no, no,

no, no, no. I get it. My schedule's gotten totally booked, too.

I'll, uh, I'll swing by your house tomorrow, pick up my golf club.

I thought you gave me those.

Well, we all thought this was something it wasn't.

Good night, Brett.

Aw, need a hug.

told you to stay out of it i can't see people right now

oh hey carrie um james is not home

oh in that case can you give him back his favorite comic book sweetie i am so

sorry james hurt you but you know what he's new at dating and in the end he was

honest i guess so trust me it's very rare you find out a guy is dating two

from the guy i don't know do you think i should Give him another chance?

It's your decision.

Hey, why don't you think about it while I drive you to the movie theater so you

can tell James you're back together?

I'm telling you, Dad, all you need is a good cry.

All right, which movie do you want? The Mama Dies, The Best Friend Dies, or The

Lion Dies?

Lion, please.

You're right.

It really does fill the void.

James. Look who I found.

Hey, Steph. Hey, Carrie. Carrie? What?

Hey, James.

She wants to get back together.

Yay!

Yay!

Now that we've celebrated, Carrie, why don't you take this quarter and get

yourself something pretty from the claw machine?

It's 75 cents.

But okay.

Steph, what are you doing? She can't be here. Paige is right in that theater.

Paige?

her. I was going to, but I didn't want to.

And it was working out for me until you show up with Carrie.

Well, now you've got a problem.

Not necessarily.

Carrie and I were going to see Drone Hedger. Pais dragged me into that stupid

puppy detective.

Two girls, two movies, one James. Hello!

James, you have got to break up with one of them.

Which is it going to be?

Well, if I'm following my heart.

I want to see Joan Hatcher, so I guess I'll go dump Paige.

$7 for licorice?

That's insane.

I'm going to go see what Aaron's got left in his pants.

proof to you that your baby has a girlfriend.

Mother, didn't we tell you to stay out of it? Ah, shh.

Ah, she's putting the moves on him.

Mom, just ask Aaron if that's his girlfriend.

I tried, but the boy is shifty. He turned it all into dinosaurs.

I don't know.

Then just ask her.

You're right.

Little girl, you and Aaron dating?

No, but that sounds fun.

Yeah, I guess it would be fun. Thanks, Grandma Maggie.

Want to hold hands?

Sure. But let's do it like dinosaurs.

So, are they dating?

They are now.

Sorry. Look, give the girl a ride home for me.

Oh, Lord.

That little girl that James brought with us, she's crying.

Oh, between this and that, I got a whole lot to tell my book club. Bye.

Oh, Paige, sweetie.

Look, I know getting dumped is hard, but you'll find a new boyfriend before you

know it.

What do you mean?

Well, James dumped you. That's why you're crying, right?

No, I'm crying because of Pup. A puppy detective found his father in the pound.

Wait. James is dumping me? I thought he just went out to get nachos.

Oh, yeah.

That's what he said.

Look, look, look, look. They're hugging.

Okay. You're missing the best part.

Did you send your stepmom to dump me?

James, heads up. Paige is mad.

Who is she? I'm his girlfriend.

Who are you?

I'm his girlfriend.

Or was.

You can have him. I don't want him. You take him.

Ladies, let's not fight. You both can have me.

That's not the fight they're having, buddy.

I'm trying to disarm them with my charm.

I hope you learned something about trying to juggle two girlfriends.

Get two candles and keep you in the dark.