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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,739 --> 00:00:15,280 Hey, hon. Hey, babe. 2 00:00:18,260 --> 00:00:20,480 Aaron, what are you doing out of school? 3 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:23,320 He got an award yesterday, so I'm giving him a ditch day. 4 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:26,940 Well, that must have been some award to earn a whole day off school. What was it 5 00:00:26,940 --> 00:00:28,540 for? Perfect attendant. 6 00:00:31,940 --> 00:00:33,240 Seriously? Seriously? 7 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,040 Was that a smart move? 8 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:37,160 Are you kidding? It was genius! 9 00:00:39,850 --> 00:00:43,690 First, Steph drove me by my school so we could laugh at everyone who had to be 10 00:00:43,690 --> 00:00:47,390 there. I sure did. And then I said, don't tell your dad. 11 00:00:47,730 --> 00:00:49,370 Wait, she gets smarter. 12 00:00:49,790 --> 00:00:54,090 Then Steph wanted a manicure, so for me she invented a boyacure. 13 00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:58,950 She is the smartest person I've ever met. 14 00:00:59,270 --> 00:01:00,610 You know I'm a surgeon, right? 15 00:01:02,030 --> 00:01:03,510 Don't be jealous, Charlie. 16 00:01:03,890 --> 00:01:06,970 Green's not a good color on you. I know that because I'm smart. 17 00:01:10,180 --> 00:01:11,180 Hello? 18 00:01:11,420 --> 00:01:12,420 Oh, shoot. 19 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:14,020 I forgot to call in Aaron's absence. 20 00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:17,140 Uh, yes. I'm sorry. He's sick. 21 00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:19,320 What's he sick with? 22 00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:21,600 Uh, he's got a cough. 23 00:01:21,860 --> 00:01:22,860 A really bad cough. 24 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:26,120 I don't know what kind of cough. I'm not a doctor. 25 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:28,800 Tell her about the Boyacure. 26 00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:31,840 Uh, it's a cough. 27 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:34,980 You know, a whooping cough. 28 00:01:37,710 --> 00:01:39,650 Anyway, he'll be back tomorrow. Thanks for calling. Bye. 29 00:01:40,270 --> 00:01:43,430 Oh, that is one nosy main office lady. 30 00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:45,190 Why would you say whooping cough? 31 00:01:45,610 --> 00:01:47,730 Because it sounds dickier than a regular cough. 32 00:01:49,230 --> 00:01:51,870 Wait, is whooping cough a real thing? 33 00:01:52,090 --> 00:01:53,090 Because it sounds fun. 34 00:01:53,470 --> 00:01:54,470 Whoop, whoop. 35 00:01:54,850 --> 00:01:55,850 Now, 36 00:01:57,330 --> 00:02:00,710 whooping cough is a serious, highly contagious disease. 37 00:02:00,970 --> 00:02:04,170 Put down this stethoscope, Charlie. Nobody thinks I meant whooping cough. 38 00:02:07,310 --> 00:02:08,310 Hello? 39 00:02:09,690 --> 00:02:11,530 Oh, that's fine. Thank you. 40 00:02:12,370 --> 00:02:14,250 Yeah, they think I meant whooping cough. 41 00:02:15,930 --> 00:02:19,950 Aaron can't go back to school until he's cleared by his doctor, and we bring in 42 00:02:19,950 --> 00:02:21,330 all his vaccination records. 43 00:02:21,610 --> 00:02:23,390 I told you he was a genius! 44 00:02:24,650 --> 00:02:26,690 I am never going back to school! 45 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:03,400 Aaron's culture so we can get him back in school. 46 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:06,960 How did they get it in their heads that he had whooping cough anyway? 47 00:03:07,540 --> 00:03:10,360 Probably some crazy mom acting all crazy. 48 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,580 I see it all the time. So do I. 49 00:03:16,620 --> 00:03:17,620 Hi, hi, hi. 50 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:21,700 Oh, Charlie Phillips. 51 00:03:22,260 --> 00:03:23,360 Who's your friend? 52 00:03:23,980 --> 00:03:26,360 Hi, I'm Dr. Fine. Why, yes, you are. 53 00:03:28,540 --> 00:03:29,980 He's also leaving. 54 00:03:30,870 --> 00:03:32,330 Thanks for the house call, Percy. 55 00:03:32,830 --> 00:03:34,570 I'll see you on the green. See you there. 56 00:03:36,170 --> 00:03:37,089 Charlie Phillips. 57 00:03:37,090 --> 00:03:38,770 No, I will not set you up. 58 00:03:39,490 --> 00:03:43,170 He is my favorite golf buddy. It's too messy. 59 00:03:43,490 --> 00:03:45,330 Charlie Phillips! Don't you threaten me, woman. 60 00:03:46,910 --> 00:03:50,830 All right, let's get back to all the schoolwork your teacher sent over. You 61 00:03:50,830 --> 00:03:52,430 a whole mess of math to do. 62 00:03:52,710 --> 00:03:55,010 But it's fractions. I don't understand those. 63 00:03:55,230 --> 00:03:58,750 Oh, come on. You can do it. You can do it because you're a genius. 64 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:03,940 Eight eighths plus five twenty -fourths. 65 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:05,360 Oh. 66 00:04:05,540 --> 00:04:06,540 That? 67 00:04:07,420 --> 00:04:12,640 You just, uh, you know, you, uh, grab some of those twenty -fourths and a 68 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:15,840 handful of those eighths, do the thing with the other thing, get all up in 69 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:16,840 there, and you're good. 70 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:22,920 I must be way behind because that just sounded like a bunch of words. 71 00:04:24,460 --> 00:04:26,420 Could you do that again, but show your work? 72 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:31,640 I'm sorry, buddy. 73 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:35,520 I can't do your homework for you. That's just unethical. Well, can you at least 74 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:39,300 explain it? I know this doesn't have the same bottom number, so how do I convert 75 00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:41,180 it? Give it a pamphlet and hope it comes around? 76 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:44,260 Oh, good. 77 00:04:44,580 --> 00:04:45,539 You're here. 78 00:04:45,540 --> 00:04:47,380 Aaron wants me to teach him fractions. 79 00:05:00,750 --> 00:05:01,950 Nope. To get me out of gym class? 80 00:05:02,170 --> 00:05:03,510 Nope. Fair enough. 81 00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:06,090 Can't I get your autograph on this random piece of paper? 82 00:05:08,090 --> 00:05:09,150 Nice try, James. 83 00:05:09,390 --> 00:05:13,650 But, Dad, it's Dodgeball Week. There's this big kid, Dodgeball Dave, who waits 84 00:05:13,650 --> 00:05:17,070 all year for the chance to hit kids in the head with no repercussions. 85 00:05:17,510 --> 00:05:18,630 Only concussions. 86 00:05:20,530 --> 00:05:24,150 We've all been through this. It's part of growing up. If you want me to grow 87 00:05:24,170 --> 00:05:26,570 sign the note. They say he's killed before. 88 00:05:30,860 --> 00:05:34,400 I heard that Dr. Fine was coming over, so I thought that I would ask him to 89 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:35,400 write me a prescription. 90 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:40,080 Ten milligrams of his bad self to be taken at bedtime. 91 00:05:43,660 --> 00:05:45,840 I told him to email the lab results. 92 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:47,920 Why'd you have to go and do that? 93 00:05:48,220 --> 00:05:49,220 Open your coat. 94 00:05:50,300 --> 00:05:51,119 Come on. 95 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:52,120 Open it. 96 00:05:58,500 --> 00:05:59,500 That's why. 97 00:06:01,710 --> 00:06:04,890 need is a letter saying that I have a faulty heart from a prominent 98 00:06:04,890 --> 00:06:06,170 cardiovascular surgeon. 99 00:06:06,570 --> 00:06:08,270 But a letter from you would work, too. 100 00:06:09,170 --> 00:06:10,250 You thought that helped? 101 00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:13,690 Charlie, why won't you hook me up with Dr. Fine? 102 00:06:13,970 --> 00:06:15,810 Because I took an oath to protect human life. 103 00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:20,570 Don't protect mine. Write me a note. It's getting empty. I can't tell which 104 00:06:20,570 --> 00:06:21,570 of you is more desperate. 105 00:06:21,750 --> 00:06:22,750 It's me! 106 00:06:26,130 --> 00:06:28,250 You know, Dr. 107 00:06:28,510 --> 00:06:30,450 Fine is my pediatrician. 108 00:06:30,830 --> 00:06:34,410 If you take me to see him, I get a note, and you get a date. 109 00:06:35,390 --> 00:06:38,410 I like the way you think, James. 110 00:06:38,830 --> 00:06:40,970 In that case, I think I have a little fever. 111 00:06:41,890 --> 00:06:43,330 I think I have one, too. 112 00:06:44,250 --> 00:06:49,950 All I need is ten milligrams... Of his bad self. You don't have to repeat it. 113 00:06:50,030 --> 00:06:52,350 It's disturbing enough that a child heard it once. 114 00:06:57,890 --> 00:07:00,350 Hey, Gabby, I'm making some tea. Do you want some? 115 00:07:00,730 --> 00:07:01,549 Sure, thanks. 116 00:07:01,550 --> 00:07:05,790 Okay, but if I made you twelve and one -eighth cups and you only drank seven 117 00:07:05,790 --> 00:07:08,970 one -fourth cups, I'd have a lot of tea left over. How much tea would I have 118 00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:09,970 left over? 119 00:07:11,470 --> 00:07:12,469 Hold up. 120 00:07:12,470 --> 00:07:14,210 Are you giving me a word problem? 121 00:07:14,590 --> 00:07:16,810 No, but if it was, would you help a sister out? 122 00:07:18,310 --> 00:07:19,890 Having a little trouble with Aaron's homework? 123 00:07:20,270 --> 00:07:22,330 No, but if I was, would you help a sister out? 124 00:07:24,390 --> 00:07:26,690 Sure, Steph. I'll help you. If you'll help me. 125 00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,550 Okay. What do you want? 126 00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:30,780 Those new sneakers with the blue bottoms. 127 00:07:31,060 --> 00:07:32,220 Those are really expensive. 128 00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:35,440 I'm asking you to teach me fractions, not drive me to the airport. 129 00:07:36,540 --> 00:07:40,380 I have the money, but they go on sale while I'm at school. I just need you to 130 00:07:40,380 --> 00:07:42,560 stand in line and get me a pair before they sell out. 131 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:43,920 I can do that. 132 00:07:44,260 --> 00:07:48,400 Okay. Walk me through his homework so I can pretend to be smart for Aaron. He 133 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,560 has me up on this pedestal, and I like it there. 134 00:07:50,980 --> 00:07:52,500 I can look down on your dad. 135 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:56,420 Hey, from up here, his head looks like a little malted milk ball. 136 00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:00,920 Oh, this is easy. 137 00:08:01,180 --> 00:08:03,980 First, look for the lowest common denominator. 138 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:07,120 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up, math whiz. Who do you think I am, the guy in 139 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,120 the talking wheelchair? 140 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:12,040 You ain't even the guy who played the guy in the talking wheelchair. 141 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:23,260 Remember, you've got a little tummy ache, so keep the moans rolling till I 142 00:08:23,260 --> 00:08:24,260 his cell phone number. 143 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:29,500 My tummy ache's not going to be enough to get me away from dodgeball days. 144 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:34,799 But I've done some research. I've got a syndrome all picked out. Keep it simple. 145 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:37,000 We're not trying to start a telethon. 146 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:44,280 Okay, James, what's the problem? I'm suffering from that disease called 147 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:46,620 -Eckbaum. Ah, restless leg syndrome. 148 00:08:46,900 --> 00:08:49,320 Yeah, it's really going to be a problem for gym class. 149 00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:53,520 Oh, there it goes again. Can't dodge a ball with these crazy limbs. 150 00:08:55,050 --> 00:08:57,590 Or he could just be hopped up on chocolate. 151 00:08:57,830 --> 00:08:59,210 Do you like chocolate? 152 00:08:59,810 --> 00:09:00,810 No. 153 00:09:01,650 --> 00:09:06,410 Well, I doubt if you've got restless legs, but let's check it out. Oh, it's 154 00:09:06,410 --> 00:09:07,690 really bad today. 155 00:09:08,350 --> 00:09:10,130 There it goes again. 156 00:09:10,490 --> 00:09:13,710 It always wants to go west. There must be rain coming. 157 00:09:16,230 --> 00:09:17,970 Why don't I just hold it? 158 00:09:19,070 --> 00:09:21,070 I love your bedside manner. 159 00:09:21,430 --> 00:09:23,350 Is it good by any bed or... 160 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:25,040 Just the ones with paper. 161 00:09:27,820 --> 00:09:32,600 Miss Turner, I think your grandson has a little case of I want to skip school 162 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:33,840 -itis, if you know what I mean. 163 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,480 James, stop wasting the doctor's time. 164 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,560 I'm so sorry. 165 00:09:42,580 --> 00:09:47,280 It's difficult being a single grandmother who's still in her prime. 166 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:51,920 Oh, it's okay. You can waste my time whenever you want. 167 00:09:54,510 --> 00:09:55,510 Really, Dr. 168 00:09:55,610 --> 00:09:57,870 Fine. Who do I care? 169 00:09:58,230 --> 00:09:59,550 I get paid either way. 170 00:10:03,670 --> 00:10:04,950 This is your fault. 171 00:10:05,210 --> 00:10:08,630 All your wiggling distracted him from my flirting. 172 00:10:08,910 --> 00:10:09,910 You call that flirting? 173 00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:13,150 Yeesh. No wonder you need a 13 -year -old wingman. 174 00:10:18,190 --> 00:10:20,050 Where are my shoes? Where are my shoes? Where are my shoes? 175 00:10:20,430 --> 00:10:23,130 Oh, hey, Gabby. How was school? You want some trail mix? 176 00:10:23,470 --> 00:10:26,460 Where? in shoe, shoe, shoes, did you hear trail mix? 177 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:31,500 I didn't get them. I am so sorry. Want a raisin? 178 00:10:32,940 --> 00:10:34,780 I want my blue bottom sneakers. 179 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:36,200 What happened? 180 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:41,120 Well, the line was moving slow. I saw these pants, and by the time I tried 181 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:42,540 on, all the blue bottoms were gone. 182 00:10:42,860 --> 00:10:47,340 You stepped out of line for pants? They were high -waisted. You know that's my 183 00:10:47,340 --> 00:10:48,340 jam. 184 00:10:48,980 --> 00:10:51,060 I saved up forever for those. 185 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:52,880 I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 186 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:54,620 Here's your money back. 187 00:10:56,540 --> 00:10:57,940 Why are there coins? 188 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:01,940 Well, I knew you'd be upset, so I bought you your favorite pretzel. 189 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:04,820 This is half a pretzel. 190 00:11:06,060 --> 00:11:07,220 There was a lot of traffic. 191 00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:11,200 Make way for the Mads King. 192 00:11:11,700 --> 00:11:14,560 I got A's on all that work you helped me with, Steph. 193 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:16,160 Good job, buddy. 194 00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:17,920 I guess I'm one of the smartest parents. 195 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:19,300 I guess you did. 196 00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:20,980 Give me five. 197 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:22,200 Careful, buddy. 198 00:11:22,650 --> 00:11:25,490 She'll just leave you hanging when she sees a pair of mom jeans. 199 00:11:27,430 --> 00:11:28,430 What happened? 200 00:11:28,570 --> 00:11:30,690 Thanks to Stephanie, I don't have blue bottoms. 201 00:11:30,970 --> 00:11:32,290 Ooh, blue bottom. 202 00:11:32,630 --> 00:11:33,630 That's a good symptom. 203 00:11:35,730 --> 00:11:37,670 Guess what, Stephanie? No, no. Wait. 204 00:11:37,890 --> 00:11:39,290 Please, let me tell her. 205 00:11:40,010 --> 00:11:44,570 Aaron signed you up for the parent versus teacher's math competition. 206 00:11:47,030 --> 00:11:48,470 He signed me up for what now? 207 00:11:50,830 --> 00:11:51,709 the Smarty Bowl. 208 00:11:51,710 --> 00:11:54,950 They do it every year. I put you down as team captain. 209 00:11:57,090 --> 00:11:59,390 Why? Why would you do that? 210 00:11:59,750 --> 00:12:02,690 Uh, because you're the smartest person he knows. 211 00:12:06,870 --> 00:12:10,470 You get to show the whole school how smart you are at math. 212 00:12:10,950 --> 00:12:11,950 Wow. 213 00:12:12,370 --> 00:12:13,370 Smarty Bowl. 214 00:12:13,410 --> 00:12:16,710 This news is like five -eighths as good as getting my shoes. 215 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:23,439 What do you think? 216 00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:26,760 Tomorrow you need to smudge more of that purple shadow under your eyes. You 217 00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:29,060 don't look thick enough to get that gym note from Dr. Fine. 218 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:33,000 Yeah, but I'll be good once Grandma Maggie starts flirting and I start 219 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,000 up. 220 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:39,180 Stephanie's making me want to throw up. I helped that woman and she sold me out 221 00:12:39,180 --> 00:12:39,979 for Pam. 222 00:12:39,980 --> 00:12:42,280 Were they high -waisted? Because you know that's her jam. 223 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:45,580 Gabby, can we talk? 224 00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:47,680 I'll be behind the curtain. Why? 225 00:12:48,460 --> 00:12:51,160 I'm wearing smoky eye. I don't need to go all up in my business. 226 00:12:55,000 --> 00:13:01,140 Look, I know you're still mad at me, and I'm really sorry. So, here. 227 00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:03,520 My sneakers? 228 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:07,360 Orange bottoms? 229 00:13:07,540 --> 00:13:08,540 They're no cops. 230 00:13:19,630 --> 00:13:22,750 I saved you a lot of money. Only you, me, and that one -eyed guy from the 231 00:13:22,750 --> 00:13:23,750 hardware store need to know. 232 00:13:26,030 --> 00:13:31,170 Oh, and I could use your help with one more little thing. Let me guess. You 233 00:13:31,170 --> 00:13:32,630 me to coach you through that Smarty Bowl. 234 00:13:32,970 --> 00:13:34,890 Please? I need you to teach me. 235 00:13:35,130 --> 00:13:38,990 You know, not a lot, just enough to win and stay on Aaron's pedestal. 236 00:13:39,490 --> 00:13:41,310 There's no way I could teach you that much. 237 00:13:42,490 --> 00:13:43,490 Are you sure? 238 00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:44,690 Well, what am I going to do? 239 00:13:45,990 --> 00:13:48,290 Well, I bet they've already written all the questions. 240 00:13:48,810 --> 00:13:50,790 Maybe I can get you the answers in advance. 241 00:13:51,690 --> 00:13:52,690 You mean cheat? 242 00:13:53,070 --> 00:13:57,110 It's not like it's a test. It's a game. You always cheat at games. Miss triple 243 00:13:57,110 --> 00:13:59,330 word score on a made up word. Hey, hey, hey. 244 00:13:59,690 --> 00:14:01,090 Zyquick is a real word. 245 00:14:02,490 --> 00:14:03,730 Use it in a sentence. 246 00:14:04,490 --> 00:14:07,050 Stephanie won the game and you're being a really big Zyquick. 247 00:14:09,190 --> 00:14:11,330 Fine. I cheat a little. 248 00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:13,790 So how are you going to get me those answers? 249 00:14:14,110 --> 00:14:15,230 Have you met James? 250 00:14:16,650 --> 00:14:17,650 Enough said. 251 00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:27,240 You're going to give Steph fake answers to blurt out during the Smarty Bowl for 252 00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:28,620 maximum humiliation. 253 00:14:29,020 --> 00:14:30,180 How'd you put all that together? 254 00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:31,480 Have you met James? 255 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:37,320 Listen up. 256 00:14:37,420 --> 00:14:42,920 No crazy symptoms. No hyphenated diseases. We cannot get in each other's 257 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:43,920 this time. 258 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:45,800 Hi, James. 259 00:14:46,140 --> 00:14:47,039 You're back. 260 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:48,040 Let me guess. 261 00:14:48,180 --> 00:14:49,280 Final exam's coming up. 262 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:51,620 Actually, I've been suffering from some kind of... 263 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:02,640 That doesn't sound good. 264 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:05,120 You know what does sound good? 265 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:07,540 Calamari for two on the pier. 266 00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:11,920 Well, this kind of confirms one of my fears. 267 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:15,900 You know, I've been going over your charts, and I found an anomaly. 268 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:20,540 Great. So I have an anomaly. Write me that note, kiss my grandma, and we'll be 269 00:15:20,540 --> 00:15:21,540 on our way. 270 00:15:21,660 --> 00:15:22,660 Well, you will be. 271 00:15:23,180 --> 00:15:24,180 Here's some bus money. 272 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:29,000 I'm very concerned about James. 273 00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:30,380 I think we need to run some tests. 274 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:31,600 Tests? 275 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:36,160 You know what? I'm feeling a lot better. Kids get over things fast. 276 00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:38,940 You never get over this. 277 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:46,460 So to estimate how much time you have left, my colleague's going to come in 278 00:15:46,460 --> 00:15:48,060 take a real quick gallon of blood. 279 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:51,340 Gallon? I don't have a gallon to give. 280 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:53,960 Let's find out. 281 00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:58,600 Fuck it up, kid. 282 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:06,640 I'll tell y 'all no. 283 00:16:12,580 --> 00:16:14,260 Okay. You pumped? 284 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:16,100 You ready? I can do this. 285 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:17,600 Thanks to you. 286 00:16:17,820 --> 00:16:19,700 Are you sure you remember all the answers? 287 00:16:19,940 --> 00:16:23,960 Absolutely. We start off with Hoppy the squirrel weighs three and two -thirds 288 00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:27,000 pounds. Then Roderick ate twelve and one -third cupcakes. 289 00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:28,300 Yada, yada, yada. 290 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:33,080 Aaron still worships me. Then we go get pizza, which, incidentally, Clark has 291 00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:34,720 one -sixth of. 292 00:16:36,460 --> 00:16:41,640 Answer number nine. Look at you. Oh, they're all going to be looking at me. 293 00:16:41,980 --> 00:16:42,980 That's the plan. 294 00:16:44,660 --> 00:16:47,520 Step, I've been talking a bunch of snacks to the teachers for you. 295 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:48,920 What's this? 296 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:49,999 Hey, Mr. 297 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:53,360 Felix, my stepmom is going to own you. 298 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:05,300 Hey, do you guys know any of this stuff? Because I don't. Don't look at me. I 299 00:17:05,300 --> 00:17:07,359 haven't done fifth grade math since seventh grade. 300 00:17:08,980 --> 00:17:12,060 Guys, no worries. I'm going to win this for us. 301 00:17:12,380 --> 00:17:13,819 Well, someone's a know -it -all. 302 00:17:14,020 --> 00:17:16,420 I'm not being a know -it -all. I just know it. 303 00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:17,720 All. 304 00:17:18,300 --> 00:17:22,560 Welcome to the Smarty Bowl, our fifth grade math competition between our 305 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:25,339 smartest teachers and our smartest parents. 306 00:17:26,260 --> 00:17:28,520 Mrs. Phillips, what are you doing here? 307 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:34,600 In the next 20 minutes... I'll be wiping the floor with all of the teachers, 308 00:17:34,740 --> 00:17:38,140 okay? Not a half, not a third, all of them. 309 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:39,680 Fractions! 310 00:17:42,380 --> 00:17:43,380 Classy. 311 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:45,720 First question. 312 00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:51,320 Darren has 14 apples, and Susie wants one -ninth of the apples. How many 313 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:52,320 does she want? 314 00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:55,100 Hoppy the squirrel weighs three and two -third pounds. 315 00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:59,080 She said apples. Why are you answering in squirrels? 316 00:18:00,590 --> 00:18:05,370 That was wrong, Mrs. Phillips. Not half wrong, not a third wrong, all wrong. 317 00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:07,210 Fractions. 318 00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:13,330 Susie wants one and five ninths apples. 319 00:18:13,670 --> 00:18:15,590 Correct. Point teachers. 320 00:18:16,150 --> 00:18:18,130 Huh? That was weird. 321 00:18:18,490 --> 00:18:20,390 Don't worry, guys. I'll get the next one. 322 00:18:21,270 --> 00:18:22,270 Second question. 323 00:18:23,070 --> 00:18:26,450 Julia received three and five eighths pounds of Halloween candy. 324 00:18:26,830 --> 00:18:29,670 Marty received two and three quarters pounds. 325 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:32,580 How many pounds of candy did they have combined? 326 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,980 Wait, who's Marty and Julia? 327 00:18:36,300 --> 00:18:37,920 And what do they do with Roderick? 328 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:42,660 Who's Roderick? Roderick's the little fat kid who ate twelve and one -third 329 00:18:42,660 --> 00:18:43,660 cupcakes? 330 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:49,000 Mrs. Phillips, my cat landed on my face at 4 a .m. 331 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:50,780 This is not the day. 332 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:56,080 He received six and three -eighths pounds of candy. 333 00:19:00,170 --> 00:19:02,310 Stephanie does not know math, does she? 334 00:19:02,530 --> 00:19:03,770 She does not. 335 00:19:05,510 --> 00:19:06,510 I see. 336 00:19:06,670 --> 00:19:10,290 When this is over, can you take me to go get some muffin baskets for my teachers 337 00:19:10,290 --> 00:19:13,390 because I have had some things. 338 00:19:15,770 --> 00:19:17,990 I thought you knew this stuff. I do. 339 00:19:18,830 --> 00:19:19,830 I did. 340 00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:22,730 She's asking different questions than the ones I got from... 341 00:19:35,110 --> 00:19:36,550 I guess I should have gotten you out of gym. 342 00:19:37,170 --> 00:19:39,130 In my defense, you're usually lying. 343 00:19:39,390 --> 00:19:43,930 Didn't matter. Gym got canceled. Instead, during history class, Dodgeball 344 00:19:43,930 --> 00:19:45,830 picked up a globe and threw that at me. 345 00:19:47,510 --> 00:19:48,990 He hit you with a globe? 346 00:19:49,270 --> 00:19:52,810 No, I ducked, but then I ran out the door and forgot to open it. 347 00:19:55,550 --> 00:19:57,270 Hey, how'd the Smarty Bowl go? 348 00:19:57,470 --> 00:19:58,950 Pretty much blew up in my face. 349 00:19:59,350 --> 00:20:01,990 A smart parent would have known not to cheat. 350 00:20:02,770 --> 00:20:05,870 You know, Charlie, You're being a real Zyquix. 351 00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:07,390 Still not a word. 352 00:20:09,370 --> 00:20:11,710 Stephanie, why didn't you just tell me you couldn't do math? 353 00:20:12,070 --> 00:20:14,450 Well, I liked that you were getting all excited about me. 354 00:20:14,650 --> 00:20:17,090 I'll always be excited about you. Your stuff. 355 00:20:18,370 --> 00:20:20,030 Anyway, you're good at other stuff. 356 00:20:20,370 --> 00:20:23,830 Mom stuff, fun stuff, and your skin is fabulous. 357 00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:29,170 Well, I'm good at school stuff, too. Well, everything but math. 358 00:20:29,390 --> 00:20:31,430 Really? You know it. 359 00:20:31,710 --> 00:20:33,030 That's great, because... 360 00:20:33,350 --> 00:20:36,530 For my science homework, I have to build an electrical circuit that can power a 361 00:20:36,530 --> 00:20:37,530 light bulb. 362 00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:39,570 Oh. Good luck to you, buddy. 28355

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