Original subtitles

Anyone up?

No?

Good. Then I got home at 10.

10 my butt.

What is your problem? You said I could take an extra half hour for curfew. Oh,

you took it all the way to an hour.

Oh. My bad.

No, no, no, no. No, my bad. My bad is when you borrow a shirt without asking.

Oh. Yeah, my bad, my bad.

Good talk. Night. You're grounded for two weeks.

It's just a shirt.

No, you're grounded for being late.

You're grounded for being late?

Oh, just for that? Make it four weeks. Seriously? I hate this house. Just wash

that shirt. Oh, I'll wash it all right. Maybe it'll shrink so it actually fits

me.

You know what?

A month. Four weeks is a month.

Two months.

Everyone's always trying to get away with stuff just because I'm wonderful.

And my assistant, Tiny Wonder.

That's me, Sonny Wonder.

We will make your card magically appear.

Tiny Wonder, magic arms.

Way motion. Damn.

Your card was the nine of hearts.

Nope, it was the king of diamonds.

Not the four of clubs.

No, it was the king of diamonds.

You sure? Maybe you forgot. You're at that age.

King of diamonds.

Sorry, James. I think you need a little more practice before you're magnificent.

Right now, you're just kind of James the... Eh.

Hilarious. I'll have to use that witty banter in my act.

Tiny wonder?

Disappear me.

I'd like to see that.

I'd do it, but Gabby's in the backyard making out with some bearded guy in a

van. What?

Have you seen Gabby's room? Because I can't, under all her piles of stuff.

And I can't prove it, but I know she's using my good perfume because that girl

smells fantastic.

Stop telling people I use your perfume. I only smell like you because you're

always in my business.

And why were you in my room? I knew somebody moved all my stuff around. I

system. Oh, I have a system too. And if it's not in your closet by dinner, it'll

be on a homeless person by breakfast.

You are so...

This is insane.

While I was at school one day, my mom went in my room and cleaned it with a

blower.

Why are you dragging me into whatever this is?

I just came over to borrow a little wine and a little premium cable.

Try living with her.

You'll see how good you have it. Maybe I should. Maybe you should. Maybe I will.

Hey, Grandma Maggie, can I move in with you? Uh -uh, no.

Yeah, uh -uh, no.

Don't worry, Charlie. My mom was never going to take her. She doesn't have the

patience to raise this child.

Gabby, go on and get your suitcase and meet me in my car.

What?

Thanks, roomie.

What? Mom, what do you think you're doing?

Borrowing a chicken.

My grandbaby loves her pacati.

I really want to yell at you right now, but you seem like you're in a place.

You just sent our daughter to live with your mother.

It's just a glorified sleepover, Charlie. By tomorrow, my mom is going to

her out, or Gabby's going to run home screaming.

Why do I have a playing card in my bag of lettuce?

Wait a minute.

That's the king of diamonds.

You can try, but I figured out your card trick.

You use sleight of hand to pocket my card.

And how can I get it in a sealed letter bag?

Easy. Stephanie was in on it. Nope. We did it last night when we were filling

the cookie jar.

Aaron! What? Is that like I told him how we use an iron to reseal the bag?

Tiny Wonder, Buemo, shut up.

That trick may be ruined, but this will confound you.

Tiny Wonder, get in position.

Taking out my saw.

Cutting up my brother.

Hope this works.

because I'm staying longer at Grandma Maggie's. Because we love living

Oh, you know it. All the chicken piccata I can eat. Oh, I get it. It's a drop

and run. Don't worry, we'll keep Gabby upstairs so you can sneak out back.

Apology accepted.

Mm -hmm.

Gabby and I were just talking about this, how underhanded you are, while we

giving each other manicures.

Girl really knows her way around the French tip.

Glorified sleepover starting to look like a glorified adoption.

Relax, Charlie.

They're still in the honeymoon phase. Oh, I remember the honeymoon phase.

That's right before you bring her home and she tries to fix your family.

I don't think I like your attitude, Charlie. No.

Magnificent. Wonder.

No, I still have a question about the first one. I get how you got the card

the lettuce, but how did you know I was going to pick that card?

I never tell. I mean, would you tell people how you cut a heart out? I have

It's a teaching hospital.

Well, magicians have a code.

Even if you torture us, we can't tell you that every card on the deck was the

king of diamonds.

So don't even ask.

Dude, that's it. You're fired.

What? Turn in your turban.

Yeah, because I never told you to buy that.

Hey, Stephanie.

Gabby's here. Does that mean she's moving back?

No. Your dad just asked her and my mom over for dinner.

But she's been gone for, like, days. Don't you miss her?

Of course I miss her. There's nothing more important than family.

Then ask her to come home.

Are you crazy? I have to win.

Gabby and Grandma Maggie need to be sick of each other.

Do you know, Stephanie?

If you're having a problem with everybody, you might be the problem.

There are those noise -canceling headphones. I've got an awful noise I

cancel. Is it this?

No.

It's Grandma Maggie's voice. I mean, she's on me.

Everything. She's so fussy about her stuff, I can't even touch the

It's awful. I want to come home.

Then come home.

Are you crazy? I have to win.

No, Grandma Maggie's got to kick me out. In the meantime, I just have to choke

down more piccata. I thought that's your favorite.

Chicken piccata. But she ran out of chicken three days ago. Now, I don't

what she's been piccating, but a lot of it's been going off the balcony.

Oh, good.

Gabby's not in here.

I need a break from that girl.

Why? Because she always has her phone on her ear, her feet on my couch, and

her funky little attitude on my last nerve.

That girl has got to go.

Can't you just kick her out? Are you crazy? I have to win.

Headphones drown out jetliners, yet I can still hear you.

You about to hear my foot up your head, baby!

Dinner's ready.

Oh, I hope we're sitting next to each other.

Oh, because we just can't stand to be apart.

You guys are ridiculous!

Why won't one of you be brave enough to say what you're really thinking?

Okay, fine. I'll say it.

Who dressed his child up like a black Liberace?

All right, ladies.

You want to be a magician's assistant?

You got to wow me. Let me see your best ta -da hand.

Nice. Good.

Need to see more eyeball.

Whoa!

Why are you here?

You really want to be a magician's assistant?

Honey, I was a magician's assistant for 25 years.

But you leave a tiger's cage open one time.

Anyway, I'm trying to get back in the business.

I'm willing to start at the very bottom.

Found it.

I like your gumption. But gumption's not going to get you this job. Everyone,

expressions of mystery.

Hello, you.

What's your name?

Max Weaver.

I like what I'm seeing, Max Weaver. It'd be an honor to be your assistant.

I hear you're amazing.

Actually, I'm magnificent.

There's already a James the Amazing working out of Pittsburgh.

You know, I used to know that guy.

Not so amazing.

In fact, when he was supposed to show up at the altar, that's when he

disappeared.

James, you didn't need a new assistant. I gave everything to this magic show.

I hear you, kid.

Every time they saw you in half, they'd take a little piece of you.

Oh, no, I don't have to go anywhere, girl. We can talk for hours.

Hey.

Bedtime.

It's 7 o 'clock. We haven't even had dinner.

We don't eat here anymore.

Maybe there's food at your house.

If I'm not getting dinner, I'll just have a few cheese trumpets.

You know, it's so tacky eating them out of the bag.

Uh -uh.

Oh, is this annoying?

No, that's not annoying.

Annoying is that crick you're going to feel in your neck when you have to sleep

on the floor.

What happened to my air mattress?

The cat bit it. You don't have a cat. Something bit it.

Now that you are permanent, there are going to be a whole bunch of new rules.

Like, I'm going to need you to chip in.

Utilities are not free.

Well, if I'm paying for it, let's crank the heat up.

Let's see.

Where is that Cancun button?

How are the two peas enjoying the pods? Great.

Loving it.

Isn't it a little too warm in here for you, Mom?

No, no.

I've learned to love sweating.

Hmm. Cheese trumpets on your white couch. That kind of thing doesn't bother

anymore? Repulstery's just money.

Memories with my grandbaby are forever.

You know what else makes memories?

Chocolate fondue in front of the TV.

I brought Gabby the whole set.

Well, not the whole set. There are no sewers, so you have to eat it with your

hands.

I've always wanted one of these.

We should try it tonight.

Can't wait.

Quality time getting gooey together.

And I didn't forget about you, Mom. I brought you a nanny cam.

That way you can capture those memories of Gabby and everything she's doing in

your house, even when you're not there.

Wait, what?

Oh, is that, like, really intrusive? Would she be all in your business?

Oh, I'm lightened up about that.

Privacy isn't an issue when there's trust.

Really?

Oh, so it looks like things are really good around here. I can't believe I ever

lived with anyone else.

Menno, get out of your hair.

Don't need me around pointing out the nasty stain that glass is leaving on

coffee table.

Oh, this is just how we roll over here.

You better get that thing off my table.

Tell me, sir, is your car the two of hearts?

No, it's the ace of spades, which I know you... have hidden somewhere.

I don't know.

Perhaps I have a little something up my sleeve.

Lady wonder.

But where must it stand?

Thank you.

Thank you. Why aren't you clapping?

Because I know how you did that. Every card in your deck is the ace of spades.

Oh, yeah?

Prove it.

I knew it.

Hey, no fair. You can't just take a magician's card.

Okay, he figured us out.

It was a sale trick.

Pretty lame making you pick the two of hearts.

You mean the ace of spades, sweetie.

Do I?

How did you... How did she... I hate magic.

That was amazing.

But I don't like it when my assistant improvises.

Actually, I was thinking you should be the assistant.

since I'm clearly the better magician.

Better? I'm James the Magnificent. I have magnificent in my name.

Can you do this?

Huh.

Wait, there's a card in here for you.

Just a little note to say, I quit. I was only posing as your assistant so I

could learn your tricks.

And you don't have any good ones.

I'm going to start my own show.

You can't leave me. I need an assistant.

Forevo Shazam.

Daddy Wonder.

At your service.

I

know

you're watching me, you old bitty.

grease in here.

I just don't have the energy.

Go on and yell at yourself till you cry.

Grandma Maggie, I can't do this anymore.

I sort of hate you right now.

Ain't no sort of in how I feel about you, baby.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

Yeah, but I don't know how I'd get you to stand behind the car.

Only way you're getting to that car is off the balcony.

Why don't we just agree to let Stephanie win? And we also agree to not see each

other till Christmas.

Which Christmas?

Why do you two like each other? You're both the worst.

I thought you left.

I did. But then I realized I needed a donut.

I bought you some because I can be one of the girls too.

I see. So when Gabby gets food on the couch, it's adorable.

But when I was growing up, it was always, watch the couch! Why don't you

the couch, Mom?

How do you feel about jelly donuts?

Huh?

I got you a cronut, too.

were talking and i'm sure it was all about me stephanie's impossible

a jerk stephanie's stomping on the couch like a crazy person you

know

a wise little man in a turban once told me

If you've got a problem with everyone, you might be the problem.

Listen, Stephanie, but Grandma Maggie... This

was very hard for Stephanie

to admit.

So I think that we ought to support her in her... self

-awareness. Thank her.

Then send her home.

With you. But what?

I'm proud of you, Steph.

This was really big of you.

I miss you, Gabby.

I miss you, too.

I'll go get my stuff.

It's out on the lawn.

Baby? Yes, Mommy?

Reupholstery is just money.

But it's going to be your money.