Original subtitles

Are those water balloons for me or Gabby? I hope they're for Gabby.

But I kinda hope they're for me.

Neither. While Dad and Steph are in New York, I'm staying with my buddy Ryan.

And since he lives on the 20th floor, water balloons are required packing.

You have so much to teach.

Hey! I could really use that suitcase of yours to transport my ammo. Sorry.

Grandma Maggie never has condiments, so I'll have to load this baby up.

Pizza.

Mustard.

Chocolate syrup.

And you know how I love a spot of woman juice.

How about you just grab some ketchup packets and come up off that suitcase?

How about no?

Nada. Not gonna happen.

Now, where are the TARDIS dogs?

or this next one's going low.

Okay. You win.

And here's your prop.

New York tomorrow, so let's run down the kid checklist.

Gavin, you're at Molly's. James, you're going to Ryan's. And Erin, you're going

to Grandma Maggie's. Any questions?

Uh, Stephanie?

Yeah?

We've got kind of a sitch going on here.

I see it.

Shouldn't someone be grounded by now?

Someone like James?

You know what?

I've got a fabulous New York weekend planned with your dad, and I... I am

to enjoy every minute of it. And you know what? You kids enjoy your weekend

Because it may be your last.

We've got a five -star dinner at LaBelle Loon. You know, they're famous for

their beluga caviar lobster rolls. You have to order them 24 hours in advance.

And how much they charge you for this day, old fish?

Oh, my girl Delois is blowing up my phone.

Deranged, Delois? What man de -left her this time?

Why do you always assume that she can't keep a man?

She done lost a man.

This time it's a lawyer named Lester.

Well, I sure hope he's a personal injury lawyer, because he's about to get some

personal injuries.

Mom, do not get tangled up with her drama. On a weekend, you're supposed to

watching Aaron. Oh, calm down.

We can watch Aaron.

We? You better be talking French.

Delores isn't coming to town, is she? No.

She's already in town.

Oh, a plane just landed.

And she is having some kind of drama with the air marshal.

Mom, if I knew Delois was coming, I never would have let Aaron stay with

Aaron loves Delois. Besides, she doesn't mind kids that much.

The last time she was here, you forgot all three of them at the mall.

And they had a great time.

They got to ride home in a police car.

house to myself.

I can finally eat dinner alone with Noah. No group date, no brothers, no tag

-along friend.

Oh, no offense.

None taken.

I know I need a light. Just be at my house by 11.

No problem. That'll give me enough time to make this dinner special. It's our

four -month -iversary.

Wow, four months.

That breaks my record by, like, four months.

recreating our first cafeteria meal together. From the soggy tater tots to

pigs in a blanket.

Oh, that's so romantic.

Can you grab some candles from those baskets?

Steph hides them ever since Erin tried to wax her legs while she was sleeping.

What the?

You gotta go.

You're not the boss of me.

Okay, that was super weird.

Super weird in an attractive way?

You're supposed to be at Ryan.

Ryan's older brother Brian and his friends wanted to play poker, and they

looking for a house without adult supervision.

And what do we have here?

You're not bringing a bunch of dumb jocks in this house tonight.

Oh, yes, I am. I'm gonna make stupid money tonight.

Seriously, they're really, really stupid.

So you got a scrimmo.

Except you, girl.

James, I need the house.

Maybe I'll just call Dad and Steph and see what they think about your little

poker party. Or I can call them and describe what looks like a dinner date

you and Noah.

That's for me and Molly.

Mm -hmm. That might hold water if Molly ate hot dogs.

But Molly doesn't because she's a vegetarian, which I think is admirable.

Fine. We'll share the house. But you take the living room. I got the kitchen.

Deal.

Wait, how do you know I'm a vegetarian?

I follow you. On Twitter or Instagram?

On my bike.

Charlie, we're finally here.

The Big Apple.

Don't even mention food. I'm starving.

You couldn't let us stop once for a snack?

I'm still mad you threw out my road jerky.

I didn't want you to ruin your appetite.

Oh, so you'd rather I die of hunger? If it means you'll enjoy our dinner more,

rest in peace.

Oh, great. Bring him right in. I think I've got some chewable vitamins in my

shaving kit.

Don't even think about it. The sooner we change, the sooner we get to our caviar

and lobster roll.

You can put the bags by the bed.

And where shall I put the child?

The what?

backseat behind a lot of luggage.

Who needs that many shoes for two days?

I like my options. Don't judge.

And what are you doing here, sweetie?

Grandma Maggie told me Delois was coming. Grandma Maggie said you loved

Nuh -uh.

That woman is a man -eater.

At least she gets to eat something.

Or you can put the bags back in the car. We're not staying. The heck we're not.

Our dinner reservations are in an hour. There's no way we're missing that.

Hang on.

If Aaron is here, why hasn't your mother called?

I bet she doesn't even know he's gone. She probably got caught up in some

Deloitte drama.

So about the sleeping arrangements.

This girl's weekend

is exactly what I needed.

I cannot believe my good -looking, smooth lawyer Lester was really a

baggage handler.

Not even for an airline, Maggie. For a bus!

I told you about dating men from the penny saver.

I really thought I had a future with Lester.

Flash Frank.

Now I'm gonna have to burn his car.

Slash home.

Stephanie, baby, what's up? Mama's very busy.

Hey, Mom, about Aaron.

Aaron?

and I'm helping him.

Homework? Really?

Yeah, yeah. The boy is knee -deep in long division. Can it do? Can it do?

Okay, baby. Love you. Gotta go. Bye.

Delois, dry them toes in the wind, girl.

Sorry about how the evening started.

In my head, 20 candles was romantic.

Thanks again for extinguishing the tablecloth.

No worries.

Listen, Gabby, I kind of want to talk to you about something important.

Okay, let's see your hands, fellas.

Not your actual hands, your cards.

Out with the hat! Out with it again!

What does James want, like 12 hands in a row? Forget James.

You were about to tell me something important.

Yeah.

Gabby, we've been together a while now, and... For the last...

You know what? This can wait.

No, it can't. Excuse me.

Two for you, three for you, and five for the kid on the dean's list.

James, can you please keep it down? No can do. I get loud when I'm winning. And

at this rate, I'll be screaming all night long.

Well, I'm winning this hand. I got three of a kind.

Are you sure?

Because three red cards doesn't make a kind.

I've fooled.

Hey, Gabby, the tater tots are getting cold. Ooh, tots.

Fold. I could eat.

Guys, we're in the middle of a hand.

No, that food's not for you. That's romantic food.

Guys, come on back. Your luck is changing. I can sense it.

I'm confused.

When are we going to the craft fair?

Remind me to explain the concept of a cover story.

Play it on on the way to the craft fair.

Ryan, have you ever had an MRI?

Guys, let's go back to our game. Yeah.

Back to your game.

And then on to the craft fair.

Hey, why don't you have any condiments?

Hey, guys, follow the trail of thoughts.

Back to the game of poker. I know you are not throwing my romantic dinner on

floor. Hey, you want them out, I'm getting them out. They weren't supposed

here in the first place.

Okay, I'm going to look upstairs and you look.

Whoa.

I didn't get you nothing.

Everybody out!

Out!

And I'm calling your parents.

Oh, don't worry.

She's not going to call anybody until she finds her brother.

What?

Grandma Maggie Lotharen?

How is that not the focus of our attention?

He's fine. He missed up to New York with Dad and Steph.

He sent me a picture from the back of his cab.

Hashtag, smells like pickles.

That means you know where he is. And now I know where he is.

But apparently, Grandma Maggie doesn't know where he is.

Oh.

Hello, Rock. Hello, Hard Place.

Wait, who's that caught between us? I believe it's our dear grandmother,

gonna listen to my shoe coming through your ear go on get stay

little girl i got two shoes but you don't got

aaron aaron's on a play date thank you very much now y 'all better get on home

now y 'all better come on back now are we staying or what because i hear

a craft fair

on a play date.

With who?

Okay, you got me.

I forgot to pick up Aaron from school and I'm frantic.

Well, soothe your nerves.

Because as it happens, we know where he is. You do?

Oh, thank goodness.

Come on, let's go scoop him up. Not so fast.

We'll cough up the kids' wearables when the evening's festivities are complete.

Throw in some pizzas and we won't tell that you lost Aaron. Or that you brought

the Lois over here because I know Stephanie banned her from the house.

from better places than this.

Now, you make mine a pepperoni.

We've been here 20 minutes already. Can we get some water or some bread?

Charlie, the bread takes time. It's ground by hand and baked to order.

Explain the water.

Hey, buddy.

There's a 50 in it for you if a couple of those little meatballs roll onto my

plate. Charlie.

You're right. I want some of those green beans, too.

A little amuse -bouche from the chef.

It's a chilled corn puree with a dollop of crab foam.

And, as requested, buttered noodles.

Wagging wheels!

Bravo to the chef!

Ugh, this puree smells fantastic.

Where is it?

You said you wanted to tell me something important.

I do, but I don't know if now is the right time.

Once I do find Aaron, you and your hands are going home.

You want to go in there and watch a movie? Yeah, quit talking. You're

down.

Oh, Mrs. Dixon.

This is Maggie Turner, Aaron's grandmother.

Have you by any chance seen him?

No, I didn't lose him.

But if I did, is he over there?

James, out. We want to watch a movie. I'm not going anywhere tonight. It's all

about the Washingtons.

Can your jock friends at least help to move the TV into the dining room for us?

I can do that, but no peeking at my cards.

But you left them face up. Okay.

Well, guess who just sent me a selfie with Stephanie's big old head in the

background?

Aaron's in New York.

Freeze!

Anybody who doesn't live here, I need you to close your eyes, because

something's about to go wrong.

me from the airport he flew out here to try to win me back can you believe that

fool and he had the brass to ask me to pick him up i'm about to go down

there and show his knees

So, did she like it?

Yeah, she liked it. It's apricot.

I apologize for my earlier attitude.

Usually children are so disruptive, but young Aaron is a delight.

Back at you, Big G.

And thanks for the door of the kitchen.

They have a whole drawer full of fish.

And you couldn't hook one and bring it out here?

four courses already.

It doesn't count as a course if you can cough and blow it off the table.

Well, they gave me a ton of pasta. I could barely finish my ice cream.

And yet you did, right in front of me as I wept.

Your caviar lobster rolls.

Bon appetit.

Oh, baby, the main event.

You smell like they did in my dreams.

Finally, real food.

I am star... What was that for?

Didn't you see me taking a picture? You were in my shot.

Well, now you can get a shot of me eating the other one.

Nuh -uh.

Your lobster roll was under that man's shoe.

Stephanie, I love you with all my heart, but I'm eating that lobster roll. And

if your fingers come with it, we'll call it an amuse -bouche.

You have to. Catch me first, old man.

Really?

Yeah.

I'm really sorry.

These are so good, Charlie. You've got to try one.

Would you do this again real soon, guys?

Nope, that one's not your car.

That one either.

Not me. I'm going to invest it in candy.

Ooh, and a top hat.

And finally, a loan.

So, that important thing you wanted to talk about?

Okay. I've been thinking a lot about this.

What does that boy need with a top hat?

I'm going towards a new TV, and all of y 'all are going with me to buy it. Now

get in the car.

Yeah, we'll meet you guys out there. Noah wants to tell me something.

Anything he has to say to you, he can say in front of me. Now spill it, little

boy.

Can Noah and I please have one little bit of privacy?

All right, then just whisper it to me.

Exclusive. I'm exclusive. I was just checking to make sure you were

Well, why wouldn't I be? Because you're really hot.

I know that. Get in the car.

He thinks he's hot. Man, I gotta start playing poker with him.

Guess that heavy meal really wore him out.

That's my room service.

Oh, what did you order?

All of it.

to you. The FBI is meeting me here. Do you have a recent photo of him?

Enough with the theatrics, Maggie. Aaron told us he texted you.

Only after hours of my worrying.

Since you wanted to teach me a lesson, I thought I'd teach you one,

two.

One, two.

I'm going to the plaza.