All language subtitles for instant_mom_s02e08_popular_mechanics

Why are you making a smoothie? We're all
out of fruit. I rummaged around, found

a kiwi in the back of the fridge.

Something's off about that kiwi.

Who blew my fuzzy tangerine? I was
growing mold for a science project.

That would be it.

Hey, kids. How was school?

Amazing. I sat at the cool kids' table.
Did they catch you?

They invited me.

You weren't already cool?

I always thought you were cool, and I
know cool.

No offense, Dad, but you're like the
global warming of cool.

None taken.

Until now, I was at this table, I was
kind of not anything, not nerds, not

jocks, not brains.

We used to call that the odds and ends
table. At our school, that's where all

the lunapics sat.

Didn't save it, did I?

I assume you were at the cool table. Oh,
honey, I wasn't at the cool table. I

ruled the cool table.

Hey, I married a girl who ruled the cool
table. You know what that makes me.

Oh, lucky.

So, what turned you cool all of a
sudden? I was throwing up my sandwich,

Hold up. You threw out the sandwich I
made you?

Been there.

Did I say sandwich? I meant napkin. I
always get so confused.

Anyway...

want to get up so i did a frisbee to the
trash can totally missed but before i

could pick up the napkin mr flame
stepped on it okay that's what this

about you got cool because some
lunchroom teacher stepped on my lovingly

sandwich no i got cool because he
flipped on it just as i kid you not the

lady walked by with a big old thing of
split pea soup they went down like

everybody's here because come on

Well, are they all right? They're fine.
Stay with the hero, Dad.

Frankie, the coolest kid at the cool
table, goes like this.

And just like that, I'm cool.

That won't last.

They'll figure you out. Maybe. But until
that happens, I'm going to ride the

cool train to Popularville.

First stop, Jealous Junction.

play with you right now noah's coming
over tell him to turn around we're

yammy tammy town oh he even texted me a
little ghost because i'm his boo hey

uh where do you think i would have sat
in the lunchroom of your school um with

the super cool kids who love science and
math that's what i'm talking about you

know those kids weren't actually cool
yes i do

Why are you talking like a public
service announcement?

Find out more. Log on to
parentsstandingbehindyou .org.

Did Frankie get expelled or just
suspended?

Neither. Nobody knows he did it. You
know.

I know. I'm not telling.

James, what Frankie did to Mr. Swain was
dangerous. You have to tell the

principal. Have you lost your mind,
woman?

Ditches end up in ditches.

Charlie, are you hearing this?

Yeah, what I'm hearing is James didn't
do it and nobody got hurt.

What? That's how we roll at the
hospital.

Something gets left inside someone's
zip.

I can't rat on Frankie. I'll be banished
from the cool table. Since I dumped the

guys at the odds and ends table, I can't
go back there.

Isn't it better to have a clean
conscience than a place to set your

snatch on Frankie, I'll have a place all
right.

Eating my lunch behind the dumpster with
that kid, Mucus Lucas.

James, sit down. I'm going to tell you a
story.

A story about a girl with regrets.

Back when I was in middle school, I had
a classmate named Melissa.

She had a bit of an...

Equine quality.

She had a horse face.

It's like she escaped from the merry -go
-round.

Anyway, when the yearbook came out, a
friend of mine had replaced her picture

with one of an actual horse.

Did you tell him on it? No.

Covering seemed cool at the time, but
when I think about poor Melissa, it

haunts me. I can't even watch the
Kentucky Derby.

So what you're saying is...

You've been saddled with this for years.

Not the time, Charlie.

James, I can't let you live with that
kind of guilt.

Meh.

No, I mean I am not going to let you. If
you don't tell the school, I will. Then

let's see how cool you are when it gets
out your mommy does your ratting for

you.

All right, fine.

I'll slip an anonymous note under the
principal door.

You're doing the right thing, son.

When a crime goes unpunished.

Nobody wins.

Or places.

Or shows.

Hey, Kathy.

Look what I found.

Our favorite.

Want to play?

Noah's here.

It's more of a two -person game, but I
guess he can show for the cards.

So, Justin, I'll look.

Oh, wait.

Sorry, Aaron. I just remembered Noah and
I had to do that thing.

What thing?

That thing we have to do upstairs alone.

That upstairs alone thing.

That thing got moved to the kitchen.

With me in the doorway staring at it.

Hey, Dad, what would make a girl stop
liking a guy?

Somebody having himself some girl
troubles?

You can say that.

Well, it's important to be respectful.

Girls don't stay with guys that are a
lot of fast talk and cheap thrills. Uh

-huh. Fast talk, cheap thrills.

Okay, that sounds weird coming back from
a nine -year -old.

Let me try again.

You gotta be honest.

You gotta be more than smoke and
mirrors.

No smoke, no mirrors.

Thanks, Dad. I figured out what to do.

Glad I could help, son.

Hey, pretty soon it'll be time to have
that big talk about the birds and the

bees. Donated. I'm pretty good with
animals.

It's men and women that confuse me.

There's my favorite couple.

Huh? You just saw us. Whoa.

Slow down, Mr. Fast Talker. Some of us
speak on a normal pace.

Aaron, what's going on? What's going on
is no one's thrilled so deep they're

practically two for one.

What are you talking about? I'm trying
to get her to see through all your

mirrors. I mean, smoky mirrors.

Wanna get some time alone out back?

Okay, I'll wait for you outside.

But you're gonna have to ditch this guy.

Where's Frankie? Didn't you hear? He got
suspended.

Some kid told the principal that Frankie
was the one who locked Swain in the

bathroom. Some kid? Meaning you don't
know who it was? Do you know who it was?

Because it could be anyone.

We don't know.

But when we ascertain who the
perpetrator is, there's going to be

confrontation.

Gee, tone it down. We're the cool table,
not the brainiac table.

Yeah, when we let you do our homework,
you promised you'd act cool.

Right, right. When we find out who the
rat is, we're going to sell that

chicken's lips together.

Wait, is it a rat or a chicken?

Are you inventing the snitch? No, I'm
just trying to figure out what kind of

lips we'll be sewing.

We're offering $11 and six arcade tokens
to whoever tells us the snitch's name.

Whomever.

What?

Does it bother anybody that we're asking
someone to snitch on a snitch? Petey

raises an interesting ethical question.

What's your problem, Petey?

Nothing. I'm just saying. What are you
saying? Are you the snitch?

No, I'm not the snitch. That's exactly
what the snitch would say.

I think it's safe to infer that Petey is
the snitch. I am not the snitch. If

it's not you, then who is it? James?
What? No, did not.

Hey, James, isn't that your stepmom?

Stop being nosy, snitch. Yeah. Yeah.

You forgot your lunch. You didn't find
it strange that I forgot it in the trash

can?

That's why I made you a new one that I
bought at a deli. Try and tell me I

make a sandwich.

Thank you. And goodbye.

Is that the cool table? Which one's
Frankie?

Frankie got suspended because someone
made someone tell someone something.

And now the cool kids think that someone
is this guy named Petey.

Oh, wow.

It's going to be terrible for Petey. You
cannot let them keep thinking that.

Sure I can.

James, let me tell you a little story.

Don't you have two other stepkids you
could torture?

Hey, thanks for getting all that fruit.

Sorry we're all out of yogurt.

We are?

Then what's in... You know what? I don't
want to know. I'm already on my third

one.

Hey, James.

How'd it go with Petey? Howdy.

silent treatment. Name calling, threats,
rude noises.

How is that the silent treatment?

Because I remain silent the whole time.

Who's Petey? The guy who got blamed for
the snitching Steph made me do.

James, isn't there any way to get Petey
off the hook?

The only way to get him off the hook is
if I tell them it was me, but then

they'll take the hook and beat me with
it.

Thank you, Stephanie. It's all your
fault.

Now, if you want me, I'll be upstairs.
Hopefully I can make it carrying the

weight of the world on my shoulders.

I know he's upset, but why is he taking
it out on me?

Say something, Charlie.

Zip.

You better get back here and unzip.

Any chance that means what I'm hoping it
means?

None.

Here's the thing.

You were a cool kid. Exactly. That's why
I know what he's going through. No, you

have no idea what he's going through.

You were always a cool kid.

The rest of us went through school
thinking the bottom could fall out at

minute. Really? Why would you think
that?

Because of people like you.

You don't understand.

Kids want to be at the cool table so
badly they'll do anything to get there.

even more to stay there.

That's silly. If you don't like what's
happening at the cool table, you just

up and leave. And then you start a new
cool table. I started four of them.

Pick up a game of Yummy Tummy Down.

Okay, why not?

Great.

Oh,

hang on.

Come on!

Noah? Hey, I got this text from you.

Noah, don't ever come over again.

I am breaking up with you because I'm in
love with President Barack Obama.

He is my boyfriend now. Oh, well.

Sorry, crispy shrimp emoticon.

Crispy shrimp emoticon?

You know, because your relationship is
right.

That's what I wouldn't mean if I had
sent that.

Seriously, Aaron, the president?

I went big.

Aaron, what is going on with you?

Go easy, Gabby. I think Aaron's just
being protective of his sister.

It's all good, little man.

Your boyfriend's trying to punch me very
slowly.

You should break up with him.

Aaron, since you used to be my favorite
brother, I'll give you five minutes to

collect as many toys as you can hold
before the rest of them go in the

fireplace.

Gabby, it's not that big a deal.

Us breaking up is not a big deal to you?
But we're not, so just calm down.

Calm down?

Don't tell me to calm down. I'm just
saying what Aaron did is a little funny.

Oh, this is funny to you?

Oh, this is a big joke. Oh, well, I
guess I'll just boo -boo the fool.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Noah. Noah
who? That's what I'll be saying at

tomorrow.

I can't believe him. Who needs a
boyfriend when you've got Yummy Dirty

I'm too upset to play now, Aaron.

I did not see that coming.

Okay, if I sit here?

Yeah.

Phillips, what are you doing?

Yeah, we don't consort with snitches.
Consort do.

Yo, snitch, tell I anybody lately?

Way to go, man.

How you holding up?

I'm okay. My mom said the real snitch
will start feeling guilty and confess.

My stepmom says a lot of things. She
doesn't know anything about either.

Want my pudding?

Thanks. At least I can do. Not that I'm
required to do anything.

don't eat pudding.

They wear it.

Oh, way to go, man.

All right, you guys just stop it. You
don't even know if Petey was snitched.

even if he was, maybe he had a good
reason.

Maybe he has an annoying family member
who wouldn't shut up about him doing the

right thing. Shouldn't we all just stop
and think about that?

I hear you, but barely.

I still got butterscotch in my ears.

Hey, thanks for having my back today.

Men who wear pudding together stick
together.

Literally.

Dad, Steph, this is my best bud, Petey.
Oh, Petey. You guys are friends.

Yeah, we've been through some stuff.

And James, he was really there for me.

Well, how do you like that Mr. Bottom
will fall out if James comes clean? He's

fine. Nobody cares that he was the one
that told on Frankie.

Uh -oh.

What?

You're the snitch, and you let me take
the blame?

In my defense, what happened to you was
terrible, and I did not want to

experience that.

Well, get ready for lots of it.

Petey, man, we're brothers in pudding.

Later, snitch.

on trees.

Well, they do, but it's still wasteful.

Hey, Gabby.

I got nobody.

You got nobody.

I'm thinking, let me turn it down.

I'll let you go first.

Not in the mood.

Man, what is it gonna take?

Why are you so obsessed with this game?

Because you don't play with me anymore.

You don't do...

Anything with me anymore.

You're always with Noah.

What about last week when we went to the
park?

You canceled to hang out with Noah.

Oh, that's right. We went to the park.

Okay, I was wrong for that.

How about I make it up to you?

Yummy tummy town right now.

I'm the boo tummy.

Okay, so how do we play?

We spin to go down this path, and if you
land on a star, you get a yummy card.

You don't remember?

Nope, not at all. I've never played this
game before.

We used to play this all the time.

I've never seen this game before in my
life. Come on. We used to play this

Saturday night until I'd fall asleep.

By the time I woke up, you'd be gone
because... You were Janice the

Oh, okay, my bad.

Really, Aaron?

Now I remember.

You and I used to play checkers.

Want to play checkers?

Sure.

Are you kidding me?

Are you double kidding me?

Hey, sorry about yesterday.

Me too.

The whole thing was ridiculous.

I know.

I know?

What do you know? That you were
ridiculous or I was ridiculous?

Whichever one works.

Apology accepted.

Thank you.

So, you want to go see a movie?

Yeah.

Hey, Aaron.

You want to come with?

Eh, I don't know. Shut up.

Hey, snitch.

Nice one.

Oh, no, you don't.

This is a perfectly good ham and jelly.

Are you serious?

Please don't tell me you came here to
check on me.

What? No.

I thought I'd drop by school to brush up
on my math. I had to divide 600 by 18,

and I was like, what?

Stay in school, everybody.

Stephanie, what are you doing here?

Okay, I felt bad.

Didn't want you to have lunch by now.

And having lunch with my stepmom will
help me how?

You wanted to sit at the pool table, so
I'm bringing the pool to you.

And some scrunchie.

I do love string cheese.

Uh -oh, cool girl. Ten o 'clock. Don't
look them directly in the eye. I hear

turn to stone.

I'd die for those earrings.

But my mom's like, oh, no.

Mom, right?

Please stop, please stop, please stop.

And I love that top.

Can we sit with you?

Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.

I mean, if you want.

Whatevs.

had it from here.

String cheese, milady?

Charlie, you should have seen me with
the girls today. They all wanted to be

just like old times.

Can you make me a snack?

That's not a sandwich.

Oh, sweetie, not now. I'm talking to
your dad.

Okay.

I'll get it.

I know what to do.

Charlie, they're the coolest girls in
the lunchroom, and I think I'm their

leader now.

You do realize that you're old enough to
be their... Their what, Charlie?

Um, their really hip and cool aunt?

Exactly. That's why I'm taking them to
the mall tomorrow.

Oh. Oh, uh... Hmm, apparently you're
dumping me for

President Barack Obama?

Wow, I am having a good day. Wait till
the girls in the lunchroom hear about

this!