Original subtitles

I guess.

I thought he'd do more. Or do anything.

He's thinking.

He's coming up with some really cool hopping moves.

Any minute.

Any minute. Hey, stop covering up for him. If this is all rabbits do, the

cartoons were misleading.

That's a rabbit. Nothing gets past you, Doctor.

I mean, where did it come from? And where's it going back to soon?

Oh, well, Mr. Floppity is Aaron's class bunny. Don't worry. We're only looking

after him for the weekend. So far, the highlight was when Mr. Excitement was

chewing on some lettuce.

But how cool was that?

Who's funny?

Aaron. That's not fair. I've been begging for a pet for 14 years.

How come he gets a pet? Mr. Floppity's just visiting. He's going back to

class on Monday.

Come on. Get me a pet. I'll clean up after it. I'll play with it. I'm not

falling for that again. That's what you said before we had James.

In my defense, I was four, and I thought he was gonna be a pony.

I gotta go take Aaron to soccer. All right.

Come on, buddy.

You can play with Mr. Floppity when we get back.

Okay, but don't let him do anything cool.

or fun while I'm gone.

Not a problem.

Hey, look at this, Mr. Floppity.

It's a ball.

Fetch.

You're not playing fetch with that rabbit unless you're throwing him.

Found some more toys for him, and I brought a crock pot and an onion.

That'll get him hopping.

Ooh, Floppity, look, a balloon.

Don't you, Mr. Floppity? Oh, yes, you do. Yes. You go get that big old bad

balloon. Get it.

Look at you, Mr. Floppity. You attacked that big bad... Mr.

Floppity?

Should I start slicing up that onion?

The minute Mr.

Floppity's sitting there, so fuzzy and full of life, the next minute he's in a

bag. Well, technically, he's still fuzzy.

Dad!

At least he went out with a bag. Dad!

I'm sorry, I can't help myself. You should hear me at the hospital with my

patients. Calling Dr.

Funtimes.

Well, yes, Mrs. Goffnald, I assume Mr. Floppity had a heart attack.

Will do.

Thank you.

That was Aaron's teacher.

So how are you doing?

I'm muddling through.

You know, it was a very traumatic experience.

Oh, is there anything we can do for you? Some sort of pet might help.

Walked right into that one. Can we at least talk about it?

Fine, we can talk about it. What are we talking about?

Dad's getting us a pet.

Well, I said we can talk about it. James wants a pet, too. No, I'm good.

What do you mean? You've been wanting a pet lizard, like, forever. You made a

poster that said, I guana pet lizard.

Not guana happen.

I don't do reptiles.

I'm worried about all those puppies that won't have a home tonight.

Anything?

Y 'all are made of stone.

James, can you take Mr. Floppity outside?

No offense, Stephanie, but fresh air is not going to do him much good.

Just take the rabbit out back and put him in the, you know. You don't have to

dance around it, Dad. It's not like he can hear you.

So what did Aaron's teacher say?

Well, she doesn't want us to tell Aaron about Mr. Floppity.

I'm supposed to say she came by early to pick the rabbit up, and she'll take

care of everything with the class on Monday.

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Honey, I don't want to dodge a bullet. Aaron

should learn about this from his family, not a teacher.

You're right.

But would you mind taking the lead?

I tried to explain how it all works to the other two kids, and I didn't do too

well. James may or may not think he's going to live forever.

I'll do it. I'll just lay it all out for him with sensitivity and compassion.

Kids respond to that.

I did the carcass. Can we order pizza?

Come on, Dad. What about a cute, cuddly golden retriever? Or a cute, cuddly

cricket?

Cocker spaniel. Ladybug. Beagle. Rock.

What? Those were popular pets in the 70s.

Mine was named Horatio.

Sometimes your childhood makes me want to cry.

Okay, forget dog.

Let's talk cat.

Let's talk smaller.

A kitten. Nice try.

Goldfish. To feed the kitten.

Kitty pig.

Turtle. Come on, I need something furry.

Sweater.

Is a little dog wearing it?

You can get one of anything that doesn't shed, doesn't make noise, and fits in

here. That's crazy. Name one thing that would fit in there. A ladybug, a rock, a

cricket, a dolphin.

More impossible.

You and your stupid pet rock.

Hey, leave Horatio out of it.

At least he didn't talk back.

If I'm going to give you my amazeballs comic book, you're going to have to give

me the snake and... And the backpack you keep it in.

It can't get out, right?

Nope. Hasn't yet.

Good enough for me?

Not so fast.

Let me see this Amazeballs comic book first.

Tell you what. Since you're giving me the cool SpongeBob backpack, I'll even

throw in this airtight collector sleeve.

Water and Power Man?

Is he new?

Issue number one.

His superpower.

Energy conservation.

How come I never heard of him?

It's that rare.

You can't get this comic book in any store.

You have to know someone who pays an electric bill.

I'm in.

Wait. I finally have my own snake.

I'm gonna call him... Spleezy.

What does he eat?

Check it. Dad let me get a baby mouse.

Isn't it the cutest thing you've ever seen?

Yes,

you are. Go, go, go.

They're so cute.

All right. A big glass of milk and your favorite oatmeal

cookie. Cookies before dinner?

about that.

Um, Erin, all living things eventually stop living.

Yeah, I know.

Right. So when that happens, it's good to remember the person or animal and

appreciate their life here on Earth. Like Mr. Floppity. Yeah.

Where is she?

Well, that's the thing.

Mr. Floppity is gone.

He went to bunny heaven.

But the important thing to remember is this.

What's Bunny Heaven like?

Bunny Heaven?

Ah, well, there are rows and rows of giant lettuce heads and unlimited

and nothing that can hurt them.

But tigers.

Right. No tigers in Bunny Heaven.

Anyway, when we remember, Mr. Pooh. What about elephants?

Elephants don't hide bunnies.

No elephant.

Chickens? Just bunnies. Monkeys?

Nothing but.

Bunnies.

Chocolate bunnies. No, regular live bunnies. You said they weren't alive.

Aaron, sweetie, Mr. Floppity is gone.

Done.

Do tigers have their own heaven?

Tiger? Uh, yeah, sure. Why not? But they eat bunnies. So where do they get the

bunnies? Tiger heaven is tatered. Please, I don't know.

Those are the boring bunnies who won't play with you.

They have to go to tiger heaven.

Right.

Okay, then. Maybe Mr. Floppity went there.

And now he's going to eat him by a tiger. I'll bet that's what happens,

I'm glad we had the talk.

Hey, Eric, you know what happened to Mr. Floppity? He went to tiger heaven.

Tiger heaven?

Yeah.

He's got some lettuce and carrots.

Uh -uh. Mr. Foster, you still alive?

Isn't I?

Well, I guess he's a zombie now, because he's over there in his cage.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a perfectly matching rabbit on

notice? I had to bleach part of this one.

All you had to do was to tell your kids a story, and we both would have been

home free.

Well, I'm sorry, but I think it's important to be honest and

with kids, especially about something like this. And how many times exactly

you been honest and straightforward with a room full of eight -year -olds?

Well, I haven't, per se. Well, I have, per se.

35 years of rabbit funerals, fish flushings, and that candlelight vigil

missing gerbil.

Hey, rabbit funeral.

Not a bad idea.

It's a terrible idea.

The tears, the questions, the parents, and it goes on for days. Trust me, the

Dalai Lama would stick his head in the oven.

But it's a perfect way to help children deal with the whole idea of loss.

A better way would have been to keep the rabbit alive for the weekend.

Fortunately, I was quick on my feet, and I told them that, yeah, Mr. Floppity

left this world, but he missed them so much, he decided to come back.

Seriously? And they bought that?

Well, I have a minor in speech and drama, so yeah.

That's horrible.

Mrs. Phillips, I retire next year. Between now and then, I just want to

kids to spell, to find North America on a globe, and not to shake me during my

nap time. Can you understand that?

Frankly, Mrs. Galsnold, no.

Children should learn to treat those who pass with dignity and respect.

They should learn about life... You're going to follow me home with this,

you?

You'll get your funeral.

Yeah. But we're going to need the body. And you'll have it.

We'll just box it up and bring it in.

Oh. And it's been a couple of days, so don't be stingy with the air freshener.

Hey, where are you going with all that food?

Can't a brother get a snack without all this cumin egg?

No. And what kind of snack is that? None of it's cooked.

Then I'll just take an egg.

Why would you want a raw egg?

It's healthy.

Boxers drink raw eggs, don't they?

True. Actually, in college, my fraternity buddies and I used to drink

as a morning -after remedy.

Morning -after what?

Boxing.

Okay, cool story, Dad.

Oh, well, you know what?

Let's do it together.

What's that now?

Come on, it'll be fun, like Rocky.

And later, we'll watch Rocky.

Delicious.

One gulp.

On three.

One. Two.

You know what would help this go down easier?

Some onion, cheddar cheese, and some fire.

My best friend Squeezy likes to take it over easy.

Well, actually, it's raw, but that would ruin my rhyme.

There's something you need to know about Mr. Floppity, okay?

When a person or animal's time is over, it's over forever.

Right. Unless they miss you. I would have gone to school.

Well, actually, that's not true.

That was a different buddy in class today.

Sweetie, Mr. Floppity is gone, and he won't ever be coming back.

Do tigers come back? Oh, we are not going down this road.

Is everything okay, Jane?

So good.

It's like a goose snake.

Thick.

So, I thought of a name for my mouse. Cheddar.

Get it?

It's kind of ironic that you'd name him after food.

Him being so juicy and bite -sized.

He's small now, but he's gonna grow because he loves cheese.

Time to eat cheddar!

Yes. Hear that squeak?

myself sometimes.

I'm trying to get something started.

Well, listen, Squeezy, I need you to run out back and get Mr. Floppity.

Yeah, Squeezy might like it out there.

I think Squeezy may be screwy.

Who's Squeezy?

James. Works for me.

And, uh, where did young Squeezy go?

Out back pulling the bunny out of the bin.

Why? We making lucky keychains?

Honey, we're burying Mr. Floppity so that Aaron's teacher can stop telling

kids that rabbits turn into zombies.

Maybe it's time we talk about homeschool.

Dad, Steph, I have something I need to tell you. The bag was out there, but the

rabbit's not in it, and I have a pretty good idea what happened.

Oh, my God.

He must have been in shock, but still alive when we threw him away.

Yeah, let's go with that.

all around the yard, but no bunny. I did have a bit of a scare.

I thought I saw a snake.

What? Where? Oh, don't worry. It was just the hose.

Dang.

Any luck?

Yes. I taught Cheddar to roll over. Check it out.

Ta -da!

Isn't that cool?

Take a bow, Cheddar.

Okay, how about Mr. Floppity? How about some applause?

Cheddar's showing you his best stuff.

Great. I made a big deal about having a funeral for Mr. Floppity, and now I

don't even have a body.

You could.

Stick Aaron's old stuffed bunny in a box and fake it. I can't do that. That

would be wrong.

But it would be right if I could make it a little heavier.

Children, I've got some very sad news to share with you. This may be hard for

some of you, but I'm sure Mrs. Phillips will explain it in a way that makes

everything okay.

You're on.

Uh, thank you, Mrs. Gosnold. It's so nice to be here.

Under the bus.

Kids, I am so sorry I have to tell you this, but Mr. Floppity has gone to bunny

heaven.

Then who's that over there in the cage?

Well, that is, uh, Mr. Flippity.

He's Mr.

Floppity's brother. He came here to help you feel better about Mr. Floppity. But

Mrs. Gosnold said that... with Mr. Floppity.

Yes, well, Mrs. Gosnold made a mistake.

Ooh, let's not start counting mistakes, Mrs. Phillips.

Anyway, we are going to have a funeral so that we can remember Mr. Floppity and

say goodbye to him with dignity and respect.

Is he really in that box?

Of course he is. Why would you even ask that?

Well, my grandpa was in the box. They left the lid off so we can all see him.

Well, this is going to be a closed box. funeral, in accordance with Mr.

Floppity's wishes.

I think his real wish might have been not to be terrorized by a balloon.

Now, kids, we must not blame anyone for what happened to Mr. Floppity, even if

one person was responsible.

Well, it's also important not to blame someone for giving you crazy ideas,

one person who was supposedly trained in how to talk to children definitely did.

You know what?

Let's just take Mr. Floppity out to that rabbit -sized hole by the jungle, Jim,

that Janitor Leonard dug for us. Oh, no, that's okay. I'll carry it. No, I got

this. I can take it. No, I got this.

It's okay. I opened him up and stuffed it full of rocks.

So here's the third thing you need to know about the end of life.

A living thing...

isn't done living until you can't find a pulse.

And even then, you might want to give it a minute.

What if it's a tree?

Go to bed.

You can take your milk and cookies if you want.

No, thanks. Cookies are starting to taste like tragedy.

Hey, pal. How goes it? Not right now.

I need some time.

Bunny trouble?

You know the five stages of grief?

I think I added a couple.

You were right.

Talking about this stuff with kids is really hard.

Yeah, but you did it.

Now you'll have the wind at your back when it's time to have the sex talk.

Wait, what?

Dad, can you lend me the key to this shed and the big flashlight?

Look at you.

You really care about finding that rabbit.

Finding what?

Oh, yeah, Mr.

Rabbity.

Come on. I'll go out with you.

You have a snake?

Not on me.

James. I had a snake and it kind of got away. A snake got away in our house?

Find him, Squeezy.

But I don't know where he is. I can't find my mouse.

I do now.

Does he know something about cheddar?

Let me get you some milk and cookies.

Are you asleep?

No. Are you?

How can I be asleep if I just ask if you're asleep?

Sorry.

I'm a little on edge.

Who can sleep with that creature creeping around the house?

It could be anywhere.

What was that?

Something touched my foot.

It's my foot.

That scaly thing over on your side?

I thought it was a snake.

Snake? I'm worried about that mouse.