Original subtitles

It's the opening solo, baby.

You have got to put more power in your performance.

Now, just because it's a hymn about humility does not mean that you can't

the spotlight.

Okay, Mom, let's carpool to choir practice. That'll be fun.

Separate cars always take separate cars.

What was that?

Nothing.

See, you're two feet away from me, and I can't hear a word you're saying.

Honey, you have got to project.

Make your voice clear so people can understand your message.

Is this clear enough?

Go home.

You really should start drug testing that child.

Wow! You're getting really good at that.

I better be good if I'm gonna make it as a musician.

And if I'm gonna play clubs, we'll probably need a lot of TV to showcase my

talent. Tell me.

Well, I don't think playing guitar idol makes you a musician.

Do you play any real instruments?

What, like violin idol?

Hey, rocking out's making me hungry.

Can I have a snack?

Have a piece of fruit.

That stuff's fake. So is your talent.

The doctor will see you now.

So tense.

I'll have to run a full diagnostic.

You know, I don't usually take your type of insurance, but in your case...

Come on, don't you want to play doctor with an actual doctor?

Honey, why would you buy Jane's guitar idle?

Are we?

Gonna talk about the kids now? Because I may as well put on my bathrobe.

I mean, I don't know what's worse, that he never played a real instrument or

that I agreed with my mother.

We're talking about your mother now.

Putting on the shoes.

James never showed any interest in an instrument.

None of them ever have. That's crazy.

I started voice lessons when I was six. And look at me now, singing a solo to a

packed house.

You do put butts in pews, but that's you.

Kids have to find their own thing.

Without us at night.

Look, honey, when I was a weekend mom, I didn't feel the need to shape their

lives. But now I'm with them every day, and I want to share something that means

a lot to me.

Okay.

But I wouldn't force it.

My parents made me play the flute, the harmonica, the viola. You know what I

got? Beat up by kids who played cool instruments?

I got a closet full of throwaways and a lot of wasted time. I could have used

doing something that I'm good at, like performing a quadruple bypass, if you

know what I mean.

So you'll support me on this?

I support you.

Now that that's settled, we should, uh... Have a family meeting?

Mm -hmm.

Yes. No. What?

No, we just got the kids to bed. Honey, this can't wait.

The sooner we finish a meeting, the sooner we do that sexy quadruple

thing.

Family meeting!

You're making us learn instruments.

All those lessons and practice will cut into my college prep, but...

If you'd rather I end up playing music in the subway, that's another way to go.

Look, this means a lot to Stephanie, and we are going to support her.

Quickly!

How about you, Aaron? Do you know what instrument you want? Can I play drums?

Drums! Done!

Gabby, you're up.

I don't want to do this. And I don't want to pay your cell phone bill.

Keyboard. Keyboard! You got it.

You, middle kid, pick.

Actually, it's always been a dream of mine to play...

musical interest.

Your dream?

Name one harp player.

Who cares, boys? Get in the harp. Everybody back up.

What just happened?

You agreed to learn an instrument, and I got out of it. You didn't get out of

anything, harp boy.

And where's Stephanie gonna get a harp? Steal it from a hotel lobby?

She's never going to make this happen. Well, good luck with that. I'm going to

find a plan that actually works.

Do whatever you want. I'm going to stick with my plan.

And it's foolproof, fool.

You're on your own.

Oh, keyboard.

Rookie mistake.

You're not going to be so cocky when she's handing you a harp. Believe me,

Peter will be handing me a harp before Stephanie does.

I'm trying to practice here.

Aaron, I'm glad you're excited about the new drum set, but until it arrives, I'm

a solo act.

Go play somewhere else.

you started yet.

It's just been a little tough trying to make this whole harp thing happen.

No, Russ, you've got that big solo to worry about. My dreams can wait.

No, no, no, no, no. They can't and they won't. Here, why don't you look through

this harp catalog?

That's a thing.

I mean, yay.

Ah, you're going to practice as much as your sister.

She's taken to the keyboard like a prodigy. I know.

I had to push her at first, but now she comes home from school, goes straight to

her room, and plays until dinner.

It's been a lot of hard work, but I am so proud of myself.

End of Gabby.

Can you believe how quickly she picked it up?

Took her twice as long to memorize my credit card number, and she uses that

every day.

There she goes again.

Listen to that.

I just wish she wasn't so shy about it.

I mean, I would love to watch her do her thing, but she hasn't let me in her

room since she started practicing.

She hasn't let me in her room since we gave her one.

Found it. Oops.

Page 12.

Okay. Whoa.

$24 ,000 for a harp?

Hey, music of the angel, ain't cheap.

But we are.

Keep looking.

The troll is broken. I keep going into the rail.

This is why they shouldn't let old people drive.

I got one move left.

Ha -ha!

Oh, boy. Oh,

James.

Anybody order a harp?

Oh, well, you found me a harp.

But I didn't want one of these.

I wanted one of these.

Practice hard. It's what everybody learns on.

This really isn't my dream, but fine.

I think what you mean to say, James, is thank you.

This really isn't my dream, but thank you.

It's a shame you can't find a teacher.

Ah, that's my other great news. I managed to track one down.

I can honestly say, never thought this day would come.

The teacher suggested you spend a couple of hours just strumming to build up

your calluses.

I guess it wouldn't hurt.

Well, actually, he said it might.

No peeking.

Here we go.

Did I hit them? Well, the neighbors have to find out eventually.

were fun if you love the drums you play every day. Why?

I love the zoo, but I wouldn't want to live there.

Thanks again.

Hi, hi, hi.

Good. You're sitting down.

Your solo's been canceled.

If you feel like hitting something, you're in a good spot.

Canceled? Why?

Oh, Lita.

a pinky finger practicing the organ.

Well, I'm not surprised. She's 80 years old and somebody kept yelling at her to

punch those keys like her life depended on it.

Excuse me. I think osteoporosis is the culprit.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. We don't have anybody to play the organ.

Wait a minute.

Maybe wait two.

Is that Gabby?

Yay big attitude.

Yay big.

Mom, this is perfect.

I get to sing my solo and show off Gabby at the same time. And to think we were

almost taken down by an old woman who wouldn't drink our milk.

And James.

That's fantastic.

Almost too good to be true.

Just another day of being musically enriched thanks to Stephanie.

Well, I have news for you.

Guess who's going to be accompanying my solo with the choir on Sunday?

James on that tiny harp?

No, you!

I can't do that.

I mean, I mean, I can, but you guys have an organ, right? A pedal pipe?

Honey, nobody's asking you to play the organ. Just bring your little keyboard,

plug it in.

It would take too much time to learn the music.

Oh, piece of cake.

It's so much easier than the stuff that you've been playing. I can get you the

sheet music today.

Unless there's some other reason you don't want to play.

I can make this work.

Good. I can call the prayer circle, tell them they can stop.

This is going to be so much fun. Yay, me for encouraging you.

It's a mystery.

The sudden unexplained talent learning songs with your headphones on and

them well behind a closed bedroom door.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Tell me a secret and I promise not to bust you.

It's foolproof, fool.

You're on your own.

Don't worry. I'll figure it out.

Why do you keep making those stupid air quotes?

I'm not. My fingers are mangled from the heart.

You have an adjacent.

string, which is to say it is in close proximity to the first string, which

must be plucked.

Minor second, not a minor first. Common mistake among neophytes or novice

players, as it were.

I've built into my technique, which is not dissimilar to other techniques, yet

still maintains its own uniqueness.

Where was I?

How's it going?

Dream come true.

Was blind, but now I see.

Getting there. I thought it got there two hours ago.

One more again.

I heard a little cracking on that last note.

Really? Then we're done. Once I crack, I can't go back.

Oh, bummer.

Have I told you how proud I am of you? Yep. I got your I'm proud of you mug and

your I'm proud of you tweet.

Hashtag you're the bomb.

Hashtag right back at you.

About dinner soon.

Oh, and Jane, don't forget you still have an hour of harp night.

Practice makes Gabby.

Gabby, Gabby, Gabby.

I know your secret.

Took me a little while, but I finally put my finger on it.

You're about to lose that finger and a whole lot more.

There's one thing I haven't figured out. How'd you get this long programmed into

the memory card if you can't really play?

There's a band geek who's got a crush on me.

You better not rat me out.

Hey, I'm not an unreasonable man.

What do you want?

What have you got?

An I'm proud of you mug and five dollars?

I'll take the five and ten more for insulting me with that mug.

A reminder, as the offering plate is being passed around, the vegan bake sale

was a heartbreaking failure.

And now how...

Yes, sir. They wowed you with, I know that my redeemer lived.

And they moved you with, Holy Spirit, truth to buy high, high.

Their rendition of, there is a fountain filled with blood.

Went to number one on the church website.

Our choir, our lovely soloist, Miss Stephanie Phillips.

Mm -hmm.

Embarrassing.

Before we begin, I'd like to announce that our usual accompanist could not be

here today.

Brittle bones.

But my stepdaughter has graciously agreed to accompany us.

They say it's better to give than to receive, and I couldn't feel more

than I do today for having given my stepchildren the gift of music.

I'd like to give that gift back.

You've never heard an angel sing, but you're about to hear one play.

Gabby Phillips.

I'll never have to touch that harp again.

What's that?

Gabby's keyboard memory card, or as I call it, the day the music died.

I can't really play.

I'll be in the car.

Since we find ourselves with some unexpected time to fill, stop me if you

this one before.

Me and the rabbi, we walk into a bar.

That was the most humiliating thing that has ever happened to me.

Oh, honey, give it some time.

Something much more humiliating will come along.

It was horrible. This whole thing was horrible.

I just... What?

Should have listened to me?

Do you really want to go there right now?

Stephanie? All right, just remember, if you kill her, there'll be nobody left in

this house who cares about your shoes.

Come in.

I just wanted to say sorry.

For what?

Ruining my solo?

Embarrassing me in front of my church?

Lying to me this whole time?

Sure. All that.

You don't sound very sorry.

That's because Stephanie should be apologizing to me, too.

For what?

For forcing me to play an instrument?

For ignoring me when I said I wasn't interested? For volunteering me to play

church?

Okay. Maybe I can see that.

I'm sorry.

And your father's sorry, too.

Huh?

For what? Not stopping this whole thing before it started?

Apology accepted.

Not what I meant, but sure.

Now, can we at least finally admit that we don't have musical kids?

What's that?

Must be the TV.