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1
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You failed!
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What? What the heck?
3
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Lesson number one.
4
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Danger is everywhere.
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God, we... Man, we gotta talk about
boundaries.
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That is a much later lesson.
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For now, we begin with the basics.
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Of what?
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Your training, Sir Dwight.
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I will teach you the ways of the
warrior.
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Oh, wow. I'm good. Yeah, really. I
appreciate the thought. It is my
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brother.
13
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to repay the debt of gratitude that I
owe you.
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You will be my greatest achievement.
15
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Okay, so about a thousand years ago,
there was this princess, Greta.
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00:00:54,100 --> 00:00:57,780
And she was in big trouble, because she
had lots of enemies and not a lot of
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friends.
18
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So her court magician, Baldrick, cast
the Champion spell.
19
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It put everyone in the woods to sleep
until a champion would come, break the
20
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spell with his kiss, and deal with
Greta's big scary enemies.
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But that guy never showed up.
22
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Instead, they got me.
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Little Debbie has made more honey buns.
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Huzzah.
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Big hairy knees.
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Really, guys?
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Are we trying to trash the neighborhood?
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mortal boy.
29
00:04:13,790 --> 00:04:16,730
I am a mortal like thee.
30
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And so I need a few things from the
mortal realm.
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Okay. Some things that matter not at all
to anyone. I need them for no important
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purpose.
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Baldrick, buddy, I think you should lay
off the sugar.
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A rare, beautiful bird called a phoenix.
35
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Have thou seen one?
36
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I would like to have one for no reason.
37
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They sell birds at the pet store.
38
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The pet store has a phoenix.
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That is not exciting at all.
40
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Does the pet store have a wishing well
also?
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I'm afraid not.
42
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If not the pet store, then...
43
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Where? Where?
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The wishing well.
45
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I think there's one at the mall.
46
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I mean, it's more of a fountain than a
well.
47
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Actually, the mall has a wishing well in
the form of a fountain.
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That is so uninteresting and not
important.
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Hey, Greta, can you come in here for a
sec?
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Another mortal thing I need, but not as
a matter of life and death, is the milk
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of a goat.
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Does thou have a goat, mortal boy?
53
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A goat?
54
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What's the myth?
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You tell me. I just saw him eat half a
jar of jam. You know how many grams of
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sugar are... Sugar?
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Is this thy goat?
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No.
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This is Greta.
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And you are?
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I am a large, hairy, mortal man.
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And I must go.
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I have no urgent business. The others
are not waiting for me.
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Would you like a sweet drink before you
leave?
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Sweet?
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Come to me. Come to me. Yes.
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No,
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mortal.
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Hurry. Hurry.
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Slow mortals.
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Give, give.
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To your health.
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Foul!
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Foul, horrid, wretched mortals!
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Is Baldrick having a nervous breakdown?
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Baldrick has been inhabited.
77
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Sorry?
78
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Possessed. By what?
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A fairy.
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What does it want?
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Did it tell you I came here?
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I wanted a lot of weird stuff.
83
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A bird. I told it to go to the pet
store. To the pet store? With haste? And
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what?
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Let's say we get him. Then what do we
do?
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We extract the fairy from Baldrick's
brain.
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Ew.
88
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I pray we're not too late.
89
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Help you, sir?
90
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Hail, skinny mortal.
91
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I have come for the phoenix.
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Sorry? The bird.
93
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Rare and beautiful.
94
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You mean a parrot?
95
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Maybe. Are the tail feathers long and
glorious?
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I think they're nice.
97
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Show me the bird!
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Right this way.
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No, no, sir. These are rolled in sea
felt.
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Where is thy wishing well, hideous
mortal?
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My what?
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I need coins from a wishing well.
103
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I will not tell thee what for.
104
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There are coins in the fountain outside.
105
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Excuse me, have you seen a large -ish
gentleman come in here dressed a little
106
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old -timey?
107
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:57,360
You mean the guy in the Gandalf costume
who ripped the tail feathers off of this
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00:09:57,360 --> 00:10:02,500
parrot? And chugged four bottles of
hummingbird food before thrashing this
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display?
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That may have been him.
111
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Tail feathers.
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I don't like it.
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Poor parrot.
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00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:13,520
What else did the fairy say?
115
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:14,720
What does it want?
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Uh... A wishing well.
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Tomorrow.
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Collecting things.
119
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Why?
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A fairy right.
121
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We have to find Baldrick.
122
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The others will be pleased.
123
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I need only the milk of a goat.
124
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Oh, cow's milk isn't an option?
125
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A cow's goat?
126
00:11:40,060 --> 00:11:41,060
No.
127
00:11:41,860 --> 00:11:42,839
Goat milk.
128
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:44,000
We have almond milk.
129
00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:45,720
Is it from a goat?
130
00:11:46,020 --> 00:11:47,020
It's from almond.
131
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We also have soy milk and lactose -free
milk.
132
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Which of these is from the goat?
133
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,000
Neither one.
134
00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:17,680
Big man with a beard and a robe acting a
little crazy.
135
00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:20,000
Are you talking about that Moses dude
swimming in a fountain?
136
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:22,240
Let's say yes.
137
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:29,380
Hey, Nero. Hey, Sugar Pie. Quick thing.
138
00:12:29,660 --> 00:12:32,320
Have you seen Baldrick?
139
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Why?
140
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:37,200
I have just now.
141
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:39,460
Jay walking across.
142
00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:46,540
to stop it. I'm teaching Pilates.
143
00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:49,080
Hey, no worries, Nana. We got this.
144
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I know you do. Kisses.
145
00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:51,920
Oh!
146
00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:56,640
He's by Bambi's Grocery. What'd you find
out? The fairy took coins from the
147
00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:57,619
fountain.
148
00:12:57,620 --> 00:13:00,560
Look, I don't like to judge, but this
fairy is kind of a jerk.
149
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:06,559
Oh, jeez.
150
00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:07,560
Ah!
151
00:13:08,940 --> 00:13:09,940
Ludwig!
152
00:13:10,380 --> 00:13:11,500
You fail again.
153
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,160
Lesson two.
154
00:13:14,479 --> 00:13:16,180
Peril lurks in every corner.
155
00:13:17,020 --> 00:13:18,900
Isn't that kind of like Less of One?
156
00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:20,679
Dangerous everywhere?
157
00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:22,460
We've no time for sport, you
cumberground.
158
00:13:22,700 --> 00:13:23,700
Off with you, then.
159
00:13:24,140 --> 00:13:26,920
But be always on your guard, my young
protege.
160
00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:29,620
I'll see you soon.
161
00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:18,800
Security? Big fat crazy guy?
162
00:14:20,740 --> 00:14:21,740
Baldrick!
163
00:14:52,650 --> 00:14:55,490
Fairies love sugar, huh? They can't get
enough. I think this one's had enough.
164
00:14:55,870 --> 00:14:57,530
He is having a major sugar crash.
165
00:14:58,110 --> 00:14:59,410
No, don't wake it.
166
00:14:59,750 --> 00:15:01,070
The fairy is in a stupor.
167
00:15:01,290 --> 00:15:02,510
Now is the time to dislodge it.
168
00:15:02,810 --> 00:15:03,810
How?
169
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:05,070
Stop!
170
00:15:05,970 --> 00:15:06,970
A lot of it.
171
00:15:13,130 --> 00:15:14,130
Excuse me.
172
00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:23,990
I'm going to need more.
173
00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:25,010
Hurry!
174
00:15:25,490 --> 00:15:26,870
I didn't know so much about fairies.
175
00:15:27,790 --> 00:15:29,730
My father was eaten by fairies.
176
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:32,050
Oh. Sorry.
177
00:15:34,570 --> 00:15:35,570
I'm sorry.
178
00:15:36,490 --> 00:15:38,050
I won't let that happen to Baldrick.
179
00:15:39,310 --> 00:15:40,310
Get out!
180
00:15:42,730 --> 00:15:44,270
Fairies! Come here! Here!
181
00:16:13,870 --> 00:16:14,870
Is that I?
182
00:16:14,970 --> 00:16:16,570
Why do I sound like that?
183
00:16:18,030 --> 00:16:19,030
Where's his son?
184
00:16:27,510 --> 00:16:30,470
My lady, my what?
185
00:16:54,060 --> 00:16:56,540
I trusted thee with a task of such
import.
186
00:16:57,260 --> 00:17:00,800
But, my lady Mugwort, all is done.
187
00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:05,160
I have the feathers from the rare bird.
188
00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:10,480
I have the wishing coins.
189
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:16,579
I have the goat's milk in the form of...
190
00:17:25,050 --> 00:17:26,050
Object.
191
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:32,430
I have the chest hairs of a magician.
192
00:18:10,830 --> 00:18:17,630
Today, we return to fairy land never
again to flutter our wings
193
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:19,890
in this horrid place.
194
00:18:20,750 --> 00:18:25,870
Dill, begin the rite to open the fairy
ring. Okay.
195
00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:33,050
I am beautiful.
196
00:19:20,940 --> 00:19:22,020
From my mother goat.
197
00:19:29,060 --> 00:19:34,560
Topped with the chest hair from a mortal
198
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:38,560
mage.
199
00:20:11,850 --> 00:20:13,270
Full of mortal stuff.
200
00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:18,930
Yes, yes. The fairy queen could do...
Gobble them up.
201
00:20:20,070 --> 00:20:26,250
A feast for all the fairy land. The
fairy queen would be so pleased with us.
202
00:20:29,570 --> 00:20:32,070
The ring is closing.
203
00:20:33,150 --> 00:20:34,770
Watch out, Sojourn.
204
00:20:36,330 --> 00:20:40,390
They had no phoenix at the pet store,
milady.
205
00:20:59,790 --> 00:21:00,790
Lesson one, remember?
206
00:21:01,030 --> 00:21:02,650
Release us, mortal!
207
00:21:03,410 --> 00:21:06,910
Danger is everywhere, as I have
demonstrated.
208
00:21:07,230 --> 00:21:09,250
We must leave these mortal bodies!
209
00:21:15,330 --> 00:21:16,330
No!
210
00:21:16,810 --> 00:21:18,410
But our feast!
211
00:21:20,150 --> 00:21:21,150
Lesson two.
212
00:21:21,290 --> 00:21:25,550
Name it, Sir Dwight. A box on the
innards and entrails!
213
00:21:26,510 --> 00:21:31,930
Peril lurks in every corner of you.
forgotten so soon i will devour the on
214
00:21:31,930 --> 00:21:38,630
with mint jelly now for lesson three
jeopardy is ever present
215
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:59,280
Lesson four, menace, is all about.
14553
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