Original subtitles

Hello?

Okay, so about a thousand years ago, there was this princess, Greta.

And she was in big trouble, because she had lots of enemies and not a lot of

friends.

So her court magician, Baldrick, cast the Champion Spell.

It put everyone in the woods to sleep until a champion would come, break the

spell with his kiss, and deal with Greta's big scary enemies.

But that guy never showed up.

Instead, they got me.

It's in my happy place.

Here.

Lead on.

It's a beautiful thing you're doing, Greta. It will be.

With the proper depth of water and a healthy cover of moss.

What? And the right creatures lurking beneath the surface.

The surface of what?

Hey, Dwight. Hello.

Hey,

Sophie.

Where's Biscuit? He just went home with his forever family.

Cocoa Puff has a buddy.

Oh, hey, guys.

How are you doing?

I have someone that wants to say hello.

There you go.

Right?

Hey,

kid. Oh, morning, Linda.

Greta, this is Linda, the shelter director.

Greta here is looking for the perfect animal to fill that hole in her heart.

Something ferocious and terrifying.

Pardon?

Where do you keep the vicious creatures?

You said you wanted a pet. An animal, or several, a dozen,

to infect... the moat and to strike terror and awe into the hearts of any

invaders oh wow this is an animal shelter a

place where normal non -lunatics come to adopt a pet to what purpose i want to

get homeless animals off the street for one that is a feat that could easily be

accomplished by making a very large stew no no we are not having this

conversation not in my happy place

You got a call about this little guy.

He wandered in from the woods last night.

I shouldn't have left him behind, Baldr. My courage failed me, and now... Oh,

poor Sir Dwight.

Hey, guys. Sir Dwight!

You are not dead.

How did you escape?

It has been an honor to serve you, Your Highness.

You don't mean to house that demon.

Well, I wish, but Nana has a dander sensitivity, so I'll just be the foster

Shambaraki.

Rashabar!

Confound it!

Aren't you a cute little peanut?

That is no peanut, Sir Dwight.

Tis a varger.

Well, I'm going to go to the pet store and get some puppy supplies. You guys

want to come, or are you too busy with your crazies?

It was this same varger that devoured my great -uncle Grimbold and developed a

lust for royal flesh that caused it to hunt my family for three generations.

I saw it devour four men in one day.

This is a baby dog, not a vargle.

Vargr, it takes this shape only to lure fools to their deaths.

Well, I'm no fool.

Hail Gamekeeper.

We require creatures of... defense.

Sorry? To repel invaders, our moat is near completion.

It's for a water feature at their house.

Sir Dwight, you must believe me. This demon will split you from knave to chop.

From what to what? I watched with my own eyes as it breached the castle wall.

It tore apart every man that dared to stand against it or was so unlucky to

stand in its path.

Why aren't you listening to me?

Large creatures.

Well, we have koi. Oh.

They can get to be good -sized.

Are they stalwart?

Stal -what?

Do they run at the first sign of danger?

They kind of just stay in their pond.

I can still hear their anguish screams.

I couldn't save them. I couldn't save myself.

Baldrick's magic was the only thing preserving our lives.

What are you getting into, you little troublemaker?

You are so cute.

Are they ferocious?

Well, they can be territorial.

Just so.

Make haste. I must release the koi from these bags within the hour. You guys

take care of that. I'm going to take Peanut to the dog park. He will tear you

limb from joint.

Don't you do that. Don't you tear me limb from joint.

I'll protect you if I can.

No, Highness.

Leave him to his folly. I fear that's what the creature wants.

To strike when Sir Dwight is alone and helpless.

I owe him this much, Baldrick.

See to the koi if we haven't returned in... Like a half hour -ish?

You may rightly assume the worst.

Your best chance is to make your escape while it devours Sir Dwight.

Okay.

Come, let's get you home before you become enraged.

Hi there.

Who are you here with?

The pig -headed one.

Oh, what a cutie.

He has no idea what he's playing with.

My little guy's not the brightest bulb either, but we don't love them for their

brains, do we? Indeed we do not.

Is he a rescue?

Hardly the rescue I imagined, but fate has a wicked sense of humor.

Rufus! Get your nose out of that!

Check this.

Peanut is so smart.

The key is understanding pack mentality and asserting yourself as the alpha. A

dog that knows its place in a pack is a happy dog.

Peanut, sit.

Sit.

Good boy.

Now fetch.

He is playing you like a fife.

Okay, you're not a dog person.

Look, I get it.

You had some bad experiences in your younger life.

That's okay. No judgment. I firmly believe that everybody, even the most

insensitive jerk I've ever known, has an animal soulmate.

Sure come along with your improvements.

Should your lands come under attack, you may take refuge within.

Cool.

Well, it's great to see the neighborhood getting some character.

Have a great day.

I heard about these guys on Nat Geo.

They're called Preppers. Preppers.

Preppers.

Highness, are you unscathed?

And your champion?

Still in one piece.

He's so sweet.

The demon bides its time.

Hi there. Are you Dwight?

You must be the Mitchells. Yes. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

We are looking for a puppy brother. Oh, come on by and meet Peanut.

Come on, buddy.

Come on, Peanut. Hold!

Not the child!

Save yourself, you beefwits!

Don't worry about it. They're just rehearsing for the revenge of...

Joan of Arc.

Uh -huh.

He's a sweet little guy and so trainable.

Peanut.

Watch.

Watch.

Sit.

Good boy.

Good boy.

And I've only been working with him for an afternoon. That's awesome.

What are you asking for?

Well, first you'll need to fill out an application form with Linda at the

shelter. She'll want to do a full home inspection.

Okay.

Baldrick, I can't watch.

Look away, child.

It's moments like these, right?

Got some weird neighbors, Dwight.

Hey,

Greta.

You busy?

What's the myth?

Nothing. Everything's totally not a myth.

Just wondering if you've seen Peanut.

He got out of his crate somehow. Nana's checking up that way.

Wow, you got a belt. To the keep!

He's probably just off chasing squirrels.

Arm the battlement!

Come on! You don't throw axes.

When did you put that in?

The entrances are barred, Highness.

What is the alarm?

Tell him.

Peanut got out.

Boil the animal fat.

Ew.

Fortify the posture.

Let me die well.

Whatever, Braveheart. I'm gonna go find my dog.

Too late.

It's just a power outage. I have a flashlight on my... Where's my phone?

The Varger has come.

They're in parts.

The what parts?

Outside.

What was that?

past the koi.

Outside.

No! Guys, seriously?

He's just a cute little... Puppy dog?

Oh.

Hey! Good boy!

you'd like to know.

What are you doing?

I think it's wounded.

What?

Oh.

Poor little demon beast.

That's the pack.

I think they're calling it home.

There's a whole pack of those things?

They keep mostly to the woods, but that little one has been hunting us for

years.

Listen, if you ever tell me that my puppy is a... a... a... a... a... a...

A varger? That, I promise I'll take your word for it.

Tis I, you fool!

Baldrick!

I beg your pardon. I meant to say to thy, you fool, and your hymen.

Oh, Drake, I got you.

Oh, you're all right.

I am pleased that neither the Vargr nor the Fall from the Ramparts have killed

you. And I am relieved to have done my duty in keeping you alive yet another

day.

Do you guys ever hug?

That is enough excitement for one night. In you go.

You have peasant school in the morning.

Maybe you're more of a cat person.

Or a chinchilla, maybe.

What was that?

Good morning, brother.

Hey, buddy. Wow, but what are you doing here?

What is he doing here?

Princess Greta was kind enough to offer me lodging in her hermit hut.

You mean the bike shed.

So, you live here now?

You're okay with that?

It's the least I could do.

He's my cousin, after all. He's your... wait.

What? Ew.

And, as Mommy always says, blood is thicker than water.

Quite a bit thicker.

How soon until they are ready to fight?

Soon, Highness.

Then, let our foe tremble.