Original subtitles

Since when did you read the newspaper?

I like to keep up on world issues.

That paper doesn't have comics. Forget it.

Check it out.

Revival Theater is going to play Doggy Med School all week.

No way. That is my favorite movie of all time. No way. Me too. Not only is it

hilarious, but it's also totally real.

That is exactly how dogs would act if they were in med school.

This is the worst movie ever made. I love it so much. Let's go tonight.

Boys not out.

Doggy Doggy Bark.

doggy doctor bark.

Don't tell me doggy med school is playing somewhere.

As if you like doggy med school.

How could I not? It's a modern retelling of the story of Camelot. So romantic.

I guess that means you have to do your doggy doctor bark.

What?

I'm a lap dog.

Thank you.

Thank you.

That dog is so funny.

Dogs, leashes, these guys are geniuses.

Shh.

I can't hear the movie.

No need to thank me.

This is the part when the guy finds out that his doctor is a dog.

Thanks for seeing me, doctor. I've been feeling a little... Oh, no!

That guy does not want that dog to get him a physical. Would you? That's the

same dog who drank out of the toilet.

We're going to get in trouble.

By who? The usher?

going to do? Force me to wear that uniform?

Fine. Maybe I just want to watch the movie.

Is that okay with you?

Don't worry. Nothing gross happens for the next 20 minutes. Right. When the

poodle tries to perform open heartworm surgery.

It seems you have a bad case of fleas from me.

DJ, I got your message. What's so important you had to call me on my lunch

Oh, it's nothing huge. I just Got a phone call from an old high school

High school flame.

Is this some sort of imagination game we're playing?

I mean Montague Price. I haven't seen him since high school, and he's in town

for a visit. I just don't want you to get jealous.

You made me run all the way over here for that?

Come on, are you serious?

I remember Minnie Monty. That little fipsqueak is no match for me.

I'm looking for a Diane Jeffries.

Amazing. Wow, thanks.

You know, most people give me a tip, but... Hi, DJ.

It's me, Montague.

Montague Price.

This would have been way more fun if you were Monty.

And for me, if you were Frodo.

Just saying.

I'm so excited that Buzz is sponsoring the Ernie Seatrack bike -off. We have to

win. Don't worry. We have everything we need for the championship ride.

streamers, stickers, spoke beads.

OMG, even if we don't win the race, we'll have the best looking ride.

Agreed!

Aren't we a perfect team with perfect team dynamics?

Don't forget perfect teeth.

We are still going to win the perfect teeth medal.

And style medal. And the gloating medal.

You're right. We should practice our gloating dance.

We're going to win!

Uh -huh! If it isn't Little Miss

Walkout. Finally an apology.

When was I apologizing?

Okay, I'm sorry. Sorry we ruined the movie.

Aren't you sorry for not leaving the theater with me?

You didn't tell us you were going.

How long did it take you to notice?

It was at the open heartworm surgery part. When I noticed nobody was ruining

fun, I realized you must have gone.

You were so involved in the worst movie ever made that you didn't notice I was

gone for 20 minutes?

Yeah, but I left the worst movie ever made an hour early.

And, you know, I love the things I hate even more than the things I love.

Yes, you're ironic. I get it.

I know you guys have played this deal before, but you didn't have to make me

feel so left out.

We didn't mean to.

How's this?

Tonight's just you and me.

Hey, guys.

We have got to hit up Doggy Med School again tonight, huh? I spent all day

forgetting as much as possible so it'll be fresh.

I'll meet you there.

Boom!

So I said to the president, I'll fly the jet from here, sir.

You have the most amazing life. Oh, your life's pretty amazing, too. I always

knew you'd be a great editor. You have the gift of guidance.

Please stop making me blush. I can't take anymore.

Everyone always used to make fun of me for being into computers.

You encouraged me to stick with it. Now I run one of the world's most popular

websites. What does it do?

It's a site that provides comebacks for when people insult you for liking

computers. We get about 30 million hits a day. Wow.

Who knew being a nerd could be so lucrative?

Nerds. That's why we were so exclusive with our membership.

But it wasn't just computers, though. All the advice you had for me was right.

Cutting off my ponytail, dressing better in triathlons.

You shaped me into the man I am today.

I really did pick a nice shape, huh?

Hey, kid.

I'm back.

Yeah, you may have noticed I was gone for a while. I had to teach school.

Some say there's no more important job than a teacher.

Anyway, I dug up this old yearbook so we could all reminisce. Oh, I don't think

this is a good time.

Lookie here.

There's old Minnie Monty, treasurer of the Medieval Reenactment Society.

Do you remember those days?

Mm -hmm. I don't. I was only in popular clubs.

Oh, that was a long time ago, Andrew.

No. You got so many wedgies, they actually retired your underwear in the

rafters. Andrew!

That does bring back old memories. That's why I invented a brand of

that is wedgie -proof.

Made me a millionaire.

Again.

Anyway, I have to leave.

Goodbye, Diane.

It was great to see you. Hopefully we can see each other again soon before you

go. You never know.

I'm full of mystery.

You know, it's too bad he had to leave so quickly. I wanted to show him these.

They're Monty's from back in the day. I thought it might bring back memories of

Wedgie's past.

Did you just buy those and rip out the band so that you could show off?

It's always accusations with you.

Maybe a high school Monty traveled through time and got futuristic

Why isn't that your first guess?

Have you ever seen steamers dream that majestically?

Only in my dreams.

These steamers are going to make for a sparkling dash to the finish line. It's

only missing one touch.

Um, that really doesn't work for me. Well, I'm the one who's driving.

I know, but my name's still in the entry, so we better lose it.

No, it's they.

Fine. If you want to add a bell, then I get to attach the flower to

counterbalance. Well, if you get to add a flower, I get to...

Put a kickstand on.

It's a tricycle. You don't need a kickstand.

Do you understand how tricycles work? Well, I know they're not powered by

negativity.

Besides, it's not even like your contributions are helping.

The red doesn't even go with our uniforms.

I can't believe you just said that, especially after the sloppy hack job you

on those streamers.

Take that back.

Look how sensitive I am about my streamers. I take back nothing.

That's it.

You're off the team.

Do not open that bag, dude. You are not going to like what you find.

Oh, a little doggy surprise for you.

He's been stepping it.

So Lancelot left that surprise as revenge for what that guy did to

That proves he loves her. I get it now.

See? It's deeper than you thought.

You guys want to know what's deep? Wait till they show the bag.

Gross! I bet that dog eats some licorice.

What do you think?

Huh? Huh? It's the same, huh?

Huh?

Wilder?

Disgusting. Inflexibly inaccurate.

Noah, you've got to switch spots with me, man. You're taller than me.

I'm not going to switch spots with you. If you want another seat, I'm sure that

capable usher will help you find one in no time.

I'd rather sit with you guys.

What are you doing?

Move over.

Watch out.

Here comes the kissy thing.

Enough with the lovey -dovey stuff, guys.

Why don't you just grow up? Grow up? You're the guy making kissing noises at

love scene.

It's okay, Noah.

What do you expect?

Spaceship noises?

At least he's staying in the moment.

Thank you, Rebecca.

While they're quipping a third wheel.

Noah, it's fine, really.

You want me to go? Fine. I'll go hang with my real friend. Who? The usher?

You guys need to wear matching bow ties and tell people to put away their cell

phones?

You don't have to be so mean to him. I think we should go.

Are we going because I was mean or because you want to get the taste of

out of your mouth?

I don't want to talk about it.

I can't believe you said that to him. It was hours ago.

I'm sure Monty's dried his tears by now.

A little tact would help.

Maybe you should start taking my advice.

Clearly, it does wonders.

So now you're taking credit for all of Monty's success.

Hey! he followed my tips.

Maybe if you started listening to me, you'd reach your full potential as well.

Sounds risky.

I'm almost too good for you now.

Good evening to you both.

DJ, I had such a great time catching up. I came by to see if you'd join me for

dinner tomorrow.

Apparently, that laser eye surgery has done nothing to correct your vision. In

case you haven't already noticed, DJ's got a man.

Mwah.

I'd love to go to dinner with you. Your timing couldn't be more perfect.

Hey, Monty.

Remember these?

I'm going to more classes.

I'm going to be in the doghouse.

Whoop, whoop.

What am I doing with my life? I hope nobody saw that.

What is he doing with his life? I hope nobody else saw that.

You need to go over and apologize for what happened last night.

Me? You're the one who should go over there.

You're the one who said you wanted us to be alone.

You're the one who was yelling at him in the theater.

Also, it took you all day to apologize to me. So you could use the practice.

It's not a lack of practice. It's lack of intention.

Why don't we do what you said?

Hey, man.

How's the book?

Not so great. It doesn't have any pictures, so I'll keep having to flip to

cover to see the dogs.

That's too bad.

I'm sorry for yelling at you last night.

Me and Rebecca need a little space sometimes.

I know how it is. I never meant to get in the way.

Except for that time, you know, I got in the way. That guy was tall.

Anyway, I totally get it.

Sometimes we'll hang together, and sometimes we'll do our own thing.

Cool. I'll see you later.

Situation handled.

See? It does help to practice.

I'm not convinced.

Hey, Amanda?

It's Michael.

Wait, let me talk.

I want to say I'm sorry for how I acted. I want you back on the team.

And if you don't like the bell, I'll take it off.

You know, since I'm the driver... You should be the lead designer.

Thanks for the offer, but I'm on my own team now.

What? I'm the driver and designer. And I'm going to destroy you in both

categories. Hang on.

You designed that bike?

Why does it have a bell? I thought you hated bells.

This is no ordinary bell. When I flick this switch, it activates the turbo

boosters.

Turbo boosters? Welcome to the big leagues.

Enjoy watching the back of my head from an extreme distance.

Oh, I will. I mean, I won't. I'll decide at the time.

Some of my fondest memories are of times we spent together that you probably

don't even remember. Like the Ernie C. trivia team.

The responders.

How could I forget we were city champs?

We know the capitals, European and Asian.

We know all the variables in every equation.

We know all the words to the 12 days of Christmas. We fill the beakers without

breaking meniscus.

DJ, I have to ask you a serious question.

Okay, but I hope it's not what is meniscus because I forget.

Hey, guys.

It's me, Andrew.

Andrew Shepard.

Listen, I hate to interrupt, but I was watching you do that cheer.

Really, yeah, cool, by the way.

Anyway, I wanted to get in on the fun, but I wasn't on the team before, so I

came up with a cheer of my own.

That's my girl, I have to say. I know you want to hang, but you better go

I don't care what happens tonight.

We're definitely watching the whole movie this time. The ticket guy is

to give me funny looks.

So is the usher. No, I think that's just his face.

I'm a little worried about Wilder.

He didn't talk to us all day yesterday.

I hope he's all right.

Why don't you just ask him?

How long has he been here?

Ten minutes. I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to ruin

date. Let's invite him to sit with us. No, this is our time alone.

We can hang out alone after the movie.

Wilder!

Come down and sit with us.

It's okay. I'm fine here.

feet open as are dozens of others walter come on okay i'm coming down

that's

better hey check out this guy it's a doggy dog world you'll excuse me i'm

to watch a film

Here comes the doggy, Dr. Bark.

Rebecca,

your bark's worse than your bite.

That's it. I'm leaving.

Fine. Don't leave with your tail in between your legs.

Not too much.

I'm sorry.

It's my fault. I shouldn't be here.

These are the two ruffians here, my good man.

She said ruffians.

I'm afraid you'll have to vacate these premises.

Why? Who are we disturbing? There's only one other guy here. You're disturbing

me. Now beat it.

I appreciate your help with that awkward situation.

Yeah, you're out too.

Me? What did I do?

I like your attitude.

Is that worse than forcing you to wear this uniform?

Ah, good hearing.

Kudos.

It seems you have a very bad taste of fleas from me.

Man, I hate this movie.

So eventually I realized it was easier to just buy a jet. I got such a great

deal, I bought two.

Nothing. When I was a kid, I had three different train sets.

Three. Three is more than two. I did Europe by train.

Fifteen countries in less than 30 days. It was an amazing journey. That's

nothing. One time through a telescope, I saw four planets in five minutes. I

mean, a planet is larger than a country. Am I right?

Speaking of planets, I may actually have a chance to go up in a shuttle to an

old space station.

That's nothing again. When I was a kid, I found my... Enough!

Please stop trying to top every story. The only competition you're winning is

who can be the most annoying.

See?

I win!

Snap!

Okay, I know your plan.

You think you can just show up and splash some money around and steal my DJ

from me? Everything in life I've wanted, I've got.

Now I'm here for DJ.

Fine. Why don't we just let her decide?

Sure. DJ, who's it gonna be?

Let's go to the airport.

Just put the bill on my card.

Don't worry.

I'm rich.

Look who I'm up against for the opening heat.

Too easy.

Be glad you won't make it to the finals where everyone would see your

humiliation. Oh, I'll make it to the finals, all right. They'll see my

humiliation just fine.

You know what I mean.

Sorry I stop listening when I stop talking.

You can stay here and chat if you want, but... I have to go win this race now.

No chance.

Victory is mine!

Eat my duck!

Come on, triple blue, kick in!

I got kicked out of a movie theater.

I hope this doesn't go on my permanent record.

I would hate to lose out on a college scholarship for being too rowdy. Can

do that?

I was hoping for a scholarship based on rowdiness.

I can't believe that Usher heard me the whole time. That's playing sneaky.

So how are we going to get back to normal?

It was a lot simpler before we got into boyfriends and girlfriends and third

wheels. No fun.

From now on, when we go out together, we'll just have fun like we used to.

But how?

I know.

We should think of each other like an equilateral triangle.

Not an isosceles.

You know, because we're all equal. And an isosceles triangle only has two equal

sides. Oh, whoa.

Am I the only one who doesn't know anything about triangles?

And we're back to normal.

DJ, what are you doing back here?

I wanted to have dinner with you.

Did you eat everything?

Well, I didn't want anything to go to waste.

So what happened to your big plane ride with Maximum Monty? I was never going to

get on that plane. I was just giving him a ride to the airport.

Really? How many jets does a guy need to impress you?

I should probably start saving.

I am not about to throw away what we have for some guy who walks in here like

he's doing me a favor.

Good. Scrapping the jet plan.

I don't care about the jet.

Montague is still the same boy from 10th grade. That's gorgeous.

I don't want a boy who is desperately trying to improve himself.

I want a man.

An equal.

You know any?

I know one who made a total buffoon of himself and he's really lucky to have

you.

I'm really sorry, DJ.

You ordered more food?

I was depressed. I had to drown my sorrows in crustaceans and melted

Hey, do you know what it costs?

I don't care how much it costs. It's all on Monty's credit card.

In that case, waiter, I'm going to need more lobster.

I love doggy med school.

Well, I figured since Monty paid for dinner, I'd spring for the movie.

Thanks for taking me to this movie.

It's my treat. I love it because my dad financed it. I love it because Dex Cobra

has a cameo.

We were real jerks, weren't we?

Yeah, I'm sorry.

From now on, it's you and me, friends forever.

Quiet! That's the sweetest, worst, greatest part. Dr.

Doggy Bar!