Original subtitles

Michael Davies, the best two -week boyfriend ever.

Yolanda Farquhar, a two -week girlfriend equaled by none.

How many other two -week relationships have you two been in? We're comparing

ours to other people's two -week relationships.

Not our own.

Have you even finished each other's sandwiches?

Sentence. Didn't look like you would head in that direction.

Aldo, these have been the best two weeks of my life.

You've got to get yourself a girlfriend. Everything just comes together.

I've never felt so free.

Speaking of which, here's today's itinerary.

9 a .m. Michael makes a speech about how free he feels.

And we're right on schedule.

Next up, Michael Davies escorts Yolanda Farquhar down the hall.

I gotta get me one of those.

I knew that from the truth. It's the whole new me.

In the pages of my magazine.

I wanted to talk to you about the school -wide Beware of Bullying campaign

contest. We got picked, didn't we? As you know, a lot of students submitted

projects. And I was one.

And it was very difficult to choose a winner. But you picked us. And so the

winner of the Beware of Bullying campaign contest is... Us.

We won.

Is you guys.

But before you get started, I want to make you aware of a few things.

As you know, being bullied can have a harmful effect.

Our video will fix that and bring peace to humankind.

I think I made my point.

That Sinead Grimes gives a good interview. It's almost like she could

worked at Buzz.

Nice work, Michael Davies.

Funny, charming, no awkward moments.

You didn't mess up once.

Yet you still felt the need to interrupt all my questions.

That's because the next step after finishing each other's sentences is

each other's sentences and finding a much better ending for them. Don't you

think?

Oh, this won't do.

Your photo's the exact same size as Rebecca Harper's. All of our photos are

same size. It creates the illusion we're equals.

But if you hold it closer to your face, it looks way bigger.

You meant Miley Cyrus.

Rebecca did some expose on school uniform.

It's not hard to figure out whose column's more popular.

But school uniform tobacco wasn't Rebecca's finest hour. And yet it's

Rebecca's finest hour.

A bigger photo would force the issue.

I prefer people to be drawn to my brilliance naturally.

But if your photo was 10 % bigger, people would have 10 % more joy in their

lives. I'll take it up with DJ.

I need to see it my way. You're getting smarter every day we're together.

Wilder, how much do you know about the game Robot Mouse Invaders? I know

everything up until level 9. I never got past 9.

It's not as easy as it looks.

I didn't mean to touch a nerve.

It's been a tough six months.

Level 10 is right around the corner.

Why do you need to know?

The boys, they babysit play it. Maybe if you taught me, they'd listen when it's

bedtime.

Or at least stop doing the pages of my book together.

Can you teach me?

I can teach you anything you need to know. Unless it's level 10.

I'm not worried about level 10.

Stop talking about level 10!

Are you sure you're okay with this?

Sure. But as long as you can lend me a glued history book. Sorry, teacher, I

couldn't finish my homework. I got stuck on page 32.

Get it back, sir? Stuck? Like glue and the paper?

Glue and paper?

You should have been there. My singing, my jewelry, and our secret weapon. Have

you seen my hair? It's gorgeous.

This bullying prevention video will be more glamorous than you can imagine.

You're right. Just don't try to be too much of a diva.

That's possible.

I think this video should open with a girl sitting sad and alone looking at

squash lunch.

She pulls out her sandwich.

This is why you'll never be a director.

To convey bullying, you don't show the crushed sandwich, but you show the

crushed sandwich of the soul.

Okay, what do you have in mind?

I think this is the kind of video that Plato would have made, but with Matrix

-style effects and the edge of Kurosawa.

Kid -friendly, of course.

Maybe something like this.

Yeah. Just like that, except good.

It's got to have a rich texture recalling early black and white films,

color. No problemo. I think I have something in here.

And that's where it should stay.

There are no pictures that can picture what I'm picturing up in here.

You're watching the Genius Channel.

Featuring Noah Jackson.

We need to talk.

Not knocking, I see. I barged in because I have a point to make. Knocking would

put me in a position of weakness.

So would me ordering you back outside to knock first.

Yes, it would. So please don't do that.

Please, please.

Fine. You're in charge.

I demand that my picture in the magazine be significantly bigger.

You know I was just joking about the whole you're in charge thing, right?

Think about it, Michael. Wouldn't a bigger picture separate you from the

the team?

Hard to say.

Okay, Michael.

I'll play along. What are you thinking?

It's from my Michael Davies larger -than -life fall collection.

That's bigger than our pull -out posters.

I'm hoping to compromise.

What's this really about?

Please don't make me go back there and admit defeat to Yolanda.

Listen, kiddo, if you two lovebirds are having problems, talk it through.

Yolanda's a sweet girl. She'll understand.

Sweet.

Sure.

Does your office have a back door?

Look at that!

You sure are nibbling me a lot.

Interesting teaching technique.

So, how are you doing that?

Mostly through awesomeness. Some button pressing as well.

Is my mouse even moving?

Yeah, he's the one getting knocked on his tail.

You sure this works?

Yeah, I just gave you 50 points.

Birthday came early.

I'm not helping.

You'll get the hang of it, as long as you don't lose your head.

Did I just actually lose my head?

You just lost your head.

You sure did, and I just... I just reached level 10. I did it!

Where's the trash talk now?

I just asked you to teach me how to play the game.

I was never talking trash.

That's too bad. If you had, I'd be throwing it all back in your face. I'm

greatest robot mouse defender on Earth, baby!

Go ahead. Say something.

I just want it. No, you're the worst.

Yeah, baby.

Yeah. Come on.

You call that a jazz run? Looks like you're running from jazz itself.

Amanda.

That's what I'm talking about.

It's exactly my vision. Now, let's hear those perfect vocals.

Everyone tells you you're all wrong. You don't know how to stay strong.

And when you're singing, don't do it all wrong.

Excuse me? That's the song we both wrote when it was our vision.

What is wrong with it exactly?

The song is fine. The problem is you. I just don't believe that you're getting

bullied, Amanda.

Trust me, I am.

All right, people, from the top.

Five, six, seven, oh!

starts on seven. We start on eight.

All right, let's try this again.

This time no sevens.

Five, six.

So, did you set Diane Jeffries straight on who's the real star of the magazine?

We talked, but what's more important is that you and I talk.

And we will, but first I have a little gift for you. Please welcome the star of

Good Witch, Bad Witch, Shalana Peach.

So what was it you wanted to talk to me about?

I don't remember anymore.

Don't clap during the song. That's what endings are for.

I just remembered.

Fire burning cauldron bubble.

She's a super good witch and then she just flew.

A super good witch with a magic brew.

A super good witch with a broom in her hand.

A super good witch does whatever she can.

I was clapping to my favorite musical, but Yolanda said I was missing the beat.

She's helpful that way. I have way more beat now.

No one knows exactly what he wants, and he makes sure I want it too.

I would have thanked Yolanda, but my teeth were too clenched with joy.

No one makes me sigh a lot, but he explains it's just me releasing all my

ideas. Yolanda won't let me release my bad ideas.

She's afraid she'll catch them.

This level of happiness has never made me more miserable.

Imagine your misery while wearing a samurai costume.

Mr. Shepard, I need a little advice about a love problem.

Gotcha. Trying to hold a girl's hand? It's stressful.

Is your palm sweaty?

Do you go with the interlocked fingers or the clasped hand?

Please, we're three kisses and an arm grace past that.

But a gentleman never talks.

So what's the problem, Casanova?

Yolanda's a little controlling.

She tells me what to do, how to do it, and when I'm done doing it. Then why do

you go along with it?

To make her happy.

Okay, I'd sold her for not being angry at me.

That's not a love problem, Michael.

That is a bullying problem.

Dismissive snort.

See for yourself.

So your new home is a locker?

This is my girlfriend we're talking about, not someone tripping me in the

hallway. Probably call what Yolanda does bullying.

Michael Davies.

You're supposed to meet me at 12 .30.

But I still have ten minutes.

Sounds like you want to spend those ten minutes away from me. That isn't true,

is it?

No, of course not. Be right there.

So, you're going to read the pamphlet?

Yeah, but, uh... Ha.

She meditates at three. I'll read it then.

Go to Gleetu and watch Rebecca Harper lose her head in Robot Mouth Invaders.

Level ten, people. Level ten. Hey!

Check it out. It has over a thousand hits and some of them are from other

people. Look in your face when you watch.

Priceless. I was just trying to learn.

You know what I learned? You're terrible at video games. I could school you in

your sleep.

Well, I didn't think it was a competition.

Imagine if you did. How sad would that be?

Think to the just learning story, Rebecca.

I used it once when I was just learning in math class.

But you were there to learn.

I'm not learning anything.

You're learning how to handle the feet. Next lesson, 4 p .m. Prepare to be

schooled. Give me a pound, doggie.

Come on, man.

Now look at him. Come on.

Okay, stop the madness.

Please. Thank you.

It didn't occur to me that when I asked you to be dancers that some of you may

never have danced before.

Main problem, you keep doing this.

But you need to be doing this.

See what I did there? That's called bringing the thunder.

That's enough.

I hear they're looking for dancers at Mouthy McBucky's Pizzatorium.

Wow, the dream is alive.

Let's kick it marinara style, girls.

Ready? Five...

that you were lucky to get the work that's enough you're sending this video

shoot back to the stone age that's exactly what i'll do lose the samurai

finally thank you you are going to be a tyrannosaurus rex surrounded by cavemen

the t -rex gets bullied by the other dinosaurs for being different you will

hit with clubs stomped on and pelted with dino eggs and your arms are too

to block

Do I at least get a T -Rex costume?

Ooh, not in the budget. I'm going to need to see T -Rex in your eyes as I

the eggs at you.

Let's compromise.

How about I... No.

My vision, it's for the good of the project.

Hi, Daddy Assistant.

I need a fake excuse to get out of an awkward situation.

I'm late for my hovercraft lessons.

Wow.

Fine. I feel like that. It's just more dino eggs for me.

I knew I'd be bullied at some point, but I figured it would involve some guy

hanging me upside down and lunch money falling out of my pocket.

Nice little surprises.

Talk to an adult or parent.

Hello, Mr. Farquhar. Your daughter's being mean to me. Punish her.

No. Avoid kids who are bullying you. Don't give them a chance.

Not applicable when it's your girlfriend.

Stand up for yourself and be brave.

Yes, that's the one.

Bring it on, Yolanda. I'm ready.

Hi, Michael Davies. Gas of horror.

I've got another surprise for you.

Put these on.

Glasses? Why?

You wearing glasses says we're a couple.

Aren't we already saying that with our matching sweater vests?

Not clearly enough.

But I have perfect vision.

Glasses will make you look smart. Almost as smart as me.

Enough, woman. I'm not messing with my eyesight to make you happy.

Michael Davies is taking a stand.

Sorry,

Michael Davies. The glasses do make you look smarter.

Why do I feel like he fell out of my pocket?

You can put me in a locker, throw my pants way up a tree.

But I won't let you bully me.

Oh, look who's come groveling back.

If by groveling you mean getting my binder while trying to block out the

of what I just witnessed, then yes, absolutely. Don't think you can sweet

your way back on the project after quitting.

Why would I want back on this project to get mistreated?

This is how you make videos.

When I was a kid and I'd make home movies with my brother, he always bossed

around.

I got the worst lines, had to do my own stunts, and I always played the girl.

And how did that make you feel?

Like I wanted to avoid working with him at all costs.

Plus, the dress was really out of style.

I absolutely hated it.

Look, I am a donkey.

If I made you feel anything close to that, I'm sorry.

Accepted. Avoiding talking about this only makes sense when trying to keep

someone out of your life.

Not when it comes to keeping a friend.

And after firing all those dancers, I'm back to playing the girl. Hate it when

things come full circle.

If there's a girl you need, there's one standing right here with a binder full

of unused ideas.

Hey, that's good.

Why didn't we just go with that in the first place?

Rebecca's practice.

Impressive. Keep going.

I'm on my own. Oh, easy on the nibbling. I'm a delicate flower.

Dad, are you here to beat Rebecca as bad as I did?

Uh, no, little man.

Actually, I'm here to talk to you.

Uh -oh.

You're using your dad voice, not your dude voice.

Okay, Rebecca asked you for help so she could learn how to play the game.

Not so you could make her feel bad about herself.

Call my dad about this? No, she didn't, okay?

But even if she did, it would have been cool.

I saw the GleeTube video.

Trash talking and bullying aren't cool, little dude.

Is that how you felt, Baxter?

I was just excited about getting to level 10.

But remember how bad you felt about yourself when you were stuck on level 9?

Why would you want to put me through the same thing?

You're right.

I've become the very thing I attempted to clobber.

Exactly. You know there's no satisfaction to be gained by trouncing

okay? You got a gift for the game. You must share it with the world.

You want to learn how to play Robot Mouth Invaders? Yeah, but you better

your head, because it's coming off.

Just joking.

Hi,

Yolanda.

Only calling me by my first name, Michael Davies?

I'm in a first name kind of mood.

You can play that game, Michael.

That was hard. Let's never do that again.

I'll do it whenever I like.

Yolanda, I really do enjoy your company.

The interlocked hand -holding is like heaven on earth.

I need the freedom to make decisions and have opinions that are entirely my own.

Or ones that I take in TV shows and claim as my own.

That's just who I am.

You can hit me if you want.

It'll only be bullying and he's not in the face.

A completely unexpected reaction.

Is hitting me in the face that important?

No, it's not that.

What you just said is absolutely right. I get scared I won't get my way, and my

bullying comes directly from that.

You're not the first guy I ever flipped, but the truth is, you're the only one I

ever flipped for.

What an incredible breakthrough, and an incredible sentence structure.

You're a marvel.

Now we can have the relationship we've always wanted.

No, Michael Davies. You've seen me at my worst, and that's not my preferred way

of being viewed.

It's fine. The whole school saw that backflip you did on me on GleeTube.

Well, there needs to stop posting everything.

Seeing you every day would remind me of how flawed a person I truly am.

We must break up forever.

That's why you should stay with me.

Don't go.

Yolanda!

Yolanda!

Ready for the world premiere of Noah and Amanda's award -winning video? You

know, very few premieres happen in a classroom.

And yet you still decided to dress up.

Red carpet's red carpet.

Or say nothing and walk away.

Being bullied?

Don't fight back. Don't try to bully those who bully you.

Be a leader by telling adults you want to help stop bullying.

Use humor if it's easy for you to do.

Someone says you have a funny shirt, say I know.