Original subtitles

I wish Noah was here so we can get out of here and go to the carnival.

I never pegged you as a midway kind of guy. I kind of pegged you as a red

faux pas kind of guy.

Midway is like the red carpet, with unattractive people.

Well, I'm still trying to beat my record of riding the Twister 13 times in a row

without roughing. I pity whoever was with you on ride 14.

Yeah, my sister still hasn't forgiven me.

Neither has the couple who rode behind us and a few even behind them. But today

is a new day and nothing's going to ruin my Saturday of awestruckness.

Don't forget down low.

Carly? Guys, we may not be going to the carnival after all.

Oh, man.

Why do you care? You're not tall enough to go on the roller coasters anyway.

Oh!

Hey.

I want to know what is the fun.

Hold the juice box. I gotta go to the bathroom. Back in a sec.

Come on, guys. This can still be fun.

Your sister has peed three times in the past ten minutes. And you spent the rest

of the time drinking juice.

Okay, this can't be fun.

But my dad's away and my mom's at a house showing. If I look after Carly,

no chores for a month. Not even folding up your dad's underwear?

We agree never to mention that.

I always iron my underwear.

How else can I get pleats?

How about we just take Carly with us for the bus ride? Then we'll dump her at

the Kearney daycare. It'll be like she's not even there.

Sounds like a plan.

For you.

Meanwhile, they're gonna have fun. Later, sucker.

You're not ditching my big brother.

Aw, what you gonna do?

Stop with your dollies?

Ponies? Pony dollies?

I thought they stopped selling those.

There ain't no pony dollies in here.

It's a spy kit. You wouldn't know that because you're not a spy like me.

Oh, isn't that cute?

This little girl thinks she's a spy.

Listen, Shaggy, you wouldn't be laughing if DJ found out you put garlic powder

on her chewing gum.

Right before the dentist.

He still refused to take her call.

Wait! How'd you know about that?

You're the only one I called.

I bugged her home phone.

I hear all sorts of interesting things.

Carly, what did Mom say about you using high -tech gadgetry to make my friends

look foolish?

Not to.

Okay, Noah, Wilder, Agent Half -Pint, there's a carnival out there that needs

little magic, and that magic is me.

Not so fast, Fancy Pants. You're not going anywhere.

Well, now, aren't you a handsome devil? Remember this?

Roar! Our house, last Thursday.

Rawr.

You leave, this video goes on GleeTube before you can say rawr.

Okay, Carly. What's it going to take so we can go to the carnival?

Hmm.

I've always wanted to play hide and seek in the buzz.

One game?

One game.

Okay, Carly, we'll play.

Where'd she go?

Thanks again for letting me study here. Ty just got back from his business

trip and he and stepmom are having a smooch fest.

Ew.

LOL. Pretending Bob's room is your room. Trade rules, Rebecca.

Trade rules.

This is my room.

OMG. You're not joking.

Rebecca Harville was wondering why you decided to abandon her room.

Hello, Taste. Rebecca was... It's not that bad.

Rebecca, as your friend, it is that bad. I wouldn't be surprised if I got a call

back from Style and Taste apologizing.

Well, homework called and it said let's get to work.

Homework is canceled.

Don't you and Bing Chef live in a room with the weird Spidey -Wibby thingy?

That's my dream catcher.

Looks like I caught a couple nightmares.

Our first ever issue of Teen Buzz, our death and first stardom issue, where we

profile teacher star Steve Scratch. Huh, whatever happened to him?

Eh, we asked that last issue.

Apparently nothing good.

Oh.

Thanks for helping me clean out my office, Shepard. No problem. But if I

you had this much junk, I would have brought some garbage bags.

And a backhoe.

Come on, the stamps of Zaire, an I Heart Steve Scratch t -shirt, yak milk, an

inflatable hammer.

I brought you here to help, not mock.

And here's how I intend to help.

I am throwing out this box because you will never need any of it.

Not even old love letters from you?

Well, maybe it's not all garbage.

Although I am a little hurt I'm in the same box as Yak Milk.

98, 99, 100.

Truth or lies, you can't catch spies.

Remember, Carly.

One game of hide and seek, and then it's an afternoon of carny daycare for you.

Carnies are the best game.

My favorite is what's my breath smell like?

It's always corn dogs.

Gotcha! Hey!

Chocolate raisin. That looks like a beetle.

Why would a beetle be covered in chocolate?

You know you want to.

Carly's got to be around here somewhere.

We are not going to be outsmarted by a six -year -old.

Definitely not a chocolate raisin.

Well, we're not going to be outsmarted by a six -year -old.

Where to begin?

I'm much ugly.

What's the prize?

What did you get for second place? Detention?

Fine.

I want to get rid of this cheesy baseball card.

It's a Justin Morneau rookie card.

I'll have another rookie card next year.

I want to get rid of this lame jewelry box. It looks like something a ten -year

-old would have.

What? What's your excuse, Rebecca?

That's from my... Let me guess. You made it at summer camp, and when you put it

to your ear, you can hear the ocean.

I'm tacky!

Rebecca, I'm trying to help you out here, but you need to let me work my

My first trick, making you disappear.

I hear the bookmobile's in town. Why don't you go chase it down?

Fine, as long as you promise not to completely change my room. Of course

Never move.

Daddy's assistant, I need to completely change your room.

Bring me four gallons of paint, color swatches, and room designer.

And a shaman, just in case.

Dear DJ, your voice hums like a siren song, pulling me like a sailor towards

your coast. Try it like this.

Your voice hums like a siren song.

Your voice hums.

That's what I said. No, no. You're reading it all wrong. Here, let me.

What kind of guy reads his own love letters out loud? The kind of guy who

appreciates intonation.

You are a work of art.

My very own personal Mona DJ.

Mona DJ.

I never got that line.

Wait, shouldn't it be Mona Lisa?

No, no, I just always thought Mona DJ sounded cute.

Mona Lisa.

Wasn't that the name of your ex -girlfriend? I never dated any Mona. But

dated a whole bunch of Lisas.

I don't believe it.

You search and replace Lisa with DJ so that you can reuse old love letters on

me.

Don't judge search and replace too harshly. Some of the greatest romantics

used search and replace.

Uh, Shelly. Uh, Keith.

Uh, Yak Milk.

You're going to love your new room. It's like a billion times better than your

old one. A billion times?

gonna be a billion.

Mathematically, it could only be... Boring!

Bookmobile's gone now. No one cares about math.

Now, I've just made a few little changes. A tone, a hue, and a fidget of

-ness.

Oh, me.

A giant picture of you. In my room.

Now, that's what I call a dream catcher.

Your new nice sand classic Victorian with new age styling.

It's nice.

My old... night thin was nice too but one of my jewelry box on it oh i gave

that homemade junk to the friendly samaritans of hope society besides that

jewelry box looks like it should have had seagulls circling it searching for

french fries i do it speechless great celebration smoothies on me

we've looked everywhere

she can't leave where else can she be maybe she can turn invisible

My Aunt Martha's been invisible for years.

Wilder, your aunt's not invisible. She just moved to Winnipeg.

Where she happens to be invisible?

Unbelievable. I can ferret out gossip two continents away, but I can't find

annoying sister.

Carly, get out here.

Mom's going to call any second. She'll want to talk to you.

What? How'd you know?

Hello?

Hey, Mom.

Oh, we're great.

Carly, she's just in the bathroom.

You know, kids, their bladders are the size of peanuts.

You'll wait for her?

One sec.

What am I going to do?

Quick, one of you pretend to be Carly. No, no, come on. No, no, do it. No,

father, do it. Hey, that's not how you play the game.

Dude, that's not how she talks. You've heard her talk.

Mean old Noah won't give me a new Twissy sandwich.

And he won't let me eat a beetle.

Uh -huh.

Okay, bye -bye.

Your mom's kind of mad that Carla ate a beetle. She'll be here in an hour to

pick her up.

Oh, man.

I could have said something different.

Great. In one hour, I'll be grounded for the rest of my life.

Nice job, Dakota Fanning. Where?

Where? Carly, get out here now.

A spy never gives up her location.

What? Your sister can turn invisible and transform into a bear?

We've got to get this kid an agent.

This should be simple. There's three of us and one of her. Wilder, you take the

kitchen. Ah, you know my strength, old friend.

Michael, you take the bathroom.

You know my strengths.

The bathroom is a strength?

That's a weird thing to brag about. Michael, do you mind explaining why the

bathroom is your strength?

There's that handsome devil I've been looking for.

Rawr. Oh, rawr.

Mirrors.

Carly, where are ya?

Giggling in the elevator.

Not very spy -like.

A gentle mist.

Almost refreshing.

But not very effective when there happens to be a big, fluffy towel on my

Why does there happen to be a big, fluffy towel on my desk?

Carly!

Carly!

Does that sound like Noah?

I can't believe how great your room turned out.

You really pull off a miracle. It's like I set up a glamour explosion in there.

Three, two, one.

Fabulous.

Did you pick up some germ on the bookmobile?

I didn't pick up a germ.

I just can't believe what you did to my room.

I hate it. I hate everything about it. From the bedspread to the window

dressing.

Wow, so this is how the house feels.

You made my room into your room.

It has nothing to do with me. What about the picture of your best friend?

You know, any other girl would be happy her friend did something so nice. Do I

look happy?

Some of that so -called junk meant a lot to me.

Sometimes I think you don't like things just because I do.

Yeah, I can do dramatic exits too.

Well, I would have slammed it down if it wasn't half full.

And if we worked in a public place and...

Like, what have?

CJ, please!

Think about what you're doing!

Hmm. What am I doing?

Oh, yeah!

I'm shredding plagiarized love letters from a big, fat phony.

Can you at least let me explain?

You know, I always wondered,

only ever send me emails now i realized it was because you needed to search and

replace lisa with dj well you just searched and replaced my heart oh come

just today you sent me something you didn't write i forwarded you a list of

10 pickup lines and i forwarded you the password to my heart that was number

eight you couldn't use number one it was right there shepherd

The only other love letter I have ever received was a valentine from Percival

Kibler in fifth grade. It was a pea pod saying, peas be my podner.

Peas be my podner.

That's good.

Sorry.

Percival dressed up as a giant heart and professed his love for me in front of

the entire class.

I put his valentine in this box hoping that as the years went by, I would get

more. But I got older and the box stayed empty.

That's why.

I started using it for my old retainers.

I can't even look at you right now. Please leave. I mean, please.

Hi. You haven't seen my little sister, have you? About a yay hi. Smells kind of

like bubble gum and evil.

Bad time?

Bad time. I'll show myself off.

What's his face? Green?

Not as green as the grass of love that grows in my heart.

That was number nine.

Goodbye.

Perfect sandwich.

Nothing suspicious about that.

Ah!

The old spray food eye trick.

Harmless, yet hurtful.

Poor, simple Wilder. Don't you feel silly?

Are you sad, Michael?

Because you're looking a little blue.

Gas!

She must have read the cologne in the washroom. She knows I like to smell

How do we get it off?

Club soda to the rescue.

Reloader. I wish I was better at learning.

You sprayed more on?

The fragrance is starting to fade.

This is the best your room has ever looked. You should be grateful.

fashion. Oh, I never want to see Amanda's face again.

Hey, I just came over to say I'm sorry.

Wow, DJ's right. I think that does make you feel better.

I got your old stuff back from the friendly Samaritans of Hope.

They're not nearly as friendly as their name implies.

They've got canes and they know how to use them.

I thought I lost this forever.

Your mom gave that to you, didn't she?

We made it from shelves we collected on a trip to Peggy's Cove when I was ten.

It's one of the last things we did together.

I get it.

After my parents got divorced, it took me a long time to take down the

Mom had curtain makers so for me when I was six.

You had a dedicated curtain maker.

My mom really liked curtains.

You were right about me, too.

Sometimes I resist your ideas.

Like the time I vetoed your idea to go to Hawaii for a staff photo?

Let's not let anything come between us again. I hear you.

Hey!

Did you give me a mustache?

Well, it was gonna be a goatee.

Carly, please come out here.

Game's over. You win. You made us all look like fools.

At least I'm a nice -smelling fool.

You know what? Fine.

Hide all day for all I care. You've ruined it now anyway, just like you

do. I only wanted to spend the day with my big brother.

Invisible!

Oh, wait.

And I didn't want you to ditch me just like you always do.

Aw.

Carly, come back.

Want some cologne?

It makes me feel better.

You know you're depressed when you can't even make fun of that.

Shepard and his fake love letters.

Lisa Thill was not a work of art.

What in the name of Lord Valentine's?

DJ, if a star fell from the sky every time I thought about you, then tonight

sky would be empty.

Here, this is for you.

Are those all love letters you wrote me?

That's the love letter I wrote for you. This is one letter?

This is intense.

Well, yeah, that's why I never sent it.

I figured if you got it, you'd see how much I loved you and you'd be scared

So I just sent an old letter that I wrote to somebody I only liked.

So if I hear you correctly, you love me?

And it's all your fault.

Let's go back to my place. I'll cook you dinner. Sounds good. Just give me five

minutes to get changed. No, no, no. Leave the costume on.

Now this is the bedroom makeover.

And not a seagull in sight.

Do you really like it?

I love it.

And I'm sure my mom would have too.

She sounds like a special lady.

She was.

What'd you do with all the stuff you didn't use?

Let's just say Papa likes my work way more than you do.

I guess we should go.

Mom's probably waiting.

Nope. Wilder improved his Carly -speak and convinced Mom to give us more time.

Really? Yeah. I just had to tap into my inner half -pint.

We never meant to be mean to you, Carly.

Okay, maybe I did.

But mostly because we just wanted to go to the carnival to meet girls.

Which is kind of hard to do with a little kid tagging along.

Oh, aren't you just the best boys in the whole wide world?

Wow, is this your little sister?

She's so cute.

My awesome big brother is taking me to the carnival.

Want to come?

Sure, I'd love to.

All right, cool, let's go.

All right.

What's my breath smell like? Here I come.

It's always corn dogs.

I know!

Dance party with Steve Dress!

But I'm the one who wants you so Every day my love just grows and grows

I just want to walk up to you