Original subtitles

Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, I... I know you said I can't

my skateboard to tonight's Glimmer Awards, but what about my rocket

scooter?

I'll go dismantle the boosters.

Amanda! Get in here, now!

Ew. Somebody has an oily T -zone and rest of her face.

This is a big night. We're nominating... for Best Youth Magazine, and I'm giving

a speech live.

Nothing can go wrong. I need you to be a wilder wrangler.

Do not let that boy out of your sight. He's likely to cause an international

incident again.

I hate to ask what's in it for me, but it's the only way to find out what's in

it for me, so... Can't you just do me this favor? It's not that big of a job.

Okay.

Okay.

I'm gonna have my office for the week. Cool.

I may have to do some redecorating.

nominee for a glimmer of gold.

Uh, no.

My Tokushima limited edition suit?

There's only three in existence, you know.

Are the other two in grown -up size?

Can I please have your attention?

Yeah, but only for five seconds.

My mind tends to wander.

A man appears, the makeover master, is proud to present her latest miracle.

Please welcome the new and improved, the better than ever, but still less

attractive than me, Introduce me already!

Miss Rebecca Harper!

Us skateboarders have a word to describe how you look.

Good.

Ooh, la and la again.

So, Noah, do you think I'm red carpet worthy?

No.

But... but I think somewhere there's a grandma who wants her curtains back.

Good one, Noah. I can always count on you to make a witty remark, even when

really isn't needed.

Us skateboarders have a name for what you did.

Bad!

Man, us skateboarders need more words.

I should really teach you a lesson.

But I just got my suit pressed.

And you're bigger than me.

Not only did you insult me, you insulted Rebecca.

But more importantly, you insulted me.

Is that a book?

Yep, it's one of those other words say meanings books.

It's called a thesaurus.

Man, I need this more than I thought.

Get smarter on your own time.

DJ wants to make sure I keep you out of trouble.

Is that going to be a problem?

Amanda, don't worry, you don't want.

Tonight, I will be problem -free.

Problem -free starting now.

Now, the limo's going to be here in a half an hour, so get ready.

No way. I'm going to need more time than that.

All set in 29 minutes to spare.

That's all you're going to do?

What, more spit? Ew, no, Wilder, you're supposed to be dressed up. Why do you

think I'm wearing my good shorts?

Look, extra pockets for leftovers.

Why, Wilder, why?

Because I get hungry.

Badness, ravenous, starving.

Man, this resource is paying off already.

That's why I wake up each day ready to tackle pain, adulation, angst, acne,

and... Wow!

Ha -ha! You look amazing!

I hate this! I hate this! I hate this!

Man, you do not take a compliment.

This is not about the compliments.

Thank you, by the way. It's about... It's about... It's about... Your

to finish sentences?

Me being able to speak well in public.

Speech is a crowd that I just don't get.

What's the big deal? You've done tons of acceptance speeches before.

And everyone ended in disaster.

My workplace safety award fell off the stage.

My excellence in font achievement built gibberish for ten minutes.

Oh, so what about this one?

You don't want to know, but if I were you, I wouldn't touch it.

Okay, then.

Come on, I was kidding.

I liked your dress and your corsage.

If anybody should be mad, it should be me, because you didn't give my zinger

respect it deserved.

What's wrong?

The side of your dress left you speechless?

You're giving me the silent treatment, aren't you?

A bit juvenile, don't you think?

What's next, holding your breath?

I ain't got news for you, R.

I have never met a silent treatment I couldn't break.

You should be scared, because I'm the best STR there's ever been.

Is this the point where you're supposed to ask me what STR stands for, and then

I tell you it stands for silent treatment ruiner, and then you lose the

talking?

You really think you can beat me?

Tell you what, if I can get you to talk by the time the limo arrives,

You have to stand up during tonight's ceremony and shout out, Noah Jackson is

the king of comedy.

And if I can't get you to talk, then I'll go to the Glimmers tonight wearing

nothing but my underwear and a bow tie.

Deal?

So, when is that limo coming?

Seven o 'clock, so I see.

Don't get cocky with me. You and your corsage are going down.

You're telling me this is how you dress even when you go to classy restaurants?

Hey, my fellow diners at the Burger Barn aren't about the fancy clothes.

Apparel, garb, tug.

I'd ask Sukashima to get you one of these babies, but they're only three

Everyone pipe down. He wants life in the glimmers.

I don't wear the same suit as Ken White.

The man's a media giant.

No one will even notice me.

Yeah, they will, Mikey.

They'll say, who's that odd boy dressed like media giant Ken White?

This is worse than the time Rebecca and I wore the same Halloween costume.

I still say I was the better Pippi Longstocking.

I have to find a new suit, and I have to find it now.

I have to find Wilder a new suit, and I have to find it now. I have to find out

what you guys are talking about, and I have to find out now.

Give me that suit and start calling in favors. I'm on it.

Phil, no idea what you guys are talking about.

Okay, okay, I can help you with this. I am a certified instructor in phobia

-related counseling.

You are? No, but I once took a weekend yoga class.

Because the teacher was really hot.

Isn't that the same reason you took the sign language class?

Uh, the trick to overcoming your fear of an audience is to get them on your side

from the get -go, and what better way than with a joke?

Uh, three penguins are at the pearly gates, and the first penguin... Oh,

and you have to do the walk.

Come on, do the walk, do the walk, do the walk.

Uh -oh, uh -oh, uh -oh.

The glimmers are a dignified event. I can't do a penguin joke. I got one about

hippo and a cow.

Oh, just forget it, Shepard. I'm just gonna stick to my script.

Yeah, about that?

Huh.

Michael, tell Noah that not only is MVP Justin Morneau not overrated, that if he

were here, he wouldn't be talking to Noah either.

Please, don't pick up sports now. I'm in crisis mode.

Ken White and I cannot wear the same suit.

Oh, dear.

It's Pippi Longstocking all over again.

And you're not the better Pippi.

Ladies and gentlemen, using nothing but Michael's unwanted suit, I have created

tonight's second best dress nominee.

Please welcome the boy with the joy, the guy on the fly, the dude that will

skateboard right into... Introduce him already!

No, let me hear what I'm skateboarding into.

Gearheart. My money was on traffic.

Wilder!

Look at me. I'm all dressed up.

You look great, Wilder. But you might not be the only boy showing beer like

tonight. Unless Noah can break my silent treatment, he'll be wearing his boxers

and a bow tie.

I love the silent treatment.

It's how my dad and stepmom spent their honeymoon.

Can someone please get me the paper off the printer?

I'm on it, DJ.

Amanda! I know, I know.

When I wrote that your baby looked like she was part alien, I meant that she

looked out of this world.

Anyway, we're probably the same tuxedo size, so... Hello?

Hello?

A word of advice, the glimmer is not a good night to change the toner.

You deliver soup by helicopter to me, Michael Davies?

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

By the way, I love your toupee.

I'll meet you at the roof. Look for the boy in the muumuu.

You can't send a limo to get me because stepmother has it?

What? She's never heard of public transportation?

Whatever. I'll wait here until she's done.

Amanda, I'm sorry.

Remorseful. Apologetic. I'm cum -punctious.

Why don't you go look up a new word for get lost?

Fine. I'll get lost. But not here.

Because I know this place really well.

You know what bugs me?

Oh, when you have an itch you can't scratch?

No. When you burn the roof of your mouth eating hot pizza.

No.

For the first time, I saw a different Wilder.

A Wilder who was more than a bunch of dudes and ostriches.

A Wilder I could take to my dad's country club. And not just as his caddy.

I guess it was too much hope it could last.

There's not one word in this book to describe how sad I feel.

Wait.

Look over there.

Just so you know, Michael's wearing the exact same thing.

I'm coming, I'm coming.

You will do that.

Ow!

You are crafter than I thought.

I didn't want to have to do this, but you have left me no choice.

I'm going to my A game.

A game.

Please don't make me go to the glimmers of my boxers.

City of Rhythm is going to be there.

QL is going to be there.

Human beings are going to be there.

You are cruel and without a heart.

You're on a tropical island far away. The sun caresses your skin.

Am I wearing SPF 30 because I burn easily?

Try 45.

Now relax.

The oceans wave gently lap at your feet.

You start to do a hula dance.

I just thought it couldn't hurt.

Okay, envision yourself on a stage.

You have no fear.

You are calm, cool... And super hot.

Okay, say these words with me.

I own this room.

I own this room.

I own this room.

I own...

I usually just keep a spare sweater in my desk.

You know what, Shepard? There's not a whole dance in the world that can fix

this.

Was that a moo -moo?

Baba, I know the VCR scares you, but I need you to take the glimmers.

Something's going to happen tonight.

No, relax.

The tape didn't just lunge at you. You hit a jack.

So how's Baba?

Baba, someone wants to talk to you.

Hey, Baba.

How are you?

Eh, my knees creak too when it rains.

Of course, that really helps.

Okay, send me the recipe.

Um, I gotta go. Limo's coming.

The first time I saw you, I thought you were beautiful.

Then, why'd you call me a nerd?

Gotcha. Amanda, can we talk for a sec?

Oh, uh, I already did that.

And discovered the meat was kind of off.

I already did that, too.

Look, you have every reason to hate me, but let me explain one of the wild man's

most important rules.

first, apologize later.

So, sometimes to solve a problem, you have to make it bigger.

Awestruck! See?

Sometimes that's the only word you need.

Your turn.

Sorry, Wilder. I don't work that way.

Amanda Pierce is dignified.

Oh, why not?

We're set!

A perfect pair. Who knew?

What do you think?

I think it looks exactly like your other suit.

This one's single -vented. The other one's double -vented.

Oh! I thought it was so I could smuggle food in both back pockets.

I'll be back in five and try to look dignified by then.

Oh, there you are.

That means we still got four minutes!

Yeah!

The limo's waiting downstairs.

That's it.

Once again, dying Jeffries is going to embarrass herself, except this time on

live TV.

I have one more idea.

What, shepherds steal every TV in the city? I mean, that's not half bad.

This is less jail time if I cut everybody's cable.

Two little monkeys sitting in a tree.

One was dying and the other couldn't see.

What is wrong with you? All day long they throw their coconuts down.

I know because one hit me on the crown.

I don't know what you're doing, but I love it.

Ouch, ouch, silly little monkeys.

Be nice to me.

Ouch, ouch, silly little monkeys.

That was my plea.

But the monkeys didn't hear a word I said and they kept on hitting me on the

head.

Okay, that was funny and odd, but how is that going to help me?

Because when you were up there feeling embarrassed, just remember me and this

song and know that someone more embarrassing is cheering you on.

Let's go to the Glimmers.

Not too late to learn the Penguin Walk.

Sure. It might help with my encore.

You do realize I won.

No boxers for me and a King of Comedy shout out for you.

Did you mean what you said?

Yeah, a bet's a bet.

No, that you thought I was beautiful?

Look at us.

Aren't we the cutest pair of pink lots?

You guys look amazing together.

Oh, thank you. I had my eyebrows waxed.

Not you.

And why would you admit that?

That was, uh, something.

going on here?

No, no, nothing at all.

Then let's go.

A limo ride awaits.

I call shotgun. Oh, I never get shotgun.

We just want a glimmer. We just want a glimmer.

We just want a glimmer.

What a night. I just nailed my first beat. All eyes were on me.

Until somebody yelled, Noah Jackson's the king of comedy.

We just want a glamour.

And Amanda looked amazing, gorgeous, stunning, breathtaking.

And Wilder was the perfect gentleman.

And Ken White asked me to go shopping.

Noah, go find a good place for this in my office.

Just not near the bowl -shaped trophy.

Trust me on this.

I know we had a big night, guys, but we gotta get you home.

Second!

You wore it again?

Hey, at least you don't have that monkey song stuck in your head.

Rebecca, you coming? In a sec, I'm gonna wait for Noah.

What's up?

You never answered my question.

Did you mean what you said?

No.

Truth is, I'm wearing rubber ducky underwear.

I was desperate.

Did whatever it took.

Oh, I see. Well...

I only broke my silent treatment for the magazine.

What? Team Buzz is supposed to be cool, and your skinny legs poking through

boxer shorts?

Definitely not cool.

Your legs aren't that skinny.

Really? I saw them in gym class.

It looked like a squirrel was smuggling walnuts in your knee.

Some girls find thin legs cute.

And then they get out of kindergarten.

So this just tells me one thing.

What?

You were checking out my legs in gym.

Quite some time ago, I came into your world and you

laid out...