Original subtitles

That gets my favorite part of these meetings.

You guys come up with fake excuses for why your stories will be late.

If you recall, Michael was last week's winner with Hillary Duff ate my article.

DJ, I'll need a few more hours to double -check my sources.

You profiled yourself.

What's there to double -check?

Yes! Mr. Shepard says we should always double -check our sources. And do you

always listen to everything that Mr. Shepard says?

Yes. Yeah, pretty much.

Okay, I know you guys think that Mr. Shepard is all that and a bag of chips,

he's not that cool, is he? He's cool enough to never say all that and a bag

chips.

Well, it so happens that your cool Mr. Shepard was once a member of the school

spirit squad.

No way, DJ.

Not our Mr. S. Oh, yeah?

Wait here.

You know, I'd be a great cheerleader.

Cute skirts, spelling stuff out loud.

Breaking into scissor kicks at any given moment.

Noah, welder, spot me.

One, two, three. Spot the pep squad, pipsqueak. Hey!

Go team!

We're sitting in class, watching the time pass. Can't wait to get out.

It's a whole new thing.

uncomfortable.

Can I put my stuff in your locker for a week?

What happened to your locker?

The Terminator blamed on an old corndog and an army of ants.

So can I be a locker mate?

Okay, but it's only temporary.

You already moved in?

How'd you get my combination?

A little advice.

Never write your combo on your notebook. Some snoopy dude might see it, write it

down. And move in.

Later, locker buddy.

Temporary locker buddy.

What's with the utensils?

I hate getting crumbs on my fingers.

Reminds me of that time I played in the sandbox.

What in the little house on the prairie do you have on?

I have to wear this skirt because I sprained my ankle when I fell.

And what, is your wheelchair hidden underneath it?

No, but until my ankle's healed, the doctor's making me wear sensible

Ah, Frankenstein boots!

I know, it's like you can see the bolts in my neck.

That's why yeths were never ever to tell anyone this dark, dark secret.

You're asking a goth apologist to keep a secret?

Nobody's asking.

Fine, fine, I won't say anything.

You are one odd little girl.

Says the boy eating his muffin with a fork and knife.

And sometimes there's only one way to get the story, experiencing it

Going undercover demands a careful strategy, hidden technology, and an

compass.

Man, I wish some of you could experience it.

Is there something I should know about?

Yes, DJ told you about my days on the spirit squad. Not so much told as

ridiculed.

You should know that I love being on the squad.

In fact, I still get together with my teammates.

And make human pyramids?

Mock me if you want.

Thanks. What exactly was it that made you join the stirrup pants of the

megaphone?

Good one.

Let's leave it at that. Joke over. Now.

Yeah, guys, be nice, or Mr. Shepard will toss you over his head.

Then spin you around and do the splits. Go, fight, win!

That's it?

I said it was over, but you two just had to keep on going.

Now, it's time to face the music.

What do you have to say for yourself?

F -O -R -R -Y?

And then the teacher says to the horse, so why the long face?

And it's funny because horses don't go to school.

You want to tell me what's going on?

Noah, these are my dudes.

Dude, this is my locker mate, Noah.

Photo op.

I want them out of here.

You heard me get.

Don't make me call your parents.

Dude, what's the problem, dude?

First off, You started and ended a sentence with dude.

And who has a party at a locker?

I do.

That's why you're yelling at me.

Wait.

Where are my brownies?

That was my after -school snack.

We ate them.

Delicious. Props to your mom.

I made a cheese ball, but somehow misplaced it. How do you misplace a

ball?

I'm in the middle of moving, remember?

Making us go undercover is cheerleaders' most creative punishment ever.

Eight years of fake Zed notes and here I stand in ill -fitting gym garb.

We should ask DJ to get us out of this.

I already did.

Now I'm reporting on it for Buzz.

I hate cheerleaders. They're mean, snobby, and not that bright.

Where'd you get that from?

TV.

I just finished a calculus workshop.

Yay, differentiable functions!

I have her trusting TV stereotypes again.

Okie dokie. First off, we want to get to know you guys. So, who's up for a

little personality test?

I am. Sounds fun.

Is it okay if I cheat off her test? I didn't study.

Not off to a good start, am I?

You really think you can get me back, Shepard? I was editor of the yearbook

years running.

Trust me, there are no embarrassing photos of me to be found.

None. How do you like them? Pom -poms.

What's with the granny blanket, Amanda?

Just come from a craft sale?

LOL. I know it looks funny, but as you'll see in my cool or not cool

granny blankets are all the rage.

What's going on?

Fine.

for the freak with awful shoes.

Everybody else is.

Amanda, they're not that bad. You're just saying that to make me feel better.

Like when I tell Rebecca that she... Okay, I've never tried to make her feel

better, but you get my point.

Let me tell you a little story about a supermodel named Karina.

You mean five -time winner of the blank stairboard and inventor of the pony step

runway walk, Karina?

One and the same.

Picture it.

Pamplona Spain, the day before the Simshu show, Karina decides to do the

of the bulls. She was sure she could outrun a herd of bovine fury.

Did she?

She broke an ankle, cracked a rib, and got gored in the left cheek.

No way. What did she do?

What do you think she did? She did the catwalk with her cast, bandages, and

She was sensational.

Then I'm going to be...

Extra sensational.

That never happened, did it?

You want true stories? Go to Shepard. I got a magazine to run.

Cheese ball, anyone?

My biggest inspiration?

I'd have to go with Thomas Edison.

Because he was an amazing inventor?

No. Because the man could pull off a bow tie.

I see.

Rebecca picked her mom and broadcaster Barbara Frum.

Anyway, why don't you guys limber up and get ready for the tryout?

I can't believe it, but I'm actually having fun.

I know. I'm going to like being on the squad.

Michael, you haven't made the team yet. I've got a better chance than you.

As they say in the cheerleading world, bring it on.

You can't snap, can you?

No.

The two of you stand before me, but I only have one pom -pom in my hand.

The name of the person who will hold that pom -pom as the injury replacement

the alternate, and then only at home games of sports that are poorly

is... I'd like to thank my five sisters for teaching me how to jazz walk before

I could run.

Rebecca Harper!

You're not going to do this without me, are you?

I think it'll be fun.

Are you kidding me?

This girl has all the grace of a giraffe on a skateboard.

And it's that kind of attitude that costs you the spot on the team, Michael.

You may have a cheerleader's mood, but you do not have a cheerleader's

TV never lies.

I didn't know our school even had a

bocce team. A winning bocce team. And good for you for having watched me with

bocce on the last cheer. You're natural.

Hi, Michael.

It's Harper.

I'll catch up with you guys at lunch. Cool. We can work on our strategy for

car wash.

Car wash strategy?

What's there to figure out?

No, no, I said start first, then rinse.

Now, we'll never raise the money for the scoreboard.

I know you're upset, Michael.

I'm not upset. What makes you think I'm upset?

You're eating your muffin with your hands.

It's like you've given up.

That's what happens when you've been kicked in the heart with white sneakers.

Why can't you just be happy for me? I am happy. So happy that I want to do a

cartwheel.

Oh, wait, I can't.

I'm not in a cheerleading squad.

You know, saying things like that is the reason you didn't make the squad.

People sometimes get tired of your little jokes.

Do you?

Look, we're still best friends, but it is nice to hang with people who are a

little more positive sometimes.

Besides, I do have a story to get for Buzz.

Yeah, well, I got your headline.

Girl abandons best friend.

Oh, dear.

This can't be good.

It's all good. Come on, open it up.

Let me guess, you washed your hands and the combination came off.

Dude, seriously?

Just open it, dude.

I gotcha good.

Uh, I don't feel gotten or good.

Explain. I totally cleaned up your locker.

Oh, yeah.

Cool. Thanks a lot.

Wait.

Oh, man.

Please, no.

Dude, dude, you're messing things up.

Didn't you see a piece of paper with my handwriting on it?

Yep. I threw it out.

Why? Why would you do that?

Because you wrote garbage on it.

That was my look back on the band garbage. The band.

Oh, that garbage.

Sorry, dude. I've got an idea.

How about instead of being sorry all the time, why don't you try not screwing

up? Whoa!

Is that the kind of energy you want to bring to our locker, dude?

It's not our locker. It's my locker.

And I want you out of it by lunch, dude.

Whatever. I don't want to share a locker with a big selfish jerk like you

anyway. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Good.

Fantastic.

Next time, do a look back on a band called Don't Throw Me Out. I'm super

important.

This one's for Karina.

Girl with sensible footwear coming through.

Oh, yeah. You heard me.

I'm wearing Claude Hopper's, and I'm wearing them with Sal. Hey, try doing

in your four -inch thing back, peep -toes.

Of course. First, tell me one thing. Is it DJ?

That's Norman Norman.

You know, the school mascot.

Well, you gotta admit they have the same hair.

Well, what is it, Rebecca?

When a reporter goes undercover, do they ever end up liking the people they're

investigating? Ah, cheerleading's more fun than you thought, huh?

For me, not so much for Michael.

Well, I'm sorry.

You know, it's okay to want to hang with new people.

Especially people with...

Spirit's sake, can you hear it? I digress. If Michael is as good a friend

think, you'll find a way to make this work.

Thanks, Mr. Shepard. You're welcome.

Oh, you are going down, DJ.

That's the lunch lady.

So I think, so I think.

Thought you'd already be gone by now, or I would have come by later.

I was going to swing by earlier, but I bent with today looking for a new

Look, I'm sorry about this.

No, for the best.

You both know.

I guess.

You look good.

You too.

So, um, you seeing any new locker mates?

No.

I'm going to take some time for myself.

Get to know me and my locker again.

I hear you, man.

See you around.

Take care of yourself.

Same to you.

Same.

When it comes to football, you might as well step back. Say what? You might as

well step back. Can't hear you. You might as well step back. Go Storms!

You're getting so much better.

So be on top of the pyramid in no time.

Thanks. Sorry about hitting you in the eye with my pom -pom.

Oh, it's okay. Did you know that the eyeball is one of the fastest healing

organs in the human body? Really?

Yeah, first. Go on.

Oh, did you see Mr. McDean today?

You mean his jeans? Yeah. If you're going to wear lowriders, you probably

shouldn't wear underwear that says number one dad on them.

Um, I meant his awesome cardigan.

Spirit school members don't make fun of people, Rebecca.

Ever. It's not cool.

If we wanted a cheerleader, we would have chosen your nasty little friend.

Michael's not nasty.

He's just sarcastically gifted.

Whatever.

Let's just try this cheer again.

But this time it's more packed.

Very impressive. Who knew that there was a comfy shoe convention?

It's huge with grandmas and nurses.

Oh, great.

Expanding our demographic.

Look, Amanda, I'm glad you can see that it's okay to wear something that's

comfortable and not fashionable.

No one is more surprised than I am. It was like breaking up with a best friend.

True. But sometimes it's nice to have a best friend that doesn't squeak when you

walk.

Sorry, DJ.

I'm a changed girl. I will never suffer from pinched toes and burning arches

again. In fact, I just donated all my fancy shoes to charity.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to organizing my foam tread fashion

show.

Are those figuruchis?

Yeah, I think so.

Gold sequined Cinderella slip -ons with a three -inch heel and peekaboo toe?

I guess. I bought them for a gal and they're too small.

You want to try them on?

No. I'm okay.

Who am I kidding?

I guess it wouldn't kill me to wear something a bit more stylish.

I am on the fashion beat. You certainly are.

Now, if you don't mind, I have to steal back 50 pairs of shoes from the friendly

Samaritans of Hope Society.

Works like a charm.

Good times, huh?

Yeah, they were.

What's up?

My garbage article?

Where'd you find it?

Let me guess, the dumpster?

I had to dive through three of them before I got it.

I also found that.

I'm hoping there's a reward.

Only a friend would do something like this.

Actually, only you would do something like this.

What's this for?

I thought you could use it, you know, in case some dude happens to know your

combo.

Look, I'm sorry.

I was a little harsh on you.

So if you ever need to bunk with me again, no problem.

I'm so glad to hear you say that.

Deck, buddy.

A desk, buddy?

What's wrong with your desk?

The exterminator blamed it on a bean burrito and an army of ants.

How's the perky posse?

I wouldn't know.

I quit.

You did? Why?

Well, I finished my buzz story, and as it turns out, I like a little snark with

my perk.

I'm sorry.

I'm the one who should be sorry. I mean, you're the only real friend I've ever

had, and when I thought I was losing you, I got mean.

You're never going to lose me.

For sure.

How will I know?

Did you see Mr. McDean today?

Those low -riders?

Who did?

He'd think he is.

Yeah, MC Soccer Dad. I hear he's scooping up his minivan.

Can you release the CD? Bring the noise. We use your inside voice.

Oh, I remember one coming in.

Hold the elevator!

What do you want, Shepard?

Well, you were right.

There is not one single bad photograph of you in any yearbook, not even in

shots. Told you.

Yes, you did. You certainly did.

By the way, your mom's a super nice lady.

My mom?

What are you talking about?