Original subtitles

[theme music playing]

Aloha!

Here I am!

Sunny skies, sandy beaches,

and all of them colorful drinks with the tiny umbrellas.

Wait a maka-laka-huki minute.

This don't look like Kauai. Huh?

"I-re-land"?

Ain't that just my luck?

Well, I'm here. Might as well make the best of it

and check out the local colors.

Mmm, very nice greens.

Some chartreuse. Teal.

Oh, would you look at that.

[grunting]

Maybe this will change my luck.

Hold on, ya cottony creature!

Just where do ya think you're goin' with that now?

Hey, uh, what's up, O'Doc?

Oh-ho, tryin' to pull a fast one on me, eh?

I know exactly why you're here!

You're here to steal me pot o' gold!

Pot o' gold? Me?

Nah, Doc, I already got 24 carats.

A potato?

Aye! And there's more where that came from.

[mimicking gun cocking]

[gunshots]

[gunshots continue]

You can run boy-o! But I'll get ya!

[machine gunfire]

Oh, say, uh, what ya makin' there, rabbit?

Why, shepherd's pie, Doc!

[slurps]

-Want some? -Mmm-hmm.

Open wide.

[sizzling]

-[alarm ringing] -[screaming]

Mmm, tastes good, though.

[muffled screaming]

I best get going

before the little pixie spuds me again.

Oh-ho, fixin' to scatter with me gold, are ye?

And I'm a leprechaun, I'll have ya know!

Leprechaun? There ain't no such thing!

I be as real as the cotton on ye face!

-Oh, yeah? -Aye!

A real leprechaun could dance an Irish jig!

And I can do just that, ya bloomin' eejit!

Play on.

[Irish music playing]

[tempo increasing]

[struggling]

Aw. He's trying to hit me with his little candy cane.

Little kids shouldn't play with dangerous sticks!

Well, it's been fun.

[thuds]

All right, rabbit, your luck's run out!

You'll never leave with me gold!

[thunder rumbling]

[lightning buzzing]

Yikes!

Har, har, har, har, har!

Penny for your thoughts, Bunny!

Faith n' begorrah! Me pot o'gold!

Step back!

One more move and I'll give it the ax!

Now, now, rabbit,

let's not do anything hasty now.

[shouting] I'll do it!

I'll really give it to him!

Ahhh! You're full blown mad!

Oh, for the love of Pete! I'm beggin' ya!

He's gonna get it! I'm givin' it to him!

[yelling] Don't do it!

Here you are, Pot.

Why, thank you.

[gasping] Who? What? Where? When? Huh?

Hey! What do you know?

I'm at the beach.

Lucky for me that was just a crazy dream.

Well, now, I wouldn't say that.

Muah!

[Irish music playing]

I claim this planet in the name of Mars!

[creaking]

[rumbling]

Oh, dear.

[creaking]

[loud creaking]

Oh!

Oh, well, might as well hang in there.

[thuds]

[theme music playing]

[pleasant music playing]

[agent] Welcome to your new home, Porky.

It's got all the modern amenities

the current homebuyer wants.

[chuckles] I should know! I paid for 'em!

But what you don't know

is that we've installed our Computerized

Home Assistance Machine Program,

or CHAMP for short!

Good morning, CHAMP!

[CHAMP] Good morning.

CHAMP, lights off.

Lights off.

-CHAMP, lights on. -Lights on.

Wait, there's more.

CHAMP, water the plant.

Watering the plant.

[slurping]

[agent] CHAMP, I'd like to watch some television.

Setting up mega HD television.

-[grunts] -So realistic.

[agent] And my favorite feature...

CHAMP, I'd like a quick sandwich, please.

Producing a quick sandwich.

[bell dings]

[growling]

[burps loudly]

Oh, excuse me. [giggles]

So remember, CHAMP will do anything

and everything you tell it to.

Don't be afraid to ask!

-[cell phone ringing] -[beeps]

[man over phone] Carol, where are you? I got a buyer here!

Time to sell an overpriced home to another sucker.

Gotta go, Porky!

Boy, home buying sure makes me hungry!

Why don't I give this CHAMP thing a try?

Oh, CHAMP!

Awaiting command, sir.

Sir? I like him already.

CHAMP, I want a quick sand... [stuttering]

Producing quicksand.

What?

[yowling]

This darned machine!

You have to listen to me more carefully.

I apologize.

Listening more carefully.

Well, good. Now, listen here.

I want you to make me a sandwich.

Making you a sandwich.

Thank you.

Hey, CHAMP!

[sneezes]

[whirring]

[crying]

[screams]

Would you like avocado?

Absolutely n...

Absolutely. That'll be $2 extra.

Charging your credit card.

-[cash register dings] -$2!

Don't! Stop!

I won't stop.

Now see here.

Stop this monkey business!

CHAMP, make me a sandwich for me to eat!

Making a sandwich for you to eat.

With no tricks.

Without any tricks.

[whirring]

Thank you, CHAMP.

[boy] Oh, slow down, boy!

Hey, Champ!

Drop it!

Dropping it.

Champ, pick it up!

[CHAMP] Picking it up.

Gee, boy, this ball is filthy!

Champ, go wash it in your bowl.

-[CHAMP] Washing in bowl. -Hey, wait!

[gurgling]

-Where'd you find that mud, boy? -[panting]

Champ, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Stop, boy, stop!

-Champ, go away! -[whimpering]

[sighs] Going away.

[creaking]

[gasps]

Homeownership sure has me poo... [stuttering] wiped.

-[creaking] -[gasps] What is it now?

[gloomy music playing]

All I wanted was a sandwich.

Oh, boy, a fresh sandwich!

[barks]

[cracking]

[shattering]

[theme music playing]