All language subtitles for Its Garry Shandlings s02e10 Mr Sparks

I... I... Thanks. Well, welcome to the

show. And there's not much of a
monologue tonight because...

I'm actually really excited.

Well, I know you're disappointed. I've
never seen such a disappointed reaction.

It slid right by you.

Monologue? Not do a monologue? Oh,
honey, let's get out of here.

I'm actually excited because I got a new
stereo VCR.

Well,

you're laughing at the wrong places.

It's just a video recorder. I got this
stereo TV because I love...

Stereo television. I mean, isn't it the
best, really?

Yeah, it's... You never do really say,
it's not in stereo, why waste our time,

do you?

But I like watching Password in stereo,
because it's like, Betty White sounds

like she's over here, and, you know,
Jamie Farr sounds like he's way over

Bert Convy comes right out of both
speakers, right at you.

And so then this way, I can now tape my
stereo programs and play them later at

parties, because I have a lot of
really... Okay.

I really don't have any. I don't like
parties, if the truth be known. It's

really to the point now, if I'm not
invited, I don't even go.

So, the deal is, this is my place.

And, you know, Grant is...

This is a wonderful angle I have on
Grant. You know, little Grant is helping

install the video recorder because he's
really an electronics whiz. And so then

I promised him as a reward for helping
me install this that I would take him

anywhere he wants to go on Saturday, in
the car. You know, he loves going in the

car. I crack the window down a little
and he sticks his head out.

And the wind hits him in the face and,
you know, it's adorable.

He thinks he's people, really.

So, uh, now how much longer is this
gonna take, Grant? Oh, cool your jets,

Gary. It'll be ready when it's ready.

Sure he's got a hot temper.

You know, I hope he uses his genius for
good, not evil.

Uncle Gary, do you have any coaxial
crimpers?

Oh, you know, I got some. I got a lot of
crimpers next to my bed.

But I don't think any of them are
coaxial. It's got to be coaxial. It's

be coaxial. Okay, well, you know what
I'll do? I'll go over to Solomon's

Hardware Store and pick some up. Okay,
okay. It's about a two -minute walk from

here.

I hate to leave you hanging for two
minutes right in the middle of the show.

Well, you know what? We can run the
opening theme. That's 41 seconds.

And I'll run instead of walk, and I'll
be back in 41 seconds.

So you won't be alone, okay?

You time me. Ready, set, go.

This is the theme to Gary's show.

The theme to Gary's show.

Gary called me up and asked if I would
write his theme song.

I'm almost halfway finished. How do you
like it so far? How do you like the

theme to Gary's show?

This is the theme to Gary's show, the
opening theme to Gary's show. This is

music that you hear as you watch the
credits.

We're almost in the part of where I
start to whistle. Then we'll watch this

Shandling show.

This was the theme to Gary Shandling's
show.

How close was I?

I'm really sorry that took me a little
longer than the opening theme.

Solomon's was out of crimpers and I had
to run down to the downtown store.

How's it going, Grant?

Oh, all right. Why?

Why are you posing like you're in GQ?

Oh, I don't know.

I guess I'm just a cool guy.

Would it have anything to do with the
fact that there's a hole in the wall?

There's a beautiful, huge hole in the
wall, Grant. Look, I'm sorry.

I just, I guess I yanked the cable too
hard.

Oh, yeah, Grant always forgets about his
superhuman strength.

You know, one time he actually sat in a
chair and it broke.

Grant, it goes all the way through.

To the next apartment.

Hey, Mr.

Sparks.

Hey, I'm Gary Shandling, your next -door
neighbor.

What is this hole doing here?

Well, I'll come right over and explain
it to you. No, you won't.

I don't want you to break anything in
here. I'll come over there.

Right -o.

Well, all right. This will be good.

Oh, boy, what a crotchety old coot.

Hey, come on, Grant. That's no way to
talk to older people, you know? They're

very wise and they have a lot to offer.

Who do you think that is?

Hey.

Mr. Sparks, really, it's good to see
you. You know, it's funny that this

had to happen for us to really get to
know each other, isn't it? This is

a godsend. I already know who you are.

I hear you talking to yourself all the
time.

Your car is always parked over the line
in my parking space.

And I know that you steal the comics out
of my paper every Sunday.

You know, Mary Worth isn't in the
recycler.

So... Okay.

Now, what the hell happened to my wall?

Okay. Well, it's really nothing. You
know, and I was putting in this VCR.

you know, the walls are very thin to
begin with in the apartment.

So...

Okay, well, he did it. He did it.

I can't believe it myself, Mr. Sparks. I
was out at the hardware store, and I

came back. What did you do? What did you
do?

Look, I'm sorry, Mr. Sparks. I was just
hooking up Uncle Gary's stereo VCR for

him, and I yanked the cable, and I
didn't know... Wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait. Wait a minute here.

He was doing your work, and you're
blaming him?

Well, yeah. Can you believe it?

Chandling, you're a bigger ass than I
thought.

Oh, yeah, Mr.

Sparks. All right.

You know, Grant, why don't you just run
along and I'll see you Saturday, okay?

Okay. Yeah.

I want to talk to Mr. Sparks. It was
nice meeting you, Mr. Sparks. Mm -hmm.

Bye. See you again. You know, Mr.

Sparks, look,

I can take care of the whole. I know
you're a little upset about it, but all

right, look.

Why don't we just say three days have
passed.

I've had the whole fix, and it's as good
as new.

Okay? That's it.

You see?

Here,

thank you very much. Great job. Good
job.

It's all fixed up, and three days flew
by like that.

Three days, huh? Yeah.

Terrific, Shanling.

I missed my medication.

Well, you know, hey.

laughter's the best medicine, Mr.
Sparks. Let me tell you some of my

jokes. You know, come on, just one
maybe. You know, have you ever heard the

about... Oh, hi, Mr. Sparks. Hi, Nancy.

Oh, hey, Nan.

Oh, so you ready for our trip, Uncle
Gary?

For our trip? Oh, Jesus. Time really
flies on this show, doesn't it?

Uh, yeah, where do you want to go? Do
you know?

Yeah, I want to go to Shandling Land.

Oh, Shandling Land.

It's a real blast.

Yeah, yeah, and that's exactly what's
wrong with it. You know, when I lent my

name to that amusement park, I thought
there'd be a lot more than just thrill

rides. I thought it'd be educational,
too. You know, like the Epcot Center.

Or like the University of Colorado.

Oh, come on, Uncle Peter. Come on, Gary.
Come on, Gary. Come on. Oh, all right.

You always get me with that one.

Oh, can Mr. Sparks come, too? No, no,
no.

I don't think that's a good idea at all.
No, no, no, no. I think that... Shows

how much you know, Shanley. I would love
to go. Terrific. All right, Mr. Sparks

is coming. All right, then.

With the following conditions.

You are not to go on any rides with me.
You are not to touch me. You are not to

talk to me. And above all, you are not
to look at me.

Sounds like one of my date.

be proud of my park the way Walt Disney
was, or Don Knott's very.

Dad, what ride should we go on first?

Look at this, son. A map with all 102
major attractions.

Oh, no. Gary's Hall of Allergies is
closed.

We could have gotten tested for cats.

I notice a large portion of this park is
taken up by Fairyland.

That's a It happens to be Dairyland.

Oh, oh, Mr. Sparks, come on, let's go in
the magic hair dryer.

Lead on.

You know, Mr. Kyle's the operator. He'll
catch us up on all the latest gossip.

Her hair looks better when you get off.

Dad, do you think I'm old enough to go
on Gary's haunted bedroom?

I hope so, son, because they can't stop
to let you off like they did on the

merry -go -round.

I got to get one of those for my real
bedroom.

What a great ride. Feel my hair. It's so
fluffy. Oh, this is nice.

It's amazing you didn't fly off that
thing. What with the centrifugal force

goes up. I'll bet they train astronauts
on that thing.

Did you enjoy the ride, Mr. Sparta?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course,

didn't learn anything.

An acquaintance of mine wouldn't
appreciate the fact that I had a good

Oh, man, you know, I've had about all of
him I can take. I'm serious. I've

tried. Your attention, please.

Join us on Main Street, Sherman Oaks,
for the Gary Shandling Parade of Stars.

I think it's right on the money.

Well, no one asked you.

I told you not to talk to me.

Well, I wouldn't talk to you if I didn't
have to listen to you. That's it. Take

me home.

That's it. Take me home.

I've had enough.

Look, fellas, fellas, we paid 25 bucks
to get in here.

Now, I don't want to leave until we've
seen that new attraction, Nancy's Dream

House, okay?

Okay, fine. Then I'm leaving. All right,
then. I'm going, too.

Fine. Fine. I'm going to do this one
thing, and I'm leaving. Fine. Me, too.

Gary, this is like no dream house I've
ever had.

It's more like my dream house, what with
the rows of chairs right in front of

the bed.

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to Nancy's dream house.

And here she is, the delightful Nancy.

What shall I wear for Gary today?

I think of Gary at work and play.

I hope that Gary is on his way, for I
love the boy next door.

I thirst for him. I cling for him.

I thirst with pride when I'm seen with
him.

But what do I really mean to him?

Is she great? Is she great or what?

This is the stupidest thing I have ever
seen.

Oh, come on. This is the best thing in
the whole park.

What should I do today?

I know.

I'll make Gary a shirt.

Fine silk for his soft skin.

Gary looks dashing whatever he's in.

Do you think I'll ever find a woman who
will love me like that?

Gary, I hope there's not a woman left in
the world who would love anyone like

that.

You know, it wouldn't hurt you to make
me a shirt every now and then.

My late wife, Miriam, loved me like
that. Oh, shut up.

Well, it's time for me to go to bed.

But first, my little prayer must be
said.

Oh, for the love of... Love of God.

Would you keep it down? She's praying.

Shandling Land is a magic place where
people don't care about age, creed, or

race.

All the world's troubles would disappear
if we kept Gary's spirit throughout the

whole year.

So, whether you're short, portly,
regular, or tall,

in someone's wall.

Can't you find it in your heart to love
your neighbors one and all?

So let's all reach out to one another.

Let's all join hands and love thy
brother.

Promise of Nancy's Dreamhouse. The next
show will begin shortly.

Boy, you know, I've seen a lot of
Broadway shows, and this is the best

I've ever seen.

Really, take my word for it. You
don't... He's Gary.

He's Gary.

He's Gary.

The boy next door.

I never expect applause when I sing,
seriously.

I took singing lessons for three years,
and my singing teacher actually said,

you're throwing off the piano.

You know, maybe I have, uh...

Been too hard on Shanling Land. After
all, you know, isn't love and

all you can ever expect to learn from an
amusement park?

You better not look at me again,
Shanling, or I'll pop you one. Oh,

nothing but a big old bully, Mr.

Sparks. Yeah, well, I'm going to grab
all your hair and rip it out by the

and then I'm going to wash these gloves.

Boy, they move like they're almost real,
don't they?

Anyway, at least the real Mr.

Sparks and the real Gary learned the
lessons of Shandling Land. And now Bert

I, we're going to go hit the hair dryer
ride because I think we're built for

speed. Good night, everybody.

See you next week. Come on, Bert.

Hope you enjoyed this Gary Shandling
show.