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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:37,130 --> 00:00:41,130 me i have no reason no idea why they're applauding that much i swear to god i 2 00:00:41,130 --> 00:00:44,330 don't know what's going on there but thank you for applauding otherwise we 3 00:00:44,330 --> 00:00:49,410 have had to stop and start over again so welcome to another show it's great to 4 00:00:49,410 --> 00:00:54,590 see you i uh i gotta be a little honest with you i uh wrote a very funny 5 00:00:54,590 --> 00:00:58,630 monologue for tonight but uh i just haven't been in a funny uh mood lately 6 00:00:58,630 --> 00:01:01,390 don't think i'm gonna you know do the monologue and uh 7 00:01:06,510 --> 00:01:07,870 All right, all right, just one joke, one joke. 8 00:01:09,610 --> 00:01:13,370 The last girl I made love to, I said, was it good for you? She said, you know, 9 00:01:13,370 --> 00:01:14,750 don't think this is good for anybody. 10 00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:19,650 All right, just one, just one, really. 11 00:01:20,370 --> 00:01:24,170 Because, no, I've been kind of in the blase lately and just haven't felt 12 00:01:24,230 --> 00:01:25,470 I don't know what it is, you know. 13 00:01:25,810 --> 00:01:28,870 My health is good, don't worry about it. And, you know, I'm fairly satisfied 14 00:01:28,870 --> 00:01:30,690 with how my hair looks, you know. 15 00:01:34,540 --> 00:01:37,480 Show's going great. This is our fifth one, but it's just like, I don't know, 16 00:01:37,540 --> 00:01:42,060 it's like I'm in some mid -series crisis, you know? Uh -oh, here come the 17 00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:43,400 actors. I wonder what they want. 18 00:01:44,060 --> 00:01:47,300 I want your attention. Attention, please. Attention, everyone. 19 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:52,360 Oh, this is the guy from the network. Looks a little like Mel Cooley, doesn't 20 00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:53,360 he? 21 00:01:54,900 --> 00:01:59,060 I just wanted to tell everyone that you all have good reason to celebrate 22 00:01:59,060 --> 00:02:02,380 because we at the network are so thrilled. 23 00:02:02,940 --> 00:02:06,940 With the way this series has gone so far, we have decided to pick up its Gary 24 00:02:06,940 --> 00:02:10,000 Shandling show for another 12... 25 00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:28,430 without your name. Hey, congratulations, Gary. So what's next, movies? 26 00:02:28,650 --> 00:02:32,510 Thanks, Lewis. Movies? I don't know. Movies? Would you folks pay six bucks a 27 00:02:32,510 --> 00:02:34,130 piece to see me whine like this? 28 00:02:35,350 --> 00:02:36,530 I don't think so. 29 00:02:38,030 --> 00:02:42,350 Oh, Papa, I am so proud of you. Oh, Mom, thanks. 30 00:02:42,970 --> 00:02:47,430 And you said your face wouldn't clear up. Do you remember that in college? 31 00:02:48,050 --> 00:02:49,630 Not now, Mom, really. 32 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:53,220 Bubba, do you remember my friend, Jeanette Robertson? Oh, sure. 33 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,060 Hello, Mrs. Robertson. How are you? 34 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:56,440 Fine, Gary. 35 00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:57,439 How are you? 36 00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:02,580 I'm fine. I'm so happy for you and your success. I really am. But then it 37 00:03:02,580 --> 00:03:04,500 doesn't come as a surprise to any of us. 38 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:07,220 Oh, well, I appreciate it. Thanks. 39 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:13,660 Bubba, dear, Jeanette tells me that her Elaine will be home from Berkeley in a 40 00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:18,780 few days. Now, wouldn't it be nice if you gave her a call? 41 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,120 Oh, sure, that would be nice. 42 00:03:27,460 --> 00:03:29,980 You know, her daughter Elaine is terrific, really. 43 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:34,480 We grew up together. I've really had a crush on her for a long time, but she's 44 00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:37,800 always away at school, so I've never gotten a chance to go out with her. 45 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:41,640 this is really good timing, because maybe I'm in the blodge, you know, 46 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:44,620 don't have that really special somebody to share this all with. 47 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:47,740 You know, I don't mean you at home. I think, you know, you're very special, 48 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:51,370 but... You know, let's face facts, the second this show's over, you leave. 49 00:03:52,450 --> 00:03:55,970 And I'm not standing here just waiting for you a week later. 50 00:03:56,970 --> 00:04:03,910 So, uh... I just need to be alone for a while, and why don't you watch 51 00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:08,230 the opening credits, and hopefully I'll be in a better mood, because the theme 52 00:04:08,230 --> 00:04:10,610 song always does cheer me up a little bit. Okay? 53 00:04:20,459 --> 00:04:22,320 This is the theme to Gary's show. 54 00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:27,580 The theme to Gary's show. Gary called me up and asked if I would write his theme 55 00:04:27,580 --> 00:04:32,720 song. I'm almost halfway finished. How do you like it so far? How do you like 56 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:34,120 the theme to Gary's show? 57 00:04:35,420 --> 00:04:39,940 This is the theme to Gary's show. The opening theme to Gary's show. This is 58 00:04:39,940 --> 00:04:42,880 music that you hear as you watch the credits. 59 00:04:43,260 --> 00:04:48,260 We're almost to the part of where I start to whistle. Then we'll watch his 60 00:04:48,260 --> 00:04:49,260 Sandling show. 61 00:04:54,410 --> 00:04:56,670 This was the theme to Gary Shandling's show. 62 00:05:10,230 --> 00:05:12,010 Okay, they're plastic. 63 00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:16,390 But, you know, I need them. They're easy to care for, and they're not going to 64 00:05:16,390 --> 00:05:17,630 die while I'm on the road. 65 00:05:18,490 --> 00:05:21,470 You know, the only problem is when I boil them, they melt. 66 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,620 Oh, Mrs. Robertson, the bathroom is right next door. 67 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:37,040 So, how are you, Gary? 68 00:05:38,820 --> 00:05:42,860 I'm just fine, Mrs. Robertson. Mrs. Robertson. Yes, Gary. I don't mean to be 69 00:05:42,860 --> 00:05:44,640 rude, but I just want to be alone right now. 70 00:05:44,860 --> 00:05:47,280 Gary, could you drive me home? 71 00:05:49,820 --> 00:05:54,420 Oh, gee. You know, Mrs. Robertson, here's the keys to my car. Can you drive 72 00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:55,420 stick shift? 73 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:56,680 No. 74 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,280 Well, neither can I, so... 75 00:05:59,300 --> 00:06:01,060 Really, the car's used to it. 76 00:06:03,060 --> 00:06:05,340 Oh, gee, nearly broke one of my fish. 77 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:12,540 Gary, I'm a little drunk, and my husband took the car, so could you please drive 78 00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:13,540 me home? 79 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,760 Uh, well... Thanks, Gary. 80 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,020 Sure, as soon as I wring out my keys. 81 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:26,120 Well, okay, let's... let's go. 82 00:06:45,230 --> 00:06:46,109 really pathetic? 83 00:06:46,110 --> 00:06:47,690 This is my real car. 84 00:06:50,950 --> 00:06:52,010 Well, here we are, Mrs. 85 00:06:52,290 --> 00:06:53,290 Robertson. Good night, Mrs. 86 00:06:53,430 --> 00:06:56,310 Robertson. Gary, could you walk me to my apartment? 87 00:06:57,170 --> 00:06:58,890 Well, you know, I... Gary, the apartment's dark. 88 00:06:59,530 --> 00:07:00,930 I'm afraid to go in there alone. 89 00:07:01,670 --> 00:07:02,670 Well, okay. 90 00:07:03,470 --> 00:07:09,970 But, uh, I really have to... You 91 00:07:09,970 --> 00:07:11,130 know, Mrs. 92 00:07:11,830 --> 00:07:12,830 Robertson... 93 00:07:26,190 --> 00:07:27,410 This is really very nice. 94 00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:32,290 I guess she just keeps her keys in an aquarium. 95 00:07:33,770 --> 00:07:35,990 Gary, could I ask you a question? 96 00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:37,290 Sure. 97 00:07:37,890 --> 00:07:41,570 You've known me since you were a little boy. Right. Now you're a big man. 98 00:07:41,890 --> 00:07:43,530 What do you think of me? 99 00:07:43,950 --> 00:07:47,930 Well, you know, I've always thought that as my mother's friends go, that you 100 00:07:47,930 --> 00:07:49,990 were very nice. Gary, unzip my dress. 101 00:07:50,850 --> 00:07:53,670 Pardon me, Mrs. Robertson? I can't reach back there. 102 00:07:54,130 --> 00:07:55,130 Do you mind? 103 00:07:55,580 --> 00:07:58,580 Well, how about Mr. Robertson? Maybe he... He won't be back for hours. 104 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:00,400 Maybe days. 105 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:04,880 Well, I guess you don't want to keep this on for days. 106 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:07,740 Lower, Gary, lower. Well, there you go. 107 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:09,080 A little lower. 108 00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:12,280 A little lower. 109 00:08:12,580 --> 00:08:14,960 Mrs. Robertson, if I go any lower, I'm going to strike oil. 110 00:08:30,570 --> 00:08:32,950 Tell me that you've never seen a woman in her slip before. 111 00:08:35,250 --> 00:08:36,250 Can you, Gary? 112 00:08:39,250 --> 00:08:40,250 Oh, gee. 113 00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:48,050 You know, you folks should be very thankful that I'm looking at you right 114 00:08:49,450 --> 00:08:52,710 I got a lot of options from right here. 115 00:08:54,370 --> 00:08:55,370 Believe me. 116 00:08:56,090 --> 00:08:58,290 Mrs. Roberts, I better be going because... 117 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:00,880 I feel very awkward about all this. Because? 118 00:09:01,380 --> 00:09:04,720 Because unless I'm reading this whole thing wrong, I think you're trying to 119 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:05,679 seduce me. 120 00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:06,680 Gary! 121 00:09:07,620 --> 00:09:09,360 Oh, I deserve to die. I'm sorry. 122 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,600 I didn't mean to say that. Is that what you think? 123 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:15,900 No, that's not what I think at all. Would you like me to seduce you, Gary? 124 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:19,700 Is that what you've been thinking? No, I was thinking about detente the whole 125 00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:21,140 time I was here. I swear. 126 00:09:21,420 --> 00:09:23,480 Because if that's what you really want, Gary... 127 00:09:24,010 --> 00:09:28,450 I want you to know that I will make myself available to you at all times. 128 00:09:30,830 --> 00:09:34,230 You know, I haven't felt this awkward since my gym teacher hit on me. 129 00:09:45,410 --> 00:09:48,610 Boy, that was weird with that woman, huh? It was like the graduate. 130 00:09:58,920 --> 00:09:59,920 I can't believe you made one. 131 00:10:01,740 --> 00:10:02,960 Well, got one left. 132 00:10:03,460 --> 00:10:07,780 You know, I really want to call Elaine, Pete, but her mother just hit on me. 133 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:09,259 Really, Gary? 134 00:10:09,260 --> 00:10:10,260 She hit on you? 135 00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:11,920 Yes. Well, tell me. 136 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:13,720 Please tell me. Tell me everything. 137 00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:18,340 Pete, don't do this. Pete, come on. I mean... Where? 138 00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:23,120 When? Tell me. I mean, I'm a happily married man. I need to know. I have to 139 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:24,120 know, Gary. 140 00:10:25,620 --> 00:10:27,460 Pete, okay, in the bedroom? In the bedroom. 141 00:10:27,770 --> 00:10:29,790 While I was driving her home. Her home? 142 00:10:29,990 --> 00:10:32,950 Oh, my God. And while I was unzipping her dress. Oh, God. 143 00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:36,870 Pete, there's spittle coming out of your mouth. 144 00:10:38,050 --> 00:10:39,270 Would you control yourself? 145 00:10:39,470 --> 00:10:40,570 Hey, God, I'm just excited. 146 00:10:41,650 --> 00:10:45,870 Hey, God, who's that guy? Oh, God, it's Leonard Smith again. 147 00:10:47,170 --> 00:10:51,090 This guy, he's the head of the condo association. He'll do anything to get on 148 00:10:51,090 --> 00:10:52,090 the show. 149 00:10:52,330 --> 00:10:53,430 Hello, Mr. Smith. 150 00:10:53,770 --> 00:10:57,650 Oh, please, call me Leonard. Mr. Smith makes it sound like I'm checking into a 151 00:10:57,650 --> 00:10:58,950 cheap hotel with my secretary. 152 00:11:02,270 --> 00:11:05,090 Am I on camera right now? 153 00:11:06,830 --> 00:11:09,510 Yeah, as a matter of fact, you are. 154 00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:13,130 So, what's the problem this week? 155 00:11:13,530 --> 00:11:14,530 Well, look... 156 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:18,420 Gary likes this girl, but her mother has the hocks for him. Pete, don't involve 157 00:11:18,420 --> 00:11:19,440 him in the story. 158 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:23,640 Come on, Gary. This is a place where I really could be of some help to you. 159 00:11:24,380 --> 00:11:28,520 Oh, and how might that be? Well, what if we did a scene where I went out with 160 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:29,520 her mother? 161 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:31,640 Well, it would put a whole new twist on the show. 162 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:36,380 You know, I was thinking you leaving might be a nice new twist on the show. 163 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:38,720 Perfect squelch. 164 00:11:41,260 --> 00:11:44,480 You know, I'm going to call her before this whole thing gets out of hand. 165 00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:48,300 Way to go, Gare. But what happens if her mother answers the phone? 166 00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:50,740 You know, you're right. I better disguise my voice. 167 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:53,120 Hello? 168 00:11:54,140 --> 00:11:55,099 Hey, Mrs. 169 00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:56,100 Robertson? 170 00:11:57,540 --> 00:11:59,480 Hi, this is Ed Sullivan calling. 171 00:12:00,140 --> 00:12:02,460 We're having a really great night over here. 172 00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:05,500 I was wondering if Elaine is in. 173 00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:09,180 Well, thank you very much. 174 00:12:21,650 --> 00:12:26,030 Then the pelican says, gee, if I'd known it was a man, I would have flown much 175 00:12:26,030 --> 00:12:28,090 higher. Oh, God, Karen. 176 00:12:30,070 --> 00:12:32,930 I love that one. That's pretty funny, even for the third time. 177 00:12:35,110 --> 00:12:38,210 These are good French fries, aren't they? Yeah, they're great. It's too bad 178 00:12:38,210 --> 00:12:41,810 didn't get more in your mouth as opposed to your face. My God, you'd eat like 179 00:12:41,810 --> 00:12:44,740 a... I know. My mother said I would grow into these lips. 180 00:12:46,860 --> 00:12:48,300 That's the last time I listened to her. 181 00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:52,620 Oh, Gary, I'm going to tell you. 182 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:56,640 I've had a crush on you from the time I was 13 until I was 20. 183 00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:58,140 Really? No. 184 00:12:58,540 --> 00:12:59,540 How about now? 185 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:05,060 Well, I still have some residual crush left. I've had a crush on you from the 186 00:13:05,060 --> 00:13:09,600 time I was 20 until 24, and then from 26 until now. 187 00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:13,670 Wait a minute. What happened in those two years between 24 and 26? 188 00:13:14,370 --> 00:13:15,570 Prison. No. 189 00:13:16,470 --> 00:13:17,470 I'm just kidding. 190 00:13:18,490 --> 00:13:20,250 No, I was dating a beauty queen. 191 00:13:20,530 --> 00:13:23,470 A beauty queen? Get out of here. Really? Come on. Yeah. 192 00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:24,910 From what country? 193 00:13:25,150 --> 00:13:27,270 Well, Miss San Joaquin Valley. 194 00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:30,830 But that counts, you know. 195 00:13:31,090 --> 00:13:34,870 Yeah. Wait a minute. Don't they grow grapes up there? Yeah. In fact, she's 196 00:13:34,870 --> 00:13:35,890 lady on the raisin box. 197 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:41,600 Cheep, cheep, cheep, go to Little Lumber. 198 00:13:41,860 --> 00:13:47,940 I'm sorry, Gary. I was on my way to this date when this walrus was hitchhiking, 199 00:13:47,980 --> 00:13:52,700 screaming, I know Gary Shandling, so I had no choice but to pick him up. Let's 200 00:13:52,700 --> 00:13:53,700 just take a drive. 201 00:13:54,380 --> 00:13:57,800 Okay? I think that'd be a good idea. Right. Hold on. I'm going to lay some 202 00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:58,800 rubber here. 203 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:01,400 Or do I have my hopes up too high? 204 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:05,780 Gary, wait. You're not going to leave me with this guy, are you? I have a date. 205 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:07,560 A date? Oh, great. I think we have room here. 206 00:14:10,410 --> 00:14:13,450 See, this is nice. There's no traffic in the studio this time of night. 207 00:14:14,870 --> 00:14:18,310 Well, this is the living room set. 208 00:14:18,530 --> 00:14:19,530 You like it? 209 00:14:19,710 --> 00:14:22,790 Yes, I like it. And look, these are the cameras. 210 00:14:23,310 --> 00:14:26,410 We're renting them, but, you know, hey, someday, someday. 211 00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:28,570 And this is the audience. Look. 212 00:14:29,130 --> 00:14:30,210 Look, hi, everybody. 213 00:14:32,490 --> 00:14:33,490 Yeah, 214 00:14:33,910 --> 00:14:34,910 yeah. 215 00:14:36,310 --> 00:14:39,050 I really hate those people who wave right into the camera. 216 00:14:41,230 --> 00:14:42,990 And this is Peter Barth, our stage manager. 217 00:14:43,330 --> 00:14:46,890 Oh, hi, Peter. Hey, Peter. There's a stage leaving for Tucson at 3 o 'clock. 218 00:14:47,550 --> 00:14:48,570 Better be on it. 219 00:14:50,450 --> 00:14:51,450 And... Welcome. 220 00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:56,310 Last week, I don't know if you saw the show, this is where we had the graveyard 221 00:14:56,310 --> 00:14:58,930 set where the girl hit on me after the burial scene. 222 00:14:59,910 --> 00:15:03,790 You know, Gary, I have a girl hit on you all the time. Eh, not really. Oh, come 223 00:15:03,790 --> 00:15:06,710 on. I know my mom. She's nuts about you. 224 00:15:10,540 --> 00:15:14,220 No, there was a squirrel crossing the... I didn't want to hit him. You know, 225 00:15:14,220 --> 00:15:16,380 they mess up the car. It lives in the wardrobe room. 226 00:15:17,180 --> 00:15:18,740 We all take turns feeding him. 227 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:23,500 Well, here's my place. 228 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:25,580 Oh, I had a great time. 229 00:15:26,140 --> 00:15:29,080 Did you have a good time? 230 00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:30,300 I had a great time. 231 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:31,460 Do you want to go out again? 232 00:15:31,740 --> 00:15:33,280 I'd love to. Really? Yeah. 233 00:15:33,660 --> 00:15:34,660 Do you like... 234 00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:36,120 Dancing? Oh, sure. 235 00:15:36,660 --> 00:15:39,940 Well, you should come over to my house and we'll watch American Bandstand. 236 00:15:41,940 --> 00:15:43,720 I'll even stay for Soul Train. 237 00:15:45,260 --> 00:15:46,260 Wow. 238 00:15:48,820 --> 00:15:51,340 Good night. I'll see you tomorrow. 239 00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:52,560 Thanks. Good night. 240 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:54,520 Oh, Gary. 241 00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:56,740 I love your car. 242 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:09,360 I got my girl. Who can ask for anything more? 243 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,160 Old man trouble. 244 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:13,200 Stop that singing. Mrs. 245 00:16:13,580 --> 00:16:20,520 Robertson. Gary, if you ever, ever date my daughter again, I will have no 246 00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:25,200 choice but to tell her all about us. Mrs. Robertson, tell her what about us? 247 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:28,860 by the way, this is the dumbest car I have ever seen in my entire life. 248 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:33,540 Boy, who put the bee up her bonnet? 249 00:16:52,110 --> 00:16:53,590 Elaine again, but her mother won't let me. 250 00:16:54,690 --> 00:16:56,190 Her mother won't let you? 251 00:16:57,470 --> 00:16:58,470 Yeah. 252 00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:00,130 Gary, what are you, in seventh grade? 253 00:17:01,290 --> 00:17:02,670 Come on, you're both adults. 254 00:17:03,430 --> 00:17:09,609 She's a mature woman, you're a mature... Okay, all right, you're in your 255 00:17:09,609 --> 00:17:10,609 thirties. 256 00:17:12,470 --> 00:17:13,770 What's she gonna do, ground you? 257 00:17:14,930 --> 00:17:18,230 I happen to be afraid that she's gonna tell Elaine that I slept with her. 258 00:17:19,010 --> 00:17:21,869 Oh, God. Come on, Gary, we both know that would be more embarrassing for Mrs. 259 00:17:22,010 --> 00:17:23,010 Robertson than for you. 260 00:17:28,510 --> 00:17:31,350 You know, this thing is getting to be more and more like The Graduate, I'm 261 00:17:31,350 --> 00:17:33,350 telling you. Oh, Gary, come on. 262 00:17:33,590 --> 00:17:35,310 Coincidences do happen in life. 263 00:17:35,990 --> 00:17:39,210 Like, remember those Lincoln -Kennedy coincidences? 264 00:17:39,710 --> 00:17:42,750 What are you saying, that Rose Kennedy hit on Abe Lincoln? 265 00:17:42,970 --> 00:17:46,830 What kind of thing is that? What kind of comparison is that? 266 00:17:47,090 --> 00:17:50,290 No, you know... Remember when, you know, Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy, 267 00:17:50,390 --> 00:17:53,150 and Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln, and, you know, they both had 268 00:17:53,150 --> 00:17:56,750 presidents named Johnson, and... Yeah, but Nancy, that's... Wait, wait, wait, 269 00:17:56,790 --> 00:17:57,830 wait. I'm onto something here. 270 00:17:59,510 --> 00:18:02,070 Gary Shandling has 14 letters in it, right? 271 00:18:02,350 --> 00:18:04,690 All right. And so does Abraham Lincoln. 272 00:18:07,810 --> 00:18:08,930 You've got big lips. 273 00:18:09,550 --> 00:18:10,750 Lincoln had a big hat. 274 00:18:14,380 --> 00:18:17,640 was a PT boat commander and you still love to watch McHale's Navy? 275 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:29,060 You know, when I once played with my Lincoln logs at the Kennedy Center... 276 00:18:29,060 --> 00:18:33,760 Oh, God, it's all coming true to life. 277 00:18:34,740 --> 00:18:37,820 This is frightening, the whole thing. Look, look, don't worry about this 278 00:18:37,820 --> 00:18:41,120 graduate stuff, because, look, Dustin Hoffman ended up marrying Catherine 279 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:42,240 right? 280 00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:47,940 Marriage? You know, I just... All I'm trying to do is get a second date with 281 00:18:47,940 --> 00:18:48,940 this girl. 282 00:18:50,700 --> 00:18:53,080 Norman. Oh, hi, Gary. Hey, everybody, it's Norman Phil. 283 00:19:04,590 --> 00:19:07,510 This is a nice surprise, Norman. This is my friend, Nancy. 284 00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:10,210 Nice to meet you. I'm a big fan. 285 00:19:10,730 --> 00:19:13,910 You play Gary's platonic friend, right? Oh, you're terrific. 286 00:19:14,190 --> 00:19:15,190 Oh, thanks. Really good. 287 00:19:15,350 --> 00:19:18,190 I didn't even know you were on the show tonight. 288 00:19:18,570 --> 00:19:21,850 Yeah, well, see, I was home watching the program, and I suddenly realized you're 289 00:19:21,850 --> 00:19:26,270 having a problem with the graduate. Right. So I told me I'd come over and be 290 00:19:26,270 --> 00:19:28,450 some help. So you're familiar with the movie? 291 00:19:29,310 --> 00:19:30,310 Familiar? 292 00:19:31,010 --> 00:19:31,909 Familiar, Gary? 293 00:19:31,910 --> 00:19:34,010 Yeah. I was in the movie, Gary. 294 00:19:35,510 --> 00:19:37,310 I don't remember you in The Graduate. 295 00:19:37,570 --> 00:19:39,510 Yeah, I don't remember that either. 296 00:19:40,090 --> 00:19:41,510 Nobody remembers. 297 00:19:41,910 --> 00:19:44,990 See, I played Dustin's landlord up at Berkeley. 298 00:19:45,650 --> 00:19:49,750 No, I think you're confused. You played the landlord in Three's Company. 299 00:19:52,130 --> 00:19:55,430 Remember? That was John Ritter, not Dustin Hoffman. 300 00:19:55,630 --> 00:19:58,690 Remember the same story every week, the wacky mixed -ups with the same... I go 301 00:19:58,690 --> 00:20:00,990 through that all the time. That's why I have to carry this. What's that? 302 00:20:01,580 --> 00:20:02,960 I have this queued up to my scene. 303 00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:07,860 You know, where Dustin comes up and rents a room in my boarding house. 304 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:10,559 Oh, great. 305 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:11,560 You'll love this. 306 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,460 Mr. Newton, it's not exactly... What's that? 307 00:20:17,220 --> 00:20:18,640 I said, not exactly, no. 308 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:21,200 What are you, then? 309 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:23,820 Well, I'm just sort of traveling through. 310 00:20:25,740 --> 00:20:30,180 I'd like to know who's living in my house. I'd like to know what my boys are 311 00:20:30,180 --> 00:20:31,180 to. 312 00:20:31,860 --> 00:20:33,100 I'm not so much active. 313 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:36,480 I'm just busy. 314 00:20:39,140 --> 00:20:40,900 I mean, I've always wanted to see her. 315 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:46,360 You know, one of those agitators. 316 00:20:46,660 --> 00:20:50,020 What? One of those outside agitators. Oh, no. I hate that. I won't stand for 317 00:20:50,820 --> 00:20:51,980 I won't stand for that. 318 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:10,020 Yeah, Norman, I'm sorry. I didn't remember that part. 319 00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:12,640 Well, it was kind of a small part. 320 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,200 You know, it qualifies you to help me out with this. 321 00:21:18,340 --> 00:21:22,700 Do I have to, in order to get Elaine, do I have to sleep with Mrs. 322 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:24,660 Robertson? Of course not. 323 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:27,760 But that's what Dustin Hoffman did. Yeah, but that was a movie. This is real 324 00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:28,760 life. 325 00:21:30,620 --> 00:21:31,900 You're in control here. 326 00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:34,180 Oh, man, don't put that kind of pressure on me, Norman. 327 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,720 Listen, if I were you, I'd go see Elaine before her mother does. 328 00:21:37,980 --> 00:21:41,640 Right. Now, you better hurry because there's only four minutes left to the 329 00:21:42,420 --> 00:21:43,900 Are we that close to the end? Yeah. 330 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:45,560 All right, I better get going. Thanks. 331 00:21:45,940 --> 00:21:46,940 That's great advice. 332 00:21:47,020 --> 00:21:48,620 I'll see you guys later. Good luck, Eric. See you. 333 00:21:48,820 --> 00:21:50,120 Okay. Thanks, Norm. 334 00:21:52,860 --> 00:21:54,040 Nance, you want to see this again? 335 00:21:55,480 --> 00:22:00,100 You know, the second time you see it, the performance kind of grows on you. 336 00:22:00,460 --> 00:22:04,300 Certain nuances that you... 337 00:22:27,050 --> 00:22:30,330 This is what happens when you buy a car for 0 % interest. 338 00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:48,620 Dribble with one hand and do a little loop shot. 339 00:22:48,820 --> 00:22:51,780 Come on, like Gary. Have you guys seen Elaine Robertson? No, we haven't, Gary. 340 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:55,080 Thanks a lot for the big part in the show this week, Uncle Gary. 341 00:22:59,780 --> 00:23:00,780 Elaine! 342 00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:02,520 Elaine! 343 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:03,880 Elaine! 344 00:23:06,060 --> 00:23:07,720 You're not Elaine, are you? 345 00:23:07,980 --> 00:23:08,980 Elaine! 346 00:23:09,360 --> 00:23:10,480 Elaine! Elaine! 347 00:23:10,780 --> 00:23:11,699 Elaine! Elaine! 348 00:23:11,700 --> 00:23:12,700 Elaine! 349 00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:15,800 Peter, have you seen Elaine Robertson anywhere? 350 00:23:16,939 --> 00:23:19,260 Um, sure, she's in your house right now. 351 00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:23,400 What? 352 00:23:24,020 --> 00:23:28,260 Well, her mother told her about the two of you, and she went over to your place 353 00:23:28,260 --> 00:23:29,980 to ask how you could do such a thing. 354 00:23:31,540 --> 00:23:32,660 I better get over there. 355 00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:37,020 Well, you better hurry. We go off the air in exactly two minutes. 356 00:23:40,380 --> 00:23:41,380 Thanks, Peter. 357 00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:43,340 How does my hair look? 358 00:23:44,340 --> 00:23:45,820 Um, your hair looks great. 359 00:23:46,340 --> 00:23:49,080 I've never seen such a handsome man. 360 00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:54,160 Thanks, Peter. 361 00:23:54,460 --> 00:23:55,460 Elaine! 362 00:23:56,540 --> 00:23:57,540 Elaine! 363 00:23:58,040 --> 00:23:59,040 Elaine! 364 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:02,260 I don't believe you. 365 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:04,560 I just don't believe you. 366 00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:06,580 Well, you better believe me, Elaine. 367 00:24:07,180 --> 00:24:09,660 No, Elaine, don't believe her. Gary didn't do it. 368 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:11,320 And how would you know? 369 00:24:11,620 --> 00:24:15,000 Because Gary's my friend and he told me he didn't do it. And his word is good 370 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:16,000 enough for me. 371 00:24:16,650 --> 00:24:20,130 wouldn't do this to me. He just wouldn't. It hurt us both, sweetheart. 372 00:24:20,910 --> 00:24:23,270 You know, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, Mrs. 373 00:24:23,750 --> 00:24:24,750 Robertson. 374 00:24:25,350 --> 00:24:26,350 Let's go home, dear. 375 00:25:08,010 --> 00:25:09,510 I got really burned by the Smothers Brothers. 376 00:25:10,110 --> 00:25:11,110 I understand. 377 00:25:11,610 --> 00:25:14,410 Norman, we all got one of these after the picture. 378 00:25:14,910 --> 00:25:16,770 Oh, that's great. Thanks, Norman. 379 00:25:22,690 --> 00:25:25,710 And I charged up your car battery, too. 380 00:25:27,290 --> 00:25:29,390 See you at the deli. Have fun, kid. 381 00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:48,820 I want to thank Norman Spell for helping me get this second date. Why don't you 382 00:25:48,820 --> 00:25:52,160 folks watch the closing credits while Elaine and I drive into the sunset? 383 00:27:01,929 --> 00:27:04,130 Hope you enjoyed. It's Gary Stanley Show. 384 00:27:06,490 --> 00:27:08,230 Gary, don't touch me like that. 385 00:27:08,430 --> 00:27:10,710 Hey, come on. We're not on TV now. No one's going to see. 386 00:27:11,130 --> 00:27:12,130 No. 387 00:27:12,710 --> 00:27:13,750 Then get out of the car. 30082

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