All language subtitles for Instant Mom s03e23 Playa Hata

I told you I heard a burglar. Oh, it
startled me.

Can't you tell when a person's trying to
get in and get out?

Let me help you. Get out.

I just heard the funniest joke.

Put on some socks, because I'm about to
knock them off.

Tell me your joke, buddy. What's the
difference between a bad dinosaur and a

good dinosaur?

A bad dinosaur says, Roar!

A good dinosaur's nice. Please, may I
have some coffee?

I'm laughing on the inside.

At a different joke.

Well, my new best friend Reggie liked
it, and she knows comedy.

Oh, your new best friend is a girl.

Yeah, I'm going to go work on some new
material for her.

What's to do with cherry tomatoes?

Are they cherries? Are they tomatoes?

Make up your mind. Hi, Terry Tomatoes.

I'm killing it.

Looks like Aaron's got a little
girlfriend.

He is too young for that. What's our
game plan?

All right, the first thing we do is
huddle up.

Then we tell you to stay out of it
because it's nothing.

Aaron doesn't have a girlfriend.

Well, then how come it looks to me like
he does?

Because your book club disbanded and you
needed something to fill the day?

Club did not disband.

We are just no longer welcome at that
particular food court.

I'm telling you, babe, I hear drone
hatchers are really good. Plus, last

sat through your girl movie. No, you
watched sports on your phone through my

girl movie. But fine, we'll go see it.

Hey, Brett.

Hey, Dr.

Phillips. How's that play?

Ah, much better since you fixed my back
swing.

Hey, I owed you one after that help on
my AP biology test.

Which I ate.

Oh, give me some phalanges.

Well,

gotta go, Gabby. See you tomorrow.

Well,

he's nice.

A little too nice.

That's ridiculous.

He's perfect for a... Plus you.

I don't know.

What's not to know?

He wants to be a doctor, he's thrifty,
and he drives a sensible pre -owned

hybrid. Oh, all the things a teenage
girl looks for in a man.

We have to keep those two together.
What's the game plan?

All right, the first thing we do is
huddle up.

Hey, I thought we only did that to her.

Stay out of Gabby's personal life,
Charlie.

Women be crazy.

What's up, buddy?

Women. They'd be crazy.

What happened, buddy?

This girl at school, Paige, has been
flirting with me. And Carrie, this girl

church, has been flirting with me, too.

Oh, is that who I caught you winking at
over your hymn book last Sunday? No,

that was Mrs. Jenkins.

Her glass eye doesn't close all the way,
so I like to mess with her.

Good to see you're getting something out
of church.

The problem is, I thought these girls
liked me, but I looked online and I

thought both of them had their profile
set to in a relationship.

So why were they flirting with me if
they've already got boyfriends?

Well, what are you going to do?

I don't know. Maybe I'll text both of
them you up and see what happens.

Son, it's 3 .30 in the afternoon. That's
more of a late night kind of thing. Why

would I text them late at night? That's
rude.

Charlie. These two shady girls are
playing him. We can't leave him to deal

this on his own.

Stephanie? Yeah?

Huddle up!

Let's see. This goes here, goes there,
and you go someplace else.

Boy, this is my living room. That lives
here first.

What are you doing?

Carrie's coming over. I thought she had
a boyfriend.

I did too, but she still keeps flirting
with me.

Clearly there's an opportunity to be the
man on the side.

James, that's just wrong. Blow out that
candle. Why are you hating on my candle?

You need to have more respect for
yourself.

Or perhaps, I don't.

Oh, she's here. I forgot to tell her.
Rub me with some JRC.

James, you need to let this little girl
know that you are nobody's side dish.

You are the main course.

So the other guy's like a creamed corn
and maybe a wet salad.

She doesn't get any other guy. You are a
man who comes a la carte.

You're right, Steph.

I guess it's about time I had some self
-respect. Now move aside.

I'm about to check that trifling two
-timer. Okay, dial it back. Just be

Hi, James. Don't give me that.

Just because I'm a man who comes in a
cart, does that mean he can push me

around?

What? I don't know what you're talking
about.

Why don't you ask your other boyfriend?

What other boyfriend?

James, you're my only boyfriend.

Yeah, that's why I changed my Facebook
status to say we're in a relationship.

Wait, so this whole time I've been
your... Oh.

Hey, Gabby. Hey, Brett.

Where's Brett?

I dumped him.

I bought his favorite chips.

Oh, in that case, let me go call him and
have him come right over. over we're

totally meant to be because my dad
bought chips you think he'll forgive you

how'd the dumping go good i said we're
done he said cool we fist bumped and he

went to class did he say anything about
me what and you knew they were gonna

break up why didn't you say something
because i love it when you buy these

i like these chips too i thought they
were the kind of chips that would be in

our lives for a long time

It's just not fair.

Forget this noise. You know how I
thought Carrie had a boyfriend and it

out to be me? The same thing happened
with Pigs. Now I have two girlfriends.

Well, you need to decide.

What do you think I've been trying to
do? This is impossible.

How do I decide between the nice girl
and the hot girl? Well, your dad got

Which one were you?

I meant... Never mind. Just...

Make up a pros and cons list. I tried.
They're both all pros, no cons.

But what if I pick one and she develops
a con? Then I have a girl with cons when

I could have had a girl who was all
pros.

My stomach hurts and a weird man on the
side. Is that love?

No, that's an ulcer.

This is obviously too much for you to
handle right now, so maybe you shouldn't

choose either one.

I can do that? Yeah, of course.

Hey.

The room isn't spinning anymore, and I
think my stomach's better. But what's

with this rash?

Oh, that's from the dryer sheet. Stop
doing that.

Grandma Maggie, I don't want to hold
your hand. Ah, but would you say that if

were Reagan's hand?

You mean her hand on your body? You look
like a T -Rex.

What is with this boy and dinosaurs?

I'm Grandma Maggie with little Reagan
hands on. Can you please grab me those

cookies?

Mother, I thought we huddled up on that
one.

Huddle up all you want. I'm gonna find
out if he's got a girlfriend or not. He

is much too young for all of that.

So, tell me about Reagan.

She's so funny.

I love her.

See? He loves her.

Watch this. Hey, Aaron!

You want a popsicle? Oh, yeah.

I love popsicles.

See? Well,

As much as I'd like to stay here and
prove that you are wrong, I've got to go

my book club. We found another food
court.

This one's got the chairs bolted to the
floor in case things get real.

I had fun on our date, Jane. Me too.
I've never met a girl who's willing to

spend the whole day at a comic book
store.

Next time, you'll have to explain the
difference between Toe Boy and Feet Guy.

It's easy.

Feet Guy is made of feet, and Toe Boy
lost his mother at a young age.

That's why he's a vigilante.

Well, hello there.

Who's this?

Steph, this is my girlfriend, Carrie.

We were just leaving. Hi and bye.

I get it. You don't want your mom
embarrassing you.

I wonder if that was the hot one or the
nice one.

Hello, Jane.

Oh, my sweet.

Steph, this is my girlfriend, Paige.

It was fun. I'll call you later, Paige.

Jane, are you insane?

You can't have two girlfriends.

You're the one who said, don't choose,
so I did it. Best advice ever.

You get a lot of parenting things wrong,
but I guess it's true what they say

about a monkey with a typewriter.

That's not what I meant by don't choose.

You need to do the right thing, Mr.
Player Player, before somebody gets

They can't get hurt by what they don't
know.

Oh, well, they're going to know because
I am going to tell them.

Stephanie, there's enough of me to go
around. These girls can split a main

course.

Maybe they had a big lunch. They don't
have much money. Why are you being so

judgy?

All right, which one am I going to call
first?

The hot nice one or the nice hot one?

Fine, I'll stay with Carrie.

You know, this actually works out for
me. I promised Paige I'd take her for

cream. That's a two -for -one coupon
going back in my pocket.

One day without a man and you let
yourself go.

Tangle me.

Oh, honey, this is really in there. What
did you do?

I was watching the video five minutes to
Beyonce.

At three minutes, I turned it off. I got
cocky.

Thanks again, Dr. Phillips. I always
wanted to play that course.

Brett? Dad?

Oh.

Well, this is awkward.

I didn't know you'd be here.

I live here.

Hopefully, we can all be adults about
the situation.

Seriously, Charlie, you're dating
Gabby's ex -boyfriend?

We're not dating. Are we still on for
dinner tomorrow? Pick you up at eight.

Carrie, there's something I want to talk
to you about.

You know how Grandma might be a little
stingy at the snack bar?

You'll never guess what I did.

You stuffed your shirt full of popcorn?

No, a kettle corn.

Plus, I have a pants leg full of
licorice.

and a leg full of gummy bears.

Oh, want a little pre -show snack?

Dude, can we get some privacy?

Hi, hi, hi!

No, we cannot.

Is it time to go?

Yes, hurry!

But I gotta get a little drink for the
movie.

You can always get a drink at the
theater.

Not the kind that's gonna get me through
two hours of a talking dog.

James isn't bringing a girl. Can I bring
one, too?

Well, that depends.

Is she your girlfriend?

Of course she is. She's a girl and my
friend.

Dad's right. Her mind's starting to go.

Let's get you that drink.

So, James, what did you want to talk
about?

Carrie, now that you're finally my one
and only... Wait, wait, wait. Finally?

You mean I wasn't before?

Well, I was seeing this other girl, but
I picked you.

Great, huh?

You were seeing another girl while you
were seeing me? You're focusing on the

wrong thing. The point is, you won.

Come on. Bring it in right here.

I said bring it in. That's taking it
out.

Seriously, it looks like you're leaving.

Wow, James.

not go well what were you doing in the
closet well i went in to get a jacket

i wanted to listen without you seeing me
james i am so sorry you ended up losing

both girls but you learned a very
important lesson the foundation of any

relationship has to be honesty
absolutely stuff honesty hello

page good news i got out of the hospital
want to go to the movies

Okay, going out to dinner tonight with
Brett.

I was thinking of pitching him my alma
mater.

If I wear my school tie, does that make
it weird?

Dad, you blew past weird three days ago.

So you're saying I should stick with a
simple paisley?

No, I'm saying you should stop dating my
ex -boyfriend.

We're not dating. Stop saying that.

You're getting all gussy. up for a night
on the town. What do you call it? I

might be his mentor, but we're not
putting labels on it yet.

Brett, I was supposed to get you.

About that.

I wanted to talk to you face to face.

That doesn't sound good.

What's wrong?

I'll give you some privacy.

There's no easy way to say this.

I met a girl.

If you're worried about Gabby, don't be.
She's totally over you.

No, the thing is, this girl has a dad.

He's a doctor, too.

What kind of doctor?

He's a brain surgeon.

I could have done that.

So, what exactly are you saying, Brett?

That we're not going to be spending time
together anymore?

Well, Dr. Phillips, between school, the
girl, my part -time job... No, no, no,

no, no, no. I get it. My schedule's
gotten totally booked, too.

I'll, uh, I'll swing by your house
tomorrow, pick up my golf club.

I thought you gave me those.

Well, we all thought this was something
it wasn't.

Good night, Brett.

Aw, need a hug.

told you to stay out of it i can't see
people right now

oh hey carrie um james is not home

oh in that case can you give him back
his favorite comic book sweetie i am so

sorry james hurt you but you know what
he's new at dating and in the end he was

honest i guess so trust me it's very
rare you find out a guy is dating two

from the guy i don't know do you think i
should Give him another chance?

It's your decision.

Hey, why don't you think about it while
I drive you to the movie theater so you

can tell James you're back together?

I'm telling you, Dad, all you need is a
good cry.

All right, which movie do you want? The
Mama Dies, The Best Friend Dies, or The

Lion Dies?

Lion, please.

You're right.

It really does fill the void.

James. Look who I found.

Hey, Steph. Hey, Carrie. Carrie? What?

Hey, James.

She wants to get back together.

Yay!

Yay!

Now that we've celebrated, Carrie, why
don't you take this quarter and get

yourself something pretty from the claw
machine?

It's 75 cents.

But okay.

Steph, what are you doing? She can't be
here. Paige is right in that theater.

Paige?

her. I was going to, but I didn't want
to.

And it was working out for me until you
show up with Carrie.

Well, now you've got a problem.

Not necessarily.

Carrie and I were going to see Drone
Hedger. Pais dragged me into that stupid

puppy detective.

Two girls, two movies, one James. Hello!

James, you have got to break up with one
of them.

Which is it going to be?

Well, if I'm following my heart.

I want to see Joan Hatcher, so I guess
I'll go dump Paige.

$7 for licorice?

That's insane.

I'm going to go see what Aaron's got
left in his pants.

proof to you that your baby has a
girlfriend.

Mother, didn't we tell you to stay out
of it? Ah, shh.

Ah, she's putting the moves on him.

Mom, just ask Aaron if that's his
girlfriend.

I tried, but the boy is shifty. He
turned it all into dinosaurs.

I don't know.

Then just ask her.

You're right.

Little girl, you and Aaron dating?

No, but that sounds fun.

Yeah, I guess it would be fun. Thanks,
Grandma Maggie.

Want to hold hands?

Sure. But let's do it like dinosaurs.

So, are they dating?

They are now.

Sorry. Look, give the girl a ride home
for me.

Oh, Lord.

That little girl that James brought with
us, she's crying.

Oh, between this and that, I got a whole
lot to tell my book club. Bye.

Oh, Paige, sweetie.

Look, I know getting dumped is hard, but
you'll find a new boyfriend before you

know it.

What do you mean?

Well, James dumped you. That's why
you're crying, right?

No, I'm crying because of Pup. A puppy
detective found his father in the pound.

Wait. James is dumping me? I thought he
just went out to get nachos.

Oh, yeah.

That's what he said.

Look, look, look, look. They're hugging.

Okay. You're missing the best part.

Did you send your stepmom to dump me?

James, heads up. Paige is mad.

Who is she? I'm his girlfriend.

Who are you?

I'm his girlfriend.

Or was.

You can have him. I don't want him. You
take him.

Ladies, let's not fight. You both can
have me.

That's not the fight they're having,
buddy.

I'm trying to disarm them with my charm.

I hope you learned something about
trying to juggle two girlfriends.

Get two candles and keep you in the
dark.