All language subtitles for Instant Mom s03e15 Crimes of Fashion

Oh, Gabby, you ready for some big fun?
Dad, I'm not going to help you test your

old pens to see which ones don't work.

I'm talking about this big fun.

It's a clock.

It's not a clock.

It's a photograph of a clock.

I feel so stupid.

This is image one in my new photographic
series, Time Pieces.

It's an antique grandfather clock in my
accountant's office.

Wow. That was just so many boring things
coming at me at once.

This ought to wake you up.

It's an alarm clock.

I used forced perspective to draw your
eye to the snooze button.

Is it too late to break out the pens?

You just don't know art when you see it.
But I think I'm on to something, and

people are going to appreciate these.

I'm going to put them in an album and
pass them around at the hospital.

Or you could not be ancient and put them
up on Instagram.

Let me back up.

There's a thing called Instagram.

I know what Instagram is.

It's one of those grams you get
instantly. I don't know. Tell me what it

It's where people post pictures.

Check it.

Here's my feed. I took this selfie on my
way to school this morning.

In front of the Eiffel Tower?

How'd you do that?

Photoshop.

You still go to Photoshop, and I'm old.

Dad, I can only catch you up one thing
at a time.

Why do you mess around taking silly
pictures of yourself? A camera gives you

opportunity to create something of
value.

This selfie... Selfie's valuable. It got
me 10 more followers. I'm up to 500.

500 people are looking at your fake
selfies?

Imagine how many people will follow
Clock Behind Pharmacist.

I'm imagining a zero.

You'll see.

I'm going to post my clock pictures and
get all sorts of followers.

It's my time.

Literally.

I cannot find one pin in this house that
works.

Charlie, when's the next pin day?

I got called into the principal's office
today.

Can you believe that?

Well, it is a school day.

What'd you do?

Nothing. I just wore this shirt, which
apparently violates the dress code.

Since when does your school have a dress
code? Since we got a new principal.

We're not allowed to wear jewelry, and
he called this a necklace.

I was like, what?

That's not a necklace.

collar chain.

That's what I told him.

Actually, I said it was a dangly thing
attached to my neck flaps, but he knew

what I meant.

Sorry, buddy. At least you can wear it
on the weekend.

I should be able to wear it when I want.
It's my shirt. It's my style. Without

my style, all I've got is my way with
the ladies. I'm lying. I've got nothing.

Oh, quit clutching your pearls.

It's just one shirt.

It's not just one shirt. You've gotten
rid of everything.

Bandles, hats, capes.

Who? wearing a cape.

This kid's super great. He's a seventh
grader who thinks he's flying around the

lunchroom.

They're trying him out at regular school
for a year.

I've got to find a way to fight this.

No, no, no. You need to go to school and
not make waves.

I'm with James. Make waves. Start a
revolution.

Stick it to the man.

You really want to stick it to the man?
Stay out of trouble, get straight A's,

and graduate with honors.

The man will be like, what?

Get why they decided to ban anything
that's distracting or unsafe, but some

these things are a stretch.

How about these pants?

Nope, they stretch.

How about this belt?

No spike.

This shirt?

Absolutely not. What's wrong with it?
It's ugly.

My new game came.

What new game? The one I ordered online.
Did I say you can get that?

You must have, because if you didn't,
I'd be in a lot of trouble.

All right, we've gone through your whole
closet, and all that's left is one of

Gabby's old shirts and your church
clothes.

At least I can still wear them a cool
sack.

Only if they match.

My socks have to match?

I didn't realize we were in 1980s
Germany.

Maybe we should stop reading the dress
code and get you a history book.

Why, read history. I'm gonna make it.
I'm gonna fight the system. In fact, I'm

gonna tear down this dress code the same
way Ronald Reagan tore down the Great

Wall of China.

You don't even have to read a book.
There are placemats that cover this

No time.

This is the Revolutionary War, and I'm
George Jefferson.

So, I set up my Instagram and loaded it
up with my clock photographs.

Now my followers should be arriving any
minute.

They won't until you post something
people actually want to look at.

Well, who doesn't want to look at Nurses
Station, 7 .15 a .m.?

Is it blurry because it's an artistic
choice? No, because I just realized that

was supposed to be in the OR at 7.

What is all this?

Everything James isn't allowed to wear
at school anymore.

It does seem like overkill, but rules
are rules. Yeah, but if a rule is

unfair... Don't bother, Steph. I got the
rules are rules speech when I made Dad

those funky scrubs for Father's Day.

Hey, I would have warned them, but there
are very strict regulations about

apparel that compromises the dignity of
the hospital.

What's undignified about a big smiley
face?

It's on the butt.

Sorry about the scrubs, but if you don't
follow the rules, people die.

That's what the posters at the hospital
say.

Technically, they're about washing your
hands, but... Bill.

All right, Aaron, turn off your game.
You get a half hour a day, and you've

it. What about tomorrow?

I have a day off school.

Tomorrow, you're Grandma Maggie's
problem. She's the one watching you.

Oh, then I'm good. I can melt that
woman's heart with a smile.

And if that doesn't do it, I've been
working on a little dance.

Hey, honey, have you seen my Instagram?
This morning it said I have ten

followers. Your account says you only
have nine.

What happened? How'd I lose a follower?

Sorry, honey, I got tired of looking at
clocks.

This shot of the clock in the surgeon's
lounge is interesting.

Oh, finally taking a little interest in
your old man's photographs, eh?

No, those are still mind -numbingly
boring.

What interests me is the surgeon looking
at the clock. He's wearing scrubs that

say, smooth operator.

Funny thing is, that guy loses like a
patient a week.

The funny thing is, he's wearing funny
scrubs, Dad. You said they weren't

allowed. What?

Oh, right.

Yeah, they'll know they fired him for
that. Well, hold up.

The guy who killed 52 patients a year
got fired for funny scrubs?

Okay.

I didn't want to wear them because
they're awful.

And I lied to you because I didn't want
to have to tell you that they were

awful.

See how I'm a great dad?

If you want to be a great dad, you'll
wear my scrubs.

What do I have to do for a pathable dad?

revolution is now put down that
spaghetti and let's fight to defeat the

code for every rule they throw at us
we'll find a way around it what did you

want to wear the principal's trick said
you couldn't bracelet then take a marker

and drop them on no rule about that what
can't you wear torn jean then tear your

socks tear your shirt that's not on the
list

on the list. My bad.

There's ways around this stuff, people.
Let's stick it to the man.

Yeah! It says no hats, but it doesn't
say no wigs.

Yeah!

James, what are you doing?

Nothing that is prohibited by your dress
code.

Well, those shoes are. The code says no
shoes that light up. It doesn't say

anything about shoes that lift you up.

No height -enhancing footwear.

No problem. It doesn't say I have to
wear shoes at all. I'll just walk around

my sock.

Don't worry.

They match.

Okay, fine. But that wig goes.

Then I'll wear these.

No elf ears.

I can keep you typing all day. I've got
a big backpack and a line of credit at

the 89 -cent store.

James, I need to speak with you in the
hallway.

Don't forget about me, James!

Sit tight, Super Greg. The man's about
to buckle, and you and your cape will

again.

I see what's happening here. I fought
the man in my day, too. I mean,

I even wore brown shoes with black
socks.

Whoa, fist in the air, Principal Strick.

So why are you doing this? Because I
want to wear my color change.

Wait, that's what this is about? That...
Little necklace thing? It's not a

necklace. It's my style, and it's all I
have.

Okay, I'll tell you what.

I will make an exception for collar
chains.

If you knock off all that rabble
-rabble. Works for me. And since we're

deals, I'm going to float another idea.

Taking laughs at Thursdays.

not going to work on me so early in the
day.

In that case... Don't even start your
little dance.

I'm not giving you back the TV because
I'm about to settle in for a marathon of

my favorite cooking show, Humble Pie.

You know, Grandma Maggie, I was reading
online that four out of five grandmas

prefer Bud Beth Motel.

Well, that other grandma and me?

We'll be watching Humble Pie.

What's so great about Humble Pie?

Okay, you see, each episode, there are
two people who have wronged one another.

They fight, and the loser has to bake a
pie and eat it.

If you like that, you're gonna love Butt
-Back Motel.

Two zombies attack a motel, fight, and
the loser has to pull out his own brain

and eat it.

I'm not going to lie.

I am intrigued.

Perhaps you'd like to try it out?

Fine.

Hey, when you get in the motel room,
watch out for the zombies in the closet.

Oh, look at this disgusting room they
put me in.

There's a zombie attack, and I'm right
next to the ice machine?

Oh, I got to talk to somebody. How do I
get back to the lobby?

Look out. There's a zombie coming out of
that minibar. I see him. I see him.

Press F.

Ooh.

What's that?

It's a chainsaw.

Mama lies.

So I can keep playing?

Boy, don't touch my controller.

What? I got a chainsaw, and I'm not
afraid to use it.

Am I going to get to wear my real
bracelet?

Because I think I'm getting in
poisoning.

Yeah, what's going on with the
principal?

The man and I are having some very
complicated negotiations.

Once we reach an agreement, you'll be
the first to know.

Not really.

She'll be the first to know.

Hey, James.

Hey, Steph. Did you bring me shoes?

Better. You're going to love this.

These aren't shoes. I know, right?

Even better than platforms.

You'll be civil disobedience on will.

James, why do you have rollerblades? I
thought that, uh, we had a deal. You

a deal? So everyone gets to wear what
they want?

Kinda. I get to wear what I want. You
did it! Yay!

And abandon all your friends?

Keep it down. But yeah.

Then nuh -uh.

No deal.

This dress code is unfair, and you've
all...

The cafeteria settled down. I had to
promise them Taco Tuesdays. We're

Taco Tuesdays? Well, they are. You're
not. You got your deal.

I told you, we reject that deal. James
is going to keep fighting until the

code is repealed for everyone.

Then he can keep fighting in detention
for a week.

A week?

That's nothing.

He can take that. What?

Can he take two weeks? He can take a
month. Done.

Stephanie! You're welcome, James.

We've made our point.

Told you, zombie.

Do not disturb.

Grandma Maggie, what's this?

Knitting needles, yarn, and directions I
downloaded?

Hello, knitting party.

I don't knit.

But you're old.

Old? Can old people do this?

What am I supposed to do?

You're holding it.

What are you guys up to? I'm saving this
janky motel from brain -eating zombies.

I'm kidding.

That sounds about right.

Oh, no, Mr. Zombie. Don't be biting my
face without buying me dinner first.

What? Dad!

You wore my butt scrub!

Did people say anything?

Oh, things were said.

Things were dropped.

Things were pinched.

I spent the whole day scooting around on
an office chair.

Yike! Well, I'm sorry you had such a
hard day, Dad, but it means a lot to me

that you wore my present.

Yeah, yeah.

To make things worse, I lost another
follower on Instagram.

It was just so many clocks.

I'm going to go change.

Can I at least get a picture?

All right.

Big smile.

You know that's not the smile I want.

I'm lucky. Can I please have a turn?

it's repetitive.

It's five o 'clock.

Five o 'clock?

Five o 'clock?

Oh, honey, it's all yours.

It's happy hour here, not just
somewhere.

Okay, zombies, it's about to be vacancy
in your eye socket.

I need a snack to give me energy to stay
angry.

Make it a healthy and nutritious snack.

It says elapsed time, seven hours.

But Grandma Maggie... Has to be sick of
it too.

You annoyed her so much she ran away
from her knitting. What's she making?

Some kind of tacky sweater?

It's not tacky and it's an afghan.

This just keeps happening.

I'm up to 700 followers.

Hey, Gabby, my Instagram is on fire.

That can't be right.

Social media has been waiting for my
clocks.

That definitely can't be right.

Social media has been waiting for
something, but it's not your clocks.

You've gone viral, Dad.

Well, part of you has.

Hashtag DrSmileyButt.

You mean the only reason people are
following my feed is because you posted

picture of me in those scrubs?

Sorry, Dad.

No, I'm sorry.

That I got more followers than you!

your face selfie girl i beat you at the
internet what happened to artistic

integrity heck with that dr smiley
butt's going worldwide next to the

tower next to the taj mahal duck lips
hey can you drive me to

that photoshop sorry steph we were

all out of kale

Tell you what, she got me detention.

What? You got detention?

Stop saying that, James. I got us
detention. I told you, we're in the

together. You're in the struggle.

I'm in a windowless room twiddling my
thumb for an hour after school every day

for the next month.

But I have to pick you up. That's kind
of a hassle.

Tiffany, you always do this. I have
something important to me, and you ruin

by making it important to you.

But, sweetie, I was trying to support
you in fighting the fight.

Then support me when I stop fighting.
It's not your place to quadruple my

detention.

You're right.

I got caught up.

I'm sorry.

Well, I guess you're not going to feel
great about these.

My face changed of clothes, and I look
terrible. Terrible little colors.

Well, good thing you had this talk
before you passed those out at school.

All right.

I'll give you $5 each if you turn your
shirts inside out and pretend we've

met.

Stephanie, why are you here again? And
why is everyone wearing my face?

Are they?

That's weird.

You said you were going to drop this. Go
home.

James, we're going to wear your face
every day until we get what we want. We

no idea how cool you were.

Go home and get more shirts. We have a
movement to lead.

Phillips, what is going on?

We are united as one. And until you drop
that stupid dress code, we're going to

wear these shirts every day. Right,
people?

Yeah!

You know what?

I will drop the dress code.

Really?

Yeah, you look good when you all wear
the same thing. So starting next week,

full uniforms.

Stephanie!

Don't worry.

We can fight this.

No, leave. Just pick me up at three.
Four.

You forgot you have attention.

Oh, wait.

4 .30. I have a thing.