All language subtitles for Instant Mom s03e09 Thumper for President

Charlie Phillips, aren't you forgetting
a little something?

Oh, sorry.

I guess someone can't get through her
day without a tasty treat from the

Chocolate Factory.

I gave you a list of names you can call
yourself.

That was not on it.

And what you are forgetting is your
wedding ring.

I always take it off before I play golf.
And when you shower, and when you do

yard work, and when you hire someone
else to do yard work?

Man jewelry is weird.

Charlie, this ring is a symbol of our
marriage. You can't just leave it all

the house. I didn't just leave it all
over the house. I left it in a very

specific place. And where was that?

Inside a bouquet of flowers that
somebody's not getting because they're

really judgy.

Charlie, if you keep taking off your
ring, it's going to get lost. Well, it

gives me a blister when I play golf, so
where am I supposed to put it? Oh, I

have a suggestion, but it may be more
comfortable on your finger.

Oh, hey, kids.

How was school?

I learned something today. You can drink
milk through your nose.

But orange soda hurts.

So I have to do things.

Tomorrow, try to squeeze in some
spelling.

You're not living here after high
school.

James, why are you holding peas to your
bottom? Can't a man defrost vegetables

in a non -traditional manner?

He needs those frozen peas. I heard
somebody finally kicked your butt.

She didn't kick it. She flipped it.

I was just standing there, and out of
the blue, Grace Fulcher walked up,

my arm, and flipped me over her back.

I hit the floor so hard, kids have been
calling me Thumper all day.

Do you want to talk about it?

Yeah. I was beat up by a girl today.

I just want to chill my gloop in peace.

James, I know you're feeling humiliated.
And now everyone on Instagram will

know, too.

Hashtag, thumper goes down.

Hey, when you're done defrosting those
vegetables, throw them in the microwave,

because that's our dinner.

Wow, I don't know what I'd do if some
girl flipped me.

I know what I'm doing. Getting revenge.

Then Grace will know she flipped the
wrong man.

She flipped you and the man?

This girl is out of control.

No, I am the man.

Not if you keep getting flipped by a
girl.

Why'd she flip you? I don't know. Maybe
it was because I filled her locker with

spray cheese.

Which I only did because I liked her.
But she obviously doesn't like me back.

Are you sure?

Ask my butt.

Why do we have to have her poster in our
room?

For target practice.

She's my enemy.

My adorable, apple -scented, lip
-glossed enemy.

Stay on task, Jane.

I need to take her down.

Down to the movie. Stop it!

You could flip her?

Eh, too predictable.

I know.

She's half Canadian.

Maybe I can have half of her.

Ported. Hold your fire. Bring clean
underwear.

What are you two kids up to?

Applying revenge against the girl who
flipped James.

Don't do anything immoral or harmful or
that puts us back on a watch list.

So why'd she get her gift card? I mean,
what's left?

Why don't you just beat her at her own
game?

I don't have time to learn how to double
dutch, Stephanie.

No, I'm talking... Talking about this
election.

You could run against her for president.
Why would I do that? Oh, do you get

your own air force?

To flip her on her butt.

In a socially acceptable way.

Grace has been president every year
since kindergarten.

I wouldn't stand a chance.

You would if I help you.

Little known fact.

I was class president in the fifth
grade. Not that little known. Every

you bring out your presidential sash.

Hey, don't knock my sash.

I made it myself, and I wore it with my
head held high, mostly to keep my crown

from falling off.

So you were a lunatic.

No, I was a confident 10 -year -old who,
by the way, got 96 % of the vote.

Wow, those are dictator numbers.

I'm in. Great.

You get some markers and construction
paper. I'll go get my bash for good

Ain't ya face great, vulture?

Ya pretty, pretty face.

Dad, what happened? Were we robbed?

No. I lost my wedding ring.

Robbery! You think Stephanie will buy
that?

Hit me with this vase, they'll sell it.

Brain check.

Where's the last place you saw it?

I took it off my finger and carefully
put it on the I don't know. That's why

house looks like this.

Why don't you just replace it? Gabby,
you can't just waltz into a store and

a wedding ring.

Oh, wait, you can.

Okay.

That's what I'll do.

I'll get another gold band.

What kind of gold? 18 carat, 24?

42.

Is that a thing?

42 carats is not a thing. Stephanie
leaving you is a thing.

Was the gold yellow, or was it yellow,
yellow?

It was shiny, shiny.

How am I going to replace a ring I don't
know anything about?

I'm sure there's a record somewhere.
Just go back to the... place where you

it you don't remember where you got it i
don't even remember the hospital where

we got you how about i try to get some
info out of stephanie you would do

that for your old dad of course if when
you get your new ring you also pick me

up a little something something and that
something something better be shiny

shiny what are you looking for mom

Kale chips.

What are you really looking for, Mom?
Chocolate chips.

Oh, good. Just the candidate I wanted to
see. How was the first day of our

campaign? Hold up.

Who's running for what and why are you
up in it?

I'm running for class president. And I'm
in it to win it.

Opening the lid on a box of crazy.

Because when it comes to politics,
Stephanie gets a little... A little

Mom? A little what?

A little that.

Strategy meeting. Living room. We need a
campaign slogan. Something along the

lines of, Grace is a garbage human
being.

But you know, catchy.

Get up while you can, James.

Stephanie goes straight for the jugular.

We're going with Grace is a garbage
human being. No way we can top that.

sparkly thing.

I'm thinking of getting some jewelry.

Getting tired of stealing all of mine?

No, no, no, no.

I'm just thinking of getting something
of my own.

Well, the mall has some nice places.

Oh, okay. Is that where you got those
rings?

These? Oh, no.

Your dad and I got all our rings from
Christina Jewelers downtown.

Great.

Christina with a C or an X?

K. C or a K.

With a C. But it's gone.

It's a rib joint now.

Christina's went out of business.

Oh, that's too bad.

Not really.

I love those ribs.

No, I mean, what if something happened
to your rings and you wanted to replace

them? Well, my... would be tough,
because it's pretty unique.

But your dad is a simple 24 -karat gold
band. You can get that anywhere.

It's what we had inscribed that makes it
special.

I put something really romantic from our
first date.

Aw, what do they say?

You know, I'd rather keep that between
your dad and me.

It's little secrets like that that keep
a marriage going.

Too bad, Dad.

I'm gonna miss her.

Cupcakes. Look, I know all about Grace's
little cupcakes, but don't worry.

We've got something better.

James water.

That sounds kind of disgusting, Steph.

No, it's regular water with your face on
it.

How is water supposed to be better than
cupcakes?

You'll see.

This cupcake is awful.

It's making my mouth burn.

There's like pepper sprinkled on it.

What did you do?

It's not what I did. It's what the
bakery delivery guy did for 20.

Poonies water!

Vote for James.

He puts out the fires that grapes dart
in your mouth.

Hey, Grace.

James water?

That was a real messed up thing you did
to my cupcakes.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I can't believe I used to have a crush
on you.

What? Crush?

Used to? Fill a brother in.

I've always kind of liked you.

Until 20 seconds ago.

I've always liked you too.

Well, duh.

Why else would you fill a girl's locker
with cheese?

So, you want to go out sometime?

I don't see how we can now that we're
political rivals.

Of course, if one of us drops out, we
wouldn't have a problem.

Come on!

Don't make me choose between you and
revenge against you!

Great situation.

The girl's got me all mixed up.

That's why I'm sick free. Too much
drama.

James, what are you doing?

You're supposed to be drawing mean
things on these graceful president

Where's her unibrow? Where are her
missing teeth?

My man's going through some stuff. He's
thinking about dropping me out of the

race. The problem is, I like her. You
like her?

Since when?

For a while.

And today, Grace said she'd go out with
me if I dropped out. You should go out

with her.

That girl looks sweet.

Uh -uh.

That girl is an evil genius.

She's obviously playing you, James.

I bet she really does like him. Look at
him. Look at those cheeks.

He's like a baby Denzel.

I've always said that.

James, she just handed you the election.

If you tell everyone that Grace said
that she liked you just to get you to

out, it'll be like Shark Week, but with
kids.

There she goes again, straight for the
jugular.

All right, let's get back to Grace's
buttons. You do devil worms, I'll do

mustaches. How do I know for sure Grace
was only pretending to like me? Just

imagine you wanted to be president as
much as Grace does.

How far would you go to win?

That girl is a white cheese, let's go.

Gabby.

No use. I can't think of one thing from
our first date that Stephanie would

inscribe in the ring.

That's why we're recreating that night.
I'll be Stephanie, Aaron will be you,

and you try to be the one that remembers
things.

I'm a very important surgeon at the
hospital.

I love you.

I wasn't quite that desperate, son.

Ooh, a doctor.

Maybe now my mom will shut up.

three kids, but Aaron is my favorite.

Don't you remember Dad denied our
existence until the fourth date?

No, I didn't deny. I just didn't bring
it up.

Oh, right. I don't have any kids, but if
I did, Aaron would be my favorite.

Okay, moving on. Let's get to the
ordering. Maybe there's something there.

Oh, everything looks so good and more
expensive than I'm used to.

I'll order for the lady. She'll have the
lobster with chocolate syrup.

No, no, no, no, no. I had scallops and
she had bolognese, but she kept eyeing

scallops, so halfway through we
switched.

Oh, that's so sweet.

Well, not really. During the switch, I
knocked over the candle and set the

tablecloth on fire.

I'm on fire!

So am I paying for this meal?

Uh, that didn't happen.

Anyway, the fire set off the sprinklers.
Oh, no, sprinklers?

My hair!

Yeah, that did happen.

Fire, sprinklers, did anything good
happen on your date? Anything that might

on that ring? Well, on the way to the
emergency room... What?

Well, see, when we got up from the
table, Stephanie made a run for the door

twisted her ankle. Then, in the
emergency room... Don't worry, all you

people! A doctor...

I didn't say that, but smooth, son.

You know what? This is getting us
nowhere.

We need a new plan.

I know. We'd do it again, but this time
I'll play Stephanie.

Bald guys are cute.

I love you.

And in conclusion, you should re
-elect... me as class president, because

going to get rid of those hideous orange
P .E. uniforms.

Please hold your applause, and there's
no budget for new uniforms. We get those

jumpsuits from the city.

Another broken promise from Grace
Fulcher.

Boo!

Hey, everybody, at least I'm working for
you, not against you. How many of you

have spent a dollar in one of James'
lucky quarters?

Those were very lucky. I just didn't pay
for who.

The only office this scammer belongs in
is the principal.

And that's not all he scammed us with.
How about the food drive? We all brought

canned goods, and he sold them back to
the grocery store.

Oh, right.

Did I give you detention for that?

No, we're good.

Remember I flipped you all that cream?

So vote for me, because I don't steal
from you.

Last time she ran, Grace promised us
Friday movie day.

Know what I did Friday?

Took a history test.

And what about her anti -littering
campaign?

If we don't throw it down, what are the
janitors going to pick up?

She's trying to eliminate dogs.

We have a major problem.

What do you mean? It's not going great.

I just got finished speaking to Grace's
mother outside, and she told me that

Grace... Actually likes James. She has
liked him since the third grade.

Aw, she likes him?

That's so... Oops.

I have to stop this.

Grace wants to get you sharper pencils.
She's just a puppet for the man. What we

need are fewer tests.

Why are you telling him to go for the
jugular? I'm not. I'm saying cut it out.

That's the signal for it. No, it's not.
It means juggler.

And listen to this.

You want to know how low Grace was
willing to go?

She knew I had a crush on her and used
that to try to get me to drop out by

pretending to like me back.

I was not pretending.

I do like you.

For real?

Then why'd you flip me?

Same reason you put cheese in my locker.

Go ahead.

Ask her out.

I already did. She said no.

Uh -uh.

I said we can't because we're political
rivals.

Not anymore.

I quit. Vote for my girlfriend.

So, James isn't president.

How are we feeling about that?

You got the girl, the girl got
president, and I got nothing.

Are you kidding? You were there for him.

I'm so proud of you. I lost my wedding
ring. He's lucky to have you as a

stepmom.

You lost your wedding ring?

I told you that would happen. I know, I
know. I'm so sorry. I tried to replace

it, but I couldn't remember the
inscription.

There was no inscription, Charlie.

What? I made it all up.

What?

I had your ring this whole time. You
left it next to the coffee maker. How

you put me through all this? How could
you not know what it looks like? If you

had just told me you lost it instead of
sending Gabby in, I would have handed it

right over. Can I have it back now?

Sure. I guess you've learned your
lesson.

You know what, Charlie?

I don't think you've learned your lesson
quite yet.

I'm going to let you think about it
while I do some completely unrelated

shopping.

Good luck.

I hear it's a rib joint.