All language subtitles for Instant Mom s03e08 Turning a Blind Eye

We turned on a couple snow machines. I
can never go back to that party store

again. They were already iffy on me
after I bounced a check. Now all three

our pictures are on the register.

What were you guys thinking, covering
that place with snow?

That it'd be awesome?

I'm sorry, I'm not answering the
question.

I don't know why this store threw such a
hissy fit. We gave them a holly jelly

time.

Oh, hey.

You guys are home super early. Oh, long
story.

Actually, short story, but stupid.

Sorry to cut in on your alone time. I
know you're looking forward to having

house to yourself.

Hey, Gabby, how much do I need for the
pizza guy?

Noah? Noah?

What are you doing here?

Gabby, what is this boy doing in our
house when we're not in our house?

Okay, technically, you guys have never
actually said that Noah and I couldn't

here together while you were gone. Oh, I
see. I thought that was implied because

you've met me.

Look, you guys have made it very clear.

Noah and I can't be alone in my room,
but we never went in my room. Oh, and

be even clearer.

You're grounded for two weeks.

And I'm keeping that pizza when it gets
here.

Amen.

Noah, I think it'll be best if you went
home.

Text me so I know you got there okay.

Text me back so I know you're still
alive.

You know, it might help lighten the
mood. Don't you bring up that snow

I don't even know why I live with these
people.

What do you think?

I think Gabby should go to the military
school.

I meant about the outfit.

I assume they wear fatigue.

My outfit, Charlie.

For the Prince concert this Friday.

Oh, you look great.

That's all you got?

What else am I supposed to say?

I can think of 47 things.

Ooh, 48.

Thank you, Pilates.

Stephanie, Gabby snuck a boy into our
house.

Isn't the important thing that she knew
enough not to take him upstairs?

All I'm saying is three square meals, an
obstacle course, and apparently they

need a bugler.

Charlie, we already punished her. She's
grounded. Let it go.

What about after the grounding? She'll
sneak him over the first chance she

If Gabby's home, we need to be here to
stand guard. You can't parent like that.

The tighter you grasp the fan, the
faster it runs through your fingers.

Where'd you get that load?

From a parenting book?

I don't get all of my ideas from
parenting books, Charlie.

It was a podcast.

Fine. We'll try it your way.

But it means we can't go to the Prince
concert this Friday.

Shoot, that's right.

We've waited months for this.

I even dry cleaned my ruffled shirt.

I guess there's nothing we can do.

Unless... Do you think that military
school will take Gabby just for one

We wouldn't have a choice if we dropped
her at the checkpoint and drove away.

It is Prince.

Permission to enter the kitchen, warden?

I can't believe you guys are going to
watch me every second. I can't believe

you're going to complain about it every
second.

Can't you, Steph?

Can't you?

Hi, hi, hi!

So, since you asked... Yes, I'm dating a
25 -year -old.

How'd you meet him? Does he deliver your
meals on wheels?

The one time I decide not to grocery
shop, and you won't let me forget it.

But guess what? I don't care, because
I'm dating a 25 -year -old.

I'm sorry, that came off a little mean.
Let me try again.

Nope, that's all I got.

Maggie?

Maggie, you in here?

Roger. Oh, good, I found you. I tried to
follow your voice, but it sounds like

it's coming from everywhere.

I thought we decided that you would wait
for me out in the car, boo.

Wait, this is the guy you're dating?

Wow.

Yeah, I know.

I'm used to people tripping on the blind
thing, which is ironic because I'm

usually the one tripping on people.

No, no, no, no, no. I was just surprised
by the age difference.

She's only three years older.

Three years?

Okay, how many people are in here?

It's just me and my two sisters who love
me

and want me. me to be happy.

Hey, Steph, can you make me a sandwich?

That's my little brother.

What?

Guys, I found a cricket.

That's my littler brother.

What?

Well, it's nice to meet all of you.

Sorry, do you mind if I use your
restroom?

Oh, sure. Down that way, second door.

You know what?

I'll take you. We got a lot of vases.

Are you insane?

You want to date a younger guy so bad
that you're lying to a blind man?

You make that sound wrong.

It's just a fling.

I'm way too young to be tied down.

You just had to have a boy over, and now
I can't see Prince.

Stephanie, why don't you just go to the
concert? Because your father and I

agreed we needed to stay home with you.

So we're both stuck.

Unless he says otherwise.

What are the odds of that happening?

I don't know, but I hope it happens
soon.

I'm dying to see that man pranced around
in those tight little purple pants.

Oh, no. Dad has those.

I was talking about Prince.

But your dad's birthday is coming up.

Is Grandma Maggie here yet?

Why don't I go to Lady Tiger Ready?

Hey, Gabby, want us to get you anything
while we're out? A pack of gum, fresh

air, the light of day?

Keep teasing your sister. Nobody's going
anywhere.

Don't you ruin leisure time for me. I've
finally got enough upper body strength

to wear the vest.

Hi, hi, hi.

Good, you're here.

Let's go.

Sam's just flirting with disaster.

Yeah, about that.

Roger's coming out with us.

Fine by me. He'll be an easy target.

Anybody playing laser tag with a blind
guy?

Roger wants us to go to slam poetry
night instead.

Slam poetry?

What is that, like poets wrestling?

The only things they're wrestling with
are daddy issues and making rent.

Tell Roger you're busy. Too late. He's
out in the car.

Then tell him we're busy.

Roger doesn't want to take time away
from my brothers.

Isn't that sweet?

Which reminds me, since Roger believes
you are my brother, you better play

along.

This is a nice swing you got here.

Sure would be a shame if something
happened to it.

Name your price.

We'll be here, brother.

If you buy us a snow machine.

Good deal.

Sis?

Fine, bro.

But if you tell my blind boyfriend that
you are my grandkids, the

deal's off.

Mother, why are you going to all this
trouble?

He's 25.

Plus, it's nice to date a guy where I
don't have to put myself together.

But Grandma Maggie, you look all dressed
up today. The rest of the world isn't

blind, sweetheart.

Now get in the car.

Honey, I just got off the phone.

I know we both were going to stay and
watch Gabby tonight, but Mr. Rabinowitz

needs an emergency bypass.

I got to get to the hospital ASAP.

Oh.

Poor guy.

That doesn't sound too good. Well,
luckily your dad's there to save Mr.

Rabinowitz and not here to stop me from
seeing Prince.

Mr. Rabinowitz, but, uh, oh, you pulled
through.

Yes, the pulse is strong.

I'm just saying, we were both already at
the concert. I still don't see why we

had to leave.

Because you left Gabby alone, completely
undermining me.

Said the man who lied about surgery so
he can sneak off and see Prince.

Well, you didn't know I lied when you
left her, so...

Was that the concert, too?

Gabby, go to bed.

Wait, so we're just going to ignore the
irony that you expect me to follow your

rules when you can't even do it
yourself?

It's not irony. It's hypocrisy. And yes.

She's right, you know.

No, no, no. Irony is when... Not that.

Us.

Look, clearly, neither of us want to
release her every second. I think we

end Gabby's lockdown.

Oh, I forgot. You'd rather there were no
rules. Anarchy reigning supreme.

Nobody wants anarchy, Charlie. Just the
general unclenching.

That seems fair.

See? She's not capable of following even
a simple direction to go to bed.

Look, Charlie, what are you so afraid of
here?

I'm afraid Gabby is going to take Noah
upstairs. But she hasn't.

And she won't. How do you know she
won't? Because she says so, and I

her. In fact, I think we should get
tickets to Prince again tomorrow and let

Gabby have Noah over while we're gone.

What are you doing?

Calling the hospital to get you a scan,
because you've obviously lost your mind.

Well, I trust Gabby, and even alone in
the house with Noah. But more

importantly, I really want to see
Prince.

All right.

We'll trust our daughter.

Thanks. I said go to bed.

Hi, hi, hi.

Slam poetry is the worst. A bunch of
angry chicks talking about their wounds.

It's like, hello, it's pronounced room
with an R.

And then R, you kidding me?

Snow machine, pay up.

You better get that hand out of my face.

I said... I would pay up as long as you
kept being my brother.

I didn't say for how long.

But you...

We'll be in our room

with an awesome...

We get Grandma Maggie to expose her real
age to Roger.

Their fling will be over, and since it
isn't our fault, she has to buy us a

machine. Won't you just be upset and not
get it for us? She made a verbal

contract. My online bail bondsman course
says those are binding in the state of

Pennsylvania.

Now follow my lead.

Oh, there you are.

Are you ready to go?

Chill, Mags. We got time.

Besides, we want to know all about our
new favorite couple.

Well, I was actually born in Tampa, but
I moved to Philly when I was... Yeah,

great story, Maggie.

Who was president the year you were
born?

What? Do you need time to think about
it? Like, say, 20 extra years?

Ronald Reagan.

Oh, yeah?

Who's president now?

Barack Obama.

She's good.

When did you graduate high school?

Well, since we made the move from Tampa,
I ended up graduating... Not you, Rog.

2005.

I just assume that's right.

Favorite music?

Still love One Direction. Who's your
favorite member?

Harry, because with a chin like that, I
can just carry him around in my

pocketbook. I mean, backpack.

Can I see you in the kitchen?

Is this about the snow machine?

Because I'm about ready to get mine.

If you ruin this for me, you're going to
get yours.

How much longer do we have to keep this
up?

Until my 30th birthday.

Can you at least stop ticking us on your
date?

Done. Because you are cramping my style
anyway.

Guess what, James?

Roger wants an... to come over for game
night.

I'll leave you alone for two minutes.

Roger, how are you at pinatas?

Oh, I have a good time, but the people
around me don't.

Hey, see you after the concert.

Remember, we're trusting you.

Dad, would you stop stressing? It'll be
fine.

That wasn't for you, sweetie. I'm still
trying to sell myself on this thing.

Seriously? We haven't even left the
house and he's already upstairs?

The toilet down here was running, so I
sent him up to use ours.

Charlie, it's fine. Let's go.

Wait, so you two are just, like,
leaving?

Yeah. But if you go and we stay, then
it's just the two of us here.

The boy makes a good point. We don't
have time for this. Those scalper

aren't cheap. Come on.

Our show's about to start. Come sit next
to me.

No, I'm good where I'm at.

What do you mean, you're good where
you're at? There's no way your dad

trusts me.

Leaving us alone?

Some sort of trap.

You know what? Don't be paranoid.

I'm on to you, Dr. Phillips.

You know what? I'll just come sit next
to you.

Stop being insane. You were fine being
alone when we weren't allowed.

That's because he didn't know I was
here. We had the upper hand.

Now he has the upper hand.

And I think he's going to punch me with
it.

Fine. Sit wherever you want.

Can I at least have some popcorn?

Of course, babe.

All I'm saying is we lifted the rules
and bam!

Gabby and Noah are just watching TV and
enjoying each other's company. I

remember when I used to enjoy my
partner's company.

Which partner? How old were you? Did you
take him upstairs?

I mean, you idiot.

And would you stop ruining our night?

Gabby is just a normal teenage girl in
an empty house enjoying a night alone

with her normal teenage boyfriend. And
why are we still sitting here?

You should know. She's a little to the
right.

This is going to be fun. I brought a
pinata and a helmet.

I need to speak to your sister before we
start game night. So why don't you guys

make yourselves at home?

Just don't move any of the furniture
without telling me, okay?

What's up with this book?

Ooh, it tickles.

What do you need to talk to me about?

Our relationship.

Is that the same thing as a fling? No,
death is a fling is what girls call it

when they can't keep a man.

You better hush up before I tell Mom.

Do a thing.

I can't go on like this.

Hello? No, machine.

I think it's time to move forward.

Maggie?

Will you accept this key to my
apartment?

Your key?

This took a revolting turn.

I want my future to have you in it.

So, what do you say?

Roger.

Uh, this is moving really fast, and I
need to come

clean about something.

You can tell me anything.

I am not...

James and Aaron's sister.

I'm their mother.

Okay, fine.

I'm their grandmother.

I'm not as young as I've been pretending
to be.

Maggie, I already knew that.

How? Well, I can tell people's age by
their voices.

You definitely don't sound 28.

How old do I sound?

It's never exact, but, uh,

I'm Peggy in the mid -60s.

Boy!

You are lucky you are blind, because I'd
have to tear your eyes out.

James, Aaron, come on. Oh, no, no, no,
no, no. Please don't go. Wait, wait.

Look, I like dating mature women.

They're more interesting.

Plus, they pay for everything, and it's
awesome.

So you were just using me?

Well, you were using me.

Does it mean that it's over?

I think we should just start seeing
other people.

You know what I mean.

We're home.

Noah, get out here. He left. What
happened? You broke him.

I hate being able to do whatever I want
with my boyfriend.

We hate it, too.

Your father and I have a solution.

You can be alone in the house when we're
not here.

But not with Noah. And under no
circumstances can you be in your room

Wait, aren't those the original rules?

I told you she'd pick up on that.

They're somewhat alike, yeah.

That works for me.

Great. Now that that's settled, I gotta
go change.

This bad boy doesn't fit like it's 1999.

One more thing. Try to stay out of
trouble for the next month. I've got

to Beyonce.

a charm. Prince is the king! Yep, you
should have seen your old man busting a

move. Ow!

Hey, Gabby, the toilet down here is
still running.

Noah? Gabby, it's only been one day and
you're already breaking the rules.

But we're not home alone. James and
Aaron are in the living room.

My living room!

And you guys thought this would be
stupid.