All language subtitles for Instant Mom s02e07 Drill Team

Hey, boys. How'd you like to help me
with these wedding favors?

We're walking. I'll pay you. We're
listening.

All right. I need 500 for my client's
wedding reception.

Each box needs two chocolates, one with
a W and one with a K.

500 boxes, $500. 20. 50.

20. Fine, but you're giving me self
-esteem issues.

Wait till you start dating.

Here. All right.

Two chocolates, one box, no eating.

What about the damaged one? Which ones
are damaged?

This one with the bite in it?

Erin, I'm not paying you guys to eat.
Don't worry, Steph. This one's on the

house.

Hey, hey. Lay off my chocolate or nobody
gets paid.

Dude!

You can buy all the chocolate we want
when she gives us our 50.

20.

Hey, Stephanie.

You look nice today.

Oh, thank you.

I started using this great eye cream.
Right. You're still new at this.

nice today means can i have some money
for the mall uh well you could help the

boys and earn some money yeah i'm not
doing all that hey dad

you look nice today bring me back a
mongolian chicken bowl hey will do love

you bye let me get this straight gabby
gets money for saying you look nice but

we have to work for it that's gotta be
worth two chocolate stop it stop it stop

it

Chocolate hurts my tooth.

If it hurts, stop eating it.

I can't help it. It tastes better than
it hurts.

I need those frozen peas for dinner.
Here, use this popsicle.

Thanks.

Ow!

Erin, sweetie, it's for the outside of
your mouth. But it's limit.

Ow.

Ow!

Give me that.

Hey, I finished all 500 wedding favors.
You couldn't have filled all the boxes.

You ate at least 30 chocolates.

Let's just say a few lucky guests are
going to enjoy some Raisin Bran and a

gummy vitamin.

I can't give any of that as a wedding
favor.

Well, then you're in a pickle.

Speaking of which, one of them has a
pickle.

Jane, get everything that's not
chocolate out of those boxes.

How about 50 bucks? How about you get to
live in this house? How about 20? How

about you get to live?

Pretty sure you're bluffing, but I'm
kind of hungry and I want that pickle.

Okay. Thanks for trying to squeeze my
son in, Dr. Porter.

Sure, I can hold.

I hate the dentist.

Oh, sweetie, the dentist is your friend.

And I'm thinking I'm more of a loner.

I'll be upstairs growing a beard and
building a cabin.

I don't understand why people are afraid
of the dentist.

It might have something to do with all
that drilling and yanking.

Well, I wouldn't know anything about
that.

I've been cavity -free my whole life. I
am a dental rock star.

You can?

Oh, that's perfect. I owe you one, Dr.
Porter.

Yeah. I always feel silly playing the
professional courtesy card with a

like he's a real doctor.

Honey, you probably should hang up.

Oh, no.

See? This isn't so bad.

This is the captain speaking.

Take us to warp speed.

You go warp speed. I'll be in the car.

than this.

Based on what?

Cheese?

Hey, Aaron. Nice to meet you.

I heard there were toys. I like mine to
go.

What do you say, Mom? Why don't we show
Aaron how easy it's going to be?

Oh, well, I may not remember how this
goes. I haven't done it in a while.

Perfect piece.

Well, it's just like riding a bike,
which you should only do with a mouth

I have dorks. Great. Now I'm free to
bike.

See, Aaron? We just do a little look
-see, a little water, and a little

and we are done.

Yes, we are.

No big deal.

Piece of cake.

Actually, cake is the leading cause of
Tuesday cake. No! It's a notch -born

for me.

All right, Aaron, it's your turn. And
don't worry, I'll be with you every step

of the way.

Okay, Aaron.

It's in the back on the bottom left.

Okay, open wide.

A little wider.

Good job, Aaron.

See? It's simple.

Aren't you having a good time?

I'd rather have cook.

Okay, I see it. There is a cavity, and
it's on his baby tooth.

And since it hurts, you will need to
bring him back in to get it filled.

No problem.

Great. And while we're at it, we can
take care of that cavity in your

That what in my what -what?

Dr. Porter? We do not say that name in
this house.

That man is dead to me.

What happened?

I've got a cavity.

It's tiny. They're going to fill it.

Not unless it's with chocolate.

Don't worry. He'll be fine.

Why are you so upset?

That quack claimed I've got a cavity.
You know what? I want a second opinion.

Here, take a look for yourself.

Where did you get a dental mirror?

Aaron got a toy. I figured I deserved
something.

Uh -oh. Does this mean the dental rock
star is going to have to cancel her

perfect teeth tour?

Yes, which makes me available to sing
backup on your bald head tour.

Okay, that's hurtful.

And so is this tooth, since that quack
poked at it.

You mean it never bothered you before?

Well, it may have been a little
sensitive when I drank something really

really cold.

Or really wet.

I fixed all your chocolate wedding
favors and put them in your trunk.

James, it's like 80 degrees out. Don't
worry. They've only been there for a

couple of hours. Maybe five.

I was driving around with him all day.

Great. Now I've got $600 worth of
chocolate soup.

I will clean up your trunk.

Unrelated. Do we have any graham
crackers and marshmallows?

Hey, Dad.

You look nice today.

Sorry, the Bank of Dad is rejecting your
withdrawal request.

That can't be right. Maybe I just need a
new pin code.

I love my daddy.

If you want money, you're going to have
to work for it. That was not our

unspoken agreement.

Since when? Since I pointed out to your
father that he's being played.

But the good news is, I might have a
little job for you. Job?

Like work?

Like call the chocolate shop and order a
thousand monogram chocolates, half with

a W and half with a K. Then box them,
wrap them, and keep them away from the

boys. You lost me at little job.

You sure you don't want to give me that
money because you are working that

sweater, vet?

And you are working my last nerve.

Grandma Maggie, you look nice today.

And you look broke.

I was a teenage girl. I raised a teenage
girl. There isn't a teenage girl flim

flam I don't know about.

This is not a flim flam. I'm just short
a little money for books.

Library free.

I meant money for a field trip.

You go to a public school, they don't go
anywhere.

Next.

I'm sponsoring a hungry child from a
third world country.

Which one?

The girl.

What do you really want this money for?

A mini skirt, some nice boots, and
tickets to the Pharrell concert where

wearing them.

Pharrell! Oh, I like him. He makes me
happy.

So you'll give me the money?

I said it makes me happy, not crazy.

Okay, one more time. Where is your
cavity?

Baby teeth.

And what happens to baby teeth? They
fall out.

But mine's Harley loose. That's where I
come in. With this time -honored

scientific method, I've seen work a
thousand times in cartoons.

Here, tie this string to your tooth.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold up there, Wile E. Coyote.

What are you thinking?

I'm just trying to spare my brother
excruciating pain.

I have a video game dental dungeon.

And the dungeon keeper's drill is like
this long. James. And the drill goes

like. James. And one guy's face
exploded.

It's a rock.

No, no, no. Nobody's getting any rock.

Well, nobody's getting in my mouth
either.

That's not your call. We're the parents.
We'll decide what's best for you.

Charlie, let me.

Aaron. You know, I would never ask you
to do something I would not do. That's

right. She wouldn't. And remember how I
said I'll be there with you every step

of the way, no matter what? That's
right. No matter what.

So you and I, together, won't go.

Exactly. What?

You know, the only reason Aaron's not
getting his cavity filled is because you

won't go in for yours. I don't have to
go.

I'm using positive thinking. My tooth is
healing itself.

Yeah, because that happens.

You medical professionals think you know
all about the human body.

That's why they let us carry the shiny
stethoscope.

Though there is still the occasional
mystery.

Like, why is my butt suddenly cold?

I don't know. Why don't you find that
shiny stethoscope and check it out?

What?

I get hungry in the middle of the night.

For frozen peas?

Don't let me stop you.

Snack away.

Are you sure you want to make me do
this?

Because when trust leaves a marriage...
I believe in us.

Eat the peas.

Mm.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Stop! Stop!

How's Aaron ever going to learn to
conquer his fears when you run away from

yours?

I don't have any fears.

Good?

Delicious.

And pain -free.

I can chew all night.

Great. Because I have got your favorite
right here.

Peanut brittle.

1 ,000 dark chocolate truffles by
tomorrow afternoon.

Half monogrammed with a W, half with a
K.

And it's $600, right?

I'm sorry.

Cancel that. The wedding's off.

Turns out W was on the DL with K's BFF.

What are you doing? Seth's going to pay
me $40.

Chump change.

I got a plan to make up some real money.
What do you need money for? Atlantic

City, baby.

My prayer circle and I are going to put
our powers to the test.

So, here's the plan. You and I go to the
89 cent store, spend $20 on some

cheap candy, glitter pens, boom,
monogram chocolate.

And we pocket the leftover money.

That's right. You and I split $580.

Did I hear something in the mid -three
figures?

This is not your scam.

Keep walking.

Your confidence is adorable.

What are you two doing?

Something psychopathic.

Not psychopathic, homeopathic.

Are you sure this stuff will work?

Absolutely. In ancient times, long
before there were any dentists, you know

they cured a toothache?

Whiskey?

Where would you even get that idea?

It's not in a cowboy movie.

Did it work?

I don't know. They hung the guy.

All right, back to my plan.

Nature's medicine.

Oil of clothes.

Yep, two drops on your gum.

All right, open up, kiddo. You first.

Okay, maybe we'll pass on that one.

All right, let's try this one. It's an
herbal poultice.

It has sage.

thyme, and rosemary.

Huh. You can season a turkey with this.

Wait. This is turkey seasoning.

All that cranberry sauce, can we use
that? No.

Sweet potatoes?

No. Pumpkin pie?

We're not doing Thanksgiving.

Oh, what else you got? Because my tooth
is starting to hurt again.

Oh, sweetie, mine's too.

I've been eating baby food for 24 hours.

You know what?

We both need to suck it up and go see
that dentist.

Who's... just try that thing where James
ties my tooth to a rock?

Sorry, Aaron. The rock was a bad idea.

Oh, thank you, James.

I'm thinking car bumper.

Just gonna let the gas get to work, and
then we can get started.

See? This isn't so bad.

I'm sitting in my spaceship chair, I've
got my space mask on, and I'm feeling

pretty good about the whole thing.

Ooh, I'm starting to feel real good
about the whole thing.

What's that?

Ow, ow, ow, that's my scalpel hand.

You can hold mine, Steph.

Ow, ow, ow, that's my tetherball hand.

You know what? My tooth feels all
better. You are amazing, Dr. Porter.

go. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I put
two hours in that parking meter. I want

my money's worth.

Okay, I'm going to turn this up so we
can get you more relaxed.

I don't think this is working, Dr.

Deuter.

You know, Charlie doesn't think that
dentists are real doctors.

He will when he sees my bill.

See, Erin, you have nothing to worry
about.

I know. My teeth fell out this morning.

What?

Charlie, did you know about this?

More gats, more gats.

I'm done with my half.

Me too.

500 chocolate truffles monogrammed with
the letter K.

K?

I was doing K.

Nuh -uh. When I said, do you want to do
W, you said okay.

No, I said K, as in I'll do K.

I don't want to do no W.

We've got a thousand Ks. What are we
supposed to do now?

Well, obviously, we're going to have to
break up K. Kelly, and Walter and find

her a Ken.

Or a pretentious Christopher.

We're going to have to buy more
chocolate, and that's really going to

our profit.

Well, we would have more profit if
somebody didn't insist on our buying the

fancy cooking glitter. The regular
glitter would kill you. Oh, you are

me.

I need some chocolate.

Oh, have one with a K.

Say K to me one more time.

Does it have nuts in it?

It's not supposed to.

Then what's in my mouth?

I don't know, but I'm trying to swallow
and my body won't let me.

I feel like I need to scrape my tongue.

You can still feel yours?

Oh, we can't serve this 89 cent stuff to
anybody. We better call the original

chocolate shop.

There's no way they'll be able to fill
this order by tonight.

Hello, ladies.

Is everything okay? Or should I say,
okay?

You gonna taunt or help?

Why, I'm here to help, of course. But
first, a taunt in five parts.

Part one, robot.

You have failed.

Terminate. Terminate.

Part two, Morse code. Get to the help
part.

I can fix this whole thing?

$100. Only $100?

Including the chocolate?

$100 for me.

Then, bring this purchase order to the
chocolate shop and pay another $600 when

you pick it up.

How did you... Don't ask questions.

We now accept all major credit cards.

Anybody home?

Okay, we are out. Do not tell Stephanie.

Some of us are only halfway back.

Stop helping me. I'm mad at you.

Can't you tell?

Oh, look at my nose.

You've got a nose.

Yeah, for the eighth time. It's the same
nose I had in the car, same nose I had

at the dentist.

Stephanie's got her tooth filled.

Hey, Stephanie, want some more water?
Oh, thank you, Aaron. My tiny tooth was

caught.

Watch this.

Aaron, would you stop doing that?

Hey, Steph, can I get you some milk?

Oh, do great, Steph.

Boys, knock it off. She's not a
fountain.

Go upstairs.

Hey, Aaron, why aren't you all loopy?
Oh, his tooth fell out, and Charlie

tell me. Why didn't you tell me,
Charlie?

Because you were conquering your fear
and being such a great role model. Oh,

that you couldn't trust me to go to it
through it with my own to fix?

That's right.

I said it.

Not exactly sure how to respond, because
I'm not exactly sure what was said.

Listen, when Charlie comes back in this
room, he and I are going to have a long

trust about talk.

Now bring me that nose.

Hey, honey, you want the last piece of
peanut brittle?

I can't.

I already started my resonance.

Floss, water cake, four minutes with the
electric toothbrush, these fluoride

trays, and finish with mouthwash.

And then I did the same thing for my
upper row.

Wow.

Isn't it easier to just go to the
dentist when you realize you have a

No, no, no. You don't understand,
Charlie. This way, I'll never have a

More peanut brittle for me.