All language subtitles for Instant Mom s02e02 An Egg by Any Other Name

This was a great idea.

You boys are natural gardeners. They're
sure they're digging. We found some cat

bones. What's not to like?

In a couple of months, you guys will be
able to bite into a fresh, juicy red

tomato. Mmm.

You know, Stephanie, I used to think
tomatoes were for hill people.

But maybe I'll give them a try.

We'll be able to make a whole salad
grown in our own backyard.

Carrots, cucumbers, lettuce, radishes.

But we don't have to eat the radishes,
right?

Or the lettuce and cucumbers.

So you just want to eat carrots?

Love carrots.

I'm thinking we set up a vegetable stand
out front.

Sell a little lettuce to make a little
lettuce.

Oh, trust me. Once you taste these
veggies, you won't even be thinking

money. I'm sorry, what did you say,
Steph? I was thinking about money.

Are you ready?

Yep, unless this is an execution.

Our new garden.

What do you think?

I think you're playing fast and loose
with the word garden.

Our garden!

It's gone!

It must have been a wild animal.

Or a roving pack of vegans.

Honey, somebody tore out our garden. Who
would do such a thing?

It could only be one person.

It's an Easter bunny.

No, no.

Ebnedder.

Ebnedder? Get off my land!

I don't get it. Why would this Ebnedder
guy think it's okay to tear up a garden

on our property?

Because he's a crusty old man.

Technically, that little patch is under
dispute.

So it's become no man's land.

Because he's not a man. He's a child.

Who does childish things like messing
with my children.

They spend all day on that garden. I say
you hold him down while I explain that

to him with my foot.

The best thing to do is just ignore this
guy.

A couple of years ago, I went to put in
a new patio.

That's right. He took my dream patio.

He did.

But when I went to lay it out, he threw
a bucket of water on me.

And he pretended he only spoke Spanish.

How about I go over there and punch him
right in his baños?

You're going to punch him in his
bathroom?

If he's in there.

I'm sorry, I'm just so riled.

Who's got my baby riled? Oh, I will take
them apart like a Swedish desk.

The neighbor, Ebnetter, he tore out the
garden we planted.

I was this close to eating a tomato.

trying to keep my grandbaby away from
his produce?

Oh, honey, it is on now.

We're all upset, but cooler heads need
to prevail.

And you need to put those earrings back
on.

When they're off, they're off.

No, Mom, Charlie's right. It doesn't do
any good getting all worked up. I'm

going to go for a walk and let my cooler
head prevail.

You think she'll be okay?

Did she just growl?

What a day.

I need a popsicle. I need one, too. I
have to read Idiot Romeo and Stupid

Juliet.

Can my life get any worse?

Apparently, because this is the last
popsicle.

Listen to this myth.

One fairer than my love, the all -seeing
sun, ne 'er saw her match since first

the world begun.

It takes this guy 20 words to say she's
hot?

Ah, the bard.

You know, Shakespeare wrote 38 plays and
154 sonnets that have been translated

into every major language in the world.

What, was it only 37 plays?

Why are you talking like Wikipedia?

Your teacher sent me an email. I'm
supposed to point out these facts to

encourage you. Well, for the record, I
don't feel encouraged.

And me thinketh that my teacher doth
stinketh.

Hey. Hey, you're back. You feel better?
The walk helped.

A little fresh air was good.

Plus, I yanked this out of Ebnetter's
yard.

So, yeah, I feel better.

Stephanie, what about setting an example
for the... Are you coming down with

something?

He means me.

See, Dad, this is why I don't want to
get stuck with her when we play

Look, Steph, you just made things worse
with Ebnetter. Now he's going to want

revenge. No, this was revenge. And you
can't take revenge for revenge. That

would be re -revenge, and that don't
make sense.

I'm going to end this right now.

I'm going to invite the Ebnetters over
for coffee. We are going to suck it up

and be nice to them so we can put this
whole mess behind us.

Got it?

I'll do my best.

You too, James.

Fine. Well, if he gives out a line...

Not

until the company is here.

Not until everybody is seated.

See, this is how they play with your
mind.

Well, hello.

I'm Eunice Ebnetter. So nice to meet
you. I'm Stephanie.

Stay off my land.

That's Hoyt.

Won't you sit down? We're hungry.

My son, Kyle, he's on his way. He's home
from the junior college.

Oh, well, it must be nice to have him in
town.

Yeah, you'd think.

He should be right in. He's just parking
the car. Wait, you drove here? You live

next door?

Had to.

I wrenched my back pulling up that
garden.

You really planted that stuff deep.

You'll have to excuse Hoyt. That land
has always been so important to him.

I plan to be buried there.

Really? In a three -foot plot?

I'll go vertical if I have to.

Hey, why don't we all sit down?

What a delightful idea.

These are our boys, James and Aaron, who
can each have one pastry.

Are you sure? Because I already like two
of them.

Eunice, why don't you tell us a little
about yourself?

Oh, there's not really much to tell. I'm
a clinical depressive.

And I collect different colored yarn. I
used to collect rocks, big rocks.

But someone made me give that up.

Yuna, we lived on a boat.

Oh, that must be Kyle. You know he was a
breach.

Uh, Gabby, can you get that? I can't get
any of it. Why can't this Shakespeare

write in English?

I'm at the door.

What light through yonder window breaks?

Who talks like that?

Me think... Wow.

What's up?

I'm Kyle.

Oh.

I'm Gabrielle.

Gabby. Some people call me Gab. The
Gabster.

Gabfab.

Real smooth, Gabfab.

I was outside trying to parallel park.
It is completely impossible.

You're so brave.

Yeah, I finally gave up and parked in
our driveway.

So what, now I have to walk home with my
back after sitting on this couch?

Well, now that we've all connected, I
say we put this whole silly... few thing

behind us. Right, Kyle?

Is that a bear claw?

You don't want that one.

You know, I think the gabster's right.

This whole feud, it's so
confrontational. Well, that's why we had

offer an olive branch.

Yeah, well, I guess you're not
completely awful.

Oh, it's not like hoik to gush like
that.

Stop it. I'm getting misty.

Well, great. I am glad we are putting
the past behind us. Yeah. Now we're

neighbors and friends.

Oh. I smell a group. Yes, dibs on Kyle.

Hi, hi, hi.

Look what I snatched from those lousy
ebonutters' front yard.

Somebody take a picture, please.

Allow me.

Everyone say, lawsuit!

Mom, meet the Epnetters.

Maggie Turner, you're going to need a
new mailbox.

We're leaving.

Ty will get the gnome.

So, Stephanie, thank you so much for
everything, and I really need to get

recipe for those pastries. Just go to
the store, buy some, and have Aaron lick

them.

A bummer.

Right.

This is just like Romeo and Juliet. I
finally found my soulmate, and now our

families are at war.

Did you lick this one?

You know I licked all of them.

Time to make peace.

On the count of three, we yell, we're
sorry, Ed Netters.

They don't have email?

two, three.

It's payback time.

Think big.

What if we attach balloons to their
house so we can lift it into space?

Think less big.

You have to stop fighting with the
Abnetters. You're tearing Kyle and me

Stephanie, you have to promise you'll
end this feud. For me.

All right.

I'll end it.

For you.

Pick it right back up for me.

Okay, I have an idea. All we'll need is
a flashlight and some pliers.

Good, you're here.

Sweetheart, I just want to apologize
about the whole gnome fiasco.

You were right. It wasn't my fight. I
just made things... Yeah, yeah, yeah,

change of plans. We're going to readjust
the Ebnetter sprinkler system.

Yes!

Ooh, maybe they'll get black mold.

His newspaper bill was outside on the
sidewalk, so I paid it.

In full.

For all next month.

You failed!

See, when they try to pay, they'll think
they forgot to record a check.

It's an accounting nightmare. Confusion
all over the place.

Maybe I didn't say it right.

Newspaper bill. No, we get it. We get
it.

It's just not quite the devastating
payback we were going for.

Charlie, I sure hope you never get mad
at me.

I might end up with my mortgage paid
off.

Oh, I see.

You're the experts on payback. That's
fine.

But you just wait till Eb Netter's
scratching his head trying to balance

checkbook.

Just wait!

That's going to leave a mark, Debbie.

It's Gabby.

And I want to read you something that I
recently decided wasn't stupid.

It's poetry.

I'm more of a fan fiction guy, but
whatever.

It is nor hand, nor foot, nor arm, nor
faith, nor any other part belonging to a

man. So, okay, this is about
dismemberment?

and a name that which we call a rose by
any other name would smell as sweet.

Okay, well, you wrote a real solid poem
there.

I didn't.

Thanks. Good night, Kyle.

Night, Debbie.

Okay, move fast.

Get in, readjust their sprinklers, and
run. Steph, I'm telling you, a little

detergent in their fountain would make a
nice bubble party.

I said no.

It would be too big of a mess.

Listen, with revenge, there's a certain
line you don't cross.

Another revenge rule? Revenge is
starting to sound like school.

I'm here.

Honey, why are you dressed like that?

You said I need to wear bright clothing
at night so cars can see me.

Yes, but there won't be any cars, and we
don't want anyone to see us, okay?

Here.

Okay. Time for Operation Change the Eb
Netter Sprinkler System so it sprays

their house.

We'll come up with a cool name later.

I thought we were putting soap on their
fountain. No, that's crossing a line.

I think the line just moved.

Get the...

Bubbly and foamy. It looked like their
yard had rabies.

Oh, ixnay on the outing, Faye. Really?

Pig Latin? Do you think I'm an idiot,
Faye?

I know you were talking about the
ebnutters.

But I'm over Kyle.

What brought this about?

I got to the end of Romeo and Juliet.

It's one thing to be into a guy, but
seriously?

Mutual suicide?

the truth i think the whole story
borders on tragedy

so how about i make it some breakfast if
you're looking for eggs they're gone

they've been put to good use wait wait a
minute what did you two do we egged a

bunch of houses houses plural yep

we sell a force you're welcome

how mad you were when the Campbells
started their leaf blower at 6 in the

morning? And the tailors let the dog
poop on our lawn?

And you said the Kirklands were just
weird?

They got pooing.

Boy, what you did was not right.

Why not?

You did.

Well, that was different because...
Charlie?

Because it served them right.

You guys are pathetic.

You're acting like... children. You need
to say you're sorry to the neighbors.

You're not the boss of us.

Well, I'm the only one who is mature
enough to stay out of these shenanigans.

Now, you two march next door and
apologize.

Show them that you're the bigger people.

I'll leave you to it.

I'm needed on Twitter.

Stephanie, um, listen, Hoyt and I, we
thought we'd come by and apologize for

everything that's happened, you know,
before things got any more out of hand.

Isn't that right, Hoyt?

Hoyt!

Uh, yeah, we're really sorry.

Anyway, I made a nice pie just to show
you how sorry we are.

A pie?

That's not enough. You want a little
song? We're not that sorry.

Are you sorry enough to give us our
garden back?

Fine. Have your garden. Are we done? I
have to get home and work on my

checkbook. There's something all screwed
up with it.

I knew it would break up.

Yes, sweetie, you are an evil genius.

Now let's have some pie.

Pie for breakfast?

Yes.

What's wrong?

I guess this means the ebnetters are the
bigger people.

time. Cut, cut, cut.

Unless they did this just to make us
feel small.

Then they wouldn't be bigger. They'd be
smaller.

You're right.

They'd be small, small people.

All right.

Unless... Thumbs up with the pie.

Food from our sworn enemies could be a
Trojan pie.

Let's see how this goes.

Okay,

you guys.

Looks like you've apologized to everyone
on this list except for the Hensels. We

didn't do anything to the Hensels. Well,
somebody repainted their house number

from 1403 to 1408.

We love the Hensels. Mrs. Hensel is
always telling the funniest jokes about

Grandma Meg.

Well, I got a joke for her.

Knock, knock.

Who's there? Not the fire department,
because they're circling the block

for 1403.