All language subtitles for Instant Mom s01e15 Chore Money, Chore Problems

Gabby, why does it look like your
clothes threw up on our staircase?

Because it's Wednesday?

Still confused.

Marie's coming to clean tomorrow. How's
she going to know what's dirty unless

it's on the floor?

You're still new here, Stephanie.

You'll catch on.

James, what do we do with our cans when
we're done with them?

Oh, right.

Hmm, that couple swallowed. And Marie
will get it. You can't just leave that

there. We'll get bugs.

Sweet.

Stop that.

What? Bugs don't like juice?

No, you're making a mess.

And since when is it Marie's job to
clean up after you?

Since she took a job with the cleaning
service? Is this a trick question?

Here. You guys don't get to be slobs
just because the cleaning service is

coming. Why not?

You do.

I do not.

Name one time. Dinner dishes last
Wednesday. Name two times.

I paint up after myself, Stephanie.

Sweetie, stuffing your dirty towels
under your bed does not count.

How are we going to know they're dirty
unless they're under my bed?

We have a system.

Don't mess it up.

You guys live like pigs.

Only on Wednesdays. That's the system.

Unbelievable. was raised to take pride
in my home then who's been drinking

coffee out of this ice cream sundae dish
all my mugs were dirty and you couldn't

wash one i would have but but marie's
coming tomorrow how is she gonna know

they're dirty unless i leave them in the
sink

You know how I was saying it's a bad
idea to have the cleaning service?

You've never said that.

I'd remember you saying that, because I
would disagree with that.

Well, it was sending the wrong message
to the kids, so I fired them.

You fired them?

I hope you mean the kids.

I didn't have a cleaning service growing
up.

So now nobody gets one?

Having to clean the house myself taught
me responsibility.

I don't know. We have a big house. And
three able -bodied kids.

Two of whom barely know how to clean
their own bodies, let alone things we

off of.

Why would you do this without talking to
me? Because I knew you said no.

Well, that should have told you
something.

It'll be okay, Charlie.

It's what's best for the children.

Who cares about them?

We're going to get shower crud.

All right, I refolded all the laundry
you supposedly folded.

How's the kitchen coming?

Oh.

Use too many dishes.

Seriously? A fork and a spoon?

What are you, the queen?

Sweetie!

I'm ready to mop. With me.

Where?

Here, sweetie.

What are you doing? You told me to mop.

With a mop!

Not my sweater!

Okay. Make an omelet?

You have to break a few eggs. I just
wish they weren't my cashmere eggs that

went with everything in my wardrobe.

a trade. I don't know what Aaron did to
that bathtub, but uncle.

Don't hate.

I work hard. I play hard.

Fine. I'll take the bathroom. But that
means you have to do the kitchen table.

Okay. Ew. What was this, jelly?

Done.

That's disgusting.

Now the table and your shirt are both
dirty. If only there with the service to

take care of all of this.

There is. It's called You Guys Are Gonna
Do It. I don't want to hear boo about

it. Incorporate it.

Done. All right, I'm going to Molly's.
Bye.

Uh -uh, uh -uh.

What? I finished all my dishes.

Did you clean out the fridge?

You meant that literally? I thought you
meant just go get a snack.

And after that, you can do the stove and
the countertop.

James, table.

No spit.

Sponge. Go.

Man, this is so wrong. I haven't seen my
friends all weekend.

That's because we've been so busy taking
pride in our home.

I bet Dad and Steph just fired the
cleaning service so they could make us

for free.

That's not fair. If they want us to be
the cleaning service, they should pay

Good luck with that.

If we all stop working, what could they
do?

They could clean the house themselves.

They could hire the service.

Or they could pay us what we deserve.

It's a win -win -win.

I'm good with any of those.

All right.

I'm in.

Me too.

But if Dad starts throwing things, I'm
using you as my human shield. That's

cool. I'll use Aaron.

That's cool.

Wait.

Nah, that's cool.

What did you do to the sheets?

Every time I get one corner down, the
other corner pops up.

our sheets. Our sheets are turquoise.

These are turquoise. Those are
aquamarine.

I hate this house.

You just had to go and fire the cleaning
service.

You know, we can go back and forth about
whose fault this is. Oh, no, no.

There is no back, only forth. It's your
fault.

I'm not sure I like this side of you.
Oh, you mean the right side? Because I

right.

Charlie, that's neither here nor there.
No, it's here. Stop it!

If it will make you happy, we will hire
the cleaning people back.

No, no, no, no.

You took a stand.

You're trying to teach the kids
something. The least I can do is back

No, really. I can bend here. Honey, you
shouldn't have to... Please, Charlie, if

you ever love me, stop supporting me on
this.

They're driving me crazy.

Aaron's skating on my best cashmere, and
James is spit -cleaning with real spit.

What about what's best for the children?
Who cares about them? We got nice...

We give them reasonable, harmless
chores.

Make up their bed, take out the trash,
and do not touch anything that matters.

Well, let's do that.

But I wish you hadn't fired her without
talking to me in the first place.

I just hope Marie is still available.

You already called her, didn't you?
She'll be back on Thursday.

Oh, good. You guys are here.

We're calling a family meeting.

Can they do that?

For the last week, we've been doing most
of the housework. Well, we were just

coming to talk to you about that.

This is our meeting.

And we have some demands.

Oh, do you now?

Heck yeah, we do.

We want to be paid to clean the house.

And I want people not to laugh when I
wear a mock turtleneck.

You guys paid Marie, so you should pay
us.

Equal pay.

What he said.

Guys, we are not going to pay you. But
you've been working really hard, so

go get our coats and go out for some
pizza.

Pizza? We did it, man. We won.

We didn't win.

Dad and Stephanie are trying to avoid
the issue.

Pay us or we're going on strike.

Strike?

What do you know about strikes?

I'm studying them in school.

I knew it was a mistake to educate them.

management propaganda.

Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!
Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!

Strike! Strike! Strike!

Say goodbye to your TV, your internet,
and all your other little comforts.

Works for us?

Yeah. And if we don't care about that
stuff, then you've got nothing on us.

I know they can't do that.

Guys, stop it. This is a fight that does
not need to happen, okay?

Your father and I have come up with a
compromise we think you'll all be happy

with. We are going to rehire the
cleaning service, but you still have to

chores. No way. No chores.

And no cleaning service.

I'm re -canceling.

If you live in the house, you clean the
house.

Then we don't need your house.

Then let's see how you do without it.

Have a good night.

Well, this took a turn.

Remember that win -win -win?

Somehow we lost.

Trust me, he got them right where we
want them. Where?

Inside, with the TV and my phone.

Wow. A whole lot of crazy just went
down, am I right?

We're going to laugh about this
tomorrow. Let's just go inside and have

of cake. We all know there's no cake.

We were just sitting there two minutes
ago.

Maybe she just made it.

Erin, this isn't about cake. We can get
cake anytime.

I want cake now.

Anytime but now.

Focus. Come on, guys. Just come in and
talk to your dad.

This can all be solved with a simple
conversation. We were so close to a

compromise. We're not anywhere near a
compromise.

Yeah, you just want us in there so you
can handcuff us to the vacuum cleaner.

Dad knows what we want.

Cake, right, guys?

Stop with the cake.

We want pay for the work we do and back
pay for the work we've done.

Plus pension and health.

And so, Ben, he knows where to find us.

That's right.

Living in this backyard, next to this
red anthill.

Would you just go outside and talk to
them?

Nothing to talk about.

Till they make the bed, they don't lie
in it.

Charlie, you've got to be the grown -up
here. I just want them to clean the

house that I provide and be grateful for
the privilege.

And if they want to talk, I'll be right
here, eating hot buttery popcorn, And

watching my new favorite show, All My
Children Freezing.

I can make more popcorn.

I can make more children.

Morning, guys.

How'd you sleep?

Let's just say we didn't get far enough
away from that red anthill.

Here, I brought you something.

What's that? A box full of dad's
apologies.

No, some clothes to wear to school
today.

There's nothing in here but old
Christmas outfits and pajamas.

Why can't we wear this stuff in our
closet? Your dad insists you don't wear

anything we bought. So, that leaves just
presents from your grandparents.

You want to stand on principle?

You'll do it in snorkeling fins.

For real?

My old Halloween costume!

Bam!

Personally, I just end the strike.

Go in and put on something less
mortifying.

Are we really going to wear this stuff
to school?

If we break now, Dad will never take us
seriously again.

Yeah, and the next time we're in the toy
store, I need him to feel me.

Hey, babe.

Hey, you look tired.

Twelve hours at the hospital, you must
be exhausted.

Oh, I am.

By my third operation, I wanted to
switch places with the patient. At least

got to lie down.

Oh, hello, sweet couch.

Did you miss me?

You feel rested yet? Because I need you
to dust and vacuum our bedroom.

Me? Yes, you.

The kids are on strike. I can't take
care of this whole house by myself.

I'll do it tomorrow.

You have surgery again all day tomorrow.

I'll do it on Saturday.

Good. Here's a list of all the other
things I need.

When can you mop the laundry room? Wait,
wait, wait. A list? Why is there a

list? Because we have the work of five
people to split between the two of us.

Clean all the bathroom. Do I have to do
this?

We have shower crud. I don't want to
touch shower crud.

Well, you're the one who doesn't want to
compromise.

Bye.

I give.

I'll talk to the kids.

This was the worst day of my life, and
I'm a child of divorce.

Tough day in those elf slippers, huh?

It wasn't supposed to be.

Molly was going to bring me some normal
clothes to change into, but she had to

go and get strep throat. Can you believe
her?

I cave.

I'll clean anything you want.

Good. We have shower crud.

Best day ever.

People gave me candy because I look like
Halloween.

You're in the house.

Does that mean you're not on strike
either?

No way I'm still on strike.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is almost
on. I'm off strike.

Nobody touches TV.

I'm going to go change into my turtle
costume.

James must have gone straight to the
backyard. I'm going to go get him so we

work out a compromise.

No longer interested.

What? Now I'm winning.

Two kids down, one kid to go.

You won't get James.

He says you're ready to break like a
street dancer on a refrigerator box.

Oh, I'm going to break?

He's gonna break like a refrigerator box
on recycling day. Yeah, I said it.

You know you guys have the same vein in
your forehead that throbs when you get

mad?

Charlie, your son is in the backyard all
alone.

You could end this right now.

You got it, honey.

I'll end it.

I'll end it good.

to compromise.

So I won?

Compromise.

Nobody wins.

That sounds like losing.

James, your dad is inside hoping you
guys can find a way out of this.

You can end this right now.

You got it, Steph.

I'll end it.

I'll end it good.

Honey, James is still out there.

I thought you were going to talk to him.

I went a different way.

I'm bored.

When do I get to play with James?

No, no, no. I told you.

You're not here to play with James.

You're here to play James.

That's your seat.

I'm sorry.

What?

I hired him to replace James until the
strike ends.

Huh?

Huh? That's your move?

You brought in a scab, James?

Oh, you're wrong for that.

I told you I was going to end it. And
scab James will end it.

Your move is supposed to be finding a
compromise with your son.

But this is better.

Like you said, he's out there all alone.

Once he sees his replacement in here
enjoying all the things he wishes he

enjoying, little dusting won't seem so
bad.

I get what's happened here.

You've turned into a crazy person.

Oh, hey, Mrs. Meharry. Hello, Mrs.
Phillips.

Doctor, these are posted all over the
neighborhood.

My father, Dr.

Charles Phillips, makes me live in the
backyard.

to move.

I assure you, Mrs. Meharry, that what's
on this flyer is not technically true.

I don't feel a bag busy, James.

Are we allowed to feed him yet?

Yes.

Maybe I'll hold on to this, just in
case.

I can't believe James would do something
so drastic and outrageous.

Can I have a soda with dinner?

Not now, scab James.

I think I got all the flyers.

That Mrs. Meharry can get scrappy when
she gets cornered.

Charlie, I've been thinking this over.

If you can't end this thing with James,
I'm going to go on a little strike of my

own. What kind of strike could you
possibly go on?

He's out back.

You want me to go right to balloons, or
should I do some knock -knock jokes with

the goose?

It won't be necessary. I don't think
you'll be out there that long.

Okay, but we got a two -hour minimum.

Clowns and James.

Oh, you're good.

Oh, is James afraid of clowns?

That's going to make the backyard feel
very small.

All right, gentlemen, I got you to the
negotiating table.

Now talk.

I'm sorry.

Me too.

Good. Now we've got a dialogue going.

Now, my original suggestion was that...
Okay, Dad, I guess we could do some

chores, like keep our rooms clean, maybe
take out the trash.

Oh. If you guys do that, then I'm
prepared to rehire the cleaning service

the heavy work. Which is what I had said
in the first place. I'll have to take

it back to my people, but I bet I could
sell it to them.

Then we have a deal.

I'm glad we had this talk, son.

Me too, Dad.

I knew we could reach a compromise.

That was my compromise.

before this even started. Honey, you got
us talking. Don't be a credit hog.

I thought we'd have gotten here sooner
if it weren't for all your antics.

You could have just asked us to talk to
each other.

But I told you to... And he said that...
And you...