All language subtitles for Instant Mom s01e03 Harp & Soul

It's the opening solo, baby.

You have got to put more power in your
performance.

Now, just because it's a hymn about
humility does not mean that you can't

the spotlight.

Okay, Mom, let's carpool to choir
practice. That'll be fun.

Separate cars always take separate cars.

What was that?

Nothing.

See, you're two feet away from me, and I
can't hear a word you're saying.

Honey, you have got to project.

Make your voice clear so people can
understand your message.

Is this clear enough?

Go home.

You really should start drug testing
that child.

Wow! You're getting really good at that.

I better be good if I'm gonna make it as
a musician.

And if I'm gonna play clubs, we'll
probably need a lot of TV to showcase my

talent. Tell me.

Well, I don't think playing guitar idol
makes you a musician.

Do you play any real instruments?

What, like violin idol?

Hey, rocking out's making me hungry.

Can I have a snack?

Have a piece of fruit.

That stuff's fake. So is your talent.

The doctor will see you now.

So tense.

I'll have to run a full diagnostic.

You know, I don't usually take your type
of insurance, but in your case...

Come on, don't you want to play doctor
with an actual doctor?

Honey, why would you buy Jane's guitar
idle?

Are we?

Gonna talk about the kids now? Because I
may as well put on my bathrobe.

I mean, I don't know what's worse, that
he never played a real instrument or

that I agreed with my mother.

We're talking about your mother now.

Putting on the shoes.

James never showed any interest in an
instrument.

None of them ever have. That's crazy.

I started voice lessons when I was six.
And look at me now, singing a solo to a

packed house.

You do put butts in pews, but that's
you.

Kids have to find their own thing.

Without us at night.

Look, honey, when I was a weekend mom, I
didn't feel the need to shape their

lives. But now I'm with them every day,
and I want to share something that means

a lot to me.

Okay.

But I wouldn't force it.

My parents made me play the flute, the
harmonica, the viola. You know what I

got? Beat up by kids who played cool
instruments?

I got a closet full of throwaways and a
lot of wasted time. I could have used

doing something that I'm good at, like
performing a quadruple bypass, if you

know what I mean.

So you'll support me on this?

I support you.

Now that that's settled, we should,
uh... Have a family meeting?

Mm -hmm.

Yes. No. What?

No, we just got the kids to bed. Honey,
this can't wait.

The sooner we finish a meeting, the
sooner we do that sexy quadruple

thing.

Family meeting!

You're making us learn instruments.

All those lessons and practice will cut
into my college prep, but...

If you'd rather I end up playing music
in the subway, that's another way to go.

Look, this means a lot to Stephanie, and
we are going to support her.

Quickly!

How about you, Aaron? Do you know what
instrument you want? Can I play drums?

Drums! Done!

Gabby, you're up.

I don't want to do this. And I don't
want to pay your cell phone bill.

Keyboard. Keyboard! You got it.

You, middle kid, pick.

Actually, it's always been a dream of
mine to play...

musical interest.

Your dream?

Name one harp player.

Who cares, boys? Get in the harp.
Everybody back up.

What just happened?

You agreed to learn an instrument, and I
got out of it. You didn't get out of

anything, harp boy.

And where's Stephanie gonna get a harp?
Steal it from a hotel lobby?

She's never going to make this happen.
Well, good luck with that. I'm going to

find a plan that actually works.

Do whatever you want. I'm going to stick
with my plan.

And it's foolproof, fool.

You're on your own.

Oh, keyboard.

Rookie mistake.

You're not going to be so cocky when
she's handing you a harp. Believe me,

Peter will be handing me a harp before
Stephanie does.

I'm trying to practice here.

Aaron, I'm glad you're excited about the
new drum set, but until it arrives, I'm

a solo act.

Go play somewhere else.

you started yet.

It's just been a little tough trying to
make this whole harp thing happen.

No, Russ, you've got that big solo to
worry about. My dreams can wait.

No, no, no, no, no. They can't and they
won't. Here, why don't you look through

this harp catalog?

That's a thing.

I mean, yay.

Ah, you're going to practice as much as
your sister.

She's taken to the keyboard like a
prodigy. I know.

I had to push her at first, but now she
comes home from school, goes straight to

her room, and plays until dinner.

It's been a lot of hard work, but I am
so proud of myself.

End of Gabby.

Can you believe how quickly she picked
it up?

Took her twice as long to memorize my
credit card number, and she uses that

every day.

There she goes again.

Listen to that.

I just wish she wasn't so shy about it.

I mean, I would love to watch her do her
thing, but she hasn't let me in her

room since she started practicing.

She hasn't let me in her room since we
gave her one.

Found it. Oops.

Page 12.

Okay. Whoa.

$24 ,000 for a harp?

Hey, music of the angel, ain't cheap.

But we are.

Keep looking.

The troll is broken. I keep going into
the rail.

This is why they shouldn't let old
people drive.

I got one move left.

Ha -ha!

Oh, boy. Oh,

James.

Anybody order a harp?

Oh, well, you found me a harp.

But I didn't want one of these.

I wanted one of these.

Practice hard. It's what everybody
learns on.

This really isn't my dream, but fine.

I think what you mean to say, James, is
thank you.

This really isn't my dream, but thank
you.

It's a shame you can't find a teacher.

Ah, that's my other great news. I
managed to track one down.

I can honestly say, never thought this
day would come.

The teacher suggested you spend a couple
of hours just strumming to build up

your calluses.

I guess it wouldn't hurt.

Well, actually, he said it might.

No peeking.

Here we go.

Did I hit them? Well, the neighbors have
to find out eventually.

were fun if you love the drums you play
every day. Why?

I love the zoo, but I wouldn't want to
live there.

Thanks again.

Hi, hi, hi.

Good. You're sitting down.

Your solo's been canceled.

If you feel like hitting something,
you're in a good spot.

Canceled? Why?

Oh, Lita.

a pinky finger practicing the organ.

Well, I'm not surprised. She's 80 years
old and somebody kept yelling at her to

punch those keys like her life depended
on it.

Excuse me. I think osteoporosis is the
culprit.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. We don't have
anybody to play the organ.

Wait a minute.

Maybe wait two.

Is that Gabby?

Yay big attitude.

Yay big.

Mom, this is perfect.

I get to sing my solo and show off Gabby
at the same time. And to think we were

almost taken down by an old woman who
wouldn't drink our milk.

And James.

That's fantastic.

Almost too good to be true.

Just another day of being musically
enriched thanks to Stephanie.

Well, I have news for you.

Guess who's going to be accompanying my
solo with the choir on Sunday?

James on that tiny harp?

No, you!

I can't do that.

I mean, I mean, I can, but you guys have
an organ, right? A pedal pipe?

Honey, nobody's asking you to play the
organ. Just bring your little keyboard,

plug it in.

It would take too much time to learn the
music.

Oh, piece of cake.

It's so much easier than the stuff that
you've been playing. I can get you the

sheet music today.

Unless there's some other reason you
don't want to play.

I can make this work.

Good. I can call the prayer circle, tell
them they can stop.

This is going to be so much fun. Yay, me
for encouraging you.

It's a mystery.

The sudden unexplained talent learning
songs with your headphones on and

them well behind a closed bedroom door.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Tell me a secret and I promise not to
bust you.

It's foolproof, fool.

You're on your own.

Don't worry. I'll figure it out.

Why do you keep making those stupid air
quotes?

I'm not. My fingers are mangled from the
heart.

You have an adjacent.

string, which is to say it is in close
proximity to the first string, which

must be plucked.

Minor second, not a minor first. Common
mistake among neophytes or novice

players, as it were.

I've built into my technique, which is
not dissimilar to other techniques, yet

still maintains its own uniqueness.

Where was I?

How's it going?

Dream come true.

Was blind, but now I see.

Getting there. I thought it got there
two hours ago.

One more again.

I heard a little cracking on that last
note.

Really? Then we're done. Once I crack, I
can't go back.

Oh, bummer.

Have I told you how proud I am of you?
Yep. I got your I'm proud of you mug and

your I'm proud of you tweet.

Hashtag you're the bomb.

Hashtag right back at you.

About dinner soon.

Oh, and Jane, don't forget you still
have an hour of harp night.

Practice makes Gabby.

Gabby, Gabby, Gabby.

I know your secret.

Took me a little while, but I finally
put my finger on it.

You're about to lose that finger and a
whole lot more.

There's one thing I haven't figured out.
How'd you get this long programmed into

the memory card if you can't really
play?

There's a band geek who's got a crush on
me.

You better not rat me out.

Hey, I'm not an unreasonable man.

What do you want?

What have you got?

An I'm proud of you mug and five
dollars?

I'll take the five and ten more for
insulting me with that mug.

A reminder, as the offering plate is
being passed around, the vegan bake sale

was a heartbreaking failure.

And now how...

Yes, sir. They wowed you with, I know
that my redeemer lived.

And they moved you with, Holy Spirit,
truth to buy high, high.

Their rendition of, there is a fountain
filled with blood.

Went to number one on the church
website.

Our choir, our lovely soloist, Miss
Stephanie Phillips.

Mm -hmm.

Embarrassing.

Before we begin, I'd like to announce
that our usual accompanist could not be

here today.

Brittle bones.

But my stepdaughter has graciously
agreed to accompany us.

They say it's better to give than to
receive, and I couldn't feel more

than I do today for having given my
stepchildren the gift of music.

I'd like to give that gift back.

You've never heard an angel sing, but
you're about to hear one play.

Gabby Phillips.

I'll never have to touch that harp
again.

What's that?

Gabby's keyboard memory card, or as I
call it, the day the music died.

I can't really play.

I'll be in the car.

Since we find ourselves with some
unexpected time to fill, stop me if you

this one before.

Me and the rabbi, we walk into a bar.

That was the most humiliating thing that
has ever happened to me.

Oh, honey, give it some time.

Something much more humiliating will
come along.

It was horrible. This whole thing was
horrible.

I just... What?

Should have listened to me?

Do you really want to go there right
now?

Stephanie? All right, just remember, if
you kill her, there'll be nobody left in

this house who cares about your shoes.

Come in.

I just wanted to say sorry.

For what?

Ruining my solo?

Embarrassing me in front of my church?

Lying to me this whole time?

Sure. All that.

You don't sound very sorry.

That's because Stephanie should be
apologizing to me, too.

For what?

For forcing me to play an instrument?

For ignoring me when I said I wasn't
interested? For volunteering me to play

church?

Okay. Maybe I can see that.

I'm sorry.

And your father's sorry, too.

Huh?

For what? Not stopping this whole thing
before it started?

Apology accepted.

Not what I meant, but sure.

Now, can we at least finally admit that
we don't have musical kids?

What's that?

Must be the TV.