Original subtitles

Charlotte, how many college recruiters did you invite?

Fifty -three. And here are the faculty assignments.

Great.

Excuse me, Mr. Moore. You have to explain some of these recruiters you've

invited. Such as?

Greenpeace. Greenpeace, that's not a college.

Bowling Green's a college.

Greenpeace is a whale watching or something.

It's an organization dedicated to saving the planet.

I just thought that some of the students... I'm trying to send kids to

not out looking for Moby Dick.

And look, look at this. Why, you have invited the armed forces.

Dr. Samuels, I'm not going to be able to get this done unless you stop

interrupting. Okay, I'm a reasonable man. I'll drop by during your first

and we'll discuss it.

That's another thing, sir.

Okay, how can I say this nicely?

I would appreciate it if you would not come into my classroom unannounced

anymore. What do you mean?

Well, you just walk in any time you feel like it, and it's an interruption.

You don't want me in the classroom?

No, it's not that. It's just that... My kids.

You don't want me to see my kids.

It's not a custody battle, Dr. Stanton.

I just don't want you to interrupt my teaching the lesson to my students.

Of course I understand.

Don't worry about me, Mr. Moore.

Miss Muir, I'll be in my office.

And I don't want to be interrupted.

Good morning, everyone.

What's so good about it? My father wants me to go to Columbia, where he went. My

mother wants me to go to Caltech, where she went. My Aunt Lurleen wants me to go

to cosmetology school.

You know, that's not a bad idea. You know, beauticians make a nice living.

talking about, Mr. Moore. I just can't make a decision.

Well, you just decided not to become a beautician. That's a start.

It's college recruiting day.

A bunch of people come by. They tell you why they think you'd want to go to

their school. I mean, it's nothing to get worked up about.

Don't be naive, Mr. Moore. I mean, we all have good grades, but good grades

aren't enough.

If you make a good impression, they hear about it. If you don't, you're on your

way to motel management.

This is our futures we're talking about here.

Well, I think college is a long way off.

Mr. Moore, on Friday, we have to be poised, confident, articulate, well

-groomed.

What are you looking at?

Okay, so I'm not Ralph Lawrence.

I'm not even Ralph Cramden.

What you're all feeling is normal.

Interviews make us all nervous.

I'm not.

I'm not.

I'm not.

I'm not.

Okay, so they make some of us nervous.

Alan, what gives you the nerves of steel?

You've already chosen your college?

You don't choose Harvard.

Harvard chooses you.

And Alan Pinkard is one of the chosen people?

It's a mere formality. I've already selected my major and bought my books.

also picked out my dorm room.

Southeast corner of the quad, third floor, overlooking the business school.

They showed me that room. I didn't like it.

You're going to Harvard, too?

Colleges have been calling me for years.

She's holding out for a sorority house with monkey bars.

Darlene? Well, the Bryn Mawr Recruiter is a business associate of my father's.

I'm taking her to lunch at the Four Seasons.

Oh, Darlene, that is the worst.

Not since Andre took over the kitchen.

Why is everybody making such a big deal about this?

Maria, you're not nervous?

Look, you go to some college, you get out.

You go to some grad school, you get out. You become a psychologist, you have

kids, they hate you, you retire, and you die.

Why is your life flashing before my eyes?

You know, I think you're all going to be okay.

I feel faint.

Except Arvin.

Eric?

Oh, we're going to Sarah Lawrence.

Simone, I said I would consider going there, that's all.

What are you trying to tell me, Eric?

That I would consider it, okay?

I know you. You're backing out.

Backing out? I haven't even backed in.

Look, I'm sorry I brought it up, okay?

All right, when Lyndon Johnson assumed the presidency, we had already

established a policy of intervention in Vietnam.

Excuse me, Mr. Moore.

Gang, remember, college recruiting day is Friday, first period. Yes, they know

that. Those of you who will be attending will be excused from classes.

They know that. Just keep in mind that what you say, what you wear, and what

decisions you make Friday will follow you to your graves.

Excuse me. May we?

Do you remember our chat this morning? Oh, yes, I do, Mr. Moore.

And at first, I was crushed.

But I said to myself, I'm the principal.

This is my school. These are my kids.

So in the future, will you please not interrupt my... Interruptions?

Precisely.

Carry on, team.

Girl, I've made a decision. decision. I am definitely going to Caltech. Great,

Arvin. Or Princeton.

No, no, no, no.

Definitely Caltech.

Or Princeton.

I mean, Stanford.

No, no, no, no. Definitely Columbia.

Arvin, who cares?

Guys, listen to this.

Students and faculty gather at Dean's residence for conversation and tea.

Look at these suits. Who are they kidding? Nobody at MIT dresses like

Yeah, just the kids in the brochure. The ones that got accepted.

Come on, Darlene. Okay, okay, here, here, look. There's somebody who dresses

just like me. Read the caption.

MIT students in Harvard production of Tobacco Road.

Oh.

Harvard, you gotta help me dress better. I need help picking out clothes,

matching colors, you know, putting together an outfit.

Ow!

I gotta make a good impression on the MIT recruiter. What do I wear?

How about a car cover with cuff?

I need advice, not abuse.

I'm sorry. You really want my help? Yeah, I need... No.

What am I going to be able to do in four days anyway?

You? Nothing.

But in the hands of Alan Pinkard, Pygmalion Revisited, I accept the

Yeah? It'll be like clearing a slum. Like turning a garbage spill into a

pitch. Like, I just want some help picking out a shirt.

You just don't pick out a shirt. You make a statement.

Look, we'll go to my tailor. We'll tell him it's an emergency. And remember, no

plaids, no prints, and for the love of God, man, no horizontal stripe.

What's that scent you're wearing?

Hmm?

That's bean dip.

Dennis, we're talking MIT, not Bozo U.

Hey, I'm sorry. It's not that easy being dull.

How do you do it? Oh.

No, no.

Sorry. Oh, come on.

Eric, I thought we were... You know, kind of serious about each other. We

I'm serious.

Well, then why do you want to get away from me?

Help me out here. When did I say that?

Well, you don't want to go to Sarah Lawrence.

That's where I'm going to be.

Ergo, you don't want to be with me.

Oh, hold the ergo right there.

Why do I have to be where you want to be? Why can't you be where I want to be?

Where do you want to be?

I don't know. Ergo, what are we talking about?

Sarah Lawrence.

It's so beautiful.

I want you to see the leaves changing color or walk across the lawn.

Do you understand a lawn?

Yes, I understand a lawn. A wide expanse of grass covering field mites and other

rodents.

Eric, think about it.

Professors in tweed jackets, with pipes, canoeing.

It's always been my dream.

Simone, if you want to go canoeing with a bunch of old guys with pipes, be my

guest. What does that have to do with me?

You know, it's becoming pretty obvious you just want to get away from me.

Look. You want me to talk to this Sarah Lawrence recruiter? I will talk to him,

okay? You happy now?

Jeez.

Don't slouch.

Okay,

if I could have your attention, please.

Since recruiting is during first period today, and... Uh, Mr. Moore?

Yeah, I know. Just ignore him.

Politely, of course.

Anyway, as I was saying, since recruiting is during first period, that

happen.

Obviously, there'll be no history class. So those of you who are not going, it's

a free period.

And if you are going, once you've finished your interviews, please return

Then you can use the time as you see fit, okay?

Mr. Moore? Ms.

Mira?

I suppose we can let her in.

I'm glad you noticed us.

Your doors were jammed.

No, actually, they were both locked.

Locked? Charlie, the recruiters are ready for you all now?

That's what I was trying to tell you. Good news. Let's go, gang.

Wait a minute.

Where's Dennis Blunden?

If he's out filling up those water balloons, he'll help me out.

It took me four straight days, but I turned him into a yuppie.

Another day and I'd have had him voting Republican.

Dr.

Jekyll, Mr. Hyde, you care to join us in the gym?

Come on, Janice. I think the adult would like to talk.

I am just as adult and mature as anyone else.

I'll play jacks with you.

Okay.

I changed my mind. I don't want to talk to this recruiter.

You said you'd keep an open mind about it.

What's the point? I'm not going to go.

Ergo, why talk?

Everything you say puts more and more distance between us.

What's going on here?

I mean, you keep trying to tell me what to do, and we're not even married yet.

Not that I meant that as a proposal or anything.

Well, just what do you mean?

Look, if you want to wear tweed and smoke a pipe at Sarah Lawrence, fine.

And if I want to stay a nonsmoker and wear black leather, that's what I'm

to do.

And if that means to you that I don't want to be with you, then okay, you win.

Okay.

Fine.

Have a nice life.

Okay. It's not a deli, you know.

You don't have to take a number.

I feel it, Mr. Moore. I'm on the verge of a decision.

I'm almost on the verge of a decision.

I'm on the verge of being on the verge of... Okay.

What's wrong?

I don't know, Mr. Moore. I've completely lost my self -confidence, and I just

don't feel...

I don't feel like me.

Well, you certainly look presentable.

Yeah.

That's it.

If there's one thing Dennis Blunden is not and never will be, it's presentable.

Thanks a lot, Mr. Morgan.

Incidentally, your tie is on straight.

Oh.

Thanks.

Excuse me.

I'm looking for the Harvard recruiter. Oh, yes. Is he here?

Maybe I'm early. That's not good, is it?

You're right on time.

Oh, good, because I want to make a good impression on him.

You work with him. What's he like?

Actually, um, I don't work with him.

Oh.

I understand.

I should have known that a classy gal like you would be dating a Harvard man.

Absolutely.

Unless, of course, that Harvard man happens to be a classy gal.

Have a seat, Mr.

Pinkard. Pinkard? No, my name is Blunden. Dennis Blunden.

Oh.

Hi.

Hi.

How'd it go at Sarah Lawrence?

Great. They love me.

You don't seem too thrilled.

Well, now that I know that Eric just wants me to go away to college, how

you feel? Well, how do you know that that's what he really wants?

Well, I don't. He's not talking.

Maybe you could... Let's say that you and Eric do stay together and you get

married. And you have kids and you have these little problems.

How are you going to solve these problems when I'm not around?

You're right.

I guess I should just forget about him.

She says lotion?

Lotion?

Isn't that a beautiful buzzer?

Oh, you like the buzzer. You gotta see what I got in my locker. It's this

plastic vomit.

Great.

Where do you see what I'm working on? I'm testing the effects of zero gravity

whoopee cushions.

Mr. Moore, you got a minute?

Actually, I don't, Eric. Okay, give me a half a minute. I just need your advice

on something. Well, I'll tell you the answer to all your problems.

Talk to her.

I've got to hand it to you, Mr. Moore. At first, I hated your idea of inviting

the armed services to this thing, but the kids like it a lot.

I've made a decision.

Congratulations.

I think I'll just join the Marines.

You what, Arvid? You know, the Marines have a very fine program. I'll get a

education in field artillery maintenance.

I'll get to see the world, and I'm going to get something I've always dreamed

of. Buy it.

Go ahead, Mr. Moore.

Go ahead and what? Well, you are going to talk him out of it, aren't you? Yeah.

No, I'm not.

You're not? No.

I've never been against people doing things for their country.

Besides, I admire anybody who wants to hike 20 miles with a fully loaded

backpack, sleep in mosquito -infested swamps, eat year -old meat out of a can.

You know, a lot to look forward to.

You're old meat.

What a disaster.

I completely made a fool out of myself. I totally blew it. No, you didn't. He

loved you. He said you'll make a great doctor and you got him to stop smoking.

Really? Great.

Um, how'd you do?

Awful. You ever try to talk to someone who just quit smoking?

Well, it looks like I can kiss Harvard goodbye.

Harvard man?

A woman?

I mean, I thought he would be... Was she... Well, this is as articulate as I

got.

Well, looks like the Cold War is back on. War! War! No, I don't want to go!

It's okay.

I did talk to that recruiting officer from the Marines, and he said that all

agreed to was possibly a second meeting, so you can change your mind.

Oh, thanks, Mr. Moore.

Alan, let's say that you did blow it with Harvard, okay?

Is your life over?

Actually not.

Thinking about blowing it is a lot worse than actually doing it.

Well, anyway, I think Princeton has a better wine cellar.

Well, you did learn something today.

I learned something today.

If you're not going to be yourself, at least make sure that you're not Alan.

Okay, well, um... Eric, Simone, did you two, uh, get anything out of this?

No.

Not really.

Except for I'm never talking to him again.

You're never talking to him again?

Again?

Uh, Simone.

Eric.

Outside.

Again? Again.

Now, where were we?

I guess he wants us to settle this ourselves, huh?

Listen, Simone, I never said that I want to get away from you.

I just think that this is a decision that I gotta make with a clear head.

And I can't do what's wrong for me just to make things nice for you.

No matter how much I like you. No, Eric, it's my fault. I should apologize.

I realize I've been pushing you to enroll in the same school as I do, and

selfish.

I just can't imagine not seeing you every day.

Listen, Simone, if I'm gonna be a writer, a real New York writer...

Then I got to have the streets, you know?

I got to have the energy of the city.

I want to go to a college that anybody can afford with all types of people.

And you can be a part of what's happening.

I want to go to city college.

I mean, if it was good enough for Patty Chayefsky and Bernard Malamud and Upton

Sinclair, I'm sure it's okay for a jerk like me.

Even though it may not have canoeing.

On the other hand, if you keep looking at me like that, I'm just going to say

hell with it and go to Sarah Lawrence.

No, you'd hate it.

You need the inspiration of a greasy, noisy city, don't you?

Yeah.

And you need to be around old paneling and old, musty, out -of -print books.

I mean, that's your dream.

So go for it.

Simone, college is a long, long way off.

You really think we ought to start worrying about that now?

Well, yeah.

Look, I don't see what the big deal is.

I mean, Sarah Lawrence is only 38 minutes from here by train.

How do you know that?

I timed it.

You did?

Yeah.

Come on. You think I'm going to let you go away someplace where I can't see you

anytime I want?

Good thinking.

So, I talked to Duke University and UCLA and Stanford, and I think...

Well, I think I've made my decision.

Oh, which one did you choose?

None of them.

I'm not going to college.

My mom is the one who wanted me to be a psychologist. I want to be a singer.

Come on, Maria, do you really think you can make it as a singer?

Well, let's give her a chance.

You know, I mean, you try something, maybe it doesn't work out, so then you

something else.

So you mean it doesn't matter what career choice we make?

Well, no, it's important that you make a choice, but it's not irrevocable.

Look at me. I mean, I came to New York. I started out as an actor, and now I'm a

teacher. Who knows?

Paul Gauguin started out to be a banker and became one of the world's greatest

painters. On the other hand, Hitler started out to be a painter. Thank you,

Janet. Thank you.