Original subtitles

Arvid, have you decided what elective you're going to take this semester?

Yep. Triangular Matrix Equations.

No, you're not.

Arvid, the purpose of an elective is to delve into a new and totally unknown

field. Yeah?

So, what's that unknown field into which we've always wanted to delve?

What?

Yeah.

Wait a minute, Dennis. I don't think that's on the course list.

No, but Home Ec is.

Hold back.

Why would we want to take that? It's for girls.

Oh, right.

I'd just like to say that I think the Board of Education is being pretty darn

reasonable. So let's stop all this gloomy gut -strike talk, huh? I mean, we

don't have to have a race, and I think we all can live with one little

The important thing is we've got our health.

We better. Soon we won't have any health insurance, which is why we got to

strike. Strike!

Strike! Strike!

I'm sorry, but as your elected union rep, before I go to the negotiating

committee and say that this chapter wants to strike, I think that we should

investigate some alternatives that are a little less disruptive.

Right, right. How about a sternly worded letter to the Times?

Oh!

I was thinking more of a work slowdown.

Let's say that we withhold all of our extracurricular activities.

No more club supervision. No more tutoring.

Dr. Samuels wants all this paperwork done. Fine.

We do it only during school hours.

Smarten up, Charlie.

A work slowdown will lose our jobs.

We're going to be cashing in aluminum cans.

I think it's a great way of getting our ideas across.

Let's do it, Charlie.

Thank you.

Wait, I got it.

How about buttons that say unfair?

How about I take your face and move your head?

Darlene, let's get together this week and study for the advanced placement

history test.

Well, I don't think that's really going to be necessary, Maria. I mean, we're

going to review all the material we've covered in history class.

Exactly. Mr.

Moore?

Don't you want to get started?

Yes.

Sorry, we've got a mountain of material to cover today.

Tell us about it. So, what's first?

First,

how many people here drink milk with lunch at least... Twice a week.

Show of hands, yeah.

This ought to be good. I can't wait to see how he ties it in with the Spanish

-American War.

Okay, how many drink chocolate milk?

Mr. Moore, what does it have to do with history?

Nothing.

This is a student nutrition evaluation report, 629 -R.

So, how many of you...

Eat the crackers that come with the soup.

Mr.

Moore, we have that test next week to review for us.

I'm sorry. I'd like to be able to help you, but the school board hasn't budged.

So until that changes, we teachers are trying to complete all of our paperwork

during school hours. So if I can finish this.

Maybe we'll have some time before the end of class.

Well, then we can get together after school for special tutoring.

No, we can no longer involve ourselves in extracurricular activities either.

But what about us? We have to do well on these tests. Our futures are on the

line here. Yeah, Mr. Moore.

Can't you bend the rules a little bit, Mr. Moore? Yeah, just a little.

I would like to, believe me, but I've got to stand by my union.

Dennis, where's the rest of your lunch?

Very funny.

This stuff's for home -ec class.

The teacher won't go to the market because of the work slowdown, so guess

gets picked to go to the food barn?

Why do you have to buy the giant sizes of everything?

Because ounce for ounce, they're cheaper.

Fine. Then you explain to the class what we're doing with the five -pound tub of

chutney.

I had a coupon.

And besides, look.

It came with a free Flintstone glass.

You would be a fool to pass this up.

This is a nightmare.

Oh, come on, Dennis. At least you're going to meet girls, right?

Oh, yeah, right. When they're not too busy yelling at me for overbeating my

whites. That's because you set your mixer on the puree setting.

Shut up.

Oh, and on top of everything else, for our homework, we've got to bake

something. Oh, and Dennis, next time, make sure they double bag.

What is the difference?

Things get ugly, Miss Mirror. Management may have to fill in for the teachers.

So you'll be teaching freshman English and metal shop.

Metal shop?

You mean with welding and riveting and banging?

Wear the safety goggles. You'll be fine.

Dr. Seamless, why can't the janitor teach metal shop?

No, I've got him down for modern dance.

Why? Because that's what he wanted. Please, let's not mess with the

union.

What do you want? I wanted to give you these.

Petitions from the faculty, huh?

Well, here's what I think of your petitions, Comrade Moore.

Actually, those were your surveys and questionnaires.

What? You see what you made me do?

I'm supposed to send these through the proper channels.

You just did.

Mr. Moore, are you all caught up on your paperwork?

Yes, I am.

Are you sure you don't want our inseams or dental records?

No, thanks.

But I would like you to settle down because I need to talk to all of you.

Oh, great. At least we have a couple days to review then. Yeah, maybe if we

really hit the books, we'll be able to catch up.

So what are you going to teach us today, Mr. Moore?

Nothing.

You said you finished all your paperwork.

Mr. Moore, come on.

We've had enough of this strike stuff. We are here to learn.

Normally,

I'd be ready to work with you, but the teachers' union took a vote last night,

and until the school board is willing to return to the negotiating table, a work

stoppage is in effect.

So does that mean you can't teach?

That's precisely what it means, yes.

Mr. Moore, this is unfair. You can't do this. Yes.

it is unfair.

And yes, I can do it. So I'd suggest you find something constructive to do

during the remainder of the period.

All right.

Mmm.

Poached salmon with dill sauce.

And you know what would be good with that? A nice lobster bisque.

What do you think?

I think if I hear you say bisque or fondue or finely chopped nutmeats one

time, I'm going to use your tongue as a scouring pad.

You're just upset because you got a D on your gravy.

Hey, lay off my gravy. I told you those weren't lumps.

Oh, give it up, Dennis. There's no such thing as a gravy ball.

Fellas.

Do you mind exchanging your recipes a little more quietly? Some people are

trying to study.

Sorry.

Too bad some people aren't trying to teach.

Mr.

Moore, don't you care about us at all?

Yes, I do.

But when you believe in a cause, you sometimes have to make sacrifices.

Oh, great. So you're sacrificing us. Yeah.

It'd be nice if you could see that this strike issue is larger than how it

affects you personally.

You're the one who's going to get more money. Yeah.

Yeah, well, maybe.

Perhaps even a living wage. That's so selfish of us.

Oh, just forget about it, Mr. Moore. I mean, we've got a test to study for.

Maybe one of us should do your job.

Welcome to try. It might be interesting.

Okay, I'll teach.

Everybody open your book to chapter seven, please.

You too?

Eric, you want to sit like a human being?

Wait a minute.

Who said you could be the teacher? Yeah, Dennis, who said you could teach? Why

shouldn't I be the teacher?

Well, for one thing, Dennis, it was my idea.

Yeah, but I got a higher grade point average than you do. Well, now, let's

act like children.

Let's decide this intelligently. Fine.

Who wants Dennis to teach?

And who wants me to teach?

Well, fine. Does somebody else want to teach?

What's going on here?

Rabble rousing again, Mr. Moore?

Next you'll have them singing Woody Guthrie songs.

Dr. Samuels, you have to do something.

If we don't get a real teacher in here, we're going to die on that test.

You've got one.

I'm going to teach you.

I may even teach a little teaching while I'm at it. The blackboard is all yours.

Stand back and eat my chalk dust.

All right.

What were they studying?

The Crittenden Compromise of 1860.

Okay.

Let's talk about Christopher Columbus.

Dr. Samuels, that sounds a little basic. This is going to be an advanced history

test.

Don't worry.

You know, Mr. Moore isn't the only person who can make history interesting.

For instance, how many of you know Christopher Columbus was a bum?

Well, he borrowed money from a woman to build his boats.

He didn't know where he was going. When he got there, he didn't know where he

was. And when he got home, he lied about where he'd been.

Darman! What do you want?

You want to sign this petition?

I don't agree with the negotiating committee.

This is work stoppage. How can I put it diplomatically?

Sucks mud.

Well, sure I'll sign. I couldn't agree with you more.

This is great.

Charlie's a good man. It's just, uh...

He's never been in the service, if you catch my drift. Yeah.

Thanks, Dorfman. If this petition works, we're going to start a wildcat strike.

Total walkout.

Picket lines, baseball bats, flash tires, the works.

Your name is going to be on the hit list of every principal in New York City.

That's what I signed?

Yes, sir.

Oh, my God.

Well,

Arvind, where'd you get that cake?

I made it for home ec.

I call it Arvid's Chocolate Raspberry Relativity Tort.

What do you think? It's fabulous.

Yeah, that is an incredible likeness of ours.

Good, thanks.

It took me all night.

Oh, Dennis, where's your project?

Oh, I've got it. Beef Rib Tips Bourguignon.

Wow. Well, how did you make that?

Oh, it's easy.

Remove cover, pull tab.

Dennis, you'd better come up with something else, or Mrs. Rinkoff is going

make you wash dishes again.

She can't make me wash them if she can't find them. What are you doing?

Oh,

Dad!

That's it.

It's over. We're finished.

We don't have a prayer on the advanced placement history test.

And it's not our fault. Why should we be the ones who get hurt by the stupid

drag?

I'll tell you why.

Because their union is so greedy.

Mr. Mort, why don't the teachers just take their paychecks and stop ruining

lives? Yeah.

You know, it's not as simple as that.

You know, Mr. Mort, nobody forced you to take this job. That's right.

With all the people out of work, you should be happy to even have a job.

You know, I'm beginning to think that Alan was right all along about unions.

You mean it? Yeah.

Would anyone like to hear my opinions on Roe versus Wade? No.

Okay, you want me to teach, I'll teach.

You're kidding. What will the union say about that? Under these circumstances, I

think it'll be okay. All right, I'd like each of you to remove one shoe.

Okay, Mr. Moore, but if this is for another survey, I can tell you right

most of us have two feet.

I want you to look at the shoe.

See if you can tell me how it is responsible for your well -being.

Okay, 1794.

Federal Society of Cord Wainers is founded.

Does anybody know what a cord wainer is?

A shoemaker.

Exactly. Now, in those days, at the beginning of the Industrial Revolution,

entire industries were founded on child labor. Not just making shoes, but in

coal mines, in textile mills, garment sweatshops. You could find six -year

working for ten cents a day.

And often, Four -year -olds were used to clean and oil heavy machinery.

Well, how could anyone do that to a four -year -old? Yeah.

Simple. It's expedient.

Small child fits very nicely into a large machine.

But occasionally somebody loses a finger or a hand or even a life. But business

is business.

Business as usual.

Now, in 1799...

The Cordwainers led the first strike in an attempt to change things. They were

America's first labor union.

And you know what they were arrested for? What?

Criminal conspiracy to increase wages.

Well,

by the 20th century, things had changed considerably.

At that point, management was using the militia or law enforcement to shoot

striking workers, including children.

So you see, if it weren't for this shoe and a lot of people who made very real

sacrifices, most of you would probably be working in a sweatshop somewhere,

minus a few fingers.

And I hope you all do very well on your tests tomorrow.

What are we supposed to do with our shoes?

Maybe we can fit them in our mouths.

Okay, Mr. Moore.

Maybe there were horror stories back then.

But what does that have to do with the teacher's strike today?

I mean, it's not like you're trying to keep kids from being abused.

Yes, we are, in a way.

What kids?

You and every kid in school.

You deserve the best education that money can buy.

I know teachers who have been working for 10, 15 years. They're not making as

much money as toll collectors in the Holland Tunnel.

Now, what kind of people are going to be teaching you if things continue at that

rate? But you're a good teacher.

Thank you.

But if I were to take a job in the real world, I could make a real living wage,

maybe two, three times what I make now.

And I'll tell you, quite frankly, I don't know how much longer I can afford

remain a teacher.

Mr. Moore, was this petition for Wildcat Strike your idea, yes or no?

No. Don't try to confuse the issue with your union rhetoric.

You want to play rough?

Fine.

Class, welcome Mr. Grodnick, a bright, enthusiastic, hungry young scholar with

Ph .D. in history who has agreed to replace Mr. Moore and help you in your

of need.

You mean a scab?

Business as usual.

But not in my class.

Don't tell me whose class this is. I think I can take it from here, Dr.

Now, class, I understand you are discussing the Crittenden Compromise of

I don't think this is going to work.

Yeah? I just don't feel right about it. It's like crossing a mental picket line.

Right. And I sure don't want to be taught by some guy who'd cross a real

Yeah.

I don't either.

I only want to be taught by the best.

Would you wait outside for a moment, Mr. Grodnick?

I'm still going to get paid, aren't I? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's the matter with you kids?

What about the test tomorrow?

Well, I guess we probably won't do as well as we might have.

Yeah. Maybe we'll score in the 94th percentile instead of the 98th. And

that'll hurt us a little down the road. But, Dr. Samuels, lots of people have

had to make sacrifices much, much greater than that. Yeah.

I mean, we may not like it, but it is important.

And I'm willing to live with it.

Me too.

Hey, I was only trying to help you.

This is your fault, Mr. Moore.

Mr. Grodnick.

Did you ever conduct an orchestra?

Very impressive.

Yeah. I guess by not teaching us anything, you actually taught us

Thanks,

Tom. I'm glad.

I sure wish we could use that on that darn test tomorrow.

Mr. Moore, I still have one question.

Sure. Can Dennis put his shoe back on now?

Yes.

My cake, it's gone.

How could a whole cake just disappear?

Not the whole cake, Arvid.

Here's Einstein's hair.

You see, I hate coconut.

However, the rest was delicious.

You ate my project.

You deserved it. The only reason I even signed us up for a home -ec class was to

meet girls.

But no, you had to get an A in baking and an A in sautéing. And you had to

when you julienned your beets.

You deserve some humiliation.

Humiliation?

You want me to show you humiliation?

Ain't it, Charlie? They went back to the bargaining table?

No, we got them by the throat.

Way to go, men.

Yeah, I guess another day or so and we can go back to being full -time

zookeepers.