Original subtitles

When I was younger, life was uncertain.

Curious phenomena like back -to -school Glenrow music panic attacks on a Sunday

night.

White dog poo.

Fat frog ice pops.

White dog poo. But who knew that life would turn into this?

I've got an abacababra gold card.

Life has blossomed for me, Canine Aiden.

Yeah, I have a chicken wig still stuck on my throat from the last hockey bag

brought home. I've just evolved so much, you know?

I'm really tuned in to understanding people now. I'm really hearing them.

Joy.

Joy.

Joy.

Joy! Oh. Sorry. You were lost in your little bubble thingy? Oh yeah, I was

telling K -9 Aiden how mature I've become.

Oh!

Excellent. Like, take for example when you moved in. I was overwhelmed by you

and your meth.

Okay.

And then somehow I just learned how to cope with it, you know? Yes.

Yes.

And now I've got a certain social responsibility that's reflected in free

kebabs. As many side orders as I want.

Hey, do you want loads of free sauce sachets? I'm like, yes, put them in the

bag.

I mean, things have got pretty exotic for me.

Do we hug now? It's just because Scott Disick is setting his beard on fire live

on the internet in like five minutes.

Excellent.

Hey.

Oh, hey, you.

Where are we going to go for pancakes?

Oh, God, yeah.

No, I can't.

Oh, no.

Joy, where are you going? Oh, no. I can't go for pancakes, Trish.

I've got to go to work.

There's just so many people relying on me to sort out their happiness right

What about my happiness?

What about happiness -related pancakes?

Can't do it.

You pinky swore. I did, I did, Trish. But look, this is a really big moment

me, OK?

I mean, I really think that I can do this job, which is just so weird.

Because, I don't know, I guess I always figured I was going to be behind the

scenes editor forever, you know? Like I was born to write grammar or something.

Care, Joy.

I'm scared of what's going to happen next, and she says push, and then who am

then? I mean, don't get me wrong. I mean, I still love an adverb as much as

next person, but this has really been something for me.

Has that ever happened to you? Humor me for a second.

Has anything so big, new, and exciting ever happened to you that, I don't know,

felt like it was changing you or something?

This is so crazy.

Remember when you were afraid that I was incapable of changing?

Weird. I've been incapable of changing for two days because Tom tied my

shoelaces too tight before he went on his work trip. I'm going to capture this

moment. I can't get out of my own shoes.

Maya!

Oh, gorgeous.

We look adorable.

Oh, Trish, I'm sorry.

Oh, do you know what? I know how to cheer you up.

Are you ready?

I'm going to let you have my abacabab or gold card.

You can go get your brekkie there.

A kebab for breakfast. Many sides if you want. All the sauces.

I know you pregnant people like to eat all sorts of weird shit, so you're

welcome.

Why are you being such a dick, Joy?

What?

Seriously. We're not kids anymore. We're not making friendship rings out of

lilch poles.

They're good days. This is you avoiding the tricky shit.

Again? I don't do that.

Oh, don't look at me.

Oh, don't touch me.

If you need to break up with me, I completely understand.

Are you crazy?

Are you crazy?

I just shot at the bottom of our friend's garden in the middle of a

party. Yeah, you did. This wouldn't have happened to Anthea Turner.

Joy, I had a poster of Auntie Turner in my room when I was 12.

I've grown up a little bit since then.

You're my girl.

In good times and shit times.

Let's go and get you up into the shower, huh? Up!

Just don't go too crazy on the sides. We don't want to attract too much

attention to anything.

Morning. Morning.

Human growth ink are holding a hot yoga session, a grand stretch in the evening.

Get in there.

Pain in growth, stretching through the knots to feel happier.

Growing pains.

Or to feel taller.

I actually knew someone who grew three inches from Pilates. It could be

trickery, like those secret wedges Bono wears in his shoes, or it could be

science. Yeah.

Either way, got to make this one a really good one.

Got a wrap to protect now, Charlene. Are you? Yeah.

Yeah. Oh.

Hi there. Sorry, excuse me.

Could I ask you a few questions?

Hmm?

Now that you're old, you're then before when you were young, younger,

does happiness change?

Happiness is peace of mind.

Your own choices.

Family, friends, work, love.

Not playing the lotto the one night your numbers come up. Fuck.

Fuck indeed.

But the real moments of unhappiness that stay with me are the regrets.

If I had that time again with the palm of my hand, I would choose to live every

minute without fear.

Connected with the people I love.

You're going to get bored of me. I know it.

You know what I'm bored of?

I'm bored of this. The same conversation over and over and over.

There is a difference.

Oh, hi there, sir.

You're young, you know.

Does your definition of happiness change the older you get?

Do I know you somewhere?

I'm the happiness hunter.

For news today?

It's no big deal.

Well, actually it is.

Expectation versus reality. Oh, I know where I know you.

We shagged in the portly with Epic Festival.

What?

Oh, no.

No. The sun's catching them.

Yeah, hotter than you and younger.

Yeah, I'm only bad.

Hey, Daisy.

Have you ever been to Epic? Never been.

It's my tooth.

I've heard good things. Yeah, music.

Hello, excuse me. Could I ask you a question, please?

Do things change as your relationship goes on?

But of course things change.

Sure, my heart doesn't skip a beat anymore when I see him. But things move

He makes me tea when my knees hurt. He makes me laugh when my heart hurts.

And that's better than a tummy flutter any day of the week. I like that.

We can't just keep saying this turned out how it was meant to be.

We did have a choice.

You've changed.

Yeah, of course I've changed.

I'm trying to share my life with somebody.

You haven't.

Oh, there you are.

You are going to love me so much more than you obviously already do.

Do you remember that girl from the wrestling?

Yeah. That funny, hot, lovable...

sassy girl that made the wrestling segment such a screaming success.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Was it Sarah? Yes, that was exactly what it was. It

Sarah. Well, I got in touch with her and I've managed to get her to come to

tonight's event too.

So you're all set up and you're welcome.

Hope you're not getting bored of all of this.

Bored? No way.

It's the opposite, really.

It gets more fun.

How are you finding all this?

Deadly.

Just trying to be the best at being deadly. You know, there's a talk of

coming back and I'm like, bags are not ever do that.

What's this one about?

Growing up.

Stan, what do you think about making this one just like a little sexier?

Like... Yeah, sure.

Is that okay?

Absolutely.

Can I come for a kebab with me later?

Absolutely. How do you like yours?

Tomato ketchup.

Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise.

I like mine hot.

Very hot.

Like so hot your tongue would be throbbing.

Joy! Joy! We were just talking about you.

Hey. Over here ASAP. Come meet Flora properly. Flora.

Joy, Joy, Flora.

Very nice to meet you. We've met loads of times. Oh, I just had a full body

massage and then some genius took the cucumber from my eyes and put them into

chin tumbler. I have never been so happy.

Joy, they exfoliated all my dead skin cells off like a very relaxing exorcism.

Thank you, Flora.

Honestly, it was nothing, guys.

Uh, tiny candles that smell of summers in Ross Blair is not nothing.

Listen. Thanks, Emile, for filling in for the last while. And thanks so much

doing your best.

Let me get you something from the goody bag.

No, I'm going to want that one.

Oh, here's a sample.

Anti -wrinkle cream. Yeah, I don't need that one.

Oh, thank you.

Nice to meet you.

Oh, we have a sweet little thing.

We do need to discuss about me taking over again.

Okay.

Yeah. Yahoo!

Something wrong with this mat in the front?

Okay, everyone.

Welcome to a grand stretch in the evenings.

Now, I know the idea of this might seem silly to some idiots.

Am I right?

We all have this idea of what our life is going to be.

And then shit happens.

If we don't address this, we internalize it all and we hold on to these stresses

until they become physical knots inside of us, blocking our ability to be happy.

Okay, everyone.

Downward dog.

And salute.

Who'd like to be the first this evening to share their life problem with us?

I'm a failed musician.

I always thought I'd really tie quads, but I think maybe now it's because my

dreams have died.

Thanks so much.

Next. I feel like I'm running out of time to find happiness. To be fair,

not getting any younger. I thought it was a physical knot inside of me, but

a kid.

I'm knocked up and terrified.

I don't even know how to make myself happy. How will I know how to make my

happy? Do you honestly think I'm worth duplicating?

Like, really?

Yes.

I mean, you have your stuff.

And everybody does.

I would honestly... I would have a billion of you.

Well, maybe nine, realistically.

Actually, two.

You know, at the cost of...

School books, groceries.

Would anybody else like to share their life problem with us this evening?

So I always figured honesty is the best policy for stuff.

But I've also had this knot for a while because I feel like I've been used a

bit. Oh.

Is that by your guy?

Do you think maybe he's all over his ex or something? Like he's using you as a

distraction maybe?

No.

Not by him.

I know how he feels.

By his ex.

You're just sweating.

I thought you were sweating a lot.

Is it raining on camera? It looks hot.

Literally.

It's good. It's good. Just wipe your face.

See, I know how he feels.

We're realistic about what we want. We talk about it all the time. Our hopes,

our fears, our dreams.

I'm just not sure where he's coming from in all of it.

Let's hold this stretch for one more minute.

One minute.

To your corner.

58. 57.

56.

55.

54.

5.

4. My Wii is on there.

2.

1.

Yeah, yeah, I heard you first time.

I can't do it anymore.

Oh, Hayden.

Oh, look at you. You're back.

I thought you'd forgotten about me.

I did.

Because that was me.

I was going to have your baby and buy school books.

Not Sarah, not Aunt Thea Turner.

Us.

Now you're back to me. You beautiful rock star.

Yes, you are.

Yes. And you don't need to make love for two hours a night anymore.

We can go back to our life.

Okay, sorry.

Carry on.

Okay.

You okay?

I miss everything.

Oh, yeah. Like what?

I miss fat frog eyes puffs. I miss roller skates. I miss punts.

I miss the original Pippa in Home and Away. Oh, yeah.

God, she's great.

I miss when everything was simpler and my life felt easier.

Growing up's a pain in the ass.

In fact, that's exactly where growing pains are.

Right in the asshole.

I mean, screw growing up to be an astronaut or a princess. Turns out I've

up to be a selfish dickhead.

Yeah.

Why did I think I could fix animals?

I mean, how do I even fix me?

You don't need to fix you.

You're honestly the coolest person I know.

Yeah, that's probably true.

But...

The time I stopped running away, Joy.

The time I grew up myself and faced some truth.

That's why I'm heading off to Bali to find myself.

You're leaving?

Yes, but you're going to be so fine.

You've got Trish. Trish?

Trish hates me because I pretended that she wasn't really having a baby

because... because maybe I couldn't...

It's up to the fact that I had my own regrets.

That's not a cappuccino. Yeah, I went out to get a cappuccino, but you know

you go out to get something and then you get distracted and you come back with

something completely different?

Yeah, like a flat white, not a cot. So the guy next door, he was throwing it

and he said that maybe we might need one of these one of these days.

Oh, come on. Like, we barely even discussed anything like that. Also, I

that kind of stuff can take forever. It can take, like, 20 years.

OK, so when you were younger, did you ever think you'd get married?

Yeah.

To Johnny Logan. But then you grow up, Aidan.

Exactly.

And I just think that maybe we could be mature enough to have an actual grown

-up conversation about us.

Maybe canine Aidan could use that as a fun den.

Joy, that's like, that's all part of it, you know?

Life is like a bikini wax.

You can't have happiness without pain.

And it is pain.

But it comes out lovely.

I'm really going to miss you.

More than fat frog ice pops?

Yeah.

from work is calling over.

Will you send him up to me when he's here? Because I think I might need to

lonely person sex with him and maybe that's okay.

It is and I will.

Go on.

Thank you.

Yeah, bring the bottle.

And make sure you go full pen.

Really treat yourself.

You deserve it.

Jeffrey,

it's Joy.

Look, I'm sorry for letting you down, but I don't have anything for you this

week.

I can't use the footage because I'm... I'm

sorry.

You

have

one new voice message.

It's so wrong.

OMG, this is hilarious.

Okay, gotta go. Send it all over Twitter.

Aiden! Aiden, outside!

Who's there?

I can reach into his mouth. Okay.

Come on, Aiden. Come on.

Oh, Aiden.

The chicken bone.

I thought I'd lost you.

I thought I'd lost you.

I saw your video.

Everything you said.

Okay, I'm confused. Yeah, they're doing that thing.

Downstairs!

Well, the comedy continues tomorrow with women on the verge of death.

Fertility M .O .T. has Alison questioning not only the wedding, but

relationship at half nine over on two.

But stay with us now here on RT1 as Brendan O 'Connor's panel tackle a

a chief and much more next.