Original subtitles

There she is. I think it's going to be totally fine.

Okay. What a second.

What in the name of balls are you doing? Are you leaving?

Are you leaving me as well?

Abandonment! I'll try harder. I'll get me a cat flap or something.

For Jesus' sake, I haven't shit on anything in weeks.

In. Right.

See how far you get without socks.

Right. You. No. Aiden, let go. You let go. No.

Aiden, let go. You let go.

Why does she always win?

Thinking. Think logically.

I can't. I'm a dog. Okay.

Emotionally. I know. I'll leave this here. You might need it. Your actual

This isn't scary.

This isn't terrifying. This is just a girl in the world looking for happiness

like everyone else.

Except sometimes it ends up on the internet a little bit.

You wrestled her on the internet?

And she said you kicked her in the... It was funny.

To be fair, that was an accident.

But then she gave me a dick in the boob. What's going on, Joy?

What is this new thing that you're doing?

I can't get a fake question.

She has a name. Her name is Sarah.

Until I ever... She needs to have everything.

Names and everything.

Why are we whispering?

Because I don't want K -I -N -A to know you're here because he misses you.

Get me no choice.

Is this just us trying to validate our lives?

Our choices?

How is everybody else doing it? Should we care?

How do we do it for ourselves?

What and where is our happy place in this mad old world?

I know, this must seem scary, but to be fair to me, there was basically no way

to interrupt you once you'd started all of that.

Oh, sorry. Um, this is, uh... Connor? Yeah, this is Connor.

He's a barista!

So tell us about this happy place.

Can I take you to my happy place?

Jesus, Joy, I know you're lonely, but... No, I'm not lonely.

I just want to take you to my happy place.

Perfect assignment.

I have to say, the night in this place, it does Reiki and reflexology and

alternative stuff to help cure your chakras and help you find peace and all

stuff. I find it all a bit weird, but I just thought it might help you deal with

the whole eddy thing.

Joy, it's good if you don't want to talk about it, right?

I went out with Eddie for seven days and are leaving for Saturday.

I don't want to push you. I've been married to Tom for eight years.

Well, this would help you deal with all of that tonight.

I can't go away with you for the night.

This person's going to arrive at any moment. And I know everybody says it's a

wonderful experience, but I don't want to remember a single thing about a tiny

human being exploding out of my vagina.

So when it all kicks off, I don't want to be in the middle of nowhere with a

crazy person trying to coax the baby out with feathers and crystals.

I'm going to go for all the drugs.

All of them.

Absolutely.

There she is.

Well, you stay here. Finish cooking that.

Okay. I love you.

I love you.

Enough of that now.

I love you.

What? Oh, Joy.

Hi. Joy, it's you.

Mummy in. Mummy in. You're here.

Yeah.

Mum, could you come away with me for the night to this retreat thing?

Actually, we were just sort of... Yeah, there was this fun article in the Sunday

papers about Sting and Trudy Styler.

Yes, and the really funny thing was the word tantrum.

Tantric? Also came up on the crossword, didn't it, Alan? It did, yes, yes, it

did. It's nine down.

Do we need milk?

Okay, I'm going to go now.

Honey, we keep what is upping you to come over for dinner and you keep

us off.

Well, I know I said I found it hard to cook for three instead of four because,

you know, it's like... Aidan's gone.

Emma and I only cater for two or four.

But, honey, it's okay.

I can just breathe the extra portion.

After you. Oh, you certainly will.

Hey.

So, I'll see you down there.

Yeah. I just have to cover Greg's piece on how you can really make your

communion money work for you, and then I'll be all over you.

I'm really enjoying our assignments.

Not because I'm a voyeur.

Voyeur. Voyeur. Sorry.

I'm not really sure how to say that.

It's just because, I mean, it's fun working with you.

Sylvia. Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life of telling unhappiness

and self -doubt to fuck off.

So you signed the form agreeing

to full submission of the house rules, yes?

Yeah. Wow.

Come with me.

To the vagina of life.

I can take that.

It's just that I've got all my stuff in there, all my creams and my bits from my

face. I can be quite particular about my skin care routine.

I've been told I have a little bit of rosacea, actually.

They cannot bring you happiness.

Okay. It's just all of my stuff is in there, like my PJs and my dressing gown.

Goodbye,

things. The brochure did warn not to bring things of material value.

And to book before the end of the month for some great bank holiday offers.

So if

everyone

can join hands.

Creative energies by sharing it with one another.

Please give you some positivity.

Oh, no, I'm fine, thank you.

So, my little cherubs, why are we here?

I feel I need to find a way to be happy again.

I mean, I was happy with Sheila before she slept with four people off the

resident association.

Yeah, I need to stop shopping to fill the hole in my life.

I'm convinced one more pair of shoes and I'll be satisfied, but it's only making

me sadder.

My niece thinks it's cool that I live in a shoe den, but she is two and a half,

you know.

I ate four eclairs after only getting 23 likes for a selfie, so I need to stop

looking for approval from everybody else just because my confidence is in my

pants right now. Sorry, notes on my pants.

What's that expression again?

In my boots.

In my boots.

Perfect. Because everyone's meant to be living the perfect life in the perfect

relationship. Sometimes I feel the pressure gets so heavy it might crack my

skull open.

Like actually crack it open.

But I've discovered, as I hope many of you will, that that can't actually

happen. Isn't that right, Sylvia?

Thank you, Fitz.

What about you, Joy?

What has brought you?

To this place.

Oh, it's a work thing.

I'm working on myself.

Are there things in your life that you've been unwilling to face or own up

before now?

No.

Everyone else thinks I should be doing things differently, but I'm okay with

I am. I believe everything you're telling me as long as you are truly

Yeah, yeah.

Very happy. Happy out.

Happy just doing the things the way I do them. I think everyone else just needs

to accept that, I think.

So where is your happy place?

Alone.

Or with five people. I do like five people.

Out of a population of seven billion, she likes five people.

To be fair, she was never going to get to know everyone, was she?

Do you think you're growing as a person, Joy?

You know, I have been thinking a lot about all of that stuff, and I just want

say that I am going to try to let go a bit.

Good.

Because you're not the only one who's had to let go of a bit, you know, for

Okay, good.

And I'm going to start by doing things and ideas and stuff

and things.

That'd be great, Joey.

That'd be great, thanks.

Come, Joe.

From here? Come.

Come.

Come.

Come.

Okay, okay.

I don't think I need to start crying or start buying shoes or anything, you

know, just to prove that I feel a certain way or whatever.

It's just a gentle technique to cleanse the aura and release pent -up emotions.

Oh, and don't be alarmed if you become emotional joy.

It's just your pent -up negative emotions finding a place

to... Oh, cool.

This is sage to cleanse your aura and dandelion oil to clear away all the...

Dirty energy.

What the hell?

Dandelions are so stupid. This is stupid. This is all so stupid.

Because it clearly doesn't work. Because nothing, look, nothing.

Nothing has come out. It doesn't work. You know what? I would like a refund,

actually. Cash and 50s in an envelope. Because this is...

This is called a happy place. Does this look happy to you?

I'm going to tell our subscribers about it as well. This absolute farce.

I've never in my life.

Hey, Joey.

Hey.

You all right?

Yeah.

I don't know how to do this piece, Stan.

I'm not sure I know what intuition feels like.

They keep asking us to listen to our gut feeling, but the only gut feeling I

have is extreme hunger because I think they think eating nice food is bad.

I think that's what people like, Joey.

You don't pretend to have all the answers.

Be yourself and you'll be great.

Just be your lovely, non -judgmentally self.

I'm not sure I have a non -judgmentally self.

Of course you do, Joy.

Let's get back. Come on.

Sheila, I forgive you. I forgive you. We should never have moved there. It was

my fault. We should never have moved there.

Let us all reconnect with nature.

Give thanks to the trees.

Thank you, trees!

Thank you.

Deciduous conifer.

Sorry I haven't been in touch lately, but I did want to say thanks a mil for

everything, you know.

Really nailing my career right now.

My personal relationships.

Oh, I'm living with somebody who takes a bath with bearded strangers, and it

turns out I have no friends.

And I might be quite odd, so I just wanted to say... Oh.

Thank you that I lost it in front of all these strangers.

Just here, yeah?

I'm pretty kind to you.

So, I invite you now to let go of your emotions and...

And allow Mother Nature to heal your broken heart in her leafy bosom. For

fuck's sake.

Look to the sky.

Tell me what you can see.

I can see a cloud in the shape of a shoe.

I see the tail of an airplane cloud.

It's probably Sheila off the Barbados. Ten lovers off our road.

I see some pretty great lighting for a good selfie here.

What about you, Joy?

I just see potential sun damage, really.

One of those birds there coming over here and just shitting on me to my

It's worrying me a little bit. I haven't had a tetanus since last May. What I

want you to see are the limitless possibilities.

Fly as high as that beautiful sky.

Downward, of course.

There are no limits.

There is a limit that when you go beyond the Earth's atmosphere, you completely

implode in an orbital velocity.

Shut the fuck up, Fenton.

Tell unhappiness and self -doubt to... to fuck off. Join me

together.

Fuck off!

Is that... Is that butter on my face?

Yeah. Yes.

I don't have any of my stuff. I've got very specific skin care needs. I've got

dry skin and rosacea, so this is helping moisturize.

Yeah. I don't have a dressing gown that was also thrown in a ditch in a bid to

find happiness.

Yeah, you're like the Bear Grylls of the retreat world.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How do you still have those? They're contraband goods.

I knocked down to the ditch.

I needed to rescue these guys before I could sleep.

Really?

Yeah.

They're gorgeous.

Maybe you should do that.

Are you sure that's okay?

Yeah.

And maybe after that, stay every night.

I really hope you all got something from this experience.

If there is any one thing you would take away, what would it be?

The small shampoo and conditioner in the bathroom.

No, no.

No, nothing.

Because things do not define me.

In order to be happy, it's all right to be really, really sad first.

You again.

I'm going to try and get out of my own head.

I think maybe I am lonely.

I've never minded being alone, but this feels different.

And it's not like anything bad happened in my childhood.

My mom has apologized for feeding me those really bad chicken nuggets, but

said everyone was at it in the 80s.

It does feel like it's getting harder to be like this.

It's really hard out there, too. I mean, so many exhausting feelings, so much

potential for pain.

Like why can you not compromise on anything?

Like what's wrong with you?

Why can't you just say it?

My case, you are so welcome.

But as much as I hate to break this moment of altruism, my case was in there

too. Yeah.

I'm glad I did this.

Yeah, me too, I think.

You know what Sylvia wants?

Throwing away all your baggage. I don't think it's entirely realistic.

Yeah.

To lighten your load, maybe.

Figure out what you're willing to keep carrying.

You know, we should swap numbers.

promised to meet each other for lunch like 57 times until we both eventually

accept that it's never going to happen.

I'd like that.

Great.

Hey, Tara, as my new never -to -be -seen -again friend, I think you should know

that I'm trying to be less scared of asking people for help and depending on

them, so could I interview you about your experience here so I could maybe

my job?

Done. You can keep your job if I can keep your Adidas Originals.

Okay. Yeah?

Yeah.

What size are you?

Thirteen.

Thirteen? Yeah, I am.

You wouldn't know.

I'm telling negativity and strict skincare regimes to fuck off.

Oh, hi, Lady of the Manor.

How'd it go?

It was actually very interesting.

Oh, this is Jimmy, by the way. Hiya.

Oh, he's not. We didn't... Basically, we've been friends since, like, forever,

and we've been having baths together since we were, what, like... Like,

I'm gay, just in case you thought it got weird after the age of 12 or whatever.

Oh, no, it's never been weird.

Nothing's gonna happen if I don't cleanse tone.

Exfoliate, ceramides, moisturizers. I mean, the world's not going to stop

turning. All right. Where's Canine Aiden?

He's feeling a bit lonely.

Nice to meet you, Jimmy.

See ya.

Bye.

Hey, there's still a bit of a pong here. Put them through another cycle.

Come here.

Oh, lick. Okay.

Good lick.

So gross.

I know you've just licked your bum before licking my face.

Snared.

Well, I am trying to let go and be less judgmental.

And you've just had a bath, so... Clean as a whistle.

I appreciate this foot.

Thanks for coming home, Joy.

Despite all my flaws and shit in the bed and all that, thanks for coming back to

me.

She's gas.

Uh -oh, she's thinking tea?

After 9 .30?

There's 26 .4 megs of caffeine in every bag. Are these people insane?

Sure. Atta girl.

Tomorrow night, Katie forces herself to start dating after her daughter sees her

as a sad Kate, while Laura's therapy breakthrough provides writing

in the hilarious Women on the Verge at half nine, over on two.

But now on RT, one Brendan O 'Connor's panel tackle friendship and finding love

in real life.

In Cutting Edge, next.