Original subtitles

Today's big game starts at 2:00.

2:00?! Holy cramolie!

Why have I been wasting my time in here?

It's about to start without me!

Yes, yes, yes!

Yee-haw!

All right! Unh!

Yeah!

Hmm.

A special game deserves a very special chair!

[Grunting]

Ok. All clear.

Ok. Just a bit more this way. Almost perfect.

Let the game begin!

Announcer: The junior/senior golf classic

is about to get underway as Bert fetzer decides

to go with either the 7- or the 9-iron.

Yes. I haven't missed a thing.

He's going for the 9. Back to the 7.

Ok. Pin placement is a little to the left on that.

Dee Dee, come back here with that device!

No! You can't have it! I want to play with it!

No! You'll break it! I will not!

Will too! Will not!

Will too! Will not!

Hey, kids, could you, uh--

give it back! Come and get it!

Dee Dee, stop this! Give it to me!

Just tell me what it does!

You are too stupid to understand!

That's it.

Quiet!

Thanks to your horseplay,

I'm missing the most important match of the year.

Now, take your nonsense outside.

Dexter: Let's have it!

Dee Dee: No! It's mine now!

Dee Dee!

Ggrrrr...

Announcer: Oh! No doubt that shot puts him well in the lead.

Put who in the lead? Put who in the lead?

Mom: Oh, yeah. You know, I tried that very same recipe,

and I got a totally different result.

I have no idea what I did wrong. Can you imagine?

Uh, dear heart, would you mind taking that, uh--

would you say that again, Betty?

I was just rudely interrupted.

What?

Yeah. So do I, but I would never--

[louder] I say, I would never

combine artichokes and squash...

Announcer, louder: ...Who's just having the most terrific day.

[Both talking at once]

Honey, do you mind? I, uh--

shh, shh, shh.

I can't hear.

Well, I can't hear, either.

Then go away.

No. Yes.

No. No.

Yes. What's that?

Oh, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard.

Ha ha ha! That reminds me of the time

when I was cleaning the oven and-- [Door opens and closes]

Betty? Betty, can you hear me?

[Grunting]

[High voice] Sure I can, but I've got to go now.

My voice is shot, and I really couldn't stand another minute

of your mindless gab.

Huh?

Unh!

See you around the holidays, Betty.

Looks good.

All's clear.

Now, let's see some action.

Announcer: This is a career-making shot for melbridge.

The match rides on this swing alone.

Hello, father.

I see you are enjoying

your favorite sporting event,

and I was thinking what a fine opportunity

this would be for you and I

to spend some quality time together.

Well, I guess.

And perhaps you could also fill me in

on the strange phenomenon

you call sports.

Oh...

Comfy?

Let the bonding begin!

Hey, son, why don't we just start by watching the game, huh?

Yeah! Come on, batter! Swing!

[Golf club hitting ball]

Not a good situation for the hapless mccracken.

Dad? Dad?

Yeah, son?

Tell me, father,

is the gentleman with the microphone the quarterback,

or does he merely kick the ball?

Announcer: I can't believe my eyes!

What? What just happened?

Looked like a pop fly into the end zone.

Ohh!

Got to pay attention, dad.

[Golf club hits ball]

Announcer: This is the kind of shot that can make or break a player.

[Dexter crunching loudly]

Dexter, I'm afraid you can't watch any more of this.

But, dad, why not?

Son, this is the part of the game that gets...

Well, extremely violent,

and--and you're too young to watch.

The carnage that follows is unspeakable.

Run, my son! And cover your eyes!

Heh heh heh!

Announcer: This is the closest match I've ever seen.

It's coming right down to the wire now, folks.

Every stroke counts. There'll be no more commercial breaks.

This match at flushing meadows is just whizzing by,

but you're in luck

because the tension is swelling with no relief in sight.

He's in the lead now, but will he hold it?

Whew! That was--huh?

Game show host: Just one more spin,

and you can pick your vowel.

Hey, now, that's not fair. My game! It's almost--

shh! Shh! Shh!

My game! My--my sp-special chair!

How dare you do this?!

[Crying loudly]

Honey, could you move? And will you please wait till the commercial?

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Announcer: What a match. Oh, what an incredible...

Hey, thanks again, Barney.

I sure am glad you let me watch the game with you.

I can't tell you the time I had

trying to watch it at my house.

Nothing but jabber, jabber, jabber, jabber, jabber, jabber, jabber.

Phone talking, kids going crazy.

Oh, man, I mean, distractions galore--

just between you and me-- us guys, you know--

and all I wanted was to watch the game in my special chair,

but no!