Original subtitles

And I'm feeling

Mayday, mayday, mayday. This is fresh 059. We've had sphere engine fire. It is

contained. Prop request immediate landing.

Fresh 059 mayday calling at descent altitude 4000 QNH 1009.

QRH checklist.

Engine fire and sphere damage or separation, please.

Time for flat 15 landing.

100 above.

Wind circle pushes down. Do you want to go around?

Disregard that. We're going to land.

Jesus Christ.

Wouldn't want to go through that every day.

Well done, Nigel. I thought you handled the situation competently.

Competently?

Dan suggested you deal with the windshield by going round. You chose to

You're saying I did something wrong?

Don't get so touchy.

It's your prerogative to overrule your first officer. I'm just asking why you

made that choice.

No point in going round at 30 feet. We were going to touch ground, so landing

seemed a safer option.

Agreed. Good call.

Thank you.

Now it's Dan's turn.

Captain, it's imperative you take this information. We have an emergency

situation. Two people injured. We can't control the cabin. Please advise.

Control the situation as best you can. We will be diverting. We can't, Dan.

Robin, please remain calm. We will be diverting. Please, Dan.

Lock the door.

Mayday, mayday, mayday. This is Fresh 090. Request immediate diversion to

Manchester. Fresh 090, mayday acknowledged.

Descent to flight level 70.

Flight heading 2070.

Could you have police and paramedics meet the aircraft on landing, please?

Roger that.

That's it. Thank you, gentlemen.

What do you mean, that's it?

The hostage situation is hardly a test for a pilot.

May I remind you, Nigel, you were both re -seeking your commands because you

the wrong person onto your flight deck.

If it happened again, I'd fail you now and save myself the hassle of grading

your written exams.

I'd get studying if I was you.

Five days in the simulator and you couldn't crack them? I wasn't aware the

objective was to crack anyone.

Let's just not go outside these four walls.

Of course.

After the embarrassment they caused this airline, let's just say it would not be

a tragedy if they had to be let go.

Croker in particular.

You're telling me to fail him? Not outright, no.

But there must be a thousand ways to get him to blow it all by himself.

If he's like most middle -aged men, he's hugely competitive with a desperately

fragile ego.

You can say that again.

He hates having a woman assess him.

Why do you think I gave you this assignment?

So just push this button.

In fact, let's crank up the pressure on both of them.

You want us to sit a grueling written exam tomorrow?

Then go straight out on a line test.

Gentlemen, the airline wants to get this process over as quickly and efficiently

as we can, for your sakes as much as for ours.

It's unfair pressure. I think we should get the union involved.

You're retaking your command because you made serious errors that no union could

possibly defend.

Now, if you don't like what I'm proposing, you could always resign.

Well, then.

The written exam is stuff you ought to know already.

And as for the line test, one little supervised flight.

Dan, Richard Mortlock will do yours.

Oh, no, Richard.

And Nigel, since you seem to be getting on so well with Captain Palmer

here... Are

you supposed to put your balls?

What? Well, what about these, then?

Genuine Versace.

Oh, bullshit. That is not how you spell Versace. You can't spell these. They're

all shitejack.

Well, we could if we packaged them together, right?

James, just stop your squinting.

Tell Tampa you ain't Naomi's pale face on the beach.

These are cherry on top.

Grade A, Euro porn.

So what's the deal? You take ten packs each, pay me five a pack.

You can sell them all at 9 .99 and make yourself a nice little profit. There is

no way we are paying you up front.

It ain't unsellable, right? And to prove it, I'm going to flog the first pack

right here, right now, for a tenner to anyone you want to pick.

Him.

Croaker.

You're having a laugh. He's the biggest tight arse in the airline.

You said you could sell it to anyone, and that is your man.

If I do right, you'll take the gear.

Got a minute, Captain?

Insist.

I'm offering a couple of special items, very cheap, to favourite customers.

I'm really not interested in your Bangkok Burberry.

Um, listen, mate, I, uh...

Are you on the grapevine? You're not a janitor anymore.

That's right.

Well, you take this off me for a tenner.

You can have a room at my place.

Cheapest rent you're going to get in a 30 -mile radius of this airport.

Come on, Nigel. I help you. You help me.

No fucking way.

Come on, Nigel. Money out. I see you.

Let's do it.

I thought you were going to be here hours ago.

Yeah.

I had an exam in the morning. I hadn't read it.

I came as soon as I could.

Anyway, I think all your stuff's there.

Jan.

Jan, I was thinking, well, hoping you might want to give me a hand.

Are you serious?

Only now I used to sound about studying alone.

Thought maybe I could come over to the flat, cook you dinner.

Right.

So, you're in this mess because you were trying to cheat on me with some floozy

journalist, but now you want me to help you out of it.

I'll say something for you, Nigel.

You've got nerve.

Aren't you going to congratulate me?

You're looking at freshers' newest number one.

Oh, you passed.

That's brilliant news.

I say we celebrate.

Champagne, dinner, then whatever takes your fancy. My test is tomorrow, so...

OK, one glass.

What are you doing here so late, Captain?

You should be looking after yourself.

I'm trying, thank you, Laura.

I've just got a bloody exam tomorrow.

Oh, for your command assessment.

I suppose you fancy helping me revise.

Correct.

Okay, next question.

What would be the hydropainting speed of the tyre if the tyre pressure

is less than 200... 25 PSI. Ten times the square root of time.

Thank you.

No, no, no, no.

What is it?

Well? I'm looking, but there's only numbers. You really shouldn't worry

so much.

What about mnemonics?

You know, port for starboard means left before right.

On board, we don't have port and starboard.

Very helpful.

Or you could think of things with a familiar letter and put them in the...

I know what mnemonics means.

Believe me, they'll help.

What are those?

Just something for my nerves.

Maybe you shouldn't be putting yourself under all this pressure. What with your

health and everything.

And if I don't, I'm going to be out of a job.

I've got two mortgages to pay for the kids' school fees, let alone feed and

clothe myself.

Even if I have to crawl there on my hands and knees, I am going to take this

exam.

And I will pass.

That makes them on crosswind limit, 35 knots.

Makes them feel in balance.

Terrible or poor neck.

I'm sure we could do much better.

Don't cut it out.

I'm trying to help you relax.

Relax? I'll drop 30 grand a year if I fail tomorrow.

You'll be fine.

Anyway, my money goes up. Now I'm a person.

You think your piddling little pair of eyes is going to solve our problems?

I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.

I can't concentrate yet.

Where are you going?

What hotel?

I'll come with. Help you revise. No.

Don't distract me.

Well done today, eh?

Here we are.

I would have tidied up, but I didn't know who was moving in tonight.

Yeah, the lifeguard didn't get out much.

Some clean sheets would be nice.

Well, I'll have a look, but don't hold your breath.

I'm done washing the wall.

See you.

Oh,

great.

I'm so darned.

Thanks. Put it anywhere.

Robin?

What happened here?

I was revising.

In the shower.

Cramming on your own's always a bitch.

Need some help?

Wouldn't that be cheating?

I get the test papers tomorrow morning. I've got no more idea than you what's in

them. Better still, forget revising altogether.

On my way to the pool, it's empty this time of night.

Swimming's the best way of relieving tension.

Well, almost the best.

I dare you.

To passing with flying colours.

I'm not going to pass, though, am I?

What do you mean?

I'm not a fool.

They're trying to get rid of us.

So what, this is a little consolation prize before you fail me tomorrow?

I wouldn't do that.

Not deliberately.

But if you fucked up, let's just say they wouldn't be heartbroken.

You ever get a premonition you're doing something you're going to regret?

I never regret anything.

Competitive and arrogant.

Nice. How else do you think I got to be the best pilot in the fleet?

But you seriously think you're the best?

I don't think. I know.

Bet you can't land a 737 blindfold.

Okay, nobody can land a 737 blindfold.

Cut power.

Oh, God.

You can't tell me that wasn't smooth.

You didn't put it six inches from the curb.

Let you do better.

I have a girlfriend.

And I have a husband. Relax.

Okay? Altitude 500.

Pitch up.

Steady there.

50 feet.

And hold it.

Hold it.

Right.

Right.

Hey.

You're putting me up, that's not fair.

Who said anything about playing fair?

Is this what you want?

Oh, yes, please.

Do you want to fly me, Captain?

Letting your dick through the thinking again, Nigel?

That's why you're going to fail.

You can't remember these things.

I can remember.

What's my name, Captain?

Um, Angie.

Caroline.

High to low, look down below.

Low to high, clear blue sky.

High to low, down below.

Low to high, clear blue sky.

High to low, not my stripes.

Please, no, no, not my stripes.

Please, not my stripes. Please, not my stripes.

Please, not my stripes.

No, no.

You're right.

It's just a nightmare.

Tell me about your line tip.

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, and women.

They want me out of the bastard airline.

I'll leave if it's getting on your tits. I can't.

I won't be able to fly for anyone unless I pass this bloody assessment.

Well, if you need cheering up, stick on a skin flick.

Uh, you forgot this.

Thanks.

Rachel's in a briefing, so I thought I'd drop her off.

So, come in. Have a coffee, if you want.

I see your revision went well.

What do you mean?

Look at the mirror.

A little private tuition from Captain Palmer.

You idiot.

The whole airline knows about her. She'll fuck anything that moves.

Charming. And how are you going to hide that from Rachel?

Look, what goes on between me and Rachel is that it's none of your business,

so... And there's me thinking you're the only pilot who wasn't a total shit.

Wrong again.

Good luck with your exam.

I hope the revision pays off.

Time's up, gentlemen.

Stop writing, please.

Pens down, please.

Well, it seems congratulations are in order.

You both passed.

Which just leaves your lining, Sam.

Good luck, gentlemen.

Rachel, what's up?

I think we're first in on your boyfriend's line, Pat, and you on mine.

Dan's lucky to have you. I'm sure you'll make everything go smoothly.

Yeah, the thing is, I would really like to help Nigel if I could.

It's just that we've worked together for years. I know exactly how he likes

things. Do you want to swap?

I'm nowhere near as experienced as you.

I wouldn't want to let Dan down.

From what I've heard, you're more than up to the job.

Besides, Captain Mortlock, the pilot that's examining Dan, is not my biggest

fan. It would put him in a much better mood to have a young and pretty around

like you.

Well, for sure.

Trust me.

Good morning, all.

Janet,

what a pleasant surprise.

Schedule's rearranged, so here I am.

Good luck with the test, Captain. Anything I can do to help?

Leanne?

Captain?

How would you like to make sure that Nigel Croker leaves the airline today?

Preferably in disgrace.

Well, I think he'll remember he screwed you over once upon a time, and think

he'll be offering you the chance for a little revenge.

You in?

Absolutely.

I know you and Dan have had your disagreements, but I don't want to see

that today, okay?

We've all got to be completely professional.

Jawohl, mein Führer.

I mean it.

Nobody bothers him. Anything for the flight deck goes through me.

I thought Janice was person.

She asked to swap with me so she could be with Nigel. I hope you don't mind.

No, of course not.

I'll make sure everything goes smoothly.

No distractions, I promise.

See your other half?

Yeah. Lucky man.

What's the plan?

Nothing big. I wouldn't want to jeopardise the safety of the passengers.

Small stuff.

You know how Nigel is about the little things.

Now, it is two sugars he takes, isn't it?

The world could do one less pirate.

One black copper, two sugars.

And one mineral water.

No.

Oh.

Oh.

That's actually my son's own wheelchair.

Oh, yeah, don't worry. I've made a note of it. And what happens now is I'll hand

this to our captain.

He'll radio ahead just as we're about to land, and they'll unload it first.

Oh, right. Have a good flight. And if you do have any problems, don't hesitate

to ask.

Set for 7 ,000. Fresh 435, contact departures on 126 .7.

Understood. Fresh 435, 126 .7.

The captain hasn't released us yet. What are you doing?

Watching them.

Robin, take the thrust controls.

Yes? Hi, it's Janice at one doors.

So sorry to bother you, Captain. I have a young passenger who gets airsick.

His mother wants to know if we have any turbulence forecast.

What? What does she want?

Janice, it's kept fair all the way, and could you please not... Can you give us

any idea of the temperature, if I may? Fresh 435, climb to flight level 160.

Checking to London, 134 .8.

Understood, fresh 435, climbing to 160, direct Southampton, and changing to

London, 134 .8.

Sorry, Nigel, do you want me to repeat the question?

No. Where on earth would your purse do that?

Forget it.

Can you give me the metaphor?

Jan, it's 29 degrees, and could you please hold all other questions until

released the crew?

Nice one.

Wound him up a treat.

This doesn't look good. Do you think we should call the flight deck? I told you,

no. We don't bother him. We can handle it.

Just don't sell them anymore alcohol.

Could you find out how quickly an engineer can get here? To replace the

bulb in a wheel bay.

If I've noted it and not got it fixed, you'll have to mark me down.

Robin's as good as told me. They're looking for the smallest excuse to offer

Okay, still cool.

Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. This is due for four people.

Fewly arrival of hand luggage only.

If that's your one thing, we can accommodate them.

I guess so.

Hello, Minister.

Shall we try moving people around a bit?

I'm not trying to ask anyone to move next to that lot.

The flight's only 40 minutes.

We'll just have to hope for the best.

Straight down to the back, please, gentlemen.

What's next to them?

As you can see, sir, we're full.

Okey -dokey.

Well, lads.

It sounds a bit heavy out there.

Liverpool beat Chelsea and Everton lost to Charlton.

Screws crossed its thread. Going to have to turn the electrics off while I fix

it.

It's going to get pretty hot out there without any air con.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Peterson.

We need to turn off the aircraft's electrical systems for a few moments

our engineers attend to the fault.

I'm afraid that does include the air conditioning. Now, I appreciate it's

warm back there, but hopefully it won't be for long.

Hey, mate, any chance of a beer?

Sorry, sir. We can't offer any service till we're airborne.

Hey, lads.

Hey.

We can't let you use your own alcohol on board. It's airline regulations.

And I'm going to have to ask you to turn it off, sir, please.

Can't see, can't drink, can't work.

Just sit here and roast it, F .A. It's a disgrace.

You lads going on holiday any time soon? What's it to you?

You poor mate. He wants to come with.

I've got something you might be interested in.

It's a holiday special.

Not in the catalogue yet.

We're just offering it to selected customers.

You're definitely bald, mate. Fuck off, rat boy.

Lads, sit down. Enough.

The design of them has started.

I got you!

Your airline's so poor.

It's not the airlines exactly.

A little line a few of us put going.

Personal favour from me to you. Seems you've been so good about the heat and

all. How much?

Tenner for the lot.

Done. Oh, mate, I'll have one on August. I want you to plan it. You bet you can.

Yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen, you'll be delighted to hear that we have the all

and we'll be pushing back in a few moments.

Thank you for your patience.

Mmm.

Oh, they smell good.

Yeah. Checking our eyes for Captain Palmer.

And... Shepherd's pie for Nigel.

His favourite.

Thought you'd like to do the honours.

I'm beginning to think we've forgotten about it.

Forget you, Nigel.

Never. Thanks.

Jesus Christ. Nigel, language.

Problem?

Did you cook this at all?

You want a bit hot?

All right.

Hot, he shall have it.

I'm sorry, Captain.

Must have forgotten to drop it last time.

No, I'm done.

You stupid bit... I've nearly knocked the throttle off. Get... Ask me. Nigel,

relax. Why don't you get yourself cleaned up?

Leanne will cover.

Fine.

God, what happened?

Don't give me that.

What other little tricks have you got planned?

I don't know what you mean.

Fine. Then do your worst.

I've spent five days in the sim with that bitch, passed the exam from hell,

I am going to get through this.

You know, it would be a lot easier if you took these off, Nigel.

What?

Your flying time to Liverpool's John Lennon Airport will be 45 minutes.

Due to the short journey time and reports of turbulence up ahead, I'm

will not be able to run a trolley further.

Turbulence? Best keep the football fans in their seats, don't you think?

Besides, it saves the crew taking abuse for refusing to serve some of them

alcohol. Good thinking.

You're doing fine, son.

Hey, you, uh, got a DVD drive on that thing?

Yeah. Well, if you're not using it, would you mind giving this a whirl?

Sure.

I meant to watch that on the air.

It's a public place.

You sold it, man. I can watch it wherever I want.

Oi, rat boy, have a look at this. It's your ma.

What did you say? Get out of here, please, sir. What do you mean by signs

What did you say? I said, it's your ma.

I'd recognise that lard arse anywhere.

You better inform the safe, Dick.

So this, eh?

Pants for men, we know not, eh?

I'm going to try and calm them down myself.

They might take it better coming from a woman.

Hey, give those back.

They're Versace.

That ain't how you spell Versace, moron.

You've been had.

Go into your bar, stay, shave back.

Come and get them. Come on, lads. Please sit down. Otherwise I'm going to have

to call the police when we get to Liverpool.

Okay, you cock -duckers. A rental.

Enough. Hey, do it, Tom.

Hey. Come on, lads. Come on.

Dan, it's imperative you take this information.

The cabin is out of control. We have an emergency situation.

Where is Rachel? Why isn't she making this call?

She's in the middle of it. There's a passenger armed with a broken bottle.

Please advise.

I'll talk to him, Dan.

What are you going to do?

Descend flight level 220.

Descend flight level 220, fresh 435.

Nigel's certainly taking his time.

Can I ask what you think of him?

Same as I think of all pilots.

Does that include the female ones?

Oh, yeah.

You just couldn't resist, could you?

You knew he was wound up about that reset, and you still took advantage.

Who? You know who.

Dan Peterson.

Nigel's just come to freshen up.

Took quite a while to get half a pound of ground beef off his crotch.

So, I just thought I'd get cleared up before you start with the senate.

Right.

Will you open the bloody door?

Dan Peterson's a pilot too, or is he different?

No.

I guess he's just a friend.

Mayday, mayday, mayday. Fresh 253, we have a major disturbance on board. One

passenger armed.

Cabinal Control, request medical and police assistance on landing.

Fresh 253, mayday acknowledged.

Flight heading 120, descend to flight level 70.

Understood.

Ladies and gentlemen, the DCL flight is on. You will shortly be landing in

Liverpool. If you do not comply, you will receive injury during landing and

will not be covered by insurance.

We'll be landing in 15 minutes. Can you give me an update on your situation?

Come on, talk to me, Will.

Is that a controller operating in the aisles? Where is Rachel?

She's right in the middle of it.

Jack's trying to get her, but I think she's hurt. Get in here now. Cover me.

Dan, no. We can't see what's out there. We'll be down in 10 minutes.

A minute could be too long. She's my girl. And you have 140 other passengers

crew to think of. You cannot risk yourself.

Come on.

Come on.

You hurt us all, but God, I will kill you.

Jack, get the restraints.

Let me out!

Let me out!

Get me out!

Let me out!

Please, let me out.

Are you all right? What happened?

You know perfectly well what happened.

You locked me in.

Don't be silly.

Look, I know what I did was wrong. I'm sorry.

But believe me, I'm paying for it now. I'm living in a dodgy flat in the middle

of God knows where with Jack Fields as my landlord.

But please.

Please, I beg of you, don't mess up my job.

It's all I've got left.

You better go and do it then, haven't you?

You should have started the descent five minutes ago.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Faro.

I'm not sure whether we landed just then or were shot down.

It was a perfectly good landing, hadn't it, Esha?

Well, I don't know, Nigel. It was a joke.

That's what we men are to you women, isn't it? A joke.

Bye -bye, sir.

Thank you. Bye -bye.

I'm so sorry. I can't believe it's not here. I don't know what's happened.

Ah, Captain, this young man's still waiting for his wheelchair?

Wheelchair? Yeah, did you radio ahead for it?

There was no wheelchair on the form. Yes, there was.

Did Sputch gave it to me and I gave it to you?

No, no, you didn't. You must still have it. Seems you overlooked it.

I did not overlook it. It wasn't there, for Christ's sake.

One of these two must have taken it and then put it back later. Now you're being

paranoid, Nigel.

How dare you?

You fucking evil witches. You're doing this on purpose, aren't you, to get me

fail? Don't deny it with the endless questions and poisoning my coffee and

sipping food all over me and locking me in the toilet.

You're a fucking coven.

And as for you, what gives you the right to judge me?

You're no more a pilot than I am a fucking ballet dancer.

I must apologise. The captain's had a long and tiring day.

I suggest you go straight to the hotel and get some rest.

I will take command of the return sector tomorrow.

Gotcha.

Hello, sexy Sydney.

How the hell did you get that?

It's not so much how I got it.

It's what I'm going to do.

I was 19 years old. It paid for my flying lessons.

Try telling that to your colleagues when this little gem pops up in everyone's

emails first thing tomorrow morning. Or I could have it programmed into the in

-flight entertainment on all our 737s.

Passengers could watch Captain Sydney going down under all the way across the

Atlantic.

What do you want, Nigel?

I want my command back.

In fact, I want you to give me the most glowing report you've ever written.

Don't bother.

My associate's got hundreds of copies of this stashed safely where it is held.

Bastard.

Ciao.

Morning all.

Everybody good?

Checks, please.

Let's get this show on the road.

What, Dan?

I'm doing what I do.

Taking command.

Make sure the manifest doesn't go walkabout today.

Our flying time to London this morning will be one hour and twenty minutes. So

sit back, relax, and enjoy the class.

I really didn't think I'd be saying this to you. You didn't have to. I know what

happens now.

Then why the heroics?

You've lost your command because you made a serious error of judgment.

Your demotion to first officer becomes permanent with immediate effect.

You can apply to resit your command in six months or when the company deems

If it weren't for the reports of passengers on that flight, you'd be out

job, period.

Jack, Bill?

Yeah?

I understand you're looking for a buyer for some DVD.

Oh, yeah, it's not the sort of... I'll give you 500 quid for the lot.

Well, I mean, it's, um...

Top of the range merchandise. I'll need at least a grand in cash.

Done.

I'm so sorry.

It's your fault.

I made my own choices.

It'll be okay.

You've got me.

Yeah. Yeah.