Original subtitles

And I feel it.

Go run!

Where's your mum gone? Come on, back in.

Welcome to fresh, Mrs Piper.

Thank you. We'll get you all checked in and then I'll take you straight to your

case. Your aircraft should be ready in about 30 minutes.

OK.

What's the point of that?

Well, it's not every day you get a lottery winner on board now, is it?

You think you're going to get intimate with this woman, Dean?

For 12 and a half million, I'd get intimate with you, Janice.

Well, on that vomit -inducing thought, we can turn our attention to the Python

family charter.

Want a drink, babe?

No, thanks, I don't. Have a beer, please.

Why have you got the change?

What change?

You've spent the old 500 quid.

Then some.

Half the buggers hadn't eaten.

Oh, that figures.

Why have a sarnie when you can let good old Carol pay for a fancy airport

restaurant? Oh, and I'm going to need another couple of hundred.

What for now?

Oh, Ricky's going to forgot her swimmies.

Paul's seen some Discman thing. Oh, and your ma's got eyes on a nice suede

jacket.

What's she want that for? It's 90 degrees. Where are we going?

And a very warm welcome to this special press concert to Malaga.

Can I just use that thing a minute?

What's the matter now?

The audience is cancelled.

Uh -oh.

What?

It's a bit... Come on, let's go and sit down. No, Deb.

Enough is enough.

All been treating me like a shit gold pieces ever since I won.

You only want me for all the stuff I can buy you.

How do you think that makes me feel?

I haven't changed.

All you have.

Suddenly you've all got twelve and a half million reasons to love me.

That's not true. Yeah, it is.

So you can just get yourselves and all the stuff I've paid for off this plane.

Hang on a moment, people. Hang on.

Now, look, Kaz.

I wasn't going to say anything because I wanted it to be a big surprise.

But I've got it all fixed to make an honest woman of you once we get to

Sandtrop.

Hmm?

The dream wedding that you always wanted.

Do you know, all the years we've been together, you've never mentioned

Then suddenly I win the rollover.

And it's... Will you marry me, Carol? I love you, Carol.

Well, I do love you. You know that. No!

That's the point. I don't.

I'm going on this holiday by myself.

And I might never come back.

All of you, sod off!

Charlotte.

What are you doing here?

If Jack would do, I need to see him.

What's this about?

I can't.

He needs to tell you himself.

Jack, look who it is.

How can you accuse me of having an affair?

What else am I supposed to think?

First you turn up out of the blue looking like shit and telling me you're

thinking of leaving the airline.

Then she follows you here.

Oh, God, is she pregnant? For the last time, I'm not sleeping with Charlotte.

I've never slept with Charlotte.

Then what does she want?

Look, let me just talk to her, all right?

Thanks, babe.

I think my life wasn't fucked enough already.

Leanne's the one facing a prison sentence.

What do you expect me to do?

She picked up the damn cigarettes.

She took them off the plane. She should have put them in the bag. I don't

believe I'm hearing this.

There wouldn't have been anything for her to pick up if you hadn't been

smuggling drugs. I didn't know there were drugs.

How many other ways are there to earn €4 ,000 in a day?

You've got to come back and make this right.

Tell Lucy what?

I'll lose her. I don't care what you say.

Just get on that flight with me, or I'll tell her myself.

The relatives want their bags off.

Every time I ask her whether she'll be OK with that, the waterworks start.

Why don't you give me a try?

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

Have I done a terrible thing?

Nah.

I thought you were fab.

I wish I had the guts to tell some people what I thought of them.

So, um, I've got trolley loads of champagne for you lot.

Do you want me to get you a wee bottle, get you in holiday spirit?

I don't drink on my own.

You're not alone.

We're here.

And this is your aircraft, and we'll do exactly what you want.

And that includes staying on the stand for three days.

If that's what you decide.

Personally, I think it's a bit of a waste.

Miss Piper, I wondered if you'd made any decision yet.

Only air traffic are getting a bit concerned.

Let's do it.

Splendid.

approaching the hold ready for departure.

Well,

I might as well have been doing cartwheels naked.

Tomorrow could be just a formality.

You give your name, address, enter a plea.

Not guilty.

Then the magistrate commit the case to the Crown Court, set your bail, and we

should all go home.

That is, unless the very worst happens.

Meaning? Drug smuggling is taken very seriously.

Especially if a dependent flies for a loon.

Worst case, they refuse to grant bail.

So, I might be going to prison tomorrow.

It really is an outside chance.

For how long?

Until the trial.

But you said that might not be for six months.

Gary, can you drive here?

I need a lift.

Sure.

There's something I need to do first.

This is my last night of freedom in six months.

The three of us are going to make it a night to remember.

OK?

Fine. Whatever you want.

Joey, Ross or Chandler?

Chandler!

Obviously.

OK, one for you.

Cruise or pit?

And I know what you're going to say. It's got to be Brad.

You can wipe my whistle any time.

I'm sorry, Miss Piper.

Will shouldn't be monopolising you like this.

Oh, it's fine.

Well, actually, no, it isn't. He has work to do. Work?

We're starting the descent.

You could collect the rubbish.

Rubbish.

Fine.

One mini champagne bottle.

Oh, and look, Janice.

One Pringles tube.

Voila. All done.

seven dwarfs came home from work, they couldn't believe the kitchen was so

Everything had been put into neat little lines.

And guess who they found asleep in the bedroom?

Snow White.

That's right, Snow White.

So, what do you think happened next?

You have all been great.

There you are.

OK, then. Right, I'll see you tomorrow.

Bye -bye. See you.

Do that again, and I'll position you on the first available flight home.

I don't know what you're talking about, Janet.

Disregarding procedures?

Fraternising with a passenger?

You're just jealous because she had the good taste to like me better.

Rubbish. You took advantage of an emotionally unstable...

I have got 40 suites at the Plaza Royale.

It'd be a shame to waste them.

Why don't you join me? I'm afraid we're already booked into the Holiday Inn. Oh,

come on.

Jacuzzi's in every room.

Chef's on call 24 hours a day. Movies on demand.

Are you seriously going to turn me down for the frigging Holiday Inn experience?

We'd be delighted, Carol.

Well, come on, then. Let's go.

Miss Piper, welcome to the hotel. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Feels like I've finally come home.

Where's the rest of your body?

No, it's just going to be us now.

OK, listen up, everybody.

How about a nice long soak in a hot tub and then we'll get together for drinks

and dinner?

Tell me and get it over with.

OK.

I've done something stupid.

A friend of mine asked me to bring back some duty -free from Spain.

Some cigarettes.

That's come all the way here, about duty -free?

Please, let me finish.

It was just this bag with a carton of menthol in it, so I took it on.

Only then I forgot it and left it on the plane.

And?

Someone else picked it up.

They were taking it through customs and there were dogs.

Oh, my God.

It was ecstasy. I swear on my life, Luce, I didn't know.

Leanne was the one who got caught.

Your cab's on its way.

I've told him he's doing the right thing.

See, I knew she'd understand.

I mean, he was only doing it for you.

What did you say?

Nothing.

Yes, you did. You said he was only doing it for me. He took those cigarettes on

for a friend he didn't know.

Oh, Jesus.

Jack, tell me you didn't do this.

Carol!

You look spectacular.

Thank you.

Let me get you a drink.

On me, I insist.

Let's have a bottle of... Oi.

Oh, Poppy, you like champagne, don't you? And I know you do.

Better make that two bottles, Captain.

What's better than he comes knocking on my door in the middle of the night?

What if he heard about the pilots and...

Not just pilots.

Practically all the men I know, including both of my best friend's

What?

They're all exactly the same. They pay for one round of drinks.

So they can't possibly be after my mum.

Then they say... Carol, I know exactly what you're going

through. I just want you to know.

14 euros for a hamburger.

Poppy.

Why don't you meet at Nando's or something and give the money to people

really need it?

Like who?

Beggars. We pass them down by the harbour.

Beggars get lots of other people's money.

It's our taxes paying for their soup kitchen staffed by lesbian social

in knitted cardis.

Don't you agree?

But you could do so much good with 12 million pounds.

Life's not fair, Poppy.

Carol?

We have to go now or we're going to miss the flight. Well, you go then. I'm

staying here. No, you're not. I can go back tomorrow. I'm not leaving things

like this. There's nothing you say that's going to change your fate. You

smuggling drugs.

And you tried to lie to me about it.

He loves you. He just wanted the best for you.

Would you just shut the fuck up?

You bought my ring. You drug money. No, babe. I swear on my life. I never.

You swore once already for life. And that was a lie.

You can't break up with me like this.

I'm not breaking up with you.

Then what?

I don't know.

Just go home. Sort things out. Come here.

I'm sorry.

Have you ever had a three -way?

No, no. Sex with two people at the same time.

Have you ever fucked a stranger?

Had sex in public.

I have.

Been to a fetish club?

I'm not answering questions like that.

Marco, you have to be the most frightened, uptight little person I have

met.

If you went under a bus tomorrow, do you know what they write on your tombstone?

Here lies the body of a boy who died before he ever lived.

Fuck you.

Hello.

I'm guessing you're not the chipper, then.

That applies on you, Mr. Pettis.

We have a warrant to search these premises.

Shit.

But you searched it last week.

Or is this...

Groundhog Day!

Marco, get a grip.

Where is Jack Field?

Which way is his room?

Harold?

Are you in there?

It's Nigel.

Captain Croker.

You're the first decent, honest person I've met since all this madness began.

Believe me, I am not.

OK, throw me a bone.

Tell me there's something good about being rich.

Problem is... Here I go again, but you did ask.

I don't know for sure if anyone loves me for me.

Does that sound wonky?

Yeah.

You think you've got it bad, I have no money at all, and I know that no -one

loves me.

Okay, you beat me. You're pathetic.

Yeah. It's a little bit of laugh or cry.

I'd flip a coin for you, but I've only got notes.

Regular player, your boyfriend.

Who? Jack Fields.

Joking. I'll stick pins in my eyes and sleep with him. Come on, you're in this

thing together.

Why else were his prints all over that carton?

His prints are on the carton.

It was him!

Godless! He was going to stand by and watch me go to jail! I don't know that!

His fingerprints were on the carton. They said so.

I don't want a thing of his left in this flat.

What if the police come back?

My heart's racing.

You finger jab and they're going to know for sure that this house is in gold.

And you ain't in the clear.

Why didn't you mention before about seeing the bag?

Just makes you look like you're both involved. Only now, you want to jump on

because you want to save your own skin. Now, you wanted to make it the night to

remember, remember?

So why don't we drink to it?

I've got a second hand with you.

Oh, shit.

Missed it.

There must be an airport hotel.

Can't afford it.

Do you want to get something to eat? Only everything seems to be shutting.

I need a piss.

Do you mind?

Why the fuck are you following me everywhere?

Because if I let you out of my sight, you'll hop in a cab and disappear.

Or jump on a plane to Rio.

Fine.

Why?

Why, Malcolm? Why'd you come here?

I couldn't just stand by and watch you let Leanne go to prison. Bollocks, you

hardly know it. You know what I think?

What? First you get turned on, send a little bit of knock -off cologne.

Then you nick a diamond ring. But, oh, that's not a big enough thrill for you,

is it?

So, hey, here's my idea.

Let's go and set Jack and his fiancée at each other's throats. Who knows, when

the poor bitch finds out he's been smuggling drugs, maybe she'll actually

him. And you'll be standing there watching. You know what that spells for

Sick, psycho bitch. You're a...

Why do you want to play it and just say it? I don't think that you are...

Good morning.

Morning.

We are so late.

I can't find my shoes.

Did you want me or him?

Now is not the time to be freaking out on me, Marco.

We're up.

Nothing happened.

You cabin crew are filthy.

I never knew there were so many combinations of three people.

Is it wrong to get sexually aroused just because something is hugely expensive?

Enough flirting with the help.

We'll take that, please.

And the cream trousers in there as well. Thank you.

Oh, look, I can't accept all this.

Yes, you can. Why?

Listen, I was a wreck when I left London, and you pulled me round.

I want to do something nice for you.

My very godmother. Oh, yes. And as such, I am allowed to grant you three wishes.

So you told me you loved designer clothes.

Consider this the very first.

Chop, chop.

Chopperty chop. Poppy, be an angel and do my hand luggage.

Don't you dare. Where's your uniform?

It's in one of the bags, I think. Is it on?

As in Carol Torjam being a passenger today.

You don't know, do you? It's not as if there's much to do.

Let's get this clear, Miss Piper.

Will worked to you through me.

Now, if you want him to sit with you, you ask me.

I'm afraid the answer is no.

It isn't fair on his colleagues to expect us to wait on him. I'd be happy

you and Poppy extra.

Unlike most of the people you obviously deal with, I do not jump through hoops

for financial reward.

Will O 'Brien is hanging by a very fine thread at Fresh.

I would have to write a report about how he took advantage of an emotionally

vulnerable passenger. He would probably get the sack.

25 years of age and I'm down to my hands and knees cleaning a bloody car for a

living. Oh, my plan for world domination by 30 is so on track.

Where did you think you'd be by 25?

I don't know.

I was out tasting boy bands or something.

I just thought I'd be on my way, you know?

I'm so bored of my low -budget life with this low -budget airline.

Being bossed around by that frantic, evil, eat -like bitch.

Missing two cheesy dick in the lowest pits of hell for eternity.

And that's funny.

You've just given your fairy godmother an idea.

For the charge of smuggling and possession of Class A drugs with intent

supply, how do you plead?

Not guilty. You may be seated.

As to the question of bail, the police have lodged an opposition.

Flight risk, possible...

conspiracy with co -workers.

Mr. Beddows.

My client has no previous criminal record.

That's the flight risk, her airline have suspended her, and the police have

already confiscated her passport.

She has a five -year -old son.

She is the sole financial support both for the boy and for her mother, who

care of him.

If Miss Evans were remanded in custody, there is every chance that the boy will

be taken into care.

We're the last one, aren't we?

Here we are.

Oh, look at this. Now we get to spend the whole day here. You can have colonic

irrigation, Janice, or seaweed body wrap.

Oh, maybe we could do something a bit more interesting.

What have you got in mind?

A little game.

Specifically?

Involving water, nudity and a shedload of tax -free cash.

And I thought, Captain, you might like to go first.

I am offering £2 ,000 to anybody who'll jump in the pool to start this.

£4 ,000 and you've got yourself a deal. Nigel, no.

£3 ,000, take it or leave it.

OK.

Bugger off, you lot.

Oh, oh, no, no, no. I make the rules. If you do it, you have to do it in front

of everybody.

Nigel, please!

Don't do this.

It's time for school, please, Jan.

is a sick, degrading, son of a... And they've all earned a

month's salary in length of five minutes.

Oh,

sorry.

What's your little fix, I see?

Using the money to humiliate people?

What are you doing here?

San Tropez, you silly mare.

Places that we always get wet.

So if you go get PMT or whatever it was, what do you say?

I can't.

Now you know you want to.

So drop the spoiled rich bitch thing, okay?

I'm marrying someone else.

Home to get you home?

Yeah.

You are going straight to the station, right?

Of course.

Maybe I'll wait for Leanne first, though, and tell her what's happening.

I think she already knows.

Find out.

Thanks, Lily.

Pleasure. I've got the catalogue.

We'll go and pick her.

Leanne, I don't know what you know.

You sucker!

Leanne, please just hear me out. I didn't know!

I have a son!

Did you forget that?

Leanne! Stop it!

No!

Wanker!

You have still got to define married.

I'm not expecting sex, though, don't fret.

Well, that's my first 43 questions answered.

Hey, this is not one of my three wishes, you know.

I know.

And we're not lovers, but we are soulmates.

We think the same.

I say sunny, you say... Shell.

No, you see, Jess would say rainy.

I don't want rainy anymore. I've had rainy all my life, and so have you.

No. We are allowed to sleep with other people.

Oh, yes.

Correct answer.

So I say share, and you say?

Absolutely.

What's mine is yours.

If you want.

So what's your answer?

We're getting married!

Do the thing, do the thing, do the thing.

So what, none of you got any drink with us?

Oh, so has the lot of you, and especially you.

You've got nothing over me now.

I love it when you burn bridges, Will. The wedding's tomorrow.

After all, everything's organised, isn't it?

You're bleeding crazy.

Tomorrow I will be Mrs Will... What's her name?

Oh, dear.

O 'Brien.

Mrs Will O 'Brien.

There's a phrase I never thought I'd hear.

I'm telling you, Kaz, he's using you.

Whatever you thought about me, he's actually doing it.

I've got phone calls to make.

So, when you're resigning from Freshwill, do

it now.

Okay.

Get me a pen and lots of paper.

I've got a lot of things I want to get off my chest.

There must be some way to make it right for both of them.

Okay.

Let's say we've got two hypothetical friends. Let's call them Friend A and

Friend B.

We need a form of word that Friend B can take to the police so that he or she,

as the case may be, can get off scot -free without any charges being brought.

And? I'm thinking this has got to be good.

Okay, you tell Jack... Sorry, friend B, to say this.

Passengers have all got off.

I'm tidying the cabin. I see this carton of cigarettes in an overhead.

So I'll pick them up.

This isn't what you said before, Jack.

I was thinking I might nick them.

Didn't want to admit to that.

You go.

So then I said I meant for.

Don't smoke them.

Anyway.

I'll throw them on a chair so the cleaners can see them.

I'm in a hurry to get to see my girlfriend.

I just bought a ring, see?

To psych myself up to propose.

That's it.

I guess Leanne came along afterwards and saw them. Too bad for her, but it could

just easily have been me.

Guess I'm just lucky.

We've heard again from the police.

Seems they have insufficient evidence to bring a case.

Apparently, they'll be writing to you to let you know they're dropping the

charges.

We'll make up all your allowances and get you back on the roster ASAP.

That's the good news.

You'll be reinstated as cabin crew, not purser.

I think all this has shown that you're not quite ready for senior

responsibility. But I didn't do anything.

The police said so.

Sorry to interrupt.

Sorry? This is my life here.

I'm losing almost five grand in this demotion.

Mr. Macmillan.

You took a suspect package...

You took a suspect

package off a plane and through customs in violation of airline procedure.

We can't have persons who make mistakes like that.

Actions have consequences.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

Come on.

Thank you so much. Any friend of Will's.

Everyone's off the hook then, and back to normal.

I lost Purser, which means you owe me and my son five grand a year.

Get upstairs, pack your stuff, and get the fuck out. And stay out of my way in

the future.

Oh, you can't just kick me out like that. Oh, but I can.

Actions have consequences now.

Guess I'm off.

Where do you go?

Park bench.

Mum and Dad, don't know.

See you on a plane going somewhere soon, yeah?

Jack.

Are we ever going to talk about the fact that we had sex 12 hours ago?

Guess not.

It was a crazy night, Char.

It all got a bit...

You know.

Out of hand.

Still mates, yeah?

See you on a plane going somewhere soon.

Sorry about how things turned out.

Me too.

Better get going too.

I have to know.

Nothing happened.

Whether without mind -altering chemicals, you really are the most

I've ever known.

Okay.

Come in if you're young and cute.

Yes, indeedy. En plus, monsieur.

That'll be my boss. He backs me back.

I think it's for me, actually.

Yeah.

There you go.

Thank you.

Will.

If we're going to be doing this, there's something I need you to look at.

Sounds serious.

It's a pre -nuptial agreement.

Don't look at me like that.

Come on, we've only known each other five minutes.

It's just that I don't want to be someone you feel you have to protect

against. What did you expect?

I don't know.

It just makes me feel cheap.

Don't let you in.

I can bribe people too, you know.

Right, well, would you leave, please? We're in the middle of something.

Not till I've said me piece.

And don't fret.

I've not come to change your mind.

You're welcome to it, mate.

You're the one who's changed, not us.

The Carol I love didn't run out on her nearest and dearest.

She didn't pay strangers to have fun with her.

That's not fair.

You don't know what it's like to be me.

Yeah, well, snap.

Have you ever thought what it's like to be told what to wear, what to eat, where

to go and who to see, cos you're paying for all?

Hey, you've got me walking five steps behind you like Prince Bleed and Philip.

You're paranoid about everything and everyone.

Oh, and you moan all the time.

See, she's given you the prenup.

That backs my name out and put yours in instead.

It's a great phenomenon.

Yeah, just for a couple of nights.

Well, just tonight then, please.

No.

All right then, thanks.

I'm sure I'll make another joke.

And give me a no -no, I couldn't possibly, would you?

Thanks.

And I prove, by the way, he's a really nice man.

So are you.

They're ready for you.

Oh, and just so you know, honeymoon in here.

So we're going home tonight.

The last flight that you and I will ever have to be together.

You're finished now.

And you can pick all on yourself.

Now it's time for me to get on top of the world.

Because the world is mine. The world is mine. And I'm

feeling.