Original subtitles

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Hide me.

Who's that?

Him.

It's okay.

At least I don't align faster than you.

That's it. Make him think you care.

A doting father and a loving husband.

Who's this?

I do not believe it.

Abracadabra, wife disappears.

This just appears that they're near.

So slow, he'll be on ours.

Is there anything I can get you, madam?

A couple of gin teas. I'm a nervous flyer. Need a big, strong, hunky man

get me on board.

Leanne, I'm afraid she's rather busy, sir.

You could change for 20.

Leanne, you look like you've forgotten me.

Marvin. Yeah, what a coincidence.

You, uh, have a nice flight.

Is there anything I can get you, sir?

Uh, ham sandwich.

People don't seem to have any harm left.

Anything else, really? No.

I'll just check the galley and see what I can find.

Which airline are you with, babe?

Oh, Sherry's got the ticket.

I don't know why you didn't drive fresh. I could have got you 50 % off.

Dennis will stand us down if we don't get going. Okay, okay.

Hey.

Hey, bring me home a good -looking Spaniard.

Don't go near any good -looking Spaniards.

I love you. I love you, too.

Bye.

Bye. Adios.

Wait.

What's the Spanish for goodbye?

Adios. Exactly.

So why did you say adivideci?

I made a mistake.

You don't make that kind of mistake ever. What's going on?

I can't say. So something is going on? No. Fine.

Tell Janice it's an emergency.

I'll meet you at the gate. She'll off you.

Don't care.

Ciao.

Jack. So?

So him party for one, then?

Papa told you? No.

But you're gonna.

Why would you be taking some secret trip to Milan that my sister knows about and

I don't? It's for a job.

Training manager.

It's only for six months.

When were you gonna let me know?

If I got it.

And when will you know that?

Well, I sort of have.

Got it, I mean. This is a week's practical trial.

If it goes OK... Final body call from KK115 to Milan. I have to go. Get a

flight.

Someone meeting me. You'd rather blow this relationship than make some whop

hotel manager wait a bit.

We can't do this now.

I'll be back at the weekend.

If you loved me, you wouldn't be walking out on me. That's not what this is

about. Stay there. Make me understand. I can't. Why not?

I've got to go.

What have I said?

What have I asked you?

Marry me!

Hope you enjoy your sandwich, sir. Ham meal, extra meal. Hope that's okay.

Wonderful. Oh, no, please.

It's on the house. Any friend of Leanne's?

What was all that about?

Let's just say revenge is salty.

Who's done something to that sandwich?

The man's a shit.

Now, you may not give a toss, but as your friend, I do.

Did.

Sorry.

There you

go.

Sorry about that.

No problem. So, you didn't go for my trick with all the business cards. I

thought it was pretty thorough. Excuse me. I have other passengers to attend

You two have got such a great relationship.

Then how come she's so scared to tell you she's got a job interview?

Sorry, was that sparkling water?

You don't know, right? You don't know us.

It's £3 .50, sir.

OK. OK, but are you sure you really want to marry her?

A ham salad or a ham and pickle?

Proposing at the departure gate sounds more like desperation than love.

Don't go.

Don't leave me all alone.

I don't need this agony aunt stuff.

What I do need is advice when I ring, so are you going to help me or not?

I'd like to see all the engagement rings you have, please.

This, perhaps?

Not the white gold, no tat.

I'm talking about the best you have.

No.

That's the one.

Would you like to trade it all, madam?

But you like it, right? I mean, if you were Lucy, that's what you'd go for.

You can't ask one woman what another woman would want.

How much is it?

4 ,000.

Do you take deposits?

You have to pay me minimum 10%. The rest during the next 14 days.

Are you smoking crack?

You seriously think you're going to find 4 ,000 euros in a fortnight?

Where there's a will.

There's no bloody way.

Well, it didn't just walk off by itself.

What does it look like?

It's black leather. It's got zippers and pouches down the front on either side.

We really don't have time for this. Diane, please.

I'm here on business.

There's stuff in there I need.

I mean, I brought it on here.

It didn't just disappear.

I'm sorry, sir.

If you leave your details at the fresh desk, they will make sure it reaches

What?

You hid a passenger's bag?

Yeah.

I thought you'd be pleased.

Are you out of your tiny mind?

I just changed the 5 .30 to the 6 .30 and we'll be fine.

Yes. See you later.

Where was it? In another locker.

How did I get there? Sir, the good news is that we have found it.

You didn't answer my question.

Don't get arsed with Leanne, okay?

She's not the one coming on to people left, right and centre when she's

spoken for.

Excuse me?

Enjoy your sandwich, sir. Have mayo with extra mayo. Hope that's okay.

Sorry.

It was you.

Yeah, you took my bag. And you put something in my food.

No. Yeah, and you knew about it.

Jesus, you people are sick.

Come with me.

How did you find the in -flight service?

A, excellent. B, good. C, average. D, poor. How about E?

Total crap.

How about the refreshments?

Crap. And Leanne Evans and Will... O 'Brien.

Yeah, O 'Brien.

Rude, incompetent, inefficient.

And E, total crap.

Can you make sure this gets to your customer service, please? And actually,

you're going to make this disappear as well.

I think I'm going to mail it myself.

Marvin, please don't.

I think we should stick with sir from now on.

Sir, the airline takes those forms very seriously.

Good. Do you want to get us the sack?

Look, I only fly your stupid airline because my company gets some kind of

discount. Okay?

The less I see you, the better.

And if this helps... Great.

You have so fucked up.

Sorry.

Sir, please.

Sir.

What are you doing?

Working out I'm going to pay for that ring.

You're not still seriously on about that. When I say I'm going to do

I do it.

What I need is a product that really shifts.

Perfume's best to make the most per bottle.

How does it work, then?

It's simple.

See, I get knock -off stuff dirt cheap, take them on board in my case, then I

swap them with the airline's kosher stuff.

So, during the flight, I'm selling my stuff, not freshers'. Money goes in my

pocket. At the end of the day, I stick all the airline stuff back on the

trolley.

If there's any leftover knock -off, it goes back in the case for the next time.

Airlines don't know the difference because all their stock's still there.

And the money looks like it tallies up.

In a decent week, I'm off hundreds of quid.

Hey, why don't you help me? Women always sell more.

Especially the good -looking ones.

I've only just got this job. I can't afford to get caught nicking.

You won't trust me.

Come on, Char.

I need you.

Well, you're not going to get far with one poxy bottle, are you?

Don't worry about that.

I've got connections.

That's the Unifix stuff, that is.

I'll give you 80 quid for the lot.

I thought you said we were selling four or five bottles.

Keeps the buying bulk.

Make it a ton and we're in business.

85.

90.

And I will throw in some Thai ladyboy action.

I tell you, they're amazing. You cannot tell the difference.

Better than the perfume, then.

I'm sorry, but I really do have to say that, sir. It's fine. It's not doing

anybody any harm. You can take it out of the locker after take -off. I said no!

Sir, sorry, but we're going to have to... I don't believe it. Hugh.

Look, Marvin, I'm sorry.

We do have to take the bag. But I promise I will personally return it to

after take -off.

Tell your crew I won't be requiring anything to eat or drink.

We're not supposed to let you... Don't push me.

Do what I told you. Any problems, I'm right here.

Ladies.

Do you like anything off the trolley, sir?

How about you?

Unfortunately, you'd have to pay tax on me. Can I interest you in some unisex

fragrance? If you get lucky, it's a present.

If not, you end up smelling gorgeous.

How much did we make?

620 quid.

That's a seriously good day to our world, huh?

What a rush, though.

Better than drugs.

Better than sex.

Easy. When can we do it again?

Fine.

Lou!

Hey, baby, what time do you land? I'll come and meet you.

What?

Yeah, but you said you'd be back at the weekend, you promised.

What type of job is it when they can just order you to change your plans?

I don't care.

Thank you.

Look, I can't help my schedule.

I like this about as much as you do.

I'm going to be in Palma for 24 hours.

Personally, I'd like it if we saw each other for as little as possible.

Now, I'm staying here at the Punta Verde, and I've got meetings here and

So that leaves you the north, south, and west of the island.

You and your friend stay on your side, and I'll stay on mine.

Deal?

If you do my back, I will do yours.

Leanne, how many times do I have to say I'm sorry?

Right.

To prove to you that I'm the best friend you'll ever have, I will grant you

three wishes.

And if I can't make all of them come true then, and only then, you may never

speak to me again. Deal?

I wish you bugger off.

You won't even have to rub my lamp.

Oh, come on, there must be something that you want.

I can have anything I want.

Anything?

So, what do you think?

Perfect. You make a great pair of tits, Will.

Yeah, well, it's a shame I don't get to appreciate them.

So, wish number two, what's it going to be?

the world's best ice cream and six scoops please your letter is my pleasure

Thank God you're back.

This beach is on my part of the map.

Yeah, well, I'd leave if I could.

I wanted bigger tits.

Who built these, a 14 -year -old boy?

Thanks.

I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't shown up.

You'd have thought of something.

Well, I'd better get this stuff off.

Thank you.

Um, I'm dining at La Terrassa tonight, so... Don't worry.

I'll stick to my part of town.

That's not what I meant. I was wondering if... Hey!

Get licking!

This bugger is melting!

Hey, cat.

I suppose your third wish is for hunting. Fuck off!

I was just leaving.

Well, after all the trouble I've been to.

Don't want to spoil my dinner.

I thought women loved

crazy, spontaneous, romantic gestures.

That's not what this is, and you know it.

This is picking up on her, controlling her, punishing her for having the gall

work when she should be with you.

You spend too much time with my sister, you even start to sound like her.

Bye, Charlotte.

Thanks, Charlotte. Have a nice weekend.

Well, I thought if you can't come to me... You are pleased, aren't you?

Of course I am. But I told you I have to work.

And who is this?

This is Jack.

Lucy's boyfriend.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

I'm sorry, but hotel rules. Staff are not allowed to have guests in their

Right. I'll have a room, then. We're very full.

There's only a suite.

I'll give it to you for the room rate.

Plus staff discount. That's 250 euros.

Not a problem.

Good. I'm sorry Lucy won't have more time to spend with you, but we have a

conference. The bar's that way.

Have a drink after you check in on the house.

I lost my map.

Uh, sit down, please.

I didn't come for the food.

I came to smarten things.

How long have you been married?

I saw your wife and sister at the airport.

You followed me off my flight.

Um, well, you should have come over, because...

I could have introduced you to my sister, who looks after my kids while

away.

That wasn't your wife.

My wife died two years ago.

Knocked down by a 13 -year -old joyrider.

Come on, I can see that there's more questions, so... What about the woman on

the plane?

Diane?

Diane is my boss.

You can't blame me for thinking that.

Otherwise she was feeling you up.

How do you say, get your hand off my thigh to your boss?

Are we done?

Are there any more questions?

Because I'd really like to enjoy this.

There is one more question.

What did you do with that complaint form?

I was angry.

Let's forget it.

I'm a couple of months off a pay rise and I could really use the money.

You didn't send that form.

That's not a spoiler.

Can I walk you back to your hotel?

It's just there. Go on, you go. I'll be fine.

And thanks!

Jack, what are you doing? I'm working. It's five.

We've got stuff to talk about.

I told you I had to... I told you I had to work this weekend. Why?

Because Dieter said so.

He's my boss.

And you'd rather hang out with some German nuffer?

Oh, he's not here. And he's not gay. And how would you know that? Jack, you're

drunk. Go to your room and sleep in.

And where will you be sleeping?

Are you okay?

Yes, I think. She's getting me out of the way.

So you can carry on feeling her up.

I think you need to calm down.

You're upsetting our guests.

Nothing you need to fuck off.

No, Jack!

woman in the shower.

It's me.

Thought you went to Milan for the weekend.

Blown it again.

Blew the cash, got pitch in the bus.

She threw me out. Do not say I told you so.

I was going to say pass me a towel.

How can I make it right?

You really want my advice?

Yes.

Stop calling, stop texting. Things stop doing whatever it is you're doing and

just let her get on with her life.

Have you never heard the saying, if you love someone, set them free?

If they love you, they'll come back to you. Oh, spare me the corny bullshit.

Char, we need to double our efforts on the ring front.

No. I need you.

You could sell ice to Eskimo.

And I thought you loved scamming better than sex, you said.

Yeah, well, I got to thinking.

Maybe I loved it too much.

I'm sorry.

Fine.

I'll do it myself.

So, you want two grand in four days?

You must have some idea.

Well, you know what I'd say normally.

The one thing I won't do, ain't no bloody mule.

Doesn't mean the fella's been done it, does he?

What route you got coming up?

Spain, mostly.

Um, Parma, Alicante, Barcelona, Geneva on Tuesday.

Barcelona.

Glad you met my mate, Miguel.

You're here overnight?

Yeah. Then you can be useful, yes? Whatever I can do if helping you is

me. I have a shipment tomorrow.

To London.

Someone lets me down.

Well, maybe I'm your man.

Maybe you are.

You cannot import legally into England.

For fully grown, I can sell hundreds of euros each.

Yeah? Well, I don't see myself walking through customs with him tucked under my

arm. I have ten.

They come on in a spare catering. How much?

Eight hundred euros.

One thousand up front.

Eight hundred.

On delivery.

Done.

What now?

Baggage haul for you and Newcastle for me.

I want to see you again.

What are you doing later?

I don't know. I'm going to be back for a while.

When?

Barring delays, about 8 o 'clock.

I'll be waiting.

Leah.

Black Bear just passed on a call from dispatch.

Kevin McMillan wants to see you when you get off shift.

Why are you grinning? Well, it must mean your grade two's come through.

Congratulations.

Thanks. Well, for that good news, I'll let you off the loose.

Service, crap.

Attitude, crap.

Refreshments, crap.

Do you have anything to say about this?

Sir, it was an accident.

He got the wrong end of the stick. The customer is never wrong.

This is the worst complaint form we've ever had at my time at this airline.

You realize your promotion to Cursor Grade 2 will be put on hold?

For how long? Well, we'll review it again in six months.

Yeah, what's wrong?

Come on, talk to me.

I needed that promotion, Marvin.

Card? Yeah, the one you never sent.

I never thought that they'd... I'm so sorry. Sorry?

Sorry won't feed my son.

You lied.

So take your flowers and your poncy roller and shove them up your ass.

Sideway.

I don't usually see you working dispatch.

Are we short -staffed today? I come to see the lovely Janice, of course.

And to make sure everything is okay.

Good.

You have a good flight, huh?

Make yourself useful.

Two diet cokes for the flight deck.

And Jack!

Whatever little sinaligans you're planning, forget it. I've got my eye on

You'll be working with Charlotte. Start the service in ten.

Oh, these drinks are warm. Somebody forgot to put the tunas on.

She said something that was supposed to be me.

Wait! I need your help.

Guys, give us five minutes, eh?

Leanne won't talk to me.

You should have lied to her then.

We were about to kiss for the first time, and she chose that moment to ask

whether I'd posted the damn card or not.

What would you have done?

I am a widower.

There's no mistress, no mile -high club.

I really like her will.

What exactly do you want from me?

Take this, please.

Give it to her boss.

Service, excellent.

Crew, excellent. Leanne Evans is the best person you're ever... Oh, come on.

Did you fake this up yourself?

Um, no.

Actually, the customers outside, if you'd like to speak to them, doesn't

the fact that you hid the man's bag and that she, as your person, failed to

report it.

Is there, um, nothing I can do to persuade you? No.

Things are, um, different now.

Congratulations.

Dead.

Dead.

Dead!

Do you have any idea what you've done?

Ten tortoises and all they're good for is ashtrays.

You told me always turn the chillers on.

But that one was meant to be ballast. You don't switch on the empty ones.

I am so screwed.

The girl laid out 3 ,000 euros for those tortoises.

Well, that's his love.

You don't get it.

I'm in real trouble here.

Dave may be a fat baggage handler, but he knows some serious people.

Plus, I'm still three grand short on the ring.

Lucy's coming home at the weekend. She wants to talk.

Wish I could just float away.

How did my life get so fucked so fast?

Do you really want me to answer that?

Thanks for trying.

Yeah. I shouldn't really be doing this, but...

I pulled a few favours and, well... Leanne's shadow's been at sport night.

If you want her somewhere where she can't run away... Right.

Right.

Thank you.

Yes, sir. What can I get you?

I'm not really going to Newcastle. Then I'm afraid you're on the wrong flight,

sir. I'm here to see you.

And I'll be on every one of your flights until you talk to me.

You're wasting your time.

I've got a theory why you're giving that man such a hard time. Do you want to

hear it?

You're obviously dying to tell me.

Because you actually like him and you're scared shitless.

It's not about the form. Not really.

I've got a kid to support and a job that I'm clinging to by my fingernails.

I haven't got space in my life. You're what, 25?

You don't have space in your life for happiness?

Look, the attention, it's lovely.

But it doesn't change the fact that you lied.

Leanne, I didn't think that would come to anything.

I know it was stupid and I'm sorry.

Things that happen here, they don't last in the real world.

It's kind of an airline rule.

What happens down route stays down route.

I thought we should have done from the start.

You can still buy it in a few months' time.

She's flying in from Milan because she wants the breaker.

Too decent to do it over the phone.

The stupid thing is, it's all my own fault.

I just panicked when she told me she was going away.

What can I talk to that understands me like she does?

I've just been apart with all my shit.

I live without her.

Sorry, I've got to get on.

Want me to come with you?

No, no, no, you're all right.

I pay the man who breathed these dirtices out of my own pocket. I

that, but I can't get my hands on that kind of money.

You're going back to London tonight?

Then you are lucky. There is some other way you can oblige me.

What do you mean?

It's a present from my nephew.

Important occasion.

My cousin will meet you at arrivals when you get to London.

And all I have to do is give him this bag.

You'd write off three grand's worth of debt for carrying a carton of

What better than that?

Why would you do that?

One trip.

Maybe one more after that.

And then we'll quit.

What if you're staying over?

There's no point. You're not going to be there.

Don't worry.

All I want now is to get home with my kids.

Lauren, Lucy's coming back from Milan tonight. I had to get her a present.

It's not like you two actually paid for it.

Is that the lot?

Yeah. Then close up. I'll go home.

Well, what did you get her?

What? The duty free, the present for Lucy.

Madam, would you like anything new, Charlie?

Nothing much, just a purse I thought you'd like. We've got her ham and cheese

ham and pickles.

Well, I got her something too.

What? Actually, I got this for you.

That was mineral water. Was that the same old stuff?

Well, aren't you going to say anything?

How the hell could you afford it? Don't they say the best things in life come

for free?

You teased her. Are you nuts?

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Sorry to interrupt your flight, but I do

in the name of romance.

I had a chance to go out with your lovely purser, Leanne, but I blew it.

But this is my last chance to get her back. So, Leanne, I want to propose

a bet.

Now, if I win, all you have to do is have one dinner with me.

So all you have to do is think of an odd number between 1 and 50.

Okay. Now, I want you to tell your colleague the number, please.

Now, madam, I'm going to write down the number as well that I think that Leanne

is thinking of.

And I want you to hang on to it for me.

Okay, Leanne, what number did you choose?

And madam, would you hold up your number, please?

Ta -da!

You ask

people

to pick an odd number between 1 and 50, they'll pick one starting with 3, and

then it's either 35 or 37.

Nice to know I'm so predictable.

That could never be.

So what are we doing tonight? Thai?

Greek? Are you on a permanent holiday?

Bees on toast at my place will be fine. I've got to clean up here and hand in

some papers at the centre.

Are we at meeting point in 20 minutes?

You won't regret it.

Jack, why don't you head on out too? I know she'll be waiting. I can finish up

here. Thanks.

If you're over your allowance, watch out. Why? What's going on? I don't know.

Customs are stopping everything.

Me and Marvin have got a living room tonight, okay?

Whatever.

It's okay.

I know why you've come back.

I've been a twat.

Stupid, selfish.

I don't deserve you because I didn't trust you.

I've got you this.

All these lines going through my head, you know.

Asking you to marry me and all that.

Wouldn't be right, would it? So, yeah.

Congratulations on the new job.

Don't forget me too quick, whatever.

Just keep it.

Because it would look beautiful on you.

You wanted to marry me.

Please say you still do.

Can you spare a moment?

Well, actually, I've got someone waiting for me outside.

I'm afraid I'll have to keep on waiting.

Come with me.

You were really going to say goodbye?

Kate had jumped in before I was pushed.

You think that's why I came back?

They're meant to be throwing me a surprise party? I thought you'd know

Oh, yeah, your birthday.

Am I marrying an idiot or what?

Now it's time for me to get on top of the world.

The world is mine. The world is mine. And I'm

feeling.