Original subtitles

I don't feel it.

I suppose you're right.

Follow me.

Look at you.

Which one do you think? It's going to be dark enough to shug in.

So, have you got up in the holiday?

Uh, celebrating my ex -party.

Chat with my boyfriend of three years.

Oh, yeah?

Well, that's your seat, and, uh, the loo's just there.

Um, I might need a hand with these.

Oh, Jason, is it? I'm Hannah.

Hi. This is Beck.

This is Louise.

Hello. This is Cassie. Hello. This is Keely.

And... Natalie.

You two know each other?

Yeah, you could say that.

Well, I didn't think I'd see you here.

Am I missing something?

Yeah, Jason and I used to go out.

You're that Jason! Shall we stay for some more reunions and later?

Save to demonstration, please, Jason.

Yeah, I'd better go on.

Catch up with you later, all right?

victim for the night, then.

Ooh.

Someone who's to go out with, all right.

What, a proper girlfriend?

It's a cool thing, yeah?

Oh, you're sweet.

Leanne, can you do the drinks on the flight deck, please?

Sorry. Too many drinks in the airport lounge.

Oh, you look good now.

Oh, thanks.

So, fresh air.

We said you wanted to work abroad.

Yeah. You didn't think I'd have my own airline, did you?

Well, I've got to get to the loo before I wet myself.

Right.

Sorry.

Sorry.

OK, girls, where are we meeting tonight?

Got to go out with a bang, surely?

Oh, no, you missed your chance with us lot. It's back to the convent. Isn't it,

girls? You're all virgins, that's right, isn't it? I do not know why you let

this one go.

I forgot to ask. If you're not doing anything later on, would you do me out

a drink? Catch up on old times?

Won't your girlfriend mind?

Leanne, I live with her. I mean, as mates, but a few of us share a house.

Anyway, all I'm asking for is a friendly drink.

Yeah, I'm not sure.

I'll drop you off after.

I don't know where I live.

Well, then you can show me, can't you?

That might be nice.

Wait for me at the meeting point in the terminal. I'll pick you up. Yeah, I'd

better go on with the others.

Bye.

All right.

Where's Nat?

Oh, uh, she couldn't wait. She didn't like to rush off.

Oh, you're joking.

Stuck with me, I'm afraid.

I'll give you a ride home before he's stuck in there. No, no.

Look on, over there.

How come Nat's taken you out?

Some appointment or something, I don't know.

What's the matter?

I don't like being dumped.

Is that what she told you?

She dumped me.

It's true, isn't it? Well, he can make mistakes, I suppose.

You got Nat's number?

She's, uh, she's just changed it. Listen, I'll tell you what.

Next time I see her...

Okay, I'll give you a call. Okay.

Thanks for everything. Bye.

I'll get my nickel, if I wore any.

See you later.

Jason, what are you doing here?

I could offer you the same thing.

I was waiting half an hour, that's why I just ended up dead.

How come you went off?

Well, I've got to go out.

Oh, right.

Shame.

Well, it's nice to see you again.

Yeah, you too.

Well, bye.

Hello. Who's this?

I'm just babysitting him for a friend. Mummy, can I have a drink?

Mummy? You never told me you had a kid.

How old are you then, mate?

He's three.

I'm four and three quarters.

Four and three quarters? Wow.

Hold on a minute. If he's... You must have had him six months after we split

up.

I don't get it.

Connor, go inside.

Come on, I'll be in in a second.

No, Jason.

I didn't want you to find out like this.

Tell me what I think you're telling me. I'm not telling you anything.

Mum!

Mum, I'm home!

Hello, gorgeous boy.

You've got a brand new ticket?

Yes. You are... Boiling that child.

Mmm, if I don't spoil my own boy, I'm kind of spoiled. Okay.

Well.

He's asleep.

I wish I'd got home earlier.

It seems like I've only just set foot through the front door and it's bedtime

already. Date the night. Take him to school tomorrow.

I can't. I've got to fly first thing.

Back Saturday, though. I'll get to spend the weekend with you. And Monday.

I wish you hadn't spent all this money on toys.

Why? Needs a new PE kit for school. And that football training thing's 50 quid.

Maybe we should just tell him no.

No.

No, if he wants it, I will find the money for it.

Mum, maybe I should give it up.

Go for something better paid.

Or stay at home with him and claim benefit.

Don't be daft.

He's happy as we are.

So what can I interest you in?

A starter, perhaps, to whet your appetite?

Ooh, how about we go straight to the specials?

Something hot and filling.

Tagliatelle carbonara.

I had carbonara last time, and you promised me something bigger this time.

I'm a scheduler, not a miracle worker, Leanne. Roland, I need those allowances.

Geneva's worth 80 quid.

And I would be very grateful.

If, and I'm only saying if, I get you Geneva, you owe me.

Who? The pilot.

Who?

Yeah.

Hello there, my little favour for the evening.

Where's Emma?

Oh, she's fine now.

If that'll be all.

I'm staying near the airport tonight. Flying first thing, no point going home.

thought we could have a bite to eat at my hotel.

Sure. Look forward to it.

No, Richard!

Here!

No, Richard!

No! Going down.

People might see.

Look, you're a nice guy, and it was a lovely meal.

I'm tired, okay?

Had a lot of early morning. Tell you what.

What say we have quick nightcap in my room?

Look, Roland said drinks and dinner.

That's all I'm offering.

A drink.

Make yourself comfortable.

Why don't you fix us both a drink?

It won't be a minute.

Well, hello, my little trolley dolly.

The exits are here, here, and here.

Look, Richard.

It's really sore.

It's sunburned, you know.

Maybe we could do this another time. Leanne, you know the score. We have a

How about you start playing the game?

Okay, okay, okay, wait, wait, wait.

I've got an idea.

Yeah. Let's play a little game.

Now you're talking.

Do you know what I like that really gets me in the mood?

Hide and seek.

Yeah.

You hide like a naughty little boy and I'll come and find you. Wait a minute.

How do I know you're not just going to run away?

If you don't hurry up and hide...

I can't take all my clothes off.

One, two, three, four, five,

six, seven, eight, nine,

ten.

Ready or not, here I come.

Where could that naughty boy be?

You've been unusually quiet tonight.

You all right?

That's brownies, hot from the oven. Come and get them.

Yeah.

Smashing.

Do you know, if you two girls cut down all your clothes shopping for just two

months, you'd be back in the straight and narrow.

No, Will.

Life without shopping isn't life at all.

Exactly.

Do you know what?

It's so beautiful.

Puts all your own petty little problems into perspective, doesn't it?

I just...

Found out I've got a kid.

What?

Who's the mother?

It's an ex -bird of mine now.

What, that girl off the plane?

So what, does she want a maintenance payment or something?

No. You're off the hook then, mate.

Doesn't occur to you that I might want to get involved?

It's only natural if he's my kid.

Natural? Is that the only thing that comes natural for you, is shagging and

getting wasted?

No. Not being a dad.

Just what are you trying to say, Leanne? I think what she's trying to say is...

You'd be a crap dad.

I'm sorry.

Jake,

I'm really sorry.

I'm all caught up in my own stupid problems.

Have you got a picture of him?

Connor, how could she not have told me all these years?

It just feels so weird, you know?

I don't know if I want this or if I'm terrified by it.

Do you know what I did when I found out?

I ran away.

I actually turned and ran.

Yeah, well, sometimes the first instinct's the best one, you know?

Okay, I'll think.

really kidding me.

Take it off, then.

I can't. I've got to see my nipples.

Well, they won't if you put these on.

Oh, yeah, and how's that going to work exactly?

Well, the vitamin E cream will hold them in place.

Hurry up. I'm sure the passengers are getting a bigger welcome than they

bargained for.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God, you're worried.

Ready?

Keep well out the way of Captain Kangaroo's face, are you? Let the girl

after the flight deck.

He's in right filthy mood.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Apparently, housekeeping at the hotel found him locked in his wardrobe this

morning. Wait for it.

Dressed in rubber.

Cute little devil.

Hello.

All right, ladies. Anything from the... First kiosk? Oh, yes, please.

May I have a bottle of that perfume?

We've only got that in the eau de cologne spray, madam.

That'll be five.

That's £25, please. Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Thank you. Right, then, who's next?

Er, if Johnny sees you... Ooh!

..babe, you can lend me £100, just to a payday.

Lee, do you think I'll be doing this if I wasn't brassic?

Oh, go on, then. Look, it's £25. That's all I've got.

Forget it. Don't be daft. Come on, take it. It's all right.

Leon, I've been thinking about what we were saying earlier.

What? Well, I could lend you something to tide you over, if you like.

Oh, yeah?

And why would you do that?

I've been there. I know what it's like.

As it happens, I'm a bit flush at the moment.

A hundred quid would be all right, wouldn't it? Just pay me back when you

I'm not sure.

Of course you are.

What are friends for, eh?

All right, I'll think about it.

Thanks.

It's really good of you.

Another day, another dollar.

You coming, Richard?

Give me a minute.

Everything okay, Skip?

Never better.

Hi, can I speak to Cheryl Blake, please?

Yeah, it's Richard Beardsley.

Darling, hi, hi.

Good, good. Listen, I wonder if you can do me a little favor.

Remember the strip search you arranged for that bitch who stole my annex?

Yeah, just like that.

Yeah, she'll be coming off to 206.

Excuse me, miss. Would you mind coming with us?

Why? Just routine.

But is this really necessary? I've had a long day and I'm not... This way,

please. Oh, I'll come with her.

Just her, thank you.

It's all right.

I'll catch you up.

She may be quite some time.

What's all this about?

Routine search.

Standard procedure.

I'm going to have to ask you to take off your clothes.

You're joking.

Did you pack this bag yourself, miss?

Yeah, of course.

Could you undress, please?

Oh, what?

I need to search you.

It's so I can carry four pints back from the bar at once.

Sorry to bother you so late. I just wondered if Leanne was in.

Leanne, door!

There you are.

How you doing, gorgeous?

Dean!

Sorry about this. You ain't gonna believe what I've done.

I think I've accidentally left my toiletry bag in your case.

I couldn't grab it, could I?

Oh, you mean this?

Oh, that's the one.

What a mug, eh?

Listen, thanks for this.

I've got to go. So I'll see you soon, yeah?

If you're looking for your cocaine...

You won't find it. Where is it?

What would you have done if they found those drugs on me when they searched me

tonight?

Why don't we go to prison for it?

You gutless shit.

You'll have a two grand's worth of more gear you've got there.

Not anymore.

I flushed it down the toilet.

Keep it for yourself and sell it, more like.

Come on, Leanne, we can sort something out, can't we? I told you I flushed it.

How do I know you're telling the truth?

You don't.

But if you come within a mile of this house, I'm going to report you to the

airline. And then...

I'm going to call the police.

Stupid bitch. What do you call her? Stay out of this, man. It's got nothing to

do with you, you arsehole. If you ever threaten or come nearly out again, I

personally rip your guts out and tie them around your neck. Now, piss off!

What if the plan will eat your heart out? I think you're going to be my new

hero. You're right.

Jesus,

Jenny, mother of God.

Look, I've got my present.

We don't want your present.

Jason, I can't talk to you now. I've got to get Connor to school.

I'm off today. I could wait all day if I have to. Fine, you do that.

Come on, Connor.

Matt.

Matt, wait a minute.

Please? Matt!

Please, just leave us alone.

Why?

Matt, we've got to talk about this.

Right, it's dust and tumble dry.

As soon as it's done, you've got to go. Connor, don't do that. It's all right.

Oh, God, sorry.

Whoa, no.

Sorry, he's a bit of a handful sometimes.

Yeah?

He looks like me too.

Connor, go and get your pyjamas on.

Connor.

Come on.

Off you go.

Um,

Jason.

Look, I haven't been entirely straight with you.

He might not be yours.

What?

But the dates, we were still going out.

What, were you sleeping with somebody else?

Yeah.

Yeah, but you weren't exactly Mr Perfect, were you? Hey, I loved you

didn't I? Look, we were kids.

Anyway, we were going to split up sooner or later. It's just a matter of when.

Well, this other guy, does he know?

How could you not tell me that? All these years.

For what?

I mean, he... It doesn't matter.

Then you, well, you're already off around the world on one of your

Look, we're happy as we are, Jase.

Oh, yeah, lovely.

What about me?

What if he's my kid?

Look, I'm giving you a way out.

I saw the way you reacted when you found out. I mean, you ran a mile, literally.

It's okay.

I'm not asking you for anything. You're free to go.

You want to know why I didn't tell you?

Well, I didn't tell you because I didn't want you coming back out of duty and

then leaving anyway.

All I know is mine.

Yeah? And then what?

And then you become the perfect father?

Yeah. It'll be fun at first, all the novelty wears off and it starts to cramp

your style.

You don't say.

Hello?

Yes.

When did this happen?

Well, why did nobody call me?

Right.

Yeah.

Okay.

Bye.

My dad's been taken to hospital.

I can't leave him with you.

Well, why not? You can't stick him in the hospital with you. He might have to

stay all night.

Look, my flatmate's away, so I've got a spare bed in my room. I've only got my

number. Come on. I am an adult now.

I can look after a four -year -old. I'm not four. I'm nearly five.

A nearly five -year -old boy.

Let me help.

Please?

Okay.

Okay, get his dinosaur cap. It's next door.

I'll get his toothbrush.

And Jason, look, no sugary drinks or sweet things, okay? Or you'll go mental.

And Jason, don't fuck this up, okay?

Right.

No sweets, no sugary drinks, and no fuck -ups. I got it.

Yeah.

Thanks for this.

There we are, Connor.

Got a massive widescreen telly you can watch.

147 channels, mate.

Loads of cartoons, just don't watch my videos.

Come on, then.

There we are, mate.

Jesus Christ!

Stay there, all right?

Looked like your friends came back for their cocaine.

Well, it's gone.

Oh, Kate!

Are

you okay?

No. I'm so sorry, Case. I am.

I should have given the stuff back to Dean when he asked for it.

Jason is screaming at me for not having a deadbolt.

I can't afford to get the door fixed as it is, let alone fancy new locks.

Well, it's my fault. I'll pay for it. Oh, yeah?

How? Good question.

Got my new roster today.

Newcastle, Belfast, Manchester.

Not a single stopover for three weeks.

It's Roland's way of paying me back for locking Captain Pervmonkey in the

cupboard.

I'm actually glad the stuff's gone, Kate.

On the way home, I've made up my mind to sell it.

What? Yeah, I know.

And God knows how that would have ended.

So what now?

I really don't know.

Night, night, little man.

I want to go home.

You can't go home just yet.

Mummy's in the hospital with Grandad.

I don't like it here.

Oh, come on.

I'll be here, just over there in that bed.

OK? He's a good boy.

Come on now, come on now. It's bedtime now. Come on. No, we're going to bed

Come on.

What's going on?

Leanne?

Meet my son? Well, probably my son.

Connor, this is Leanne.

I'm a dark, dark girl.

Cheers, Leanne. You're a lifesaver.

Lucky my little nephew left the book in the car.

I feel so weird, you know?

Still not knowing if he's definitely yours.

Well, no, I got Nat to agree to the DNA thing, but... I don't need a test, I

don't need proof.

I mean, look at him.

He's the spit of me as a kid.

What's this really all about, Jase?

You or him?

What do you mean?

Makes you the big man, doesn't it?

Sowing the old seed.

But what about him?

He needs a dad who's going to be there when he's growing up.

Someone to set aside time to play with him, do his homework with him. Well, I

can do all that.

Yeah, till you get bored.

Jay, you've got the attention span for fully on speed.

I don't get you sometimes, Leanne.

One minute you're great with him, and the next you're putting me down and

nurturing me.

It's almost as if you're jealous of what I've got with him.

Jason Murdoch, you're full of shit.

It's Leanne.

Oh, no, no, don't hang up.

I, uh... No, I know it's late.

I just wanted to ring and apologize.

What I did was wrong.

Well, we're on the same roster tomorrow, and it's going to be my last stopover

for a while, so I'd like to make it up to you.

Yeah, drinks would be great.

I look forward to it.

Good night, Richard.

Good night.

No, no, he's been fine, yeah.

Look, just concentrate on your dad, all right?

Connor's fine.

I've got your number.

All right, take care, yeah?

See you later, darling.

Bye.

But Dad's still in surgery, so he'll be playing Dad all day, I think.

Only on standby.

So, in 18 months of being on standby, I've never actually been called to fly,

have I?

It'll be fine.

Take Connor to the airport, show him some great big planes.

Hey, mate.

I'll come home again. Easy.

You be a good boy for Auntie Kate.

We'll have a shower, OK?

Justin, I can't watch you.

Oh, you've got to go!

Oh!

Sorry, I thought you'd finished.

It won't be long.

You couldn't help me, could you?

Middle of my back.

I can't reach you.

Be gentle with me.

You'll change your tune.

Last night I was the spawn of the devil.

Now I want me to do your back.

I did wound up, that's all.

What with the breaking and bells and shit.

I'm sorry, all right?

I'm sure I'll take care of you.

You know, you shouldn't leave Connor on his own in the kitchen.

It's all right. Casey's with him.

Jay, I haven't been entirely straight with you.

What?

Well, the real reason I was so angry with you... I was

jealous.

Jealous?

Of nothing.

You see?

This is exactly what I was talking about. You've got a choice between

and Fanny. And what do you choose?

Fanny. Leanne? You?

Responsible? My arse. One sniff of a quickie. Connor could have been sticking

his fingers in an electrical socket.

Or tipping boiling hot water over himself for all you cared.

Casey left five minutes ago, Jason.

You didn't even hear her leave.

Oh, and by the way, where is your son?

You complete another bitch.

Someone's got to show you the truth, Jason!

So then the midfielder passes the ball to his team's striker. And then he...

She... Of course, you don't normally have girls in Premier League teams,

girls can't play football.

But they can do lots of other things very well.

Cheers, sweetheart.

and then she dribbles the ball towards the goal. But wait!

In comes the other team's defender, tackles her, and passes the ball to the

midfielder, and on to... a pirate.

There you are, mate. Don't smoke in front of the kid.

Hello, this is the smoking room.

Why don't you go and play somewhere else? I think the runway's free.

You didn't bring the kid on standby for it, anyway.

I'm not going to get called, am I?

Well, Dean Carsey's just phoned in sick.

Apparently he's in hospital, two broken ribs.

Serves him right.

Apparently someone kicked the shit out of him.

Language!

Oh, shit, they never call me on standby.

Well, they do now.

Hey, look.

Oh,

forget it.

Come on, Natalie, answer the phone.

Now, football is a very dirty game, OK?

So after we've finished playing, we've got to clean up the pitch, which is why

we have a hoover. So you must clean, clean, clean, clean, clean.

Will, listen, mate, do us a favour. Just babysit for a couple of hours.

You've got to be joking, haven't you?

Please, we're back before five.

I'm sorry, I am flying in half an hour.

Now, remember what I said about the hoover, OK?

Yes. Hi, mate. How are you doing? Better.

Who might this be?

Connor. He's my little nephew.

I've come to take him on a date.

He's not with me today.

Thank God I got called, eh?

I'd have hated to disappoint him. Someone's entrusted you with a child.

So, what hotel are you in?

OK.

Give me half an hour to freshen up.

I'll be there.

Bye.

Deja vu.

I've taken the precaution of locking the wardrobe door.

Come in, come in.

This isn't going to work, is it?

What's the matter?

Leanne, I can't make love to a girl who looks as unhappy about the idea as you

do.

I'm not that much of a monster. Look, I'm fine. Really, I'm fine.

I've seen happier faces going into a dentist's surgery.

Don't worry, I'll tell Roland you didn't disappoint.

Do these allowances really mean that much to you?

You've no idea.

Take that. I can't. Take it. No strings attached.

A present from me to you.

Now go.

Before I come to my senses, go on.

Yeah, he's a big boy, like his dad.

This has turned out sweet, mate.

As long as we don't get delayed.

Excuse me, ladies.

Sorry to break up the party.

I think it's about time our little friend went back to his seat, don't you?

Absolutely. Sorry, girls. No S for the wicked.

Jason, if your nephew continues to keep you from your work, I may have to ask

you to offload him in Manchester and get his parents to meet him.

We're an airline, not a fun park.

Yeah, point taken. I'll make sure he stays in his seat from now on.

Come on, mate.

I'll bring you a bag.

Jase, isn't this a condom wrapper?

Where did he get that from? In his hand.

Shit, he's had it out of his bag.

Connor, where's the little rubber toy that was in here? Sweet.

Where did you put the sweetie?

Oh, mother of all things holy. Did you put it in your mouth?

What if he swallows it? Shit, shit, shit.

I hate to complain, but I found this in my sandwich.

Fantastic.

There she is, look.

Mummy!

Hello, darling.

How are you?

I'm all right. How's your dad?

Oh, he's all right.

Came around okay after the yacht, but still a bit weak and groggy.

We went on a plane, Mummy.

Did you?

Yeah, I hope you don't mind. I thought you might enjoy it.

Oh, he seems none the worse, Rick.

Did you have a nice day, sweetheart?

Yes. Well,

say goodbye to Jason.

Bye, Daddy.

Jason.

Well, look, I'd better get off. I've got to fly again in an hour, so... Well,

thanks. I don't know what we've done without you.

Pleasure.

Come on, then.

Bye.

I don't need a test, any proof.

He's just a bit of me as a kid.

I'm gonna find you.

I'm gonna get you.

Where's that Connor?

I'm gonna find him. I'm gonna get him. Where is he?

What then?

Do you want to come in for a bit?

Yeah. Yeah?

Give him his bath?

Yeah, sure.

I'll put the curtain on, you get his bath.

Jase, I think these are the DNA results.

You open it.

Are you going to answer it?

Yeah.

But you've closed your life.

Yeah, I've got a bit of a night planned.

Well, er... You'd better be getting off.

Yeah. Connor, come and say goodbye to Jason. He's going.

See you later, mate.

Go on, Connor.

Back upstairs.

Off you go.

Well, we shouldn't lose touch again, really.

You'll need a babysitter.

Seriously.

Thanks. Maybe even that drink?

Yeah, that'd be nice.

Well, give your bell.

Bye, Jason.

Yeah.

It's a present for little Jay. Well, mini -me.

Jay?

He's, um... He's not mine.

Jay, I'm so sorry.

I inhale the fun. Now it's time for me to get on top of

the world.

The world is mine.

And I'm feeling...