Original subtitles

When you start dating someone new, the temptation is to act like someone you're

not.

Put an elevator right. I know.

I wish you worked on a higher floor.

I don't feel like going back to work.

For instance, Ben is not a guy who skips work.

Ever. Wait.

When I was a kid, you know what I used to do on ditch days? Chores?

Sorry, I grew up on a farm.

I used to go to Coney Island.

Ever been?

Never. Are you offering?

Are Nathan's famous hot dogs famous? I don't see why the man would lie.

Let's do it.

Let's just go.

So you just blew off the rest of the day and went to Coney Island?

I love islands.

It was really fun until I threw up all over Ben. By the way, if you're

how many hot dogs you can eat before you ride the scrambler, the answer is not

three.

Has anyone seen my black folder?

Seriously? You're using my book approval as a placemat?

Relax. The editor is going to love you. I really want you to sell this book. But

I don't want to have to interview a new nanny because then you have this strange

person in your house with weird hair and bad clothes.

I thought you said I was the only nanny you interviewed.

Did I?

I just don't want Ben to think I'm a drag.

Well, good. We're back on your thing.

I mean, I'm the fun one. I'm the one who makes people barf.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I am so excited about your meeting. Tell you what.

Tonight, when you're done, we'll go get a drink to celebrate.

Great, but right now, I need to split a cab because the publisher's in your

building. Why don't we just take my car? Because you are staying here and taking

care of your kids, remember?

No, that doesn't ring a bell.

Stephanie, this is a really important day, and I really need to concentrate.

I'll stay at reception. You won't even know we're there.

Unless there's a poopy diaper. Keep your phone on.

Esteemed colleague, distinguished guest, fellow members of the Manhattan

Attorneys Association, or as I like to call it, MA.

What draws us to the law? Well, I think it comes from a sense of duty.

Duty.

Larry, how is that still funny?

Okay, maybe it's a little funny.

All right, come on, come on. This is a big deal, all right?

The firm picks one associate each year to speak about pro bono work, and this

year, they picked me. Yeah, I don't know what you're worried about, man. You're

going on after Waterman. Anybody would look good after Waterman.

Hey, Waterman!

I can't wait for that speech tonight, man. Thanks, I'll be speaking about

Oh, don't you dare spoil it.

Anyway, I'm not worried.

I think my speech is good.

Oh, you're going to use my pro boner joke?

Um, I'm just worried it's too funny.

Oh, okay, so no jokes whatsoever?

Just be at the Emory Hotel at 5 and prepare to have your mind blown.

Hello? There is a woman downstairs wondering if she could steal you away

secret spontaneous surprise.

I'm the woman.

It's Kate.

Kate, Kate, I'm sorry.

I'm drawing a blank.

I know you've got your big speech later, but this will just take an hour.

It might relax you.

What is it, noon?

Sure. I could definitely spare an hour.

Skipping out for a little while on a light day was one thing, but then

to go anywhere five hours before the biggest speech of his life?

Unheard of.

Now, the problem with acting like someone you're not is eventually it will

up in your face.

Oh, my God, what the hell happened to you?

It's kind of a long story.

Kaboom! Our love is volatile, chemical, anything but typical. I want

you badly.

I love you badly.

So Ben showed up with 15 minutes until the biggest speech of his career.

So this was Kate's surprise? She beat you up and took your pants?

The suit? Yeah, yeah, it's all in there.

Okay, it's not a peep show, buddy. Keep it moving.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Come back here. I need you.

Thank you.

You know what? Let's take this to the men's room. You can tell me what

You know, I don't really feel like talking about it, Larry. You'd have to

Kate. Now, it so happened that at the very same moment, Kate was having the

same conversation.

I really don't feel like talking about it, okay, Connie? If you don't feel like

talking, then let me tell you what happened to me today. All I wanted to do

paint them like a Staten Island fairy.

Which was fine.

When they got to Staten Island, Ben had over four hours until his speech. I

never realized the Statue of Liberty had such a good body.

Well, now we have kissed in two boroughs.

Should we head to the Bronx?

Actually, there's this place down the street that has, like, the best pizza.

Unless you have to get back for your speech.

Uh... No.

No, I think I have a little more time.

What the hell? Let's grab a slice.

Okay.

Who are you?

Hopping on ferries to Staten Island in the middle of the workday?

First of all, I do stuff like that all the time. You never do. Go on. And

second, yesterday, Kate was so excited to find out that I wasn't as spontaneous

as she is that maybe I didn't want to disappoint her.

That is a slippery slope, my friend. You start letting women drag you around

like that, pretty soon they think you're one of those guys that does stuff and

goes to things.

And another piece of the Larry is single puzzle slides into place.

That's funny, actually. You should mention my being single because my dream

relationship took a huge step forward today.

Oh, God.

Not with her.

I hoped I wasn't going to run into you, but I guess if we're in the same zip

code, it's unavoidable.

Oh, the babies are a nice touch.

Hi, Druterios.

You're looking for Kate. She's with Ben. I'm not looking for Kate. I have a

nothing. Oh, you got a nothing? I thought you usually reserved your

Saturday nights.

Not that it's any of your business.

but I actually have a meeting at a publishing house about writing a

book. You're writing a children's book? That's hilarious, you know, because

you're so unpleasant.

Oh, here's Tiffany now.

Oh, hi, Larry.

Hi, Tiff. I thought the coffee would only be parked there a while.

It was weird. After you left, he was so much nicer.

Are you coming with us?

I don't know. Are you inviting me? Are you good with kids? Are the wiggles kind

of creepy?

Yes.

I'm sure Larry has better things to do than... to hang out with a happily

married mother of two children who I work for. Nope, nope, I'm in.

And also, I believe it's whom, but you're the writer, so I pray you

should have seen me, man.

I was on fire.

You should have seen him. He was revolting.

Oh, come on. Larry just likes to flirt. I'm sure he doesn't think anything is

going to happen with Tiffany.

I might just marry this woman.

I think she's already married.

So was I once.

No, you weren't. But I tell women that sometimes. Makes them think I can

And another piece of the puzzle. I've got a whole corner now.

That is a whole pile of judgment coming from the guy who lost his pants at the

pizza place.

I didn't lose them at the pizza place.

Well, I think we've shown Staten Island who's boss.

Should we be heading back?

Yeah, your speech.

Oh, my God.

Kate, we've talked about this.

You can't save every cat.

No, there's a carnival up the street and they have a scrambler.

Oh, gee, I don't know. Kate, scrambling, not a good color on you.

Come on, that was a one -time thing. And we have a half hour to kill. Please let

me make up for yesterday.

Unless you're afraid.

This is you being spontaneous again, right?

Yeah, so?

So... You're not spontaneous, Ben. You think dancing is presumptuous.

It just feels rude to me.

You know, I really wish you'd brought my suit, Larry.

What, you don't like the color?

Meanwhile, I had gone to Connie's book meeting in pursuit of my one true love.

Not her!

So, she kisses the lion and he turns into a prince? No.

It's not a lion. It's a griffin. And it's not a prince. It's a pauper.

Okay, I literally have no idea what you're saying to me right now.

Griffin? A pauper?

I don't have to explain this to you, Larry. This is a book for actual

It has a good message and a brave heroine.

Yawn.

You know what it doesn't have?

It's a cool villain. Every good story starts with a bad guy.

Captain Hook.

Darth Vader.

Iago.

The parrot from Aladdin.

Well, thank you for your advice, Larry. When I write a book about the boy who

smelled like nachos, I'll be sure to consult you.

Ms. Grabowski, are you ready?

More than ready.

But the truth is, he rattled me. I was sweating. I was feeling nauseous.

Well, if it makes you feel any better, you weren't the only one.

No.

Kate, seriously?

Stupid scrambler.

I can't believe that I threw up on you again.

It's fine. I think the kids behind us really got the worst of it.

Anyway, I have plenty of time to go home and change before my speech. I'll just,

I'll clean up and we'll get on the ferry.

Thank you so much for being so sweet about this.

I would kiss you, but, um... Yeah.

Everything. Wallet, credit card, money, phone. It's okay.

How's the suit? Let me see.

It's roomy.

Larry, it's very roomy.

Go out like you keep saying. You are a spontaneous guy, so just make it work.

You know what?

That is exactly what I'm going to do. I am just going to fly by the seat of your

giant Larry pants.

All right, I am up in two minutes. Give me my index card.

Oh, I was supposed to bring your speech.

I am dead.

So, feeling partially responsible for what was about to be a giant step

backwards in Ben's career, I did what friends do.

I bribed somebody.

I got good news and I got bad news. The good news is I bought you another 20

minutes, all right? But the bad news is you're going on after...

I'm going on after who?

You're going on after Cohen.

Cohen? I'm going on after... I can't go on after Cohen. Cohen is the closer.

Judge Banks threw her bra at him last year.

This is the best I can do. What do you want from me, Ben? How about my suit and

my speech?

All right, all right, all right. Just calm down. Calm down. Maybe we have time

to go back to the office and get the cards. It'll take 20 minutes just to get

there. 20 minutes and rush hour? You're dreaming, man. Play with a helicopter.

This is not helping you.

Hey, how about, uh, what's that hot paralegal's name? Cheryl. Call her.

Cheryl's here.

Everybody's here.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Connie said she was meeting Kate at the bar tonight.

That's right by work. Just call Kate.

I, um, Kate and I aren't exactly on the best terms right now.

Anything? No, I couldn't find the guy who took my pants, but I did find a cop.

Oh, good. Who ticketed me for not wearing any pants.

Well, if there's any consolation, I like your underwear.

And that creepy guy seems to like them, too.

Maybe you should just put your coat on and wear your pants. Oh, man.

I have got to get back.

Please tell me that's the olive warthorn.

That's the olive warthorn.

Damn it.

Oh, great.

Great, the next ferry isn't for a half hour.

Oh, no, your speech.

Oh, now you're worried about my speech?

What's that supposed to mean?

It means that when you asked if you could steal me away for an hour, I

you meant an hour.

Hold on. Are you blaming me for this? I don't know, Kate, but you know what's

almost as fun as a special secret surprise?

Eating lunch at the deli a half block from her office. They have coleslaw, and

you get to keep your pants.

Can you believe him?

Why are you looking at your beer?

You're on his side?

Well, you did drag him out of his office.

He came by choice, and you took him all the way to Staten Island?

He wanted to go.

Look, Kate, all I'm saying is he should have said no. You're right. But when two

people like each other, they just want to make the other one happy.

Hello? Listen, Kate, I know that you and Ben are in a fight right now, and

you're probably going to say no, but he left his speech on his desk. So if you

guys could go across the street and grab it, it would be a huge favor to him.

I'm in.

We have to go to Ben's office right now. I don't know if I can show my face in

that building after my meeting today.

Was it really that bad? Do you remember the 60 -minute story about the illegal

puppy farms?

Yeah, that's the face the editor made.

You know, we actually have a couple of Griffin projects that are moving

Really? No.

Nobody knows what a Griffin is.

Well, it doesn't have to be a Griffin.

I don't know. There's something missing.

Maybe that's... Maybe that's because I didn't tell you about the villain yet.

There's this big, hairy, stinky, nasty ogre named Barry.

He thinks every woman is in love with him. He talks with his mouth full and he

drips crumbs on his beard and drives the heroine crazy because everyone likes

him, but really he is a monster.

so it went well.

Oh, what? All I did was offer a little constructive criticism and help out your

boss in her hour of need.

You were a big help. I was a big help.

Well, can I give you some constructive criticism?

You're... dumb face.

Oh, Connie, come on. You're better than that.

So with Ben's speech in hand, Kate lights her chances of saving the day. I

we're gonna make it.

Can you believe Larry following Tiffany around all day, flirting and making

jokes? It's sickening.

Why aren't you making eye contact with me?

Kate! Okay, fine.

Larry's not an idiot, okay? I mean, he knows that Tiffany is married.

What are you saying?

Maybe she wasn't the only reason that he was there.

I am so close to punching you in the face right now.

This is a coincidence.

I was just talking about you.

Oh, come on. Where are they?

Cohen is crushing it.

Oh, my God. He's doing a handstand.

Oh, my God.

Hey, listen. Hey, man. It's going to be all right. It's going to be all right,

man. No, it's not, man, because I don't remember my speech, which is why I wrote

it down on cards. I am really sorry, okay? But if it helps, I actually

part of it.

Don't. Don't.

Larry, stop it.

Duty.

Larry, it is not funny anymore.

Okay, maybe it is.

You know what? I'm not even mad about the speech. I'm mad at myself.

I should have handled things better with Kate.

Oh, my God. Here comes Cohen.

How do I look? How do I look?

Damn traffic.

We're not going to make it.

Can we just take a second to talk about how exciting that was with Delora?

Bill on your thing.

So they did not make it, and now Ben was up there with nothing.

Traditionally, Ben doesn't do great with nothing.

What is law?

That's a good question.

Law is patient.

Law is kind.

Law is never judgmental.

Never.

Actually, I guess law is always judgmental.

And that's when Kate arrived to save the day. But the funny thing was, after

everything Ben had been through in the last few hours, he suddenly realized he

could save it himself.

We think of law as a bunch of dusty books on the shelf.

But the law is not rigid.

It evolves and it adapts.

And a good lawyer needs to be just as flexible.

I guess what I'm saying is...

20 minutes ago, I wasn't wearing any pants.

You see, sometimes even though you get a little lost, a little turned around, a

little vomited on, acting like someone you're not is exactly what it takes to

realize you're capable of more than you ever knew.

Oh, boy.

Somebody crushed it. That was awesome, man. It did feel good.

Was I better than Cohen?

Well, take it easy.

And Connie has something to celebrate, too.

I don't know if I have anything to celebrate. The editor just wants me to

back in and talk more about one of my characters.

The griffin?

No, just a villain character I came up with right there on the spot. Sounds

I was a little helpful after all.

Actually, Larry, you were.

Thank you.

Thank you? No, oh, no, no, no, no, no, thank you. That's okay.

A simple mention in the acknowledgments will more than suffice.

Just say that you couldn't have done it without Lawrence Ebenezer Munch. Whoa.

You are joking right now.

Do I look like I'm joking?

You know, today got me thinking.

You know what I'd like to do this weekend?

Name it. I'm up for anything.

Face jumping.

Power gliding.

Armed robbery.

Actually, um, I would...

I think I could

handle

that.

A lot of shaky camera in this movie.

Oh, no.

Scrambler face.