All language subtitles for Love And War s03e21 Tradition

Listen, pal, it's my wedding, and I want
it right. Now, both the reception

napkins and the matchbooks are printed
wrong.

What's the problem? Well, first of all,
the groom's name is Jack Stein.

So good luck, Dana Palladino, and Jack
Stain is not going to work.

Well, fix it.

My God.

I must have been completely insane to
want a big traditional wedding. Not

insane. Teenage is fulfilling every
little girl's dream. Well, everyone

Big Sad Meg here.

Jackie, it's not charity, for God's
sakes. I'm your sister.

You're out of work. You need a job. I
can buy you a job. You need more hair? I

can arrange that, too.

Stop that.

Oh, just like when he was a kid.

Everyone, remember my sister Barbara?

Hi, y 'all.

Jackie, do me a favor, honey, and put
the luggage in the back before it grows

legs and gets away.

And tuck in your shirt.

So, Barbara, long time no see. We were
sorry to hear about the passing of your

husband last year. Oh, thanks. It was
such a surprise he was only 80.

Not like my first three husbands who
were quite elderly when they were taken

from me.

My friends in Dallas have helped me
through it, and although I am no longer

wife of the ranch -dressing king, the
three cents I make on every bottle keeps

his memory alive.

Oh, and this must be the lovely bride.

Barbara, so great to finally meet you.
Big hugs. Don't hurt yourself on the

turquoise.

And please, call me Barb.

Barb? Since when is it Barb?

Jackie, please, can I live my life?

girl's room. Right back there.

All right, I'll be right back. And then
we can get on down to this ding -dang

wedding thing.

Yee -haw!

Ah, the Witta Stein, ladies and
gentlemen.

The woman I know has a punch card at a
funeral home.

Kill four, get the fifth one free.

Well, I like her. But no calf roping at
the reception.

Yee -haw.

I bet you're looking forward to letting
off a little steam at the old bachelor

party, huh, Jack?

More than you know. Listen, it's taken
Jack Stein 42 years to get this far. I

want to go out wholeheartedly. What do
you have prepared for me, Abe? Hey,

please. I'm the best man. I'm in charge
of the bachelor party. It's tradition.

No offense, Ray, but have you ever been
to a stag party? All right.

break and i always use a little help
look we start off at peter luger's with

blood rare steak then a little bar
hopping i got a lower east side pub tour

i take close friends to mary margaret
don't interrupt her i'm trying to

visualize now as far as the
entertainment portion of mary margaret

might not be the duke of bachelor
parties but i know one thing you're sure

hell not gonna be there what are you
joking I'm Jack's best friend. I taught

how to tie a tie.

I got him into the half -court game at
the Y. I listened while he told me Cindy

Crawford flirted with him at a party and
I pretended to believe him.

Excuse me, Mary Margaret. I mean, you
know I love you dearly, but who died and

left you a penis, huh?

to agree with them, but listen, women
are not allowed at a bachelor party, all

right? It's tradition, and as you know,
you start fooling with tradition, the

whole fabric of our society will fall
apart.

All right, fine.

Have your little thinking party.

I'm going over there with the girls, and
I'm going to plan an even raunchier

good time. Our party is going to be so
much better than yours, you're going to

wish you wore a bra.

Oh, my God.

It's a cozy teacup where they make a
very tasty finger sandwich.

Oh, God.

Oh, yeah. Woo! Play that party, honey.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Great. Wow. Woo!

So anyway, Jack, aside from the
steakhouse and the poker game, I thought

little entertainment was essential.

So I pulled the guys down to the dump.

Well, the same two words kept coming up.
Please tell me it wasn't chase rats.

No, my friends, I'm talking about...
Exotic Dancers. Exotic Dancers. Yes,

Exotic Dancers.

That's right, Jack. Well, Exotic Dancers
isn't all you've won. Your fantasy

evening will begin with you and your
closest friends taking an old -fashioned

steam down at the Turkish Baths on 10th
Street. Then, join the big party for

food and booze, and then to a hotel room
to play cards until the arrival of...

And I'll let you say it, Jack.

Exotic Dancers.

And we attach all the ribbons and bows
from your gifts to a paper plate, and at

the end of the night, you get to wear it
as a hat.

Well,

Ray, I got to tell you, man, taking the
steam aboard a bachelor plane is a great

idea. Thank you, Mom.

I saw it as a ritual cleansing, if you
will.

I'm glad I flew in for this, Jack.

There was no way I was going to miss
seeing my old college roommate tied to a

knot. Hard to believe, Ronnie.

Hey, how do you get yourself to look
like that?

How do you get yourself to look like
that?

So, for the record, Ronnie, what was the
old Jack Stein like back in college?

Pretty much the same.

Except he had bell bottoms and an afro.

Only two white guys that worked on it.

It just goes to show you how much can
change in 20 years. I mean, here, Jack

Stein, card -carrying bachelor, is
finally committing to a relationship and

marriage the same year Renee and I are
getting a divorce.

What? You and Renee are divorcing? I had
no idea. You always seem so happy.

I mean, everybody always loved Renee.

Oh, yeah.

She's really a sweetheart.

A gem.

But, hey!

Tonight's not about me.

It's about Jack Stein and his lovely and
stable bride, Dana.

Hey, Jack, I hope you like the
steakhouse I picked up.

They give you a ruler and a piece of
chalk. You get to go right in the meat

locker and mark the size and cut you
want.

Just watch your back, that's all.

Or signs.

Warnings.

If there's a change in sleepwear.

She says she's cold, can't wear the lacy
stuff anymore.

Or if you come home from work and she's
sitting on the couch in the dark as dusk

wanes and says, why don't you think of
something for dinner for watching your

damn life?

But hey, you won't have a problem with
Dana. She's a chef.

Whoa, whoa, I got a question.

If we're sitting here opening our pores
letting the sweat out, what stops other

people's sweat from seeping into our
skin?

Can't you just sweat without thinking,
Abe? Hey, you'll love this, Jack. I got

hold of Tusky Berkowitz, Beerbong Elman,
and Pigeon Clark.

Fantastic. These are old brat buddies
from college. What's everybody up to

days, eh?

Well, Tusky's taking over his dad's baby
clothes company.

He's divorced, living in Sheepshead Bay.

Beerbong's a judge on the Ninth Circuit.

His divorce finally came through.

And Pigeon's working as a general
contractor.

But he won't be here tonight.

He's laid up for a few weeks. Oh, a
construction accident?

No, his wife shot him.

Would you stop scaring a man already
written in my tux?

Nobody has to worry about me, okay?

Because I have decided not to be scared
anymore.

So 50 % of the people in this country
get divorced. Jack Stein has always

marched to the beat of a different
drummer.

She shot him?

It was just a flesh war.

Besides, Jack, that doesn't mean it's
going to happen to you.

You and Danny have got something
special.

Even if, God forbid, the worst happens
and you get a divorce, it's not the end

of the world. You pick up. You move on.

She wants my dog, Jack.

Smiley?

She's trying to convince the judge I'm
an unfit pet owner.

The dog's 15 years old.

She's trying to take his last living
brush from me.

Oh, wow.

A cow oven timer.

those very often. Now, if you don't like
it or you already have one, speak up.

This is just a little fun gift.

I didn't want to carry the box of steaks
on the plane, so I had them sent.

Same with the case of ranch dressing.
And I went a little crazy with the

lingerie. Some people like fringe, some
don't. Just tell me I don't have

feelings, I return.

Oh, Barb, you really knocked yourself
out here. I just don't know what to say.

Just don't know what to say.

Dana, the card goes in the scrapbook,
dear. The ribbon goes on the hat. Now,

Meg, you are supposed to be writing down
Dana's first reactions when she opens

her gift.

It's all part of a little game we're
going to play later. You'll see. I'm

getting it down.

It's going a little slow.

I'm not used to writing with a quill.

Boy, what a party.

I feel married already.

I almost forgot. There's a whole pile of
telegrams here from some of your pals

who couldn't make it.

Here, let's see.

Dana, can't believe you're getting
married. Sorry to miss the big bash.

Morocco for some sun. Have a wonderful
life. We'll all miss you.

Ciao, Celine. See, I'm just getting
married. I'm not falling off the edge of

planet. That's from Elijah.

Dear Dana, stop. I'm delayed in Holland.
Stop.

Regarding impending marriage, for the
love of God, stop.

Just kidding. Good luck. And if you
decide to play glass when Cypress is a

rotten egg.

All right. All right. Enough with the
telegrams. Back to the gift. Open mind.

Hurry. Meg, what are you getting
sentimental on me? You actually wrapped

Please. The guy at the store did it.

Oh,

a fist of Jack Daniels.

Oh, well. Oh, yes. That is a really
useful household item. What household?

It's for now. Look around. It looks like
somebody's sewing basket exploded.

You can only get a good stiff drink.
Give me that.

Meg, would you please try to get on the
same page as everyone else?

This is the traditional bridal shower,
and we are going to do traditional

things. Now, Dana, put on the hat.

Nadine, do I... Come on, come on. Put on
this hat. This is the fun part. This is

fun. Believe me, you'll see. It's fun.
Put it on. It's fun.

Are you all right, Nadine? Yes, I'm
fine. Just put it on. And while Dana is

tying on the hat, Meg is going to read
us... Some of the things Dana said when

she opened her gifts. And it's going to
be the same things that she says to Jack

when she sees him naked on their wedding
night. Okay, go ahead.

Just give me a minute now. Oh, for God's
sake, sorry.

All right.

What Dana will say to Jack when she sees
him naked.

Oh, it's so cute. I've never seen one so
tiny. I'll have to find a special place

to put it.

on the very same day that my ex
-husband's new girlfriend scored 1 ,200

SAT.

Nadine, I don't want you to think I
don't appreciate all the work you put

this, but look at us.

We're having a party in Mary Poppins'
birthplace.

This is not good, people.

Maybe this is the way it's done, but it
just doesn't feel like me.

That's very moving, Dana, but you'd have
a lot more credibility if you weren't

wearing a paper plate on your head.

Well, I say to hell with tradition. I
think we ought to blow this joint, do

something wild. I think we should start
by crashing the boys' party at the hotel

and terrorize the rest of New York from
there, huh?

So I drive home from work, a day like
any other, I open up the front door, I

step inside, not a stick of furniture in
the place. She had been planning it for

months. The moving company, the storage
facility, and I mean everything was

gone. My LPs, my yearbooks, my shaving
kit. What the hell does she want with

shaving kit?

It's definitely hotter in here than in a
regular steam room.

No hotter than I'm going to be in that
courtroom.

All I'm saying, Jack, it's not too late.
Make Dana sign something now. And it's

not like you can't do it romantically.

Oh, guys.

Hey, Jack, you okay?

Oh, my chest is feeling a little tight
here.

You want to do something, Jack?

No, you guys just stay and sweat off a
few more pounds while I just go in this

corner here and die.

Yes, I want you to do something.

I think I'm having a heart attack.

I'll go call an ambulance.

Oh, jeez. I better call the steakhouse.

Holders, Barb, I knew they would come in
handy.

Hey, the boys rented out a very nice
room. Look at all of this. I mean,

cards, unhealthy snacks. I'm in heaven.
What have we here? A little movie.

Pulp Friction.

Ordinary People.

Oh, wait till your husband's 80.

Where are those guys anyway?

It's after 10 o 'clock.

They're probably out there having the
time of their lives.

Look up, please.

What the hell are you doing looking at
my eyes?

It's my heart.

Don't you know anything?

And you better be Jewish, because I'm
not paying full price for a Gentile

doctor.

Now, take this scene, for instance.

This is where... porno films lose all
credibility.

Show me a U .S. postal worker that
actually brings the mail to the door.

Takes off his uniform and gets into the
hot tub. Look at him, like mailmen ever

have bodies like that.

Uh -oh, here comes the gardener.

Yeah, right, I don't even see a rake.
Oh, he's got a rake, all right.

I mean, is that really an effective way
for that lady to be blowing up that pool

toy?

Lady, that's not a pool toy.

Oh, you must be the strippers.

Oh, sorry.

We don't do these kind of parties.

So listen, I've got to go to court next
week. You've been through it.

What exactly constitutes perjury?

Why are you hanging in there, buddy?

Oh, great.

It's just a contrast to that heart
monitor. I want to see what it looks

when I die.

Mr. Stein, your lab report is back.

The good news is you didn't have a heart
attack. Oh, thank God. The bad news is

you had a pretty severe anxiety attack.

In layman's terms, that means the blood
vessels feeding your heart rapidly

constricted do impart to heat
prostration, but I'm guessing that

involved. Tell me something.

Is anything unusual going on in your
life?

Not really, although I'm getting married
in a couple of days. You're getting

married? Yeah.

Congratulations. Good thing you're not a
doctor, my friend.

Did you know that once they put you
through med school, they got a piece of

for the rest of your life?

Well, that's just me.

I'm sure you're marrying a wonderful
gal. You're going to be just... fine.

Just to be on the safe side, I'm going
to keep you here overnight for

observation.

What the hell is going on with me, Ray?

I'm so anxious over getting married,
I've almost killed myself.

Come on, Jack. Everybody gets nervous
before the big day, you know. Yeah, but

not everybody gets mouth -to -mouth from
a paramedic named Mitch.

Ray, I think it's a sign, man.

Can't get Mitch off your mind, can you?

No.

I mean, maybe this marriage thing is a
mistake.

Oh, come on, Jack. You and Dana were
made for each other. Look at me. Look at

this. Look at me.

All right.

Say you were going to die.

Whose is the last face you'd want to see
before you went?

Dana.

It's not that simple, Ray.

Yeah, I think it is. I think it's just
that simple.

I mean, you two love each other.

Just for one minute, picture what your
life would be like without her. Go

What do you see?

I see poker games two nights a week.

I see a cupboard full of delicious meat
byproducts.

I see your face way too much.

I see myself in line at the bank hoping
I get the cute teller.

And I see me at my next birthday walking
back and forth in front of Dana's

building, satisfied just to get a mere
glimpse of her because my life is so

pathetic.

What have we learned here, Jack?

that I made the right decision picking
you as my best man.

remove my blazer.

an herb tea.

Well, well, look who's back to the land
of the living.

What time did the hospitals bring you?

About an hour ago.

Man, I slept like a baby last night.
What is it about hospitals?

I guess it's the Demerol.

No,

I guess she's still at the market. I
haven't heard from her.

Now remember, Abe, there's no reason
Dana should know anything about what

happened to me last night, okay?

I'll take it to the grave, my brother.

You are my man. Yeah. Now, If you don't
mind, I'm going to help myself to a

couple of pieces of toast. All right.

Don't make a sound, Dave, unless you're
plopping something fizzy in a glass.

My God, did you finally spring for the
75 -watt bulbs? Where are my sunglasses?

I thought I'd come by and have breakfast
with you.

Being that I was out all night, are you
all right?

Uh, yeah, I'm just a little upset.

The hand towels I got last night weren't
the peach color I'd hoped for.

Oh, now that's hard.

Honey, you smell like a cigar.

Oh, you know, that guy at the fish
market, he's always sucking on a big old

cheap stogie.

It's so annoying.

How was your big night?

Oh, well, you know, pretty wild.

Wish I could, you know, give you all the
colorful details, but I'm afraid you

might faint.

I did take a little time out to think
about you, and I think this is going to

a great thing, you know.

Getting married.

I do, too.

As long as we make a promise that we'll
always, you know, break a few rules. I

mean, you know, not enough to land in
prison or anything like that.

You got it.

We'll be the rule breakers of the world.

Who's that on your wrist, Jack?

Huh? Is that a hospital band?

Uh, this?

This, uh... This is not a hospital band.
It looks like a hospital band, but

it's... Well, we took him to a club.

It was called The Emergency Room.

Oh!

What a crazy place.

You know, you carry your drinks around
in an IV bag.

And then for five bucks, they take
pictures of you with your friends, but

they're x -rays. Yeah.

I've got to take you there sometime
after we're married, because we don't

to stop being spontaneous and crazy just
because we're married.

Why do I not believe you, Jack?

I don't know.

Maybe it's because you have a tassel
sticking out of your dress.

You know, what the hell would you want
to?

Dana.

I am almost your husband, and I'm
talking to you.