Original subtitles

Unbelievable.

I don't get it, Mary Margaret.

This is like the worst day of my life.

Really, Ray? Worse than the day your sisters gave you that perm just before

yearbook photos were taken?

This is way worse.

You know Lenny I work with on my route?

I just heard a rumor that he's getting the promotion that I deserve.

Give me a break. I've been lifting cans for eight years.

Lenny's been doing it for like three.

Yeah, and the guys tell me he's been sucking up to the foreman behind my

Taking them out to breakfast at Denny's for the Grand Slam thing.

Dust busting the blocker, things like that.

You know, call me naive, but I thought promotions went to the guy who did his

job the best.

You're naive, Ray.

Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.

Uh -oh, here comes trouble.

I found her wandering around outside my building. You can see a doll.

She's thirsty.

Hey, hand me that bottle of Perrier.

Are you crazy?

I'll make a 200 % markup on that yuppie water.

God bless the designated drivers.

Now, get that hound off the bar. You want the boat of hell to slap me with a

fine? Oh, Abe, relax.

This dog has a better manicure than I do.

Besides, I checked her tags and called her owner, and he's going to pick her up

any minute.

He?

You've got to be kidding.

What kind of guy walks into a pet store, points to this, and says, Yeah, that's

the dog. I won't wrap up that dog.

Back for a minute, I nearly get here for heart attack.

Oh, baby, come here. Give daddy kisses.

Come here.

All right, where is she?

Huh?

Where's Dana? Where's the angel?

Hi, I'm Dana Palladino.

I'm sorry I would have brought her by myself, but I'm the chef here, and I got

hungry lunch crowd due in about 20 minutes.

Palladino, I should have known, of course. Sam Biondi. You're Italian, I'm

Italian. Must be fate, huh?

Mimi, you know who this woman is?

This is someone who deserves my undying gratitude.

Oh, come on. It was nothing, really. No, no, that's where you're wrong, you

know? Mimi may be just another pooch to you, but what you don't know, she was a

present from my mother, my late sainted mother, also named Mimi.

Oh, my, she means the world to me.

You know, when a person helps another person like what you did...

This is something I do not take lightly.

Oh, my God.

You know, it isn't much due to short notice, but I didn't want to show up

-handed. Well, I've never seen such a huge arrangement of flowers. What, did

float underneath there?

Where did you find lilies in the middle of January?

Oh, my God.

I have a few friends down in the flower district.

Hey, what the hell's with all the flowers?

Amy didn't tell me you would turn a shamrock into a funeral parlor.

That's not funny.

Yes, it is.

Unless, of course, somebody actually died.

No, but you should have a little respect.

It's not good to joke about things like that.

Who is this guy?

Jack Stein, Sam Biondi.

Oh.

Cute dog.

Your wife's?

No.

She's mine.

You got a problem with that? She was lost. I found her. He just came down to

pick her up. Oh.

Okay, fine. Well, continue.

Joey, what's this?

Brown tips?

Make a note.

You let my supplier know that I am sincerely disappointed in his lack of

commitment and quality control.

This merchandise is defective!

I'm sorry.

You know, this is an embarrassment to me. Please accept my apologies. Oh,

they're beautiful.

No, Dana, you are beautiful. The flowers are flawed.

But hey, let's not dwell on the negativity.

I got Mimi.

And now, as if I haven't convinced you enough already, we would like to use

washroom. Oh, first door on the left.

You said this guy's name is Sam Biondi?

Sam Biondi. This is a very familiar name to me.

Oh, I hate to be the one to tell you, but I have a sneaking suspicion that

guy might be in the cement shoe business.

Oh, that is so typical, Jack. You just go right to that. He's Italian, so he

must be in the mob.

My father's Italian.

He's a famous painter.

Pavarotti's Italian.

He's a famous tenor. Rudy Giuliani's the mayor of New York. I mean, did it ever

occur to you that maybe Sam Biondi is maybe just a very successful

A very attractive, successful...

businessman who simply has not yet met a lapel he thought was too wide.

All I'm saying is, is that I know the name, right? Sam Biondi is Louis

nephew. You see, Louis Biondi's great -grandfather was Tony Pickknuckles

the daughter of the Biondi family, who begat Dominic, the hothead Biondi, who

begat Louis' father, Charlie the Tuna Biondi.

And if the rumor on the street is true,

Alphonse the Bastard Albighini.

Alphonse just got whacked in front of the Bert and Ernie display over at F .A

.O. Schwartz.

And I do not think this guy is that great looking, do you?

Yes.

Well, I hope he is a gangster. They're such colorful people.

There was one family on our street in Westchester we always suspected. Mr.

Pacelli. He owned a small muffler shop in town, and yet they had the biggest

house and the largest Christmas decorations.

They had a live Santa on their front lawn.

The guy just sat there in his red suit for two weeks waving to people.

And we always wondered, you know, were they or weren't they? Were they or

weren't they?

And then one day, we found Santa face down in the snow with an icicle in his

back.

We had to rush the kids to the mall to show them the real Santa while forensics

mopped up.

All I know is cute guy or no cute guy, I have no respect for the mafia. Thank

you, Meg. This is exactly the point I'm trying to get across. It's a sexist

organization. Think about it. They have Don, but they have no Donnas. And sure,

they'll deny that there's a glass ceiling, but when you look at what they

the women do, maybe, maybe, if you're lucky, you get to launder the money.

Big deal.

I say let the men do the laundering. Give the women a chance to go out there

make a hit. It's only right.

is we do not know whether this guy is or isn't some big muckety -muck in the

mob, okay? So let's just be careful, all right? I strongly advise we all smile,

say thank you for the botanical garden, and let's just hope this guy gets the

hell out of here.

Excuse me, am I interrupting you?

You know, I was just thinking, you know, you got a very nice establishment here.

You know, it's homey. I like it. You're nice people.

For the most part.

And how often do you smell good food cooking, huh?

I'm going to come back tonight with a few of my associates, huh? Spend some

money. Could I make a reservation for six for, say, about eight o 'clock?

Hey, I got 30 smoked hams out here. Where do you want me to put them? Oh,

really?

Oh, Mr.

Biondi and his friends. Won't have said. I'm so sorry.

Elaine, my meeting with my florist went longer than I expected.

I hope you still have a nice table for us. Oh, yes, yes, I do, and here it is.

Um, uh... I'm sorry to trouble you, but can we have a table not near the door?

I hate doors.

They're drafty, and I feel like I got something coming down. Oh, oh, dear. Oh,

that wouldn't be good. Just, you know, we're awfully full tonight.

Holy smoke, $50.

Okay, everybody up. But we just sat down.

Well, now you're just going to stand up, okay?

You're at the wrong table. Don't give me any lip. Just everybody up and move on

quietly. There's a free ham in it for all of you, all right?

Come on here. Use your cane. Get a move on. Get a move on. Let's go. Let's go.

Oh, my.

Guess what, Mr. Biondi? A table just opened up for you.

I hope it's to your liking. This is perfect.

It's Nadine, isn't it? Yeah. Thank you so very, very much, Joey.

Oh, Mr. Biondi, you are far too kind. If you need anything at all, look at this.

Your salt shaker is not filled to the top.

This simply will not do.

Okay, stop me if you've heard this one. Six big guys in shiny suits walk into a

bar, one of them carrying a violin case.

Oh.

case. Well, that just proves it, doesn't it? Oh, come on. If you were in the

mob, would you be so cliche as to go around carrying your gun in a violin

Hey, why not go with the classics? And Dana, Dana, are you saying that there

never been an Italian mobster?

That's correct.

The mob is largely made up of Swedes and a handful of Finns. The media never

reports on this. I am so sick of these stereotypes. I am going to put this

ridiculous... is guessing game to rest. Right now, I'm going right over there.

Sam, hello.

Valiz, this is the beautiful woman who found my Mimi.

We're all looking forward to a wonderful meal.

Let me introduce you to my business associates. You know Joey G?

Yeah. You got Joey P, little Joey, big Joey Larry.

Well, it's a pleasure to meet you all.

You know, if you don't mind, I just wanted to ask you something.

41. But I don't look it, do I?

We've been thinking about having some entertainment here at the Blue Shamrock.

don't know, a magician, a singer, perhaps even a violinist. I couldn't

notice your violin, Kate.

Do you play?

Do I play?

Sure, I play.

Well, you know, I'm not a virtuoso by any means, but my dear father insisted

that all his children learn an instrument.

And this particular one I like by my side because it makes me feel secure,

know? And on occasion, I will play it in public.

Oh, really?

Those are menus?

Oh, yes, sorry.

Joey G., you must be awfully warm in that overcoat. Could I take it for you?

Joey, hey, watch your manners. Don't be rude to the lady. Know what?

Know I have a gun in my pocket?

Joey G's a little sensitive to the cold, so I guess for all involved, it's best

he keeps his coat on. Oh, okay.

But you know what would warm us up? A nice bottle of wine, huh? Nope, make

two bottles. And food, everything on the menu. Just keep it coming. We're

starving. Tonight, we are in your capable hands, Dana. Well, I better get

started, then.

So what's the story? He is here, isn't he?

Yes, he is a violinist.

He might even play tonight.

And now, I don't want to talk about it anymore, Abe. He would like two bottles

of your best Chianti, and if you'll excuse me, I have to go cook now because

they want everything on the menu.

Oh, hello.

Are you the new doorman, or did you refuse to finish your pee so they sent

away from the table?

For your information, Weisenheimer, I have bad circulation, and I'm stretching

my legs.

It's a horrible thing, bad circulation.

It usually happens after some kind of unexpected accident.

that leaves you unable to use your legs for a long period of time.

I sense you're in a mood. Excuse me.

Oh, well, well.

Lovely group over there.

What are they, January through June from the Boys of the Mafia calendar?

Oh, perfect.

Is that a violin case I see?

I know. It froze you, doesn't it?

But Dana asked, and he said there's a violin in it. She did what?

Why didn't she just ask him where they buried Hoffa?

Did I hear correctly?

You walked over to Michael Corleone over there and asked him what was in his

violin case?

Are you insane?

I wanted to know.

For your information, he is a musician.

His father makes him take lessons. I think it's sweet. Too sweet to be a guy

rolls people up in Persian carpets and dumps them in the East River.

Dana, I want you to listen to me. Don't make these guys feel too much at home.

They're like roaches. First you see a couple and you decide to let it go. And

then the next thing you know, there's hundreds of them swarming all over the

place. Only these roaches have no necks and have odd bulges in their pockets,

which I can guarantee is not because they're happy to see you.

But the guy says the sex is the same, but the laundry is piling up.

Ah, Dana, there you are. I just told Abe to start a tab, huh?

You're friends?

The shamrock drink free tonight on me.

Oh, wow.

See, isn't that nice of Mr. Biondi? Now, uh, Meg, you always drink champagne,

right? Indeed.

Sam, you know, you're one very generous guy.

And I'll tell you, it's funny. Dana and I were just talking about what a rare

quality that is these days. And then, believe it or not, we couldn't remember

what you said you did for a living.

I didn't say.

But to answer your question...

I'm in the disposal business.

Really? Hey, how about that? So am I.

Well, I'm just lifting cans right now, but I'm hoping someday to move up to

driver.

There's a little problem, though.

This guy Lenny's probably going to get the promotion.

Yeah, well, I'm busy working hard. He's schmoozing the big shots.

Man, that's terrible, Ray.

But you know that's how life is sometimes, you know?

The guy who works hard, doesn't get ahead, but the guy who's connected, gets

promoted.

What are you going to do? That's how life is.

But what did you say your last name was?

Litvak. Uh -huh. And the other guy?

Lenny Patterson.

Is that with one or two Ts?

Two Ts.

Why are you writing that down? I keep a journal.

Relaxes me.

But that's not important.

What's important is that you continue to work hard. Because I got a hunch

everything's going to work out for you.

Look, Dana, you have a very friendly place here, and I am so glad that I

stumbled upon it because, you know, I had another hangout. Well, you know,

something happened there, and I don't go there anymore, but that's another

story. The point is, from now on, Sambiani is bringing all his business to

Blue Shamrock.

Time to buy a roach motel.

Now, make that champagne.

I'm celebrating tonight.

You know that promotion I thought that backstabbing Lenny was gonna get? Yeah.

Well, guess what?

You're looking at the new driver of truck 842.

Hiya.

How you doing?

You know, sitting like that'll give you varicose veins.

Guys, guys, guys, I gotta talk to you. Where's Dana?

Dana, come here. I have something to show you.

Jack, we only play that game when we're alone.

I'm serious, all right? Let's keep it down, act casual.

Look at this.

A buddy of mine down in research just faxed this over.

Check it out.

Positive ID.

Picture of a little family gathering of the Biondi clan.

Look there, there's my man Sam with his arm around Danny, one nostril Biondi.

The second guy from the left. How can you tell? He's turned away from the

camera. And the picture's fuzzy. That could be anybody.

Not so fuzzy. Did anybody happen to notice that the only woman in this

is not wearing a top?

Yes, I did.

But that's the least of our worries.

Hey, listen. I just happened to be talking to my bookie today, who just

to have the same barber as the Albegini brothers' driver. And the word in the

street is that there's a contract out on Sam as a payback for the tuna killing

the bastard in front of Bert and Ernie.

Here's the thing.

They hit a schedule for tonight.

And guess where?

I gotta go.

Don't panic.

You have to think this thing through, that's all.

I guess the safe thing would be for us to leave, but I'm torn. I've never seen

hit before.

Yet, this is my favorite jacket. I don't want blood splattered all over it.

Ah, what the hell is the dark color?

Champagne, please, Abe.

Oh, God.

Now I'm scared.

I have to go to the bathroom really bad, and I can't. Why not?

Go to the bathroom now? Are you kidding?

Isn't that where the hits always happen?

I'll be standing there washing my hands, and all of a sudden, blam!

I won't be looking in the mirror anymore. I'll be on the mirror.

Come on, Ray. Have you ever heard of an innocent bystander being shot in one of

these mob hits? No. These guys are professionals. They take pride in their

I'll bet the mafia has a better safety record than the airlines.

Hey, there. How are all my very good friends doing tonight?

Hey,

Ray, it's so nice to see you once again. You know, I was curious. How is it

going with that Lenny? How's that problem going?

Lenny? Oh, well, you know, I got the promotion.

Hey, that's wonderful.

See, what did I tell you? Work hard, good things happen.

What's going to happen to Lenny, man?

Or any of us, for that matter, you know, in this uncertain, crazy world we live

in. That's all I meant, nothing more.

Hey, I think you've been celebrating a little too much, huh?

What the hell, you deserve it, huh?

Bring on the food.

We gotta get rid of these goons.

Somebody's gotta get over there and tell them about this hit and get them the

hell out of there.

Who's gonna do that?

You. You found the damn doll.

I can't do that.

I got a lot of cooking to do.

Dana, honey, little tip. Nobody feels like eating when they're dead.

Well, I can hold it much longer.

Let's draw straws or something. That's a good idea. Let's get those straws out.

Oh, great.

Why can't I ever win with these odds at the track?

Okay. Fine.

I'll do it, you bunch of whoopin'. Okay.

You just watch how a woman handles the situation.

Huh?

Always comes down to Jack Stein, doesn't it?

Okay, fine. I'll tell him.

Even though he'll probably think I'm the one setting him up.

Which will result in me being the sole audience at a painfully loud violin

Nope.

By the way, Dana.

My will is in my underwear drawer.

I'm sorry. I haven't had time to change it since I met you.

My will, not my underwear.

to remember you always, just as you are right now.

Oh, that's encouraging.

Hey, Sam, how's it going here, my friend?

Are you talking to me?

Only out of urgent necessity, sir.

May I sit down? No.

Thanks.

Listen, I want to say first that I really do consider us friends.

As a friend, Let me say, if you missed a belt loop, would that be something you

want to be told, or would that information be reason to kill someone?

No, I would like to be told if I missed a belt loop. Okay, the good news is you

haven't missed a belt loop.

The bad news is the Albeginis are planning a hit tonight, here at 10 o

on you.

First of all, Stein, I'm not who you think I am.

I'm a businessman.

I make those little plastic tubs you put the recyclables in. Do you recycle?

Yes, I do. Good for you, Jack.

But if I was that person who you think I am, I would question the information

you just gave me. I would say to myself, is this guy trying to set me up?

But then I would conclude that you are not smart enough to do such a thing.

So I'd believe you. Oh, thank you very much.

Now, have we squared things away?

Or is there something still weighing heavily on your mind, like what's inside

this little violin case?

No. Want to take a look? No.

I say, want to take a look?

Maybe just a little peek.

Oh.

Good tone.

Are we embarrassed?

I'm really sorry.

What can I do to make it up to you?

How about if I buy you a drink or something? Ah, that's nice offer, Jack,

just remembered.

A friend of mine is having a birthday party.

Gentlemen, we got a birthday party we gotta go to.

And, uh, Jack, one last thing.

What you thought you did for me was very brave.

It showed a concern for my well -being.

In Italian, we say...

It is written here.

And from now on, you will be a member of my family.

I will follow you forever.

Wherever you go, I will be a shadow protecting you.

My greatest thanks, my brother.

Who is this guy?