All language subtitles for Love And War s03e10 The Bum
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1
00:00:15,829 --> 00:00:19,150
Dum -dum -da -dum, here I am, your
favorite bum.
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00:00:19,350 --> 00:00:20,490
Oh, no.
3
00:00:21,530 --> 00:00:23,590
Evening, folks. Happy to meet you. My
name is Fred.
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00:00:23,810 --> 00:00:25,210
I'll be your bum for this evening.
5
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Can you spare a little change? I'm a
struggling artist.
6
00:00:28,450 --> 00:00:32,390
I'm making a full -scale model of the
Empire State Building out of quarters.
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00:00:32,390 --> 00:00:33,610
please, dig deep.
8
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If Art dies, we all die. All right, all
right. Show's over.
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Hey, my friend, I'll take my usual
table. Care to join me? Hey, look, your
10
00:00:40,870 --> 00:00:44,390
table is in the alley. Now, scram and
don't come back in here.
11
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Hey, everybody, look! It's the bum's
rush!
12
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Look, I'm sorry about that, everybody. I
don't think you'll be bothering us
13
00:00:53,430 --> 00:00:54,430
anymore.
14
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Oh, jeez.
15
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Can you believe that guy? He's been
here, what, three nights in a row?
16
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:05,209
What is this place? A best bet in
panhandlers monthly?
17
00:01:05,930 --> 00:01:07,490
Come on, Jack, have a little pity.
18
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I see these poor guys always hanging
around the dump.
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Sometimes... Well, I feel guilty
standing inside the dump fence, inside a
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they can only dream of going, wearing my
smart uniform, looking like I'm living
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in the land of milk and honey. Oh,
please.
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This is not some poor homeless guy.
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This guy is a bum.
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I mean, you know, some people choose to
live like that.
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Choose? Are you kidding?
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What do you think these people wake up
in the morning and think, uh, should I
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to work and earn a living, or should I
cut the toes out of my shoes and wear a
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shopping bag on my head?
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Oh, yeah, that's a good look.
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Hey, everybody.
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The back door was unlocked. You should
watch that. You never know what kind of
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characters could just walk right in.
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Look, just what I need to make my famous
peanut, cherry, olive, and cocktail
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onion trail mix. Don't mind if I do. Get
your hands out of there.
35
00:02:01,620 --> 00:02:02,740
What is with you, man?
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I mean, usually guys like you don't keep
coming around unless somebody's giving
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them food.
38
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:09,960
And everybody who works here knows the
Abe Johnson's dictum.
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No freebies. That's right.
40
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No freebies?
41
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Au contraire. Last night's chicken was
delish, my angel.
42
00:02:18,460 --> 00:02:22,320
Of course, I would have gone with an
orange cognac reduction instead of the
43
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lemon sauce.
44
00:02:23,180 --> 00:02:26,220
What are tonight's specials, young lady?
Oh, we have lovely Brazil.
45
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Nadine, and as for you, you were giving
him handouts? What were you thinking?
46
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I'm sorry, all right? I felt bad for
him.
47
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Listen, pal, I'm getting awfully tired
of guys like you. And don't tell me you
48
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can't get a job, because with your
harassment skills, you would be employee
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the month at MCI.
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00:02:44,620 --> 00:02:46,140
Hey, I like your style.
51
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Come live with me.
52
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It's hard rattling around that big old
empty box all by myself.
53
00:02:54,220 --> 00:02:56,620
All right, Abe, come on. Can't we give
him something?
54
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Oh, you want to help him? Fine.
55
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Give to a shelter.
56
00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:01,220
Sit through comic relief if you can take
it.
57
00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:05,130
But you've got to be firm in this
situation.
58
00:03:05,350 --> 00:03:06,350
Now, get lost.
59
00:03:06,410 --> 00:03:08,750
All right, all right, I'm going, but let
me just say one more thing.
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No jokes this time.
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This is a tough gig.
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It does something to your spirit.
63
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I don't like asking for handouts. I
don't think anybody does.
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00:03:20,010 --> 00:03:23,730
But at least I try to do it with a
little humor, a little dignity.
65
00:03:25,370 --> 00:03:26,370
And you know what?
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It could all fall apart for you one day,
too.
67
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All it takes is one corporate
downsizing.
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00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:36,190
one extended illness, and you're
sleeping on a park bench.
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I'm just trying to play the hand that
life's dealt me, that's all.
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00:03:43,170 --> 00:03:44,190
Well, thanks anyway.
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00:03:45,590 --> 00:03:47,650
Hey, don't just stand there. Give the
guy something.
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00:03:48,170 --> 00:03:49,570
Hey, wait a minute. Look,
73
00:03:50,770 --> 00:03:55,590
I think I got some food for you in the
back. But I'm giving it to you under one
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condition, that you never return.
75
00:03:57,530 --> 00:03:58,530
Now, is that a deal?
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Deal. And thank you.
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Thank you very much. All right.
78
00:04:03,770 --> 00:04:05,190
Well, well, well.
79
00:04:06,790 --> 00:04:11,150
Jack Stein, you old softy. All right,
let's not go any further. Okay, Dana? I
80
00:04:11,150 --> 00:04:12,810
mean, it was a momentary aberration.
81
00:04:13,210 --> 00:04:15,510
And please do not bring this up in
future arguments.
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00:04:15,850 --> 00:04:18,350
And do not be telling this story in our
golden years when all the neighborhood
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kids are calling me Old Man Stein.
84
00:04:20,450 --> 00:04:21,450
Golden years?
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00:04:22,070 --> 00:04:23,390
That's what they're calling you now.
86
00:04:33,130 --> 00:04:35,030
Hey, have you noticed anything different
tonight, huh?
87
00:04:35,730 --> 00:04:38,630
It's 7 .15. Do you know where your bum
is?
88
00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:44,610
It looks like he kept his word. You gave
him a lovely meal, and he promised
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00:04:44,610 --> 00:04:45,610
never to return.
90
00:04:45,830 --> 00:04:47,670
How does it feel to be a good Samaritan,
Abe?
91
00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:49,070
Spickening.
92
00:04:49,870 --> 00:04:53,150
Now I'm going to have to accidentally
overchoice table 11 and 12 just to
93
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things out.
94
00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:58,130
I don't know, Abe. I think your kind
gesture might have given our bum a whole
95
00:04:58,130 --> 00:04:59,130
new lease on life.
96
00:04:59,230 --> 00:05:01,650
Who knows? Maybe he'll get a job. Buy a
house.
97
00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:03,320
Get a mortgage.
98
00:05:03,780 --> 00:05:04,780
Go into debt.
99
00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:07,120
Start drinking real heavily.
100
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,420
But like decent people in the privacy of
his own home.
101
00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:13,240
Excuse me. Are you Abe Johnson?
102
00:05:13,460 --> 00:05:14,439
Yeah, that's me.
103
00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:16,380
But don't believe that Good Samaritan
stuff, though.
104
00:05:16,940 --> 00:05:20,540
Underneath this warm, caring, generous
exterior, I'm a Republican.
105
00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:23,000
Well, I'm sure you are.
106
00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:25,920
And I am Monica Stevens, attorney at
law.
107
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My client, Frederick Loomis, or as you
so affectionately refer to him, the bum.
108
00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:35,960
has retained my services in his claim
against the Blue Shamrock. What? What
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00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:40,440
you talking about? There must be some
mistake. I mean, we hardly even know
110
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guy. I mean, he's come around a couple
of times looking for a handout.
111
00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:46,480
Yeah, and I finally gave him a piece of
salmon last night and sent him on his
112
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way. Well, apparently when Mr. Loomis
asked for his salmon, he should have
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the chef to hold a festering bacteria.
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00:05:52,180 --> 00:05:53,180
Oh.
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Mr.
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Loomis wound up in the emergency room at
St. Vincent's Hospital last night with
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a particularly violent case of food
poisoning.
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00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:05,760
Miss Stevens, I am the chef here. I
prepared that salmon last night, and it
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00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:09,120
fresh. I bought it myself. Believe me, I
won't even look at a fish unless it's
120
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:10,119
whistled at me first.
121
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,160
Oh, dear God.
122
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:15,700
It's just like my Nana Jonathan used to
tell me. No good deed goes unpunished.
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Oh, I'm listening now, Nana. You were
right.
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Ah, this is just so 90s, isn't it?
125
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Some guy comes in here and claims they
have food poisoning, which I seriously
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doubt. And then instead of trying to
settle his problem with Abe, who was
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trying to help him out, he does what
every red -blooded American does these
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days. He sues. And why?
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Because everybody is a victim today.
Even a conniving bum who was generously
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given a free meal.
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00:06:40,670 --> 00:06:43,910
And of course, I'm sure it's society's
fault that he's a bum in the first
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It's society's fault for not providing
him a good home as a kid. It's the
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school's fault for not educating him
well enough. It's the government's fault
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for not providing enough jobs.
135
00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:56,120
It's the welfare system's fault that he
is a dependent anyway, and I'm sure
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somehow it's my fault.
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It was. You were the one who told me to
give him the food.
138
00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:09,080
What I want to know is, when is it
actually the bum's fault for just being
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00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,080
bum?
140
00:07:10,220 --> 00:07:12,480
Oh, very impressive.
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00:07:13,390 --> 00:07:16,970
Spoken like a true privileged white male
who gets three meals a day and whose
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parents footed the bill for his entire
college education.
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00:07:19,770 --> 00:07:23,170
Wrong again, counselor. I paid for books
and weekends spending money.
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Thank you so much. That was very
helpful.
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00:07:28,750 --> 00:07:33,250
Miss Stevens, if you'll just direct your
attention my way, I think that we can
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00:07:33,250 --> 00:07:34,570
figure this whole thing out.
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Great suit, by the way. Oh, thanks. Cute
earrings.
148
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Here's what I think happened.
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We gave Fred a pretty big piece of
salmon.
150
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I think he probably ate half of it and
then saved the rest for later.
151
00:07:49,420 --> 00:07:52,620
Maybe he left it to warm on a sewer
grate or something.
152
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You know, which would have been a
mistake, you see. Because fish, when
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00:07:56,740 --> 00:07:59,780
lukewarm, is a breeding ground for
bacteria.
154
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:03,700
Well, that makes a lot of sense. So what
you're saying is that you gave him a
155
00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:08,180
piece of food that needed to be
refrigerated. Yes. Well, what kind of
156
00:08:08,180 --> 00:08:09,180
is that?
157
00:08:09,930 --> 00:08:13,530
Did you ever stop to think that maybe
Fred doesn't own a refrigerator?
158
00:08:13,890 --> 00:08:16,210
Kind of hard to push one around in a
shopping cart. What?
159
00:08:16,970 --> 00:08:18,990
I think I've got everything I need. See
you in court.
160
00:08:20,970 --> 00:08:24,890
Uh, just so you know, you are not
dealing with a bunch of greenhorns here.
161
00:08:25,550 --> 00:08:26,670
I'm from Westchester.
162
00:08:27,830 --> 00:08:30,930
If somebody so much as mows their lawn
from right to left instead of left to
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00:08:30,930 --> 00:08:32,490
right, we sew them just for the fun of
it.
164
00:08:33,390 --> 00:08:34,929
You remember that, missy.
165
00:08:38,860 --> 00:08:40,419
I don't think we'll be hearing from her
again.
166
00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:49,440
Is he here yet?
167
00:08:49,860 --> 00:08:53,500
Oh, Jack, you didn't have to leave work
and come in here for this meeting.
168
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:56,520
Look, these insurance company lawyers,
you've got to watch them like a hawk. I
169
00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:58,820
thought if you saw me sitting in the
meeting, you know, New York's toughest
170
00:08:58,820 --> 00:09:00,940
columnist, well, they'd treat you right.
171
00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:03,480
All I know, none of this makes any
sense.
172
00:09:03,740 --> 00:09:06,680
I mean, you lead a good and decent life
and you end up in your worst nightmare,
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00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,400
sitting at a table with a lawyer.
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00:09:10,340 --> 00:09:13,060
Oh, please, Nana, tell me there's no
lawyers where you are.
175
00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:20,200
Hey, just remember, this guy is on our
side. We will be fine just as long as he
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00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:25,120
wears $1 ,000 suits, can make a judge
cry, and has gotten at least one Jay
177
00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:26,380
Walker the electric chair.
178
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:32,680
Well, can that be him?
179
00:09:37,870 --> 00:09:38,669
Can I help you?
180
00:09:38,670 --> 00:09:40,050
I'm Lester Michaels.
181
00:09:40,410 --> 00:09:42,410
I'm the lawyer from Avatar Insurance.
182
00:09:43,030 --> 00:09:44,030
Oh.
183
00:09:44,530 --> 00:09:45,530
Okay.
184
00:09:46,110 --> 00:09:49,450
Jack, Abe, Lester's here.
185
00:09:50,930 --> 00:09:56,490
Lester Michaels, this is Jack Stein and
Abe Johnson. He's the owner of the Blue
186
00:09:56,490 --> 00:09:57,490
Shamrock.
187
00:09:58,370 --> 00:10:02,190
Well, let's just get down to brass
tacks, shall we?
188
00:10:02,510 --> 00:10:06,270
But first, let me just reassure you that
both...
189
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:11,220
The Avatar Insurance Company and myself
are fully behind you.
190
00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:15,860
That's what insurance companies are for,
to get you out of a bad situation, and
191
00:10:15,860 --> 00:10:17,500
that's what we intend to do.
192
00:10:19,860 --> 00:10:22,740
Well, just how bad is this situation?
193
00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:24,360
Well, let's see.
194
00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:28,140
Um, first, standard claims, loss of
wages.
195
00:10:28,340 --> 00:10:30,020
Wages? What the hell could that be?
196
00:10:30,220 --> 00:10:33,940
Well, they're saying $40 to $80 for one
day's panhandling, $100 on holidays.
197
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:35,200
$100?
198
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:39,380
Let's not question Lester on every
detail, huh? I mean, let's say it's
199
00:10:39,460 --> 00:10:42,400
Let's say it's $200. I'll pay that out
of my own pocket, okay? How's that?
200
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:43,980
Well, then there's medical expenses.
201
00:10:44,380 --> 00:10:46,240
That bill alone comes to $680.
202
00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:48,340
And then the lab tests are $300.
203
00:10:48,620 --> 00:10:50,780
Oh, sweet mother of God, we're up to $1
,200.
204
00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:53,600
Oh, the room is spinning.
205
00:10:54,940 --> 00:10:57,360
If I can just barrel through here.
206
00:10:57,720 --> 00:10:58,720
Pain and suffering.
207
00:10:59,100 --> 00:11:00,100
Harm to reputation.
208
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:03,920
And then they're saying that Brett has
developed a fear of salmon, which could
209
00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:05,080
greatly impact on his life.
210
00:11:06,300 --> 00:11:10,300
And that brings the total amount of
damages up to $100 ,000.
211
00:11:10,860 --> 00:11:11,860
$100 ,000?
212
00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:16,800
Look, look, if you don't mind me saying
there, barrister, doesn't this strike
213
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:18,880
you as, oh, what's the word?
214
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,440
Ridiculous beyond all human
comprehension?
215
00:11:23,310 --> 00:11:27,250
It doesn't matter how much they're
asking for because the bum has no case.
216
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:31,290
Nadine back there has been on the phone
for over an hour talking to people who
217
00:11:31,290 --> 00:11:34,870
also had the salmon the other night to
see if anyone else got sick. Nadine?
218
00:11:35,410 --> 00:11:36,490
Oh, hello.
219
00:11:36,710 --> 00:11:41,350
Hi. Yes, hi. I'm Nadine Berkus, and I'm
going through a divorce right now, so
220
00:11:41,350 --> 00:11:43,450
feel free to use legal jargon around me.
221
00:11:45,030 --> 00:11:49,230
I have reached nearly everybody on our
list, and so far nobody has reported
222
00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:52,170
having had to pull over to the side of
the road to heave.
223
00:11:53,540 --> 00:11:59,660
Which means, ipso facto, and
notwithstanding the foregoing, that the
224
00:11:59,660 --> 00:12:00,660
is lying.
225
00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:04,400
You hear that? Nobody else was thick.
226
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,440
Wait until we go to court and tell that
to the judge.
227
00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:07,439
Oh, my.
228
00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:08,440
Oh, my.
229
00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:09,760
You think we're going to court?
230
00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:11,300
Oh.
231
00:12:11,660 --> 00:12:14,080
Let me just clear that up right now.
232
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:15,680
I'm an insurance lawyer.
233
00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:18,740
Insurance lawyers hardly ever go to
court. As a matter of fact, I've never
234
00:12:18,740 --> 00:12:22,560
seen inside of a courtroom. Except when
I went to traffic court to protest a
235
00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:23,560
ticket.
236
00:12:23,940 --> 00:12:25,680
And? I lost.
237
00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:30,160
So, how do you handle these situations?
238
00:12:30,620 --> 00:12:33,720
Well, we have developed a system over
the years which seems to be working for
239
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:37,520
us. We make the best settlement we can,
and then we raise your rates.
240
00:12:37,820 --> 00:12:38,820
Are you kidding?
241
00:12:40,970 --> 00:12:41,769
you, Lester.
242
00:12:41,770 --> 00:12:46,310
We are not going to settle. People hear
the word settle and they automatically
243
00:12:46,310 --> 00:12:47,950
assume that you're guilty. Huh?
244
00:12:48,190 --> 00:12:49,830
Oh, I love your passion.
245
00:12:51,310 --> 00:12:53,170
You want justice to triumph.
246
00:12:53,930 --> 00:12:55,570
But justice is expensive.
247
00:12:55,930 --> 00:12:59,150
And the truth is, you really don't have
any choice in the matter.
248
00:12:59,390 --> 00:13:00,710
Because Avatar cares.
249
00:13:03,050 --> 00:13:08,050
So, unless you have any further
questions, well, then I will be on my
250
00:13:15,820 --> 00:13:16,820
Is that the lawyer?
251
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:18,660
Is that the guy who sells you the urinal
cakes?
252
00:13:22,820 --> 00:13:25,960
By the look on Abe's face, I'd say it
was the lawyer, and it didn't go so
253
00:13:27,020 --> 00:13:29,260
Or it wasn't the lawyer, and they raised
the price of the urinal cakes.
254
00:13:31,140 --> 00:13:32,460
I'll tell you what just happened here.
255
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:36,360
The big insurance company didn't think
this case was worth one of their sharks,
256
00:13:36,420 --> 00:13:37,520
so they sent us a guppy.
257
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,480
Well, they're not going to get away with
it, all right?
258
00:13:39,740 --> 00:13:41,420
Where's the phone? I'm going to use the
power of the press.
259
00:13:41,870 --> 00:13:45,290
I'm going to call this Avatar Insurance
and tell them I'm going to do an article
260
00:13:45,290 --> 00:13:49,010
about how to handle this case, all
right? And I bet they send over a great
261
00:13:49,010 --> 00:13:53,230
before our friend Fred the bum has a
chance to get out of his wetsuit.
262
00:13:53,490 --> 00:13:54,490
No, no, no.
263
00:13:54,810 --> 00:13:55,810
No more lawyers.
264
00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:59,330
I mean, what happened to the good old
days when people worked out things
265
00:13:59,330 --> 00:14:03,250
themselves? Oh, right, the good old
days. Yeah. Two people resolve their
266
00:14:03,250 --> 00:14:04,830
differences with pistols at sunrise.
267
00:14:06,330 --> 00:14:07,990
Oh, wait, we still do that.
268
00:14:09,550 --> 00:14:11,750
Hold on, Mary Margaret. There's
something in what Abe says.
269
00:14:12,470 --> 00:14:15,650
If you want someone to treat you like a
human being, you've got to treat them
270
00:14:15,650 --> 00:14:16,650
like a human being.
271
00:14:17,170 --> 00:14:18,850
Why not try working it out with the guy?
272
00:14:19,070 --> 00:14:20,070
Reach out to him.
273
00:14:21,230 --> 00:14:22,230
Invite him to dinner.
274
00:14:22,490 --> 00:14:25,050
Try resolving your personal differences
face to face.
275
00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:27,330
You know, that's not a bad idea.
276
00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:29,470
I mean, why don't we try it?
277
00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:30,990
We've got nothing to lose.
278
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:39,880
Mr. Lewis. Whoa.
279
00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:41,360
How lovely.
280
00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:45,620
Just lovely to see you. May I take your
wrap?
281
00:14:46,180 --> 00:14:49,560
No, that's okay. It's a one of a kind
and I'd die if I lost it.
282
00:14:49,940 --> 00:14:50,940
Literally.
283
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:52,760
Hi, everybody.
284
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:56,880
Boy, it's really nice you guys inviting
me to dinner and all.
285
00:14:57,160 --> 00:15:01,240
Let me show you the table.
286
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:05,580
It's our biggest one where we feed our
best customers.
287
00:15:08,810 --> 00:15:09,810
Don't be alarmed.
288
00:15:10,250 --> 00:15:12,110
It's, uh, it's Mickey Rohr.
289
00:15:13,570 --> 00:15:14,970
Part of his persona, you know.
290
00:15:15,750 --> 00:15:19,250
I've got to say that considering the
circumstances, I'm a little surprised
291
00:15:19,250 --> 00:15:20,450
you're doing this for me, Abe.
292
00:15:20,710 --> 00:15:25,030
Well, uh... I missed you.
293
00:15:28,750 --> 00:15:32,770
Hey, uh, how come Red's not joining us?
I was kind of hoping she'd be my date
294
00:15:32,770 --> 00:15:33,770
for the evening.
295
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:35,640
Can't enjoy a good meal without a date.
296
00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:38,800
You're absolutely right.
297
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:42,140
Meg, won't you come join us?
298
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:44,020
Get to know our new friend?
299
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:45,800
That's okay.
300
00:15:50,860 --> 00:15:51,860
Now listen.
301
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,040
The bum wants you sitting next to him.
302
00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:57,360
If the bum is thirsty, we get him a
drink. If the bum is hungry, we feed
303
00:15:57,360 --> 00:16:00,340
the bum doesn't like the color of the
walls, we paint them. What the bum
304
00:16:00,420 --> 00:16:02,160
the bum gets, and the bum wants you.
305
00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:11,840
Unless you want our insurance rates to
go up and your $2 beer to become $4 .75,
306
00:16:12,020 --> 00:16:14,300
you will get your Reyes over there and
wiggle it.
307
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:29,080
Hi.
308
00:16:32,820 --> 00:16:33,820
Come here often?
309
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:41,540
that I can commit to a long -term
relationship, and I'll never stop
310
00:16:41,540 --> 00:16:46,560
flowers. Okay, well, now everybody's
here, and I'm sure you're really, really
311
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,420
hungry and you'd like to order
something. Should I tell you the
312
00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:50,660
Oh, please do.
313
00:16:50,740 --> 00:16:53,860
I have to be honest with you. I am
married, but my wife and I have an
314
00:16:53,860 --> 00:16:58,420
understanding. Okay, great. For
appetizers, we have a lovely cucumber
315
00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:00,160
pureed and served at room temperature.
316
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:01,880
Wow, room temperature.
317
00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:03,700
I wonder what that feels like.
318
00:17:06,510 --> 00:17:10,690
I'll start with that, and will everyone
share a glass of wine with me if I order
319
00:17:10,690 --> 00:17:12,270
something? Oh, I'd love to, yes.
320
00:17:12,790 --> 00:17:16,310
Okay, please, miss, a bottle of your
best Bordeaux, and would you mind
321
00:17:16,310 --> 00:17:17,369
it in a brown paper bag?
322
00:17:17,650 --> 00:17:18,890
I may feel more comfortable.
323
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:24,730
Now, Fred, I got some good news for you.
I was talking to one of my supervisors
324
00:17:24,730 --> 00:17:28,970
down at the dump, and I think you'll be
thrilled to hear that I may be able to
325
00:17:28,970 --> 00:17:29,970
get you in on the ground floor.
326
00:17:31,070 --> 00:17:32,490
And what would that mean exactly?
327
00:17:33,070 --> 00:17:36,810
Well, the new guys usually begin raking
the landfill, picking off rats with a
328
00:17:36,810 --> 00:17:38,630
.22. That's how I got my start.
329
00:17:39,790 --> 00:17:43,690
Well, gee, that's really nice of you,
Ray, but I don't think I have the right
330
00:17:43,690 --> 00:17:47,290
personality for repetitive physical
tasks.
331
00:17:47,810 --> 00:17:48,810
What do you mean?
332
00:17:48,890 --> 00:17:51,670
Well, I'm more of a visionary, an idea
man.
333
00:17:52,070 --> 00:17:56,030
For your information, I have a Ph .D.
from Yale, and I can speak four
334
00:17:56,550 --> 00:18:00,150
Really? No, you goofball. That's just in
the movies.
335
00:18:02,570 --> 00:18:04,170
I'd be a bum in the south of France.
336
00:18:06,410 --> 00:18:12,750
Okay, everybody, here we go. A lovely 75
Lafitte straight from our wine cellar.
337
00:18:12,770 --> 00:18:13,770
Oh, my heart.
338
00:18:13,870 --> 00:18:18,510
And, uh, Fred, perhaps you'd like to
save the cork? It could have barter
339
00:18:18,510 --> 00:18:19,510
on the street.
340
00:18:19,690 --> 00:18:25,910
No, I propose a toast to new friends and
resolving differences.
341
00:18:26,290 --> 00:18:27,330
Here, here, yeah.
342
00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:37,580
Fred, you having a good time, Fred?
343
00:18:37,820 --> 00:18:40,660
I'm having a great time. Oh, that's
wonderful, wonderful.
344
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:44,740
I was just wondering. I mean, it's a
crazy thing, that lawsuit, isn't it?
345
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:49,420
And, uh, I mean, I was just trying to
help, and you seem like a good guy down
346
00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:50,119
his luck.
347
00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:54,000
And you did help me, Abe. You'd be
surprised how a little gesture like that
348
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,140
really turn a person around.
349
00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:56,519
Oh, really?
350
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:58,000
So you mean there's no hard feelings?
351
00:18:58,760 --> 00:18:59,760
Absolutely not.
352
00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:02,640
I mean, if truth be told, it was my
fault.
353
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:05,780
I left that piece of salmon warming on a
sewer grate.
354
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:09,910
It didn't give it quite the same full
-bodied flavor as mesquite, but, hey,
355
00:19:09,990 --> 00:19:11,490
beggars can't be choosers.
356
00:19:12,130 --> 00:19:14,390
It was my mistake.
357
00:19:14,790 --> 00:19:16,650
I take full responsibility.
358
00:19:17,010 --> 00:19:20,470
Well, now, then, as long as we
understand each other, why don't I just
359
00:19:20,470 --> 00:19:22,470
a check and we put this whole thing
behind us, huh?
360
00:19:22,750 --> 00:19:23,750
Yeah.
361
00:19:24,410 --> 00:19:27,170
How does 500 sound?
362
00:19:27,390 --> 00:19:30,570
Take care of the medical costs, huh?
363
00:19:31,030 --> 00:19:35,670
Hey, put your checkbook away. I don't
want your money. You don't?
364
00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:37,400
No, what would I want with your money?
365
00:19:37,820 --> 00:19:39,880
It's your insurance company's money I
want.
366
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:44,580
What? Hey, it's nothing personal, Abe.
It doesn't come out of your pocket.
367
00:19:44,820 --> 00:19:46,100
Could you pass the wine, please?
368
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:47,540
Don't touch that bottle.
369
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:49,380
That's enough of you. Give me that
glass.
370
00:19:49,660 --> 00:19:52,120
Yeah, in fact, give me all your glasses.
Nadine, get that funnel.
371
00:19:53,420 --> 00:19:55,360
Hey, what are you getting so heated
about?
372
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:58,660
I mean, with $100 ,000, I can get back
on my feet again.
373
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:02,700
Maybe put a down payment on that little
farm we've had our hearts set on.
374
00:20:04,810 --> 00:20:06,150
Now, we'll see you in court.
375
00:20:06,610 --> 00:20:08,330
Well, this is for the best.
376
00:20:08,550 --> 00:20:10,250
I had to get up early anyway.
377
00:20:10,630 --> 00:20:13,150
I've got the early shift at the corner
of House 26.
378
00:20:13,970 --> 00:20:15,010
Good night, everybody.
379
00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:18,810
Meg, are you coming?
380
00:20:20,750 --> 00:20:22,250
Okay, I'm not waiting up.
381
00:20:28,930 --> 00:20:29,930
Listen to this.
382
00:20:30,190 --> 00:20:34,070
Some guy found a piece of chicken in his
vegetarian TV dinner.
383
00:20:34,490 --> 00:20:36,210
Sued the company and just got $3
million.
384
00:20:36,770 --> 00:20:39,390
Oh, boy. You got off lucky, Abe. Another
beer.
385
00:20:40,510 --> 00:20:41,630
That'll be $4 .75.
386
00:20:44,750 --> 00:20:46,230
Now, honey there, what can I get you?
387
00:20:49,330 --> 00:20:50,670
You don't recognize me, do you?
388
00:20:51,350 --> 00:20:54,010
No, but oh, my God, I think I know the
voice.
389
00:20:54,550 --> 00:20:57,970
That's right. Hey, everybody, it's me,
the lovable bum.
390
00:20:59,990 --> 00:21:02,350
Look at me. I'm a new man.
391
00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:06,810
The money from the insurance company
came through. I can see that. Nice suit.
392
00:21:07,070 --> 00:21:09,910
Well, with the money I got from the
settlement, I went out and bought myself
393
00:21:09,910 --> 00:21:12,750
some clothes, and I started a mail
-order business.
394
00:21:13,130 --> 00:21:14,690
I told you I was a visionary.
395
00:21:15,210 --> 00:21:17,150
And here is my first item.
396
00:21:17,870 --> 00:21:20,290
New York on $2 a day.
397
00:21:21,350 --> 00:21:25,330
Of course, if you buy it, you can't
spend any money for a week, but you
398
00:21:25,330 --> 00:21:26,710
find that out until Chapter 2.
399
00:21:28,010 --> 00:21:30,190
Here, Abe, I dedicated it to you.
400
00:21:30,590 --> 00:21:32,790
Oh, well, thank you.
401
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:36,880
To Abe for the charity he showed when I
was in need.
402
00:21:37,360 --> 00:21:43,300
And to our country's legal system that
guarantees the individual's right to sue
403
00:21:43,300 --> 00:21:44,900
for the American dream.
404
00:21:46,900 --> 00:21:52,020
Boy, Fred, this is a real success story.
I'm so proud of you, man. Well, thanks,
405
00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:55,540
Ray. And if ever you want to give up the
trash game, I might have something
406
00:21:55,540 --> 00:21:57,240
opening up for you in telephone sales.
407
00:21:58,140 --> 00:22:01,400
Thanks, but I'm better suited for
repetitive physical work.
408
00:22:02,890 --> 00:22:05,370
Well, too bad, because I'm going to make
a bundle.
409
00:22:05,950 --> 00:22:08,710
I'll bet you're sorry you didn't grab me
while I was available.
410
00:22:09,150 --> 00:22:10,950
Yeah, that'll always sting a little.
411
00:22:14,450 --> 00:22:18,270
Anyway, never let it be said that Fred
Loomis didn't return the favor.
412
00:22:18,510 --> 00:22:21,570
So now that I've got a little money in
my pocket, I thought I'd come here and
413
00:22:21,570 --> 00:22:22,570
spread a little of it around.
414
00:22:24,210 --> 00:22:29,730
Nadine, your best table. Well, right
this way, Mr. Loomis. Ooh, see, you've
415
00:22:29,730 --> 00:22:30,770
a manicure. Yeah.
416
00:22:31,210 --> 00:22:33,950
I got a pedicure, too. My shoes went
down three sizes.
417
00:22:36,870 --> 00:22:37,870
That's lovely.
418
00:22:38,950 --> 00:22:39,950
Enjoy your food.
419
00:22:41,470 --> 00:22:42,510
Hey, uh, Fred?
420
00:22:43,310 --> 00:22:45,230
I don't know how to, uh, say this.
421
00:22:46,270 --> 00:22:47,270
Who's your publisher?
422
00:22:47,410 --> 00:22:50,710
You know, I've got this little humor
book that I've had tucked away, and, uh,
423
00:22:50,710 --> 00:22:53,070
think it's pretty funny, you know, but I
thought maybe, you know, you would
424
00:22:53,070 --> 00:22:56,090
call. Ah, I'd have to read it first.
425
00:22:56,290 --> 00:22:57,290
Oh, sure, of course.
426
00:22:59,070 --> 00:23:00,310
Fred's gonna read my book.
427
00:23:04,810 --> 00:23:09,390
What goes around comes around. I mean,
just a few weeks ago, this guy was a
428
00:23:09,390 --> 00:23:13,990
disgusting bum. And now look at him.
Because of us, he is now a member of
429
00:23:13,990 --> 00:23:18,050
society again. You know, it's things
like this that just gives you hope.
430
00:23:18,630 --> 00:23:19,630
Mm -hmm.
431
00:23:22,330 --> 00:23:23,550
Hey, you got a quarter?
432
00:23:24,290 --> 00:23:25,570
Take a hike, you bum.
433
00:23:25,850 --> 00:23:26,950
What do I look like, a bank?
434
00:23:57,610 --> 00:24:00,970
Dum, dum, da -dum, here I am, your
favorite bum.
34743
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