Original subtitles

Are you actually saying that you don't think Tom Cruise is good -looking? What

we said is that he is good -looking. He just doesn't have the same sex appeal

as, say, Sting. Sting! What is so great about him?

All we are saying is that looks are in everything.

You see this woman over here? She has a beautiful face and a great body. But,

Jack, would you say that she has more sex appeal than, oh, uh, Damon?

Let me take a moment to confer with my compadres.

Oh, it feels like a trap, Jack. Maybe she wants to see if you lie.

Maybe she expects you to lie.

What if I say that the blonde's too skinny? Yeah, and you might also add

you never really feel comfortable around her.

Oh, hey, I got one. She doesn't look like the type who likes to cuddle after

sex. Very good. All right, ready?

Right. Hey!

Sorry about that, but, you know, these are very important questions and we want

to get it right. Oh, yeah.

So?

She's cheap. You're better.

You're lying.

Like men think cheap is bad.

Oh, wow.

What?

Now that's a great looking guy.

Oh, my God. I don't believe it.

Neil. Neil?

Oh, Neil.

So what are you doing here?

Well, I was just browsing in the used bookstore around the corner. I

that you said you worked here, so I thought I'd pop in and say hi.

Oh,

is this a bad time? I mean, if you're too busy, I should... Busy? No, no, no.

Miss, I wonder if I could probably... Excuse me, can't you see that I'm busy

here?

Wow, it is really so good to see you.

Boy, it's a wonderful jacket. Are those shoulder pads, or is that all you?

This is very flattering.

Very, very flattering.

Would you like a table? If it's not too much trouble. No, no trouble at all.

Come right along here.

Geez, what do you think that's all about?

I don't know, but something's going on. Look at the body language, the way she

keeps tossing her hair.

Oh, yeah, there's definitely something going on between them.

You know, I almost forgot. When I was in the bookstore, I picked this up for

you.

Madame Bovary. Oh, Neil.

Flaubert.

Well, when I was lecturing about it in class, I saw how taken you were.

You know, this is one of the sweetest gifts I've ever gotten in my life. Oh, I

can assure you, I will be looking for the effective fallacy and the negative

capabilities of all the characters.

And I will not get sidetracked by these darling illustrations I brought.

Oh, terrific.

I love your enthusiasm.

Do you know that I look forward to seeing you in class every week?

Really? Oh, Neil.

Miss, excuse me, miss. I'll smack you, I swear to God, I'll smack you.

Neil, can I get you a drink?

Yeah, scotch and water if it's not too much trouble. Coming right up.

Oh.

Have some shrimp while you're waiting.

Oh, here she comes. I'm going to totally check the situation out. Stand back,

watch the master at work.

So, Nadine, what a good -looking guy. Is he a friend of yours?

Oh, he's just a professional acquaintance. Oh, you mean like your

No. Your accountant?

No. Your muffler guy?

That was ridiculous even for me. I'm getting bored, Nadine. Who the hell is

and have you ever taken a shower with him?

No, of course not. There's nothing going on between us. Nothing at all. Scotch

and water, please.

No, Neil, Mr.

Garner is my professor.

I am taking a literature course at the new school. There you have it. He's her

teacher. Why would you think that there's anything going on between us?

teacher, that's all. He's her teacher, and that's all.

Lil' Shamrock, Abe speaking.

Oh, yeah, yeah, how you doing?

Oh, good, good.

Oh, I sure will. She's right here. Hey, Nadine, it's Charles.

What?

Charles? Your husband?

The one in prison?

I know, I know, I know. Oh, dear. Can you just tell him I can't come to the

phone right now?

But, Nadine, he only gets one call a week.

Uh, gosh.

Okay, no, I, you know, I just can't talk to him now, all right? I'll call him.

Well, hell, I'll talk to him.

The short stories of Guy de Maupassant and John Cheever.

Have you read Cheever's final collection?

No, I haven't, but if you're recommending it, I most definitely will.

love for you to make a comparison, sort of optimism versus cynicism, but both so

wonderfully observed, so rich, so...

Zesty. It's the qualities I always look for in a novel. Or in a spaghetti sauce.

You're great, Nadine. I'm so glad I stopped by.

So am I.

Here's your copy. Oh, thank you.

Hope you enjoyed your meal.

Well, I guess I should be heading back uptown. I hope you enjoy your book. Oh,

will. If for no other reason than you gave it to me. You know...

There's this scene in here where Madame Bovary stumbles upon a naked man and all

of her pent -up frustrations explode Sounds

good Well,

I guess I'd better be going You know what? I just had an idea every Sunday

night. I go over to this little place in the West Village for dinner the grotto

Maybe you'd like to join me

Well,

if it's too short notice. No, no.

It sounds wonderful.

And I happen to be free Sunday night. So this is great. Shall I meet you there

at the grotto? What time? Seven. It's between Carmine and... I'll find it.

Okay. Great, great. So I'll see you at the grotto.

Ciao. Ciao.

All right, now look. When Nadine gets back here, let's not grill her for

details. She wants to tell us, she'll tell us. Oh, what the hell do I care? I

know way too much about the woman as it is.

All right, sorry. I've been away so long there, I just thought it would be rude

to leave him sitting by himself.

Nadine, you don't have to explain anything.

Whatever's going on in your life is for you to know and nobody else to find out.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. You know my thing.

If you ever really need to get anything off your chest, you know which always

feels better. Now, wait, wait, wait. I did tell you already that this is just a

platonic relationship.

I mean, come on.

Am I the type of woman who would become infatuated with another man? I'm

married, for God's sake.

And marriage is a sacred institution. You're touching my book! Who said you

could touch my book? Don't do that.

Excuse me.

Meg. I'm right with you.

Nadine, could we talk to you for a minute?

Gee, I'm kind of busy in here.

Nadine, I want you to reach out to your two friends who care about you and who

are here to support you. Because, you know, if we have to start guessing, I

guarantee you're going to come off very badly.

Not to mention which I tower over. and I could mess up your part real easily.

Oh, God.

All right.

Yes, Neil is more than just a teacher to me.

I have the most powerful attraction to him, and I don't know what to do. Well,

if I were you... It's been very difficult with Charles lately.

You know, every time I talk to him in prison, it's always about him and his

problems. Which lousy guard is making trouble? Who's trying to kill him? I

what about my needs?

who sacrificed everything for Charles and those children, but did he think

me when he violated 16 sections of the Securities Exchange Act and left me

for six to eight years? Five was time off for good behavior. Well, you could

just let Charles do that good behavior bit now.

I've been on good behavior my whole damn life, Nadine. Neil is so different from

Charles. Oh, God, he makes me feel so special. Charles never took me seriously

unless I was talking about the kids or the house or how well he filled out his

speedo. I don't know.

Oh, this is horrible. I mean, sure, we had our ups and downs. Oh, who didn't,

for God's sake? Everybody does, but that's not to say that Charles didn't

his good points. You know when Arthur was 12 and playing middle league?

Charles went to every game. He doted on Guinevere. He never missed an

anniversary. He never missed Valentine's Day. My God, he was practically a

saint. And now this man is incarcerated.

He is stripped of his freedoms, and somebody even put a mustache on his

of Farrell Fawcett.

I am horrible, and I should be shot.

We may be in over our heads here.

I hate to break this up, but Ray is waiting on tables.

Maybe this needs a man's input.

Abe, Nadine is having a crisis of conscience.

She's attracted to another man.

Is it me?

No. Then leave me out of it.

For God's sake, I'm going to have to figure out what to do because Neil asked

to dinner tomorrow night. Now, like, what happens if he wants it to go

I'm not sure I could say no.

I'm like a volcano.

I am active and way past doom.

An eruption is just around the corner.

That wouldn't be good for business.

Hey, I don't know how to break this to you, but Ray just made a Bloody Mary for

a customer, and he used the imported vodka.

Now, this is costing me money. It's just not funny anymore.

Jack. Jack, I need your help here. Now, listen, this is going to come as a shock

to you, but I may be in love with someone who isn't my husband.

Is it me?

Jack, for God's sake, come on. She's in pain here. The woman needs our help. All

right, all right, all right.

Let me ask you something. How did this guy feel? I mean, does he know you're

married? Oh, well, no.

That hasn't come up.

It never came up?

Nadine, everything comes up with you.

I mean, we knew when you changed from mint floss to cinnamon, for God's sake.

I mean, how do you leave out 20 -some years of marriage and two kids? I know,

know, I know.

Nadine, I got two ladies waiting for a table. I should seat them near the

kitchen because women are lousy tippers, right? Yes, right.

Right, right.

Right, we're having a crisis. Nadine is attracted to someone. She's trying to

decide whether to have an affair or not.

It's not you, Ray.

Stupid question.

If you're so worried about what's going to happen to this date tomorrow, why

don't you just cancel it? No, no, she shouldn't cancel it. She's got to

the situation, not avoid it. You know, I'm resolved about this as long as I'm

here, but what's going to happen when I am finding myself staring into those

lapidly blue eyes of his, and as we're carving our initials on the headboard at

the old log inn, I just... Look what

you've done.

I'm going to have to buy him ice cream.

Oh, my God, I don't think I can handle this by myself.

Jack, Dana, you could come with me, like a double date. Oh, please, for moral

support. Of course, Nadine, of course we will.

And you'd be happy to do that, won't you, Jack?

What? You're coming?

You have no real choice in this, so why are we pretending? That's right. Oh,

good. Oh, thank you. Oh, yes, you are such good friends, and I am so lucky.

Well, not really. I'm in hell, and I'm wearing a big wool sweater, but...

You'll be there with me.

Ah,

Nadine. Over here. Oh, Neil. Hello.

Well, you were right. This certainly is a grotto.

Unfortunately, my makeup mirror doesn't have a grotto light.

But look at you. You.

Oh, you look terrific.

Oh, stop.

Uh, stop it now.

So, are you ready to sit? I think our table is ready. Yeah. Oh, listen, Neil,

hope this is okay, but two friends of mine are going to join us, all right? I

asked them to. I was talking about this place, and one of them's a chef. They

got very intrigued. I couldn't wheedle my way out of it.

It's no problem at all. I'd love to meet your friends.

Sal.

Ah, Sal, we're going to need a table for four.

No problem, Mr. Garner.

Let's see. Do we have one?

I can't see diddly squat in here.

Oh, over here.

Well, now that my eyes are adjusting, this really is a wonderful place.

I kind of half expect to glance in the corner and see Lady and the Tramp

a strand of spaghetti.

Of course, you know the health department wouldn't allow dogs.

So, Nadine, I'm anxious to know.

Did you read the book?

Oh, I stayed up all night until I finished it. Oh, it was a fabulous meal.

So, do you think Emma Bovary made the right decision?

Should she have continued to exist in her boring but safe life?

Or was she right to venture out and explore her passions?

You know, I would like to live my life exactly like she did. Oh, do what I want

to do.

Unpethered by society's rules. I really would.

Except that horrible death part was kind of a downer.

Will you look at this place? This guy is way ahead of Nadine.

I mean, if this isn't a make -out joint, I don't know what is.

A make -out joint? That's right, you heard me.

This is the kind of place that guys come to when they want to, you know... Make

out. Exactly.

Dana, Jack.

Oh, you're here.

Hi.

Neil, I'm Dana, this is Jack. Hi, it's a pleasure to meet you. Please, sit.

I, uh, I hope we're not imposing.

Nadine just talked about you so much, we were dying to meet you.

No imposition at all.

I'm always happy to have two beautiful women at my table.

So, Neil, Nadine tells us you teach literature.

Yeah, that's right, and I have to confess, she's the teacher's pet.

It's so great to have someone in class with such a hunger for anything new.

So, I don't guess you talk about books all the time. I mean, you know, you two

must be getting to know each other personally as well. You know, finding

things about each other's families, things like that.

Jack?

You know what book I've always loved?

The Scarlet Letter.

Now, that's a cautionary tale, huh?

Poor old Hester Prynne with a big A on her chest.

Hey, Dean, Dana, do you happen to remember what that A stood for?

Annoying?

You know, Jack, I think Hester Prynne was the victim of her time.

Morals are so relative nowadays.

No woman is going to be stoned by a mob for having an affair, is she?

Oh, wow, wow, wow. Is it unusually hot in here?

My head is just sweating. I think I'm just going to go to the ladies' room and

freshen up. Oh, wait, Nadine. I'll come with you.

Jack, while we're gone, try not to spill anything.

Women, I'll never understand them. I know what you mean.

So, you and Dana, are you a couple? Oh, God, no.

Neil, let me ask you something.

Is there this guy over here? I think he's attractive.

Well, he's attractive, but not as attractive as, say, you.

Well, thank you very much.

Actually, I think you're a pretty good -looking guy, too.

I say, I think... because, you know, I really can't tell. I'm sure you can't

either, huh?

So, you ever been married? Oh, no.

No? Been a bachelor 42 years. How about you? No.

Yeah.

You know, it's not all that common, is it?

But, you know, I guess we're both guys who have, you know, made a choice.

To live our lives, you know, a certain way. I don't know about you, but I'm

happy with my decision.

You know, Jack, this may be too forward of me, but we...

We obviously have so much in common.

Would you like to go to a movie some night?

I'm dying to see the piano. Or would you go to a club?

Sure. What?

If you don't like to dance... Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Neil, did you just ask me out on a date?

Yes. What about Nadine?

Oh, you thought Nadine and me? You're kidding.

No, we're just friends.

She's the sweetest thing on the face of the earth.

Oh, my God.

Does Nadine know you're gay?

I have no idea.

It never really came up. Besides, I don't think it would matter to her one

or the other. Does Dana know about you? What?

The machine was out of order and the hand blower was so powerful it shrank my

sweater.

Is there anything else you want to know? Okay, okay.

So what have you been talking about?

Nothing. You know, just an act. You know, just two guys sitting around

Hey, Dana, did you do something with your hair or maybe put on some more

perfume? Because, oh, you look hot.

You are one hot -looking babe.

Is that about yourself, how hot you are?

Did you forget to bring your money again, Jack?

You know, for a cave, it's very warm in here. If you'll excuse me, I'm just

going to go splash a little cold water on my face, okay?

He's a very nice guy, Jack.

I like him.

So, Nadine, we were having a very interesting conversation in the ladies'

We were talking about...

personal relationships and how friends think they know each other, but they

don't always know everything.

Did you want to include Neil on that?

Yeah, well, okay, yes, I guess I do.

I do.

You know, Neil, we have known each other for a couple of weeks now, and it's

really kind of fun. Pardon me.

Is there a Dana Palladino here? Yes, I'm Dana. There's a phone call for you.

Oh. You can take it at the bar.

I don't know who knows I'm here, but excuse me.

Hello? Dana, it's me, Jack.

What's going on? Where the hell are you?

Turn around, but do it slowly. Don't arouse any suspicion.

Dana, we've got a real problem here. Look.

Nadine is handling the situation very well. If you will just mind your

and just let nature take its course. It's taken its course and it's led right

me.

What are you talking about?

Well, Neil wants me to go to see the piano with him and then up to the

Room to do the bossa nova.

you went to the toilet.

Well, we've got to think of something.

Because when the gypsy lady comes around selling flowers at the table and Neil

buys them for you, Nadine is going to put two and two together.

Whatever we do, we've got to do it before she throws herself at him and he

rejects her. That would really kill her, not think, think.

To the beginning of a great relationship.

Oh, Neil.

I really value our friendship, you know. Oh, you will never know how much,

but... Ah, this is really very hard for me.

I'm afraid it can't ever be anything more than a friendship.

What? Oh, Neil, I've been holding back some information from you, and I'm so

ashamed of myself because good friends don't leave anything out. And the thing

is, I'm married.

Oh. I'm going to spare you all the details, but... Let me just say that my

husband and I are going through a pretty rocky time now.

My self -esteem was at an all -time low.

Then you came along and you showed so much interest in me as a person and as a

woman. You made me feel just incredible. And, well, you helped me see myself in

a whole different way.

I, uh... Nadine, I...

I don't know what to say, but I should probably tell you that I'm...

crushed.

I mean, you're one of those very special women who come along, what, maybe once

in a guy's life?

I've got to tell you, whoever your husband is, he's a very lucky guy.

Oh, Neil, I am so sorry that I had to hurt you like this, but you'll get over

me. Oh, I know, and I just know you're going to find somebody else.

Eventually.

I'm so sorry I was gone so long, but that was a pretty important phone call

about the restaurant.

And there's an emergency, Nadine, that I need to talk to you about. Oh?

If you ladies will excuse me, I'm home.

We have to talk to you.

It's about Neil. Oh, don't worry. I did it.

I told him that I was married. We, uh... We broke up.

You did?

Oh, my God.

What did he say?

Well, he didn't say much, actually, but I could tell he was... He was crushed.

Is there a Jack Stein here? Yeah, right here.

There's a phone call for you.

Hello.

Don't turn around.

It's me.

Hi, this is Jack.

Leave me a message at the beach.

if we could see each other but I believe in being honest and well I've met

someone else he's a doctor he's ready to settle down goodbye Jack