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1
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♪ green acres is
The place to be ♪
2
00:00:29,263 --> 00:00:33,131
♪ farm livin' is
The life for me ♪
3
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:37,135
♪ land spreadin'
Out so far and wide ♪
4
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:40,044
♪ keep manhattan, just
Give me that countryside ♪
5
00:00:41,108 --> 00:00:45,177
♪ new york is where
I'd rather stay ♪
6
00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:49,248
♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪
7
00:00:49,316 --> 00:00:53,218
♪ I just adore a
Penthouse view ♪
8
00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:55,854
♪ darling, I love you,
But give me park avenue ♪
9
00:00:58,425 --> 00:00:59,425
♪ the chores ♪
10
00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:01,793
♪ the stores ♪
11
00:01:02,629 --> 00:01:03,795
♪ fresh air ♪
12
00:01:04,431 --> 00:01:05,431
♪ times square ♪
13
00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:07,065
♪ you are my wife ♪
14
00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:08,867
♪ goodbye, city life ♪
15
00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:11,736
♪ green acres, we are there ♪
16
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,179
Got you.
17
00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:43,936
Got who?
18
00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:46,065
Them names.
19
00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:48,073
What names?
20
00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:50,375
Doris here?
21
00:01:51,178 --> 00:01:53,145
Yes.
22
00:01:53,213 --> 00:01:55,180
Come on inside, mr. Ziffel.
23
00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:01,753
Where is she?
24
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:03,022
In the kitchen.
25
00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:08,571
Hello, mrs. Douglas.
26
00:02:08,595 --> 00:02:10,329
Oh. Hello, mr. Ziffel.
27
00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:12,097
Hi, fred. Hi.
28
00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:13,366
Hello, arnold.
29
00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:17,936
I said hello, arnold.
30
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:20,505
Arnold!
31
00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:24,176
Fred, you know he pays no attention
To anybody when he's watching t.V.
32
00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:26,411
T.V., that ain't a
T.V., that's a dryer.
33
00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:32,684
Now what'd you have to
Tell him it was a dryer for?
34
00:02:32,752 --> 00:02:35,520
Yes, he liked the program.
35
00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:38,023
I got your note saying
You was over here.
36
00:02:38,092 --> 00:02:40,592
You know your handwriting's
Gettin' worse all the time.
37
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:41,960
I could hardly read that.
38
00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:44,129
Well, I didn't
Write it. Arnold did.
39
00:02:46,433 --> 00:02:47,966
How could a pig write...
40
00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:49,334
Doris,
41
00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:51,603
I thought I told you not to
Do your laundry over here.
42
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:54,406
Oh, it's all right,
Mr. Ziffel. We don't mind.
43
00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:56,608
Wouldn't have to come
Over here and do my wash
44
00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,276
If you'd buy me a
Washing machine.
45
00:02:58,345 --> 00:03:00,578
Now what do you need
A washing machine for?
46
00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:03,148
Didn't I move a new rock
Down by the creek for you?
47
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:05,550
How could arnold possibly...
48
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:08,086
Come on, doris. Let's
Get this stuff outta here.
49
00:03:08,555 --> 00:03:09,787
Fred!
50
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:13,425
It ain't nice for mr. Douglas
To see my lingerie.
51
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:15,614
Oh, that's all
Right. I've seen...
52
00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:19,197
How could arnold
Possibly write...
53
00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:22,634
I got him a ballpoint
Pen for his birthday.
54
00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:24,169
Oh, that's impossible.
55
00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:26,549
Mrs. Douglas doesn't have to
Pound her clothes on a rock.
56
00:03:26,573 --> 00:03:29,707
Even with a ballpoint pen
A pig couldn't possibly...
57
00:03:29,776 --> 00:03:31,287
Come on, arnold. Come on, doris.
58
00:03:31,311 --> 00:03:32,311
Oh.
59
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,312
Thanks a lot, mrs. Douglas.
60
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:35,813
Thanks so much.
61
00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:37,882
Bye, mr. Douglas.
62
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:40,152
They must think I'm
Some kind of a nut.
63
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:43,755
Trying to get me to believe that
Arnold could possibly write a note like...
64
00:03:43,823 --> 00:03:45,157
Well, it's his handwriting.
65
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,624
Oh, come on.
66
00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:48,393
Mr. Douglas, could
You come out here
67
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:50,095
And help me carry
This in the house?
68
00:03:50,164 --> 00:03:51,396
Just a minute!
69
00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:57,936
You take the front end
And I'll take the back.
70
00:03:58,004 --> 00:04:00,038
Where did this come from?
71
00:04:00,107 --> 00:04:01,406
Mr. Haney delivered it.
72
00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:02,574
He said you ordered it.
73
00:04:02,642 --> 00:04:04,342
I did not order it.
74
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:07,045
He left a copy of the order
With your signature on it.
75
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,847
That's not my signa...
76
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,017
That's not even my handwriting.
77
00:04:13,087 --> 00:04:15,031
In fact, it looks more like...
78
00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:16,354
No, he couldn't!
79
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,823
That's very pretty.
Whose picture is that?
80
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:20,959
That's not a picture.
81
00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:22,760
Well, it looks like someone.
82
00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:25,775
It's just another one of
Mr. Haney's pieces of junk.
83
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:27,332
Well, then why did you buy it?
84
00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:29,512
I didn't buy it. And
It's going back.
85
00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:31,281
Don't you even want
To see what it does?
86
00:04:31,305 --> 00:04:32,348
What it does?
87
00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:33,372
Watch.
88
00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:39,611
Oh, it's a cigarette lighter.
89
00:04:39,679 --> 00:04:42,347
No, ma'am, it's a
Barbecue starter.
90
00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:44,327
If that isn't the
Most ridiculous...
91
00:04:44,351 --> 00:04:46,718
Mr. Haney said her
Stomach is wired for t.V.
92
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:49,421
All you have to do
Is put in a screen.
93
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:52,491
Where does mr. Haney
Get these stupid ideas?
94
00:04:52,559 --> 00:04:54,859
I think his mother knits them.
95
00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:56,995
I don't care if his
Mother does knit...
96
00:04:57,063 --> 00:04:59,264
Well, it's going back.
97
00:05:02,236 --> 00:05:05,504
Mr. Douglas, would
You mind repeating that?
98
00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:07,539
Yes, I'm returning this.
99
00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:09,341
Oh, it's the wrong color.
100
00:05:09,409 --> 00:05:10,775
No, it's...
101
00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:13,178
I got the same thing in
Pink you might like better.
102
00:05:13,913 --> 00:05:15,013
No, I don't...
103
00:05:15,081 --> 00:05:17,616
Of course, uh, you can't
Start barbecues with it
104
00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:19,017
But the head lights up,
105
00:05:19,085 --> 00:05:21,819
And you can use
It as a porch light.
106
00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:24,523
I wouldn't want it if it
Played yankee doodle!
107
00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:25,990
I got that in yellow.
108
00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:29,394
I don't want it in any color.
109
00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:31,763
Well, fortunately
This art object
110
00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:34,866
Comes with a 10 day
Exchange privilege.
111
00:05:34,934 --> 00:05:37,636
So if you'll just pick out
Anything else you want...
112
00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:39,337
I don't want anything.
113
00:05:39,406 --> 00:05:40,805
Ok, mr. Douglas.
114
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:42,652
Let's just forget
The whole thing.
115
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:43,796
Thank you.
116
00:05:44,944 --> 00:05:46,878
Ok, that'll be $3.
117
00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:49,814
$3? For what?
118
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:52,750
Well, $1.50 for
Delivering the statue
119
00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:55,119
And $1.50 for an hour's rental.
120
00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:57,789
Mr. Haney, you delivered
This monstrosity
121
00:05:57,857 --> 00:06:00,124
Without any
Authorization from me.
122
00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:01,993
You signed the order.
123
00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:04,128
That was not my signature.
124
00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:05,564
That wasn't your signa...
125
00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:07,098
No!
126
00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:09,901
Well, it must have been the
Other oliver wendell douglas.
127
00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:13,305
What other oliver
Wendell douglas?
128
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,207
The one that writes like arnold.
129
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:19,043
Mr. Haney, I'm warning you.
130
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:22,547
I'm about fed up with your
Tricky merchandising methods.
131
00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:24,394
You're gonna go too
Far one of these days
132
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:27,018
And I'm gonna help nail you.
133
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,620
Care to buy a hammer?
134
00:06:30,357 --> 00:06:33,358
Well, oliver, here
It is, a week later.
135
00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:34,992
A week later than what?
136
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,340
Than when mrs. Ziffel came
Over here to do her washing.
137
00:06:37,364 --> 00:06:39,063
I know it's a week later.
138
00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:41,333
You don't have to march
In here and announce that.
139
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,668
Well, that's how they
Always do it in the movies.
140
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:46,404
It's either somebody comes
In carrying a sign which says:
141
00:06:46,473 --> 00:06:48,206
Here it is, a week later.
142
00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:50,386
Or a calendar falls
Apart for a week
143
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,910
Or somebody comes out and says:
144
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:55,813
"That week sure went by fast."
145
00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:59,217
Yeah, they do a lot of
Clever things in the movies.
146
00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:01,231
They do another
Thing in the movies
147
00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:04,021
Where the screen kind of swims.
148
00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:07,158
Yes, I've seen it.
149
00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:13,598
Now, that shows
That you're dreaming.
150
00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:16,368
I wish I were.
151
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:20,204
But in this kind of situation they
Only do the one-week-later thing.
152
00:07:20,274 --> 00:07:23,040
Would you mind telling me
What you're talking about?
153
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,154
Well, I would love to
But I haven't got time.
154
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:27,056
Would you mind
Taking off your shirt?
155
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,380
What for?
156
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,393
I promised a friend to
Fill up a laundry bag.
157
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:31,583
Lisa, I don't have...
158
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:33,730
Mrs. Ziffel finally got
Her laundry machine.
159
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:36,899
I'm taking over all the washing
And we're going to have a wash out.
160
00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:39,424
Oh, she finally talked fred
Into buying her one, huh?
161
00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:43,227
Well, it wasn't so much the
Talking, it was the nagging that did it.
162
00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:45,797
Yeah, I know what that's like.
163
00:07:45,865 --> 00:07:47,825
He didn't get much
Sleep that night.
164
00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:50,702
Mrs. Ziffel dragged up
A rock from the creek
165
00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:53,805
And pounded the
Clothes on it all night.
166
00:07:53,873 --> 00:07:56,974
Yeah, I can see how that
Might make a man crack.
167
00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:59,483
It didn't do any good
For the rock either.
168
00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:01,513
Yeah.
169
00:08:01,581 --> 00:08:03,459
Would you like to take me over
There and see the washing machine?
170
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,443
No, I've already seen
A washing machine.
171
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,785
Not like this one.
172
00:08:06,853 --> 00:08:08,998
Mr. Haney said it was
The only one of its kind.
173
00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:10,888
Mr. Haney?
174
00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:13,958
They bought a washing
Machine from mr. Haney?
175
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:16,361
Fred, I never heard
Of a grabwell.
176
00:08:16,430 --> 00:08:19,096
Of course you didn't.
It's an imported machine.
177
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,366
Haney says it's made in sweden.
178
00:08:21,435 --> 00:08:22,634
Oh? How do you work it?
179
00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:24,869
Well, the instructions say:
180
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:27,104
"Honorable sir or madam"
181
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:29,018
Them swedes sure
Are polite, ain't they?
182
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:30,174
Yeah.
183
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:32,210
"You are now proud owner
184
00:08:32,278 --> 00:08:34,679
"Of grabwell washing machinery.
185
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:35,948
"Banzai!"
186
00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:37,982
"Bonsai"? What does that mean?
187
00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:40,396
Haney says it's kind
Of a swedish blessing.
188
00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:41,420
Ah.
189
00:08:41,921 --> 00:08:43,054
"To operate
190
00:08:43,122 --> 00:08:45,401
Connect water hose to
Faucet." will you do that?
191
00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:46,658
Sure.
192
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:52,163
Fred, you said you were going
To buy me a new washing machine.
193
00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:54,699
Oh, honey, this is much
Better than a new one.
194
00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:56,901
Haney had it all reconditioned.
195
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:59,871
Includin' the instructions.
196
00:08:59,939 --> 00:09:02,151
Well, the hose is
Connected. What's next?
197
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:03,575
Now, let's see.
198
00:09:03,643 --> 00:09:05,810
Says, "Install washing unit."
199
00:09:07,146 --> 00:09:08,880
Which is the washing unit?
200
00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:11,883
I guess it must be that. That's
The only thing we got left.
201
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:14,218
How do you install it?
202
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:18,790
"Clamp unit to inside rim
203
00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:20,592
Of washing drum."
204
00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:22,126
Go ahead and clamp it on.
205
00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:26,570
And I'll plug in the water pump.
206
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:29,100
Why don't you lift this thing
207
00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:31,636
And let... Let me plug in?
208
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:33,671
Do you know anything
About electricity?
209
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:34,773
No!
210
00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:36,007
Then clamp it on.
211
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,613
Sorry, arnold, I
Need this outlet.
212
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:48,553
Oh, you seen that
Picture 3 times.
213
00:09:52,859 --> 00:09:55,192
Well, it's clamped on. Now what?
214
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,995
Throw the washing in and
I'll start the water pump.
215
00:09:58,064 --> 00:09:59,184
All right.
216
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,767
"Throw switch
217
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,605
And turn red valve."
218
00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:09,941
Ah.
219
00:10:10,009 --> 00:10:11,409
Fillin' up nice, ain't it?
220
00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:12,944
Now what do we do?
221
00:10:13,012 --> 00:10:16,213
"Set speed control lever
On washing unit forward
222
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,919
"And pull cord sharply.
223
00:10:20,987 --> 00:10:23,755
"Under no circumstances
Reverse engine
224
00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:25,990
While boat is approaching pier."
225
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,092
What does that mean?
226
00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:31,629
I don't know. Probably
Some swedish superstition.
227
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:33,264
Pull the cord.
228
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,449
Come on, fred.
229
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:55,553
Abandon ship!
230
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:04,128
You and your great big grabwell.
231
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,791
Don't cry. Arnold.
232
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:36,494
You can watch
Television in our house.
233
00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:38,963
Look at our beautiful home.
234
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,442
Don't you cry, honey.
235
00:11:40,466 --> 00:11:42,666
Haney'll pay for
This. Where's my gun?
236
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:52,243
Mr. Ziffel, violence
Is no answer.
237
00:11:52,311 --> 00:11:53,678
Stand aside.
238
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:55,424
You can't take the law
Into your own hands.
239
00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:57,649
If you've got a grievance,
Take it into the courts.
240
00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:01,052
This country was founded on
A principle of justice for all.
241
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,799
The very backbone of our
Democracy depends on the courts
242
00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:05,389
Where wrongs can be righted.
243
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:08,760
And when I get haney.
I'm coming back after you.
244
00:12:08,828 --> 00:12:11,563
Oh, fred. Calm down.
Mr. Douglas is right.
245
00:12:11,631 --> 00:12:13,031
Take haney to court.
246
00:12:13,099 --> 00:12:14,644
I'll be glad to take the case.
247
00:12:14,668 --> 00:12:15,733
No, thank you.
248
00:12:15,802 --> 00:12:18,002
You look like a loser to me.
249
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:20,838
Why, mr. Douglas is
A very good lawyer.
250
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,607
Do you think you can win it?
251
00:12:22,676 --> 00:12:25,521
Yes, I do! I think we can make
Haney pay through the nose.
252
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:27,645
Well, if you can do
That, mr. Douglas,
253
00:12:27,714 --> 00:12:29,413
You have got a client.
254
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:31,515
I don't care how
Much you charge me
255
00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:33,751
Just as long as you get haney.
256
00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:35,086
It'll be a pleasure.
257
00:12:38,357 --> 00:12:41,358
While I know your attorneys
Have informed you of the fact
258
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:43,061
I'd like to make it clear
259
00:12:43,129 --> 00:12:45,964
That you are entitled to
A jury trial if you so wish.
260
00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:47,999
I don't want no jury
Trial, your honor.
261
00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:49,366
Me, neither.
262
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:52,837
I'm perfectly willing to
Leave the decision up to you.
263
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:56,007
Because I know you're
Fair and impartial
264
00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:59,644
And whichever way you
Decide is all right with me.
265
00:12:59,713 --> 00:13:00,713
Thank you.
266
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,513
Thank you, cousin leroy.
267
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:05,116
Cousin leroy?
268
00:13:05,184 --> 00:13:06,517
On my mother's side.
269
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,027
Uh, your honor,
270
00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:11,723
With all due respect to
The integrity of the bench
271
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,736
May I ask you to
Disqualify yourself.
272
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,292
Granted.
273
00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:17,539
And to set your mind
At rest, mr. Douglas,
274
00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:19,864
I am in no way related
To the defendant.
275
00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:21,110
Thank you, your honor.
276
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,578
Ready for the
Plaintiff, mr. Douglas?
277
00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:23,868
Ready, your honor.
278
00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:25,547
Ready for the
Defense, mr. Jefferson?
279
00:13:25,571 --> 00:13:27,382
I'm ready, aunt tillie.
280
00:13:27,406 --> 00:13:28,940
Aunt tillie?
281
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:31,442
And I can assure
Everyone concerned
282
00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:34,979
That I am not in any way
Related to anyone in this case.
283
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:37,815
And I'm here to testify that
What my dad just said is the truth.
284
00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:39,785
Order.
285
00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:42,687
Ready for the plaintiff?
286
00:13:42,756 --> 00:13:44,155
Uh, yes, your honor.
287
00:13:44,223 --> 00:13:45,300
Ready for the defense?
288
00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:46,590
Ready.
289
00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:48,104
You may make your
Opening statements.
290
00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:51,428
Uh, your honor, uh,
We intend to show...
291
00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:56,801
What did you say, counselor?
292
00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:58,547
I said, your honor, we intend...
293
00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:00,371
Sounded like "Oink."
294
00:14:00,439 --> 00:14:02,151
I didn't "Oink," your honor,
295
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:03,218
That was arnold.
296
00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:07,645
Will the bailiff please
Remove that pig?
297
00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:12,583
Your honor!
298
00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:15,352
Arnold has a lot
To do with this case.
299
00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:18,089
It was his television
Set that was smashed up
300
00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:19,590
By the washing machine,
301
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:21,779
And now he can't
Watch television.
302
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,661
He can't watch tele...
303
00:14:24,831 --> 00:14:26,064
Madam, who are you?
304
00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:28,132
I am mrs. Plaintiff's lawyer.
305
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:29,321
Lisa!
306
00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:30,646
Order!
307
00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:33,215
Counselor, will you please
Make your opening statement.
308
00:14:33,239 --> 00:14:34,919
Uh, yes, sir, your honor.
309
00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:39,343
We are suing mr. Haney because
He sold my clients, the ziffels,
310
00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:41,445
A defective washing machine.
311
00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:44,749
For years now, mr. Haney has
Victimized the people of this valley.
312
00:14:44,818 --> 00:14:47,685
This is not an insulated
Isodent. This is not the...
313
00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:50,121
I mean an ice... Inc... Ison...
314
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:52,489
This is not an in...
315
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:55,193
For many years the
Poople of heeterville have...
316
00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:57,128
The peep pit of the
Hootle... The people...
317
00:14:59,833 --> 00:15:03,167
"And in his opening
Remarks to the court
318
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:05,469
"Lawyer douglas stated
319
00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:09,306
That this was not
An insulated isodent."
320
00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:12,276
What's an insulated isodent?
321
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:14,445
I don't know. It's
Probably lawyer latin.
322
00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:16,313
Oh.
323
00:15:16,382 --> 00:15:18,616
I... I like this thing
Here that he says about
324
00:15:18,684 --> 00:15:21,285
The poople of
Heeterville valley.
325
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:22,564
Whoever they are.
326
00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:25,156
Well, that's us.
Mr. Douglas just got excited.
327
00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:26,390
Oh.
328
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:28,570
You think mr. Douglas
Is going to win?
329
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:31,863
If he does. I'm going to
Get him to sue haney for me.
330
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,375
What did you buy from him?
331
00:15:33,399 --> 00:15:35,332
That automatic coffee grinder.
332
00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:38,981
Does it work?
333
00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:41,605
No. It just chases
Me around the store.
334
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,842
Well, at least it moves.
335
00:15:44,911 --> 00:15:48,012
Which is more than I can say for
That sports car haney sold me.
336
00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:49,814
What sports car?
337
00:15:49,883 --> 00:15:51,003
That one.
338
00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:57,621
Having listened to both sides
339
00:15:57,690 --> 00:15:59,690
The court finds
For the plaintiff.
340
00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:01,793
Mr. Frederick l. Ziffel.
341
00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:05,329
And awards him damages
In the amount of $250.
342
00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:07,165
Court adjourned.
343
00:16:07,233 --> 00:16:08,800
Fine work, mr. Douglas.
344
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,818
We're going to appeal
This case, douglas.
345
00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:17,608
That's your
Privilege, counselor.
346
00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:22,180
No, we ain't going to appeal.
Mr. Douglas won fair and square.
347
00:16:22,248 --> 00:16:24,488
And if the judge
Says that I owe fred
348
00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:26,684
$150 then I'll pay it.
349
00:16:26,752 --> 00:16:28,119
$250.
350
00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:30,754
$250, is that correct?
351
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,489
You know darned well it is.
352
00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:35,059
I was asking my attorney.
353
00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:37,428
That's what the judge said.
354
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:41,065
Well, if the judge
Said $200 then I'll...
355
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:42,900
$250.
356
00:16:42,969 --> 00:16:45,114
Well, you'll have to
Give me a little time
357
00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:47,116
To liquefy some of my assets.
358
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:49,373
Just don't take too long.
359
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:51,153
Congratulations, mr. Douglas.
360
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,587
Well, thank you, mrs. Ziffel.
361
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,280
Oh, thank you, ar... I mean...
362
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:57,589
Well, so long.
363
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:00,684
Just a minute, fred ziffel.
364
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:02,286
What about mr. Douglas' fee?
365
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,620
Fee? For what?
366
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,122
For his lawyer work.
367
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:06,790
If it hadn't been for him
368
00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:09,560
We'd have had to pay for
All the damage ourselves.
369
00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:11,062
Is there a charge?
370
00:17:11,130 --> 00:17:12,650
Of course there's a charge.
371
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,858
Say, whose side are you on?
372
00:17:16,102 --> 00:17:17,779
How much do we
Owe you, mr. Douglas?
373
00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:18,948
Well...
374
00:17:18,972 --> 00:17:22,373
In the city he
Used to get $5,000.
375
00:17:22,441 --> 00:17:25,921
We're not in new york. We want to
Know how much you charge in hooterville.
376
00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:28,512
Oh, $25.
377
00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:30,581
$25? For what?
378
00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:32,750
Fred.
379
00:17:32,818 --> 00:17:35,253
When you asked
Mr. Douglas to take this case
380
00:17:35,321 --> 00:17:37,355
You told him you'd
Pay him anything.
381
00:17:37,423 --> 00:17:40,424
Well, that was before I
Know'd he was gonna win.
382
00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:42,459
If you think I'm
Not entitled, I...
383
00:17:42,528 --> 00:17:44,695
Oh, yes, of course you are.
384
00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:46,675
Now let's see what I owe you.
385
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:49,767
Now for this trial you put
On a clean shirt this morning.
386
00:17:49,835 --> 00:17:50,935
Well, yes, I...
387
00:17:51,004 --> 00:17:52,647
Well, that's 40
Cents for laundry
388
00:17:52,671 --> 00:17:54,783
And you didn't have that
Suit pressed, did you?
389
00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:56,607
I certainly did.
390
00:17:56,675 --> 00:17:59,243
Well, I could argue
With you there
391
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:02,646
But we'll let it go. That's
75 cents for the suit,
392
00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:04,726
And the shine is 15 cents,
393
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:09,153
Plus gas and the french dip
Sandwich you had for lunch.
394
00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:11,555
I'd say $4 ought to
Cover the whole thing.
395
00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:12,957
Mr. Ziffel,
396
00:18:13,026 --> 00:18:16,527
A lawyer's fee is not based
Upon his out-of-pocket expenses.
397
00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:20,064
It's based on his years of training,
His knowledge, his experience.
398
00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:22,278
I ain't gonna quarrel
With you there.
399
00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:24,302
I'll give you $5.50.
400
00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:29,307
Fred, mr. Douglas asked for $25.
401
00:18:29,375 --> 00:18:31,976
And that's what we
Are gonna pay him.
402
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:42,764
Good morning, mr. Douglas.
403
00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:45,522
Just come by to pay the $250
404
00:18:45,591 --> 00:18:47,325
As ordered by the judge.
405
00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:49,226
You owe that
Money to mr. Ziffel.
406
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:51,040
Just wanna keep it legal.
407
00:18:51,064 --> 00:18:53,931
Now, if you'll just
Sign this receipt.
408
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:57,134
Uh, wait a minute,
Where's the $250?
409
00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:58,902
Oh! Right there.
410
00:19:01,907 --> 00:19:05,376
You're gonna palm off that pile
Of junk in payment of the judgment?
411
00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:06,978
Junk?
412
00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:10,781
Each and every piece of
That magnificent merchandise
413
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:14,185
Is an antique, or an
Heirloom, or both.
414
00:19:14,253 --> 00:19:15,619
Mr. Haney,
415
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:18,822
That pile of junk
Isn't worth $8.
416
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:21,459
To the unappraiseable eye, yes.
417
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:30,567
I had each and every one
Of these objects de art
418
00:19:30,636 --> 00:19:34,105
Evaluated by an
Inumpeachable source.
419
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,007
County tax assessor.
420
00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:38,842
Or as we sometimes
Call him, cousin joe.
421
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:40,512
Cousin j...
422
00:19:40,579 --> 00:19:42,546
On my father's side.
423
00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:44,781
Now if you will just
Total up these tags
424
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,650
You'll find that the entire lot
425
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:50,388
Comes to $253.
426
00:19:50,456 --> 00:19:54,091
I threw in this $3
T.V. Enlargin' bubble
427
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:55,959
To take care of the sales tax.
428
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:03,200
Now if you'll just sign here.
429
00:20:03,269 --> 00:20:04,701
Mr. Haney,
430
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:07,416
I'm not going to sign anything
On behalf of my client.
431
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,051
And I'm not going to accept this
432
00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:10,541
Pile of debris
433
00:20:10,609 --> 00:20:12,388
In payment of his
Judgment against you.
434
00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:14,056
Now, either you
Come up with the cash
435
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,857
Or I'm going to take
You back into court
436
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:17,592
And take whatever
Steps are necessary
437
00:20:17,616 --> 00:20:19,616
To satisfy his
Judgment against you.
438
00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:26,823
That sure is a good
Picture of you, mr. Douglas.
439
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,825
Yes. Yeah, well. It's...
440
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:30,461
You goin' to haney's auction?
441
00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:32,163
No, I don't think so.
442
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,731
You think he'll raise $250
443
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,878
For all that stuff
He's got at the house?
444
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:40,371
I don't think he'd get $250
If he threw in the house.
445
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,005
Well, that's his problem.
446
00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:44,775
Either he raises the money or
I take him right back into court
447
00:20:44,843 --> 00:20:47,010
And I'll keep hounding
Him until he pays up.
448
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:48,612
Mr. Douglas,
449
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:50,959
We want you to know how much
We appreciate what you've done.
450
00:20:50,983 --> 00:20:52,816
Standing up to haney for fred.
451
00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:56,753
As I said in court, this is
Not an isolated incident.
452
00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:58,700
That ain't what
You said in court.
453
00:20:58,724 --> 00:21:02,159
You said, "An
Interstate incompetent."
454
00:21:02,228 --> 00:21:05,596
What he said was
An insulated isodent.
455
00:21:05,664 --> 00:21:07,030
Well, what I meant...
456
00:21:07,866 --> 00:21:08,899
When I get angry...
457
00:21:08,968 --> 00:21:11,535
Well, whatever you
Said we want you to know
458
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:14,764
That the poople of
Heeterville valley are grateful.
459
00:21:15,541 --> 00:21:17,108
Yeah, well, uh...
460
00:21:17,176 --> 00:21:20,043
Uh, I want you to know now
That I am tired of haney's methods
461
00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:21,979
From now on he'll
Know he can't woodhink...
462
00:21:22,047 --> 00:21:23,614
I mean, he can't hinkwood.
463
00:21:23,682 --> 00:21:25,849
He can't woodwink.
464
00:21:26,752 --> 00:21:28,385
Well, he'd better not try it.
465
00:21:31,890 --> 00:21:34,191
Well, mr. Douglas,
I've been waitin' for you.
466
00:21:34,260 --> 00:21:36,505
I come over as soon
As I finished the auction.
467
00:21:36,529 --> 00:21:38,695
Need more time to
Raise the money, huh?
468
00:21:38,764 --> 00:21:42,600
Oh, no, I managed to
Scrape up enough to pay you.
469
00:21:42,668 --> 00:21:45,068
Let's see now, how
Much do I owe you?
470
00:21:45,138 --> 00:21:47,004
Oh, yeah, $150.
471
00:21:47,607 --> 00:21:49,706
$250.
472
00:21:49,775 --> 00:21:51,708
Oh, that sounds right.
473
00:21:51,777 --> 00:21:53,444
You take $100 bills?
474
00:21:53,513 --> 00:21:54,778
$100...
475
00:21:54,847 --> 00:21:56,880
And there's a 50.
476
00:21:56,949 --> 00:21:58,215
Where did you get the money?
477
00:21:58,284 --> 00:21:59,517
From my auction.
478
00:21:59,585 --> 00:22:02,153
I took in nearly $800.
479
00:22:02,221 --> 00:22:03,354
8...
480
00:22:03,422 --> 00:22:04,888
I got $300
481
00:22:04,957 --> 00:22:06,557
For one item alone.
482
00:22:06,626 --> 00:22:09,493
A historic old
Grandfather's clock.
483
00:22:09,562 --> 00:22:12,296
That was once owned
By lester henderson.
484
00:22:12,365 --> 00:22:16,033
Who, as you know, was one of
Abe lincoln's closest neighbors.
485
00:22:16,101 --> 00:22:17,668
Oh, boy!
486
00:22:17,736 --> 00:22:20,003
I'd like to see the
Idiot that paid you
487
00:22:20,072 --> 00:22:22,573
$300 for a phony clock.
488
00:22:26,379 --> 00:22:28,945
Be sure to give my
Regards to mrs. Douglas.
489
00:22:31,717 --> 00:22:32,749
Lisa!
490
00:22:33,986 --> 00:22:35,653
Hey, haney, come back here!
491
00:22:36,422 --> 00:22:37,954
Lis...
492
00:22:38,023 --> 00:22:40,224
Haney, come back here.
493
00:22:46,699 --> 00:22:48,699
Oliver, look what I bought.
494
00:22:48,767 --> 00:22:49,833
Lisa.
495
00:22:49,902 --> 00:22:51,335
Isn't it beautiful?
496
00:22:51,404 --> 00:22:53,671
It's an antique. It belonged
To larry anderson.
497
00:22:53,739 --> 00:22:55,306
Uh, lester henderson.
498
00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:58,275
Well, anyway, he was george
Washington's neighbor.
499
00:22:58,344 --> 00:22:59,677
Uh, lincoln!
500
00:22:59,745 --> 00:23:03,847
Well, wherever he lived.
It was a bargain for $300.
501
00:23:03,916 --> 00:23:06,283
Lisa, how could you
Let haney woodhick you...
502
00:23:06,352 --> 00:23:07,451
Or hickwood you...
503
00:23:08,221 --> 00:23:09,286
It's going back!
504
00:23:09,355 --> 00:23:10,887
Oliver!
505
00:23:10,956 --> 00:23:12,223
Oh!
506
00:23:14,227 --> 00:23:15,459
Darling.
507
00:23:15,528 --> 00:23:16,827
Get it off me!
508
00:23:16,895 --> 00:23:18,262
Oh, my arm!
509
00:23:18,331 --> 00:23:19,930
Oh, what's the
Matter with your arm?
510
00:23:19,998 --> 00:23:22,344
Get eb and tell him to get
This thing back to haney.
511
00:23:22,368 --> 00:23:23,400
But, darling...
512
00:23:23,469 --> 00:23:25,269
Get it out of here!
513
00:23:31,143 --> 00:23:32,643
Oliver!
514
00:23:32,712 --> 00:23:34,556
Did you take the
Clock back? Yes.
515
00:23:34,580 --> 00:23:35,580
How is your arm?
516
00:23:36,849 --> 00:23:37,881
Hurts.
517
00:23:37,950 --> 00:23:39,049
Good.
518
00:23:39,118 --> 00:23:40,118
What?
519
00:23:40,185 --> 00:23:42,331
I got you something
To make it well.
520
00:23:42,355 --> 00:23:43,887
Did you get your money back?
521
00:23:43,956 --> 00:23:45,489
Uh, not exactly.
522
00:23:45,558 --> 00:23:46,657
What does that mean?
523
00:23:46,726 --> 00:23:48,803
It means that I didn't
Get it back exactly.
524
00:23:48,827 --> 00:23:51,707
I traded the clock for
Something to make your arm well.
525
00:23:51,731 --> 00:23:52,731
I don't need...
526
00:23:52,798 --> 00:23:53,798
Eb!
527
00:23:57,470 --> 00:23:58,569
What the...
528
00:24:00,473 --> 00:24:01,905
It's filled with hot water.
529
00:24:01,974 --> 00:24:04,519
All you got to do is stick
You arm in the medicinal tub
530
00:24:04,543 --> 00:24:06,042
And I'll turn on the agitator.
531
00:24:06,111 --> 00:24:08,979
Eb, don't you dare turn on...
No, no, no, no. Hey, hey, hey.
532
00:24:11,183 --> 00:24:12,616
Turn it off!
533
00:24:17,423 --> 00:24:19,990
Turn that silly thing
Off, that's not a toy!
534
00:24:57,162 --> 00:24:59,842
this has been a filmways
Presentation, darling.
35613
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