Original subtitles

♪ green acres is The place to be ♪

♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪

♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪

♪ new york is where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪

♪ darling, I love you, But give me park avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ times square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ goodbye, city life ♪

♪ green acres, we are there ♪

Lisa! Did my shirts come Back from the laundry?

Didn't send them to the laundry.

Oh, for cryin' out loud.

Lisa, why didn't you...

Darling, do you know how To fold up an ironing board?

Yes, but you just...

What are you doing With an ironing board?

Well, what else do You use to iron shirts?

You mean you...

Do you like them?

Perfect!

I remembered what you said, Not too much starch in the collar.

Darling! Oh.

Mmm.

How come you're kissin' her, When I'm the one that ironed them.

I thought you ironed them.

Well, you saw the ironing board

Then you jumped on The wrong concussion.

She means the wrong concession.

Not concession, confusion.

Uh, conclusion.

Uh, anyway, eb is Teaching me how to iron.

He already let me Do part of it, look.

I can guess which part.

Oh, well, that was an accident. I left the iron on the shirt

While I went to the washing Machine to put your grey suit in.

You put my suit In the dishwash...

Well, I didn't Turn the water on.

Thank goodness.

I remembered you said You liked it dry-cleaned.

Lisa, that's not the way...

Aren't you going to ask me Where I learned how to iron?

No.

It's a pretty intriguing story.

Eb.

Lisa, I wanted To wear this suit.

Well, wear another one.

You got another suit?

Yes, uh...

Why did you say you don't Jump to the wrong concussion?

Because, what...

How many suits have you got?

Uh, 12.

H-how many shirts have you got?

2 or 3 dozen, I don't know.

How many pairs of Shoes have you got?

What is this, an inventory?

No, it just that I'm impressed.

Wait till I tell the Other hired hands,

That I work for a man that's Got 12 suits, 3 dozen shirts,

And... How many pairs Of shoes did you say?

8.

Gee, all I've got is one Suit, one shirt, and one shoe.

That's all you...

One shoe?

You never noticed, huh?

That's because I wear it on A different foot every day.

Uh, darling, y-you're wrong.

I knew a doctor once who Jumped to the wrong concussion.

Lisa, why don't You tell that to eb,

Eb will tell you The intriguing story

Of how he got into The laundry business,

And I will get Dressed. Good day.

Boy, some mornings, he's Just peachy to have around.

You decent?

Huh?

It's ok, ralph.

Oh, bro...

Howdy doody.

I told you...

Aren't you going to Return my howdy doody?

Howdy doody.

You didn't give it very much.

I think it helps if you Smile when you say it.

Howdy doody?

Look, I don't need you two to Give me howdy doody lessons.

I told you a month Ago to fix that door.

We just found out What's wrong with it.

What?

Keeps falling off.

For crying out...

Are these your shirts?

Yes. How many have you got?

Oh, a couple of dozen.

How many suits have you got?

12.

How many pairs of shoes?

8.

How do you like that?

I've got one suit, One shirt, and 3 shoes.

3 shoes?

Yeah, I just found one. You Know anybody who lost a shoe?

Yeah, eb.

How long has he been Wearing high heels?

Take that up with him, will you?

No, not me. He always wants to Tell me that stale intriguing story

About how he Worked in a laundry.

You're not gonna Wear that tie, are you?

Yes, why not?

It ought to be blue.

To match your eyes.

His eyes ain't blue.

You got a yellow one?

Here's your coat.

Thank you.

Boy, you sure look spiffy.

You want a flower For your buttonhole?

No, no. I'm just going out To pull up a tree stump.

In this suit?

Yes.

And, uh, fix the door, will you?

What a dude? Phew.

Ah, it wouldn't hurt You to dress that way.

What for?

I ain't gonna pull Up any tree stumps.

You like to buy a pair Of overalls, newt?

I just got this shipment in.

Uh, no thanks.

Uh, I just got these to the Point where they sit when I do.

Well, how about you, fred?

No, my pigs are just Gettin' used to these.

They'll give you good service.

They're 20 percent Cotton, 10 percent wool,

12 percent thread, And the rest is material.

No, thanks.

Newt, they got all the Latest features in 'em.

They got genuine Imitation steel buttons,

Zipper wallet pocket, and A double reinforced seat

For the man who does A lot of tractor ridin'.

Fred... Mornin'!

Oh, hi, haney.

Guess what I just saw?

Fred, these come with A lifetime guarantee.

Or 4 years, Whichever comes first.

Uh, you got any that fit doris?

Might solve my Christmas shoppin'.

Ain't you interested In what I just saw?

No. Uh, what size Does doris wear?

Well, she wears a Triple "E" sneaker.

Triple "E"!

Well, maybe we can Reconstruct her from that.

I just saw mr. Douglas Pullin' up a tree stump.

With his bare hands?

No.

Doris always does.

He was using his tractor.

The one you sold him?

Which was winnin', the Tractor or the stump?

That ain't the point.

It was the way he Was all duded up.

Ivory league Suit, silk tie, vest.

He looked like the Best man in a $16 weddin'.

Well, he always Dresses that way.

Yeah, he's got a Suit for plowin',

One for tree stumpin', One for irrigatin'.

Well, he shouldn't Wear 'em around here.

The tourists stop By, they see him,

And they think they're still In the outskirts of chicago.

That's a fact. He ain't doin' The hooterville image no good.

Yeah, and after all the trouble We went to, to make it what it is.

What is it?

We're just plain Simple farmin' folk.

That go about our Business un-duded up.

Yeah. If he's gonna stay around Here. He's gotta be made to conform.

And I got just the thing For his conformation

On my truck.

A line of overalls...

Wait a minute. What Do you think these are?

I don't know. What are these?

Haney.

I guess it's about time Somebody talked to mr. Douglas.

How do you tell a man he Ain't wearin' the right clothes?

Easy.

You just say, "You ain't Wearin' the right clothes."

That'd hurt his feelings.

Didn't hurt mine none When you told me.

But he's sensitive.

Well, somebody's Got to tell him.

How about you, sam?

Not me.

How about you, haney?

You've got a nice oily Way of sayin' things.

Not me.

I ain't losin' one of My best customers.

Good morning, gentlemen.

Good morning, Mr. Douglas. Howdy.

Morning, mr. Douglas.

Now's your chance, sam.

Fred, I told you, I...

Been, uh, tree Stumpin' mr. Douglas?

Well, yes, I...

I-I-I could tell.

Y-you're wearin' your Tree stumpin' suit.

Oh.

Mr. Douglas, how Many suits you got?

12.

We only figured you for 3.

Tree stumper, a Plower, and an irrigator.

No, I've got a barn Painter, and I've...

Would you be interested in a pair Of heavy-duty, conformin' overalls?

No.

I got 'em out on my Truck. Give you a good buy.

Haney, don't sell your Cheap overalls in my store.

You see, even sam admits That they're priced reasonable.

I don't need any.

I came in to see if you could Get me another one of these.

It pulled off of that "Reasonably Priced" tractor that somebody sold me.

Just like a city feller.

Changin' the subject. Just to Get out of buyin' a pair of overalls.

I don't want any overalls.

Now can you get me another One of these, mr. Drucker?

Yeah, I'm sure I can. Thank you.

Good day, gentlemen.

Well, it didn't do no Good talkin' to him, did it?

No.

It's pretty obvious.

He just don't want To be one of us.

Of course, he does.

Well, I didn't see Him changin' his suit

For a pair of my Reasonable-priced overalls.

Well, if our talkin' Don't do no good,

We've got to do A little showing.

What are you gonna show him?

How ridiculous he looks Wearin' them city clothes.

Something very peculiar.

What's peculiar?

All of a sudden, Everybody seems interested

In how many suits I have.

How many shirts and shoes.

Well, they're just interested.

Women always ask me How many dresses I have.

Well, women are just nosey.

How many dresses do you have?

Including this year's style?

None.

What are you talking about?

This closet's Half-filled with...

What's the matter with the door?

Well, you told the monroe Brothers to fix it so it won't fall off.

Well, I can't open it.

Well, then it can't fall off.

How are we supposed To hang up our clothes?

Oh, you climb out the window and you Hang it in the closet from the outside in.

We're gonna put a Wall up out there.

Well, that isn't very clever.

Then how can you Hang the clothes in?

Through this door.

If I've gotta go Through this every time

I want to hang up...

I... I... I forgot to tell You the monroe brothers

Put a strong spring in.

Of all this stupid...

Where are they?

They went over to Mr. Ziffel to do some work.

On my time.

Well, they didn't want to do any more Work on the door till you approved.

I don't approve of it.

Well, tell them, don't tell me.

I will.

You lookin' for me, mr. Douglas?

Oh, hi, there. Yes, I wanted to, uh...

Hi, there.

Oh, I forgot my spats.

Your spats?

Yeah. Did you want somethin'?

Uh, yes. I was, uh, looking For the, uh, monroe brothers.

Oh, they're over At newt kiley's.

Ah, well, I'll...

Well, you'll have to excuse me.

I've got to go and slop my pigs.

Slop your pigs? The way you're dressed I thought you might be going to a party.

No, no, no.

This is my pig-sloppin' suit.

Well, see you around The haberdashery.

Mr. Kiley?

Mr. Kiley?

Be right out.

How you like it?

It's my oil-changin' suit.

Your oil-changing...

Well, uh, I was looking For the monroe brothers.

Oh, uh, they went Over to ben miller's.

Ah, I'll go over There and, uh...

Yeah, thank you.

Hi, mr. Douglas.

Hiya, uh. What is...

Going on a weddin' trip?

No, just our regular 2:00 run to pixley.

What's the, uh...

Well, the tinder's about empty. We stopped to get some wood.

Floyd!

Oh!

Floyd, will you watch What you're doin'?

I just shined my Patent-leather shoes.

Well, you should've Chopped the wood.

You're supposed to chop The wood. You're the fireman.

Well, you're wearin' The wood-choppin' suit.

This ain't a wood-choppin' Suit. Is it, mr. Douglas?

Well, I, uh...

Well, this ain't a wood-choppin' Suit, this is a caboose suit.

Whatever it is, let's get Going. We're 15 minutes late, see?

That's right.

I'm supposed to be At my tailor at 4:00.

Charlie was running the Train in a swallow-tailed coat

And floyd was chopping Wood in a tuxedo.

Darling, would you Hold this in front of you?

Everybody in the valley Is making fun of me.

Why?

Because of the way I dress.

Would you roll Up your pant's leg?

What for?

I want to see if Your knee shows.

They're wearing them Shorter this year.

I don't care how short They're wearing them.

Well, what are you so mad about?

Well, I'll tell you What I'm so mad about.

I don't enjoy the community Making fun of me, that's all.

Well, if they're making fun Of you for the way you dress,

Then maybe you ought to Dress the way they dress.

Why should I?

It's man's inherent right To dress the way he pleases.

Darling, would you please Open the closet door?

The constitution of the United states, guaran...

Guarantees a free press, a Free speech, and free clothing.

Well, not free clothing, but the Freedom to choose the clothing.

Anyway, nobody's going To tell me how to dress.

Oh!

Darling, are you all right?

Oh, I... I forgot to tell you the monroe Brothers came back to take the springs off.

Alice, don't eat so fast.

Henrietta, keep your beak Out of genevieve's bowl.

Chloe.

Chlo...

♪

Chloe, why do you always have To play the piano at lunchtime?

Lisa.

Oh, darling, one moment. I have chicken trouble.

Chloe, stop playing the piano.

Playing the pia...

How did she learn How to do that?

I don't know. One day she brought Home the piano and started playing it.

Oh, that's impossible.

Look, lisa...

Uh, darling, I'm out Of chicken feed.

When you're going to mr. Drucker's Store, can you bring me some?

I'm not going in To mr. Drucker's.

Well, why are you All dressed up?

I'm not dressed up.

Well, people just don't Dress like this on a farm.

How about you Feeding chickens...

How much did that negligee cost?

Including the bows? Yes.

That cost extra.

The point...

Will you stop playing the piano.

Whatever the negligee Cost, it's worth it.

Otherwise we Wouldn't get any eggs.

The negligees give The girls an insedative.

An insedative.

Yes, they look forward to every Morning to see what I'm wearing.

And if they don't lay any eggs they Know I won't come out wearing them.

That's ingenious. You ought to send That in to the department of agriculture.

They'll get a Bulletin out on it.

"How to increase egg production By wearing expensive negligees."

I don't think the Department would be

Interested in putting Out a bulletin on that.

Mr. Kimball.

Uh, you see, mr. Douglas, The average farmer

Has neither the Money nor the patience

To dress up his chickens in expensive Negligees just to get more eggs.

No, that isn't What I... What I...

Uh, forget it.

Forget what?

Uh, look, about the...

♪

Doggone it.

Nobody plays chopin like chloe.

Mr. Kimball...

Uh, darling, don't forget To get the chicken feed.

I won't.

You better remind me. I'm kind of forgetful.

I remember once my mother Asked me to bring home...

What did she ask Me to bring home?

Oh, yes.

My father.

Mr. Kimball...

Oh, if you gonna go Out and dig some ditches,

Don't let me stop you.

I'm not going to Dig any ditches.

Isn't that your Ditch-digging suit?

Oh!

Now it's your turn.

Turn to what?

To laugh at the way I dress.

Well, if you want me to.

Ha, ha.

Is that enough?

Mr. Kimball...

Mr. Douglas,

I have been appointed A committee of 2...

Well, the other fellow couldn't Show up, but he gave me his proxy.

So, I'll get right to the point.

You say you Will, but I doubt it.

Hmm? Oh!

Mr. Douglas,

Before you moved here, this was Known as a peaceful little community.

Well, there were a few fights.

But, otherwise, it was A peaceful community.

With a few fights.

I know what you're Leading up to.

And if the people of this community Are upset about the way I dress,

I'm sorry.

Well, as benjamin Franklin once said:

"Being sorry is the First step towards

The retreat of the Individual's immortality."

That doesn't make sense.

It doesn't?

Oh, I guess the Chief must've said it.

He's a little, uh...

Why is it important That I wear overalls?

Well, you moved out here because you Wanted to become a farmer, didn't you?

Yes.

How can people tell you're a Farmer if you don't wear overalls?

What I wear has nothing to do With whether or not I'm a farmer.

It's what I grow.

Then you certainly Should wear overalls.

What?

Oh, I didn't mean to insinuate That you're a bad farmer.

On the contrary, You're not a good one.

No, that still ends Up with you being mad.

Uh, let's see if I can Put it another way.

No, I don't guess I can.

No matter what you think of my farming. Wearing overalls isn't going to help.

That's what I was going to say.

No, that way, uh, you still Come out on the short end.

Let's start from the beginning.

Well, not the beginning, uh.

Let's try, uh, 1789.

That was the year that betsy Ross made the first pair of overalls.

Betsy ross made the first flag.

That's right. Flag overalls.

That was her brand.

You could buy them All over the country.

Well,

Before long all the Farmers along east coast

Were wearing betsy's Flag brand overalls.

Except florida. Which was Then known as lower new jersey.

Lower new jersey.

Into what?

Mr. Kimball, you're Wasting time.

And you refuse to wear the accepted Uniform of the american farmer.

That's right.

You're turning your back on betsy Ross and our founding fathers.

I am.

Mr. Douglas,

Your unpatriotic attitude

Leaves me no alternative.

I'm going to see to it That you are not invited

To the 4th of july picnic.

Mr. Kimball,

Would it really make people Happy if I were to wear overalls?

Yes.

All right.

I'll wear them.

Ah.

I knew that july 4th Picnic would shake you up.

Nobody likes to be left Out of the 3-legged race.

I'll be back in half an hour.

Mmm.

I thought you said you weren't Going to mr. Drucker's store.

I'm going in to Buy some overalls.

Well, I'm glad. Because I think you're Going to win that 3-legged race.

Me?

Oh, you were listening, huh?

Yes, but you don't have to Go into mr. Drucker's store

Because I got you some overalls.

When did you know That I... A week ago.

That's how long it usually Takes you to change your mind

When you say that you Won't change your mind.

Unless you say that you Positively won't change your mind,

Then it take you 3 days.

Darling, here are your overalls.

Happy 4th of july.

Well, thank you.

I hope you like them.

Well, there's nothing to like About them. Overalls are overalls

And these aren't overalls!

My dressmaker said they were.

Your dressmaker!

I called your tailor, but He wouldn't touch them.

I... Good for him!

This is italian Silk, and real mink,

And your harvard motto On the gold buttons.

"Beat princeton"?

Isn't that your motto?

Oh, our motto is...

Oh, try them on.

Lisa, why did you...

Well, don't you want to look like Mr. Ziffel and the rest of the boys?

I look ridiculous in these!

Well, that's a nice thing to Say, after I went all the trouble

To climb up the pole and call Your tailor in new york and...

And held on while He was insulting me.

And then calling my dressmaker, And I think I'm going to cry.

No, no, no, don't cry.

Well, then try them on.

Yes.

How much did you pay for these?

$150.

How much did you say?

$150.

Don't bother to cry.

I'll do it for you.

Are you satisfied?

Beyond my wildest Dreams. You look beautiful.

I feel like chorus Boy for oklahoma.

Where did you get this shirt?

My dressmaker threw that in.

Oh, how thoughtful.

There is more that goes with it.

There can't be.

Oh, yes, there is. Here.

Howdy y'all, rhett. Ain't seen You 'round the cotton gin lately.

I wouldn't wear this Even on halloween.

Oliver! Unzip me.

I wouldn't do it.

Just like a dressmaker, To put the zipper in the back

Where you can't reach it.

I'll get it.

Lisa, will you...

Oh. Hello fellows.

Hello, mrs. Douglas.

We heard the good news.

What good news?

About mr. Douglas goin' overall.

When we heard, we rushed right Home and got out of those monkey suits.

Yeah. We're sure Glad the war's over.

Lisa, now, will You help me unzip...

How do you like Oliver's overalls?

Wow! Italian silk.

Real fur.

Gold buttons with "Beat princeton" writ on.

I reckon we know when We're being funned at.

Ah, looks like The war's on again.

Oh, no, no, wait a minute. No, These are not my overalls.

They're just something My dressmaker...

Her dressmaker...

Now you see what you Did, they're mad at me again.

Oh, oliver

Oh, unzip me.

This collar is killin' me.

I never thought mr. Douglas Would do this to us.

Well, hiya, fellows.

Hey, look, I'm wearin' Regulation overalls.

Betsy's flag brand.

Hey, you can go home now And take off those clothes.

You tell him, fred.

I'm too choked up. You tell him, sam.

Mr. Douglas, they can't Take them suits off.

Why not?

The wives won't let us.

What?

They burned our overhauls.

Doris says it's first time in Years I didn't look like a slob.

Women won't ride on the train Unless I'm wearin' a clean dickey.

Are you tryin' To tell me that...

Mr. Douglas, if you Wanna be one of us,

You better get rid Of those overalls,

Go home and put on your plowin' Suit, or your ditch-diggin' suit,

Or whatever suit you're gonna wear To do whatever you're gonna do in.

Mr. Douglas,

Are we gonna have More trouble with you?

No.

Then conform.

This is the new Hooterville image.

this has been a filmways Presentation, darling.