Original subtitles

♪ green acres is The place to be ♪

♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪

♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪

♪ new york is where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪

♪ darling, I love you, But give me park avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ times square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ goodbye, city life ♪

♪ green acres, we are there ♪

My darling? Hm?

Could you fix the T.V. Set, please?

Um, h-honey, I'm reading.

Well, I haven't Got anything to do.

I don't know anything About a t.V. Set.

Oh.

Well, can I sit down here?

Uh, yes, yes, sit down.

What are you reading?

Uh, 40 years a farmer.

Oh.

What are you doing?

Watching you read.

You know, it might be a good Idea for you to read this book.

You need a haircut.

Uh-hm?

Want me to give you one?

This is a story about 2 people

Who work together to build A farm out of the wilderness.

It tells something about What farm life was like

In the 1800s.

The smell of bread Baking in the oven,

The flickering of The kerosene lamps,

And the root cellars filled With potatoes and turnips...

You ever think of Growing a mustache?

It would help you understand What makes a good farm wife.

What does?

Well, mr. Thompson Lists a few things here

That a farmer should Look for in a wife.

She should be strong of limb,

Have good wind, large Hands, and sturdy legs.

If that's what you wanted, you Should have married my father.

No, really, this Should interest you

Because you and mrs. Thompson have something

You both came from hungary.

Where is that?

Where you were born.

I was born on park avenue.

Then where did you Get that accent?

What accent?

That hungarian accent.

Oh, that. Well, when I was a little child,

My mother sent me to a Hungarian accent school.

Well, etta thompson Brought hers over with her.

Oh. Did she come over With mr. Thompson?

Oh, no. No, no. He came Over when he was about 15.

And he homesteaded a Section of land in kansas.

Then he sent for gladys, his childhood Sweetheart. A lot of farmers did that.

They all sent for gladys?

No.

I thought her name was etta.

It was, but you see, a lot of The farmers were immigrants.

And they sent for their Childhood sweethearts

Because there weren't Many women in america.

You want to hear this story?

You sure you can't Fix the t.V. Set?

No, no, I can't.

Well, go ahead.

All right.

In 1887, gus thompson Sent gladys schwabbakker

A ticket to come to america.

I thought her name Was etta thompson.

Uh, yeah, I'm coming to that. Now, now please listen. Here's a...

Here's a picture Of the stagecoach

That brought her to Silo corner, kansas.

Hey, gus,

How long has it been Since you saw gladys?

15 years.

It's been 10 years Since I saw my greta.

Pretty soon, we Both be married, eh?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Good luck, gus.

Good luck, olaf.

The stage is coming!

That stupid driver, Why didn't he...

That...

Greta?

Hey, greta, where are you?

Greta!

Olaf!

Come on, now, we go get married.

Fellows, the preacher's got A special on weddings today.

Gladys! Follow me.

Hey, driver, I was expecting A gladys schwabbakker.

Did she...

Hey, you stupid Knucklehead! Where's gladys?

"My name is etta drekny."

So is mine.

No, no, I was just Reading it here.

My teeth don't have to be fixed.

Was gladys schwabbakker On that stage?

No.

You sure?

Yes. She's my cousin.

Well, where is she?

She couldn't come, She had a baby.

A baby?

Her 6th.

She's married.

I should hope so.

Why didn't she Write and tell me?

She didn't want to Hurt your feelings.

Well, that's very nice of her.

I sent her a ticket To come over here,

I expected to get married Today, I'm all shaved.

She sent me to take her place.

You?

My teeth don't have to be fixed.

Well, bully for you And your choppers.

Not only that. I've got Strong limbs, good wind,

Large hands, and sturdy legs.

You want to see? No, no!

This is a public street.

Look, you'd better Wait for the next stage

And go back to wherever It was you came from.

What are you crying about?

You don't like me.

Well, you're all Right, but you...

Look, here's a quarter. Get yourself a Bottle of wine and a hot buffalo steak

And don't miss the stage.

When does it come?

Next week.

Where am I going to stay?

Well, I...

Well, I can't stand Here a whole week.

Well,

All right, you can stay At my farm. Come on.

You're going the wrong way.

My farm is this way.

The preacher is that way.

I didn't say I'd marry you!

Exactly what did You have in mind?

Nothing.

You want to stand here For a week, go ahead.

Wait a minute, Marry... That's...

I just met you. I Haven't even kissed you.

Would you like to?

Oh...

The preacher is that way.

Well, all right, it's Better than nothing.

I can't wait another 15 years.

Maybe you would Make a good wife.

You know, you look like You could shoe a horse,

Pitch hay, plow, carry water.

Gladys said you were romantical.

All right, come on, We got a long ride.

What's the matter?

Oh, I keep forgetting, The preacher.

Yeah, just because my Teeth don't have to be fixed,

Doesn't mean that I am dumb.

Whoa!

Well, thanks for the ride, olaf.

Good luck.

May all your Troubles be little ones.

Giddap.

Well, here we Are, mrs. Thompson.

Who? Oh!

Here's our farm.

Where is the house?

Oh, it's not built yet.

Got to clear the land, Chop down the trees.

That reminds me, I've got a Wedding present for you.

This is my wedding present?

Uh-huh.

Diamond jim nothing.

Oh, it's not easy to Be a farmer's wife.

We're going to have to Clear this land together.

Here now, you start Chopping down at that end,

And I'll start Chopping up at this end.

Uh, this is our honeymoon. Couldn't We chop a little closer together?

Oh.

I'm glad gladys Schwabbakker didn't show up.

Are you?

Yes, we're going to Do all right together.

We're gonna clear The land, build a house,

Plant the crops, raise a family.

Family of what?

Children. 15 of Them. 20 of them.

You chop there And I'll chop there.

Etta, you do want Children, don't you?

Sure. We're going to Have one next week.

What?

Gladys is going to send us one Of hers for a wedding present.

Why don't you just Start chopping, will you?

You may have good teeth,

But you ought to have Your eyes examined.

Well, I'm not so Good with an axe.

Well, how are you with a saw?

Oh, I'm good.

All right, let's see. Take a hold over there.

All right, come on, Come on, let's go now.

Come on! You gotta Put your back into it!

That seemed to work pretty good.

I put my back into it and You put your nose into it.

I'm gonna get you.

I'm going to...

gus and etta chopped Down the trees

and they built themselves A small farmhouse.

and they cleared the land, And gus started his plowing.

Giddap!

Come on, giddap!

Well, I'm doing the best I can.

Why don't you get a horse?

I'm saving up for one. I've already got $8.

What's that?

Sounds like a peddler.

I got buckets and pails And hammers and nails.

What'll you have?

Howdy, I'm, uh, Prentiss the peddler.

How do you do?

Mind if I give your Daughter a lollipop?

She's not my Daughter, she's my wife.

May I congratulate you on having

One of the most beautiful Child brides in the county?

Gus, buy lots of stuff from him.

We don't need... I've got merchandise

From all over the world.

Now this here is from india. An elephant tusk polisher.

Used daily in the Elephant stables

Of his highness, the majaroger.

We don't have an elephant, We're just simple country folk.

Don't apologize.

Now here's something From england.

It's a king george cricket bat.

No, thanks.

How about this?

Here's something that no Self-respecting german hausfrau

Should be without.

It's a genuine pigs Knuckle scraper.

Do you have any work Shoes that won't wear out?

What size?

Uh, 11 and a half.

How are these?

How much are they?

$1.50.

Try 'em on. I don't want them.

Well you can't go on working In the fields in your bare feet.

Instead of this Could I have that?

Well, I'll say the little Lady sure has good taste.

That there's the latest Model from paris, france.

Only $12.

$12?

Oh, stop yowling!

Well, it seems like the little Lady has her heart set on it.

Shall we say, uh, $10?

No!

$8, and that's my bottom yowl.

Don't you want Me to look pretty?

Oh, I...

Of course he does.

That'll be $8, and I'll Throw in the shoes.

That's my horse money.

Oh, you play the horses?

No wonder you only got $8 left.

My plow horse.

Oh, I don't mind Pulling the plow.

No, I don't want...

Well, you didn't Have to fix my teeth.

Will you stop Throwing that up to me?

Now you got the dress.

Thank you, gus.

You're a good man. You made me very happy.

See you next spring, folks.

gus plowed his fields And planted his corn.

it grew tall and strong.

then one day, it was Ready for harvesting.

Well, giddap, giddap!

Oh!

Why are you going so slow?

I am doing the best I can. Why don't you get a horse?

I haven't got enough Money. I've only saved $3.

If you hadn't made Me buy that dress...

And why are you wearing The dress in the fields?

I like it.

And why aren't you Wearing these shoes?

They're part of the ensemble.

Oh.

when the harvest was in,

etta turned her attention to canning And preserving the fruits and vegetables

which came from Their very own soil.

the kitchen was filled with Wonderful smells of cooking.

Ooh.

Oh, hello, olaf.

Hello, gladys.

Etta.

What has happened to gladys?

She never came.

That's right. You Took her place.

Oh, that smells good.

Bread.

Would you like to have a loaf?

Oh, yeah.

It's hot.

You know what I got?

A steam tractor What can pull 3 plows!

Where's gus? I want to tell him.

He's out, looking For a good $3 horse.

Well, anyway, I come over to invite You and him to our place tonight.

We're going to Have a square dance

And a corn husking bee.

♪

Ok, folks, ok.

We get back to dancing later.

Right now we have The husking bee.

Remember the rules:

The one who husks The most corn wins.

That's a cheap way of getting Your corn husked, olaf.

That's the idea.

And don't forget what happens.

Anybody finds a red ear...

What happens?

The man who finds a red ear Gets to kiss the lady of his choice.

Good luck with Your red ear, gus.

On your mark, get set, go!

There's the first red ear!

Start husking.

There, there's another ear!

What's the matter with You? I haven't found one yet!

- well, go to work! - start husking.

Got one!

Everybody got a red Ear of corn but you.

I don't know what's the matter.

You don't want to Kiss me! Of course I do.

Here, here. What?

That wouldn't be fair. No, that's cheating.

Cheating is all right as long As it's with your own wife.

No, no...

Hey, gus has one. No, no, no...

Etta brought this with Her. Who's asking you?

No, that wouldn't be Right. Go on, kiss her.

Who are you pushing?

You! Well, don't do it.

Who's going to stop me? I am!

Yeah?

Oh, that's the way It's going to be!

How does it feel, gus?

Fine, fine. What is this?

Next sunday's pot roast, But you need it more.

Etta.

Fine way to act for a Fellow in my condition.

What are you talking about?

You're going to be a father.

Of what?

A father?

You mean... Yes.

Oh, here, lie Down. I'm all right.

No, no, no, no, I want you To take care of yourself.

No more chopping wood.

Uh, just enough for The kitchen stove.

And no more plowing all day.

Knock off at lunch time.

Oh, gus, you're so good to me.

Gus! Gus!

Oh, what's the matter?

The stork is on its way.

The stork? Oh, he's going to Have a hard time on a night like...

The stork!

Get the doctor! No, No, I'll get the doctor!

You boil some water! No, no, I'll boil the water!

You get the doctor! I'll get the horse.

We haven't got a horse! You made Me buy that stupid dress instead.

No, no, be calm, I'll get the doctor.

Don't worry, we'll Boil some water.

Will you get the doctor?

I'm getting the doctor. I just don't Want to leave you on a night like this.

Will you please get the doctor?

Be calm, you'll Be all right now.

Gus, will you... I Want to thank you.

You don't know What this means to me.

Please, get the... I want To thank you personally

I'll get... Yes, I'll Get the doctor.

Why, for the first time, I wish he Had married gladys schwabbakker.

that night, gus Thompson, junior was born.

and a year later,

gus had to trudge into town to get The doctor for the arrival of herbert.

and a year later, he went to Fetch the doctor for eunice.

and the following Year, for clive.

all in all, gus made the Trip into town 7 times.

and as their family Grew, so did their farm.

gus grew wheat, corn, He had a prize dairy herd.

the farm was a show place.

and then one day, Disaster struck.

the kleine river overflowed and Submerged the surrounding countryside.

including gus' farm.

Here, we'll be safe up here.

There goes our house.

And our barn.

There goes olaf's place.

And the post office. And the general store.

Well, this is what you Always wanted, gus.

To sit on a hilltop and watch The rest of the world go by.

Mom, dad, are you all right?

Fine, junior. Where are Your brothers and sisters?

They're safe. They appointed Me spokesman chairman.

Of what?

The "Let's desert the Sinking ship" committee.

What' s that?

Well, mom, dad,

Since the flood wiped Out the whole farm,

All us kids figured we'd go to The city and make our fortune

And then we'd send for you.

Oh, that's very nice, junior, But don't worry about us.

Go, my boy and take Our blessings with you.

Gee, thanks, dad.

But don't take the rowboat!

Etta, you want to go with them?

No.

But there's nothing Left. No farm, no children.

Then we start all over again.

and they did.

a year later, gus Went for the doctor.

they named the baby gomer.

next one was named mildred.

then duncan.

all in all, gus made 15 More trips into town.

the years passed.

Gus!

Gus!

Oh, what's the matter? What's the matter?

Gus? Yeah?

Will you run into town And get the doctor?

What?

Remind him he's coming For supper tonight.

You shook me up.

It's kind of lonesome here with The children married and gone.

Mmm, just the two of Us. Like when we started.

Remember the axe you gave Me for a wedding present?

Oh, oh, yes.

And the first tree we Sawed down together?

You broke my nose. I still have Trouble breathing, you know.

Do you ever regret that It was me who showed up

Instead of gladys schwabbakker?

Not as much as I used to.

Little joke.

You ever... You ever Sorry you married me?

No.

You know, hmm?

Someday, I am going To write a book

About our 40 years on The farm together. Oh?

And tell everyone How happy we were. Ah.

And advise every young Girl who has strong limbs,

Good wind, large Hands, and sturdy legs

To marry a farmer.

Well?

Well, what?

Well, didn't you get Anything out of this story?

I know what you're Trying to make me do.

Chop wood or... Or pull a plow.

No, I don't want you to be like Her, etta, uh, gladys, I mean, uh, lisa.

I just thought it might help you Appreciate how wonderful farm life can be.

Oliver, some women are Cut out to be farm wives,

And some aren't.

And this is mrs. Aren't Bidding you good night.

Lisa, I...

Shh, I'm reading.

Oh.

This is a book about this Girl who came over on a boat,

Then got on a train And went to kansas city,

Then on a stagecoach,

But she never got off anywhere, She went all the way to hollywood.

All right.

There, this producer Discovered her

And made her a big star And they got married.

They had 15 children.

All his. He was married before.

Very funny. Lisa, I told you a True story about something that...

Well, a red ear of corn.

It's not only red. It's Got, uh, yellow kernels,

And blue kernels, and green Kernels, and purple kernels.

Well, gus, it looks Like you hit the jackpot.

this has been a filmways Presentation, darling.