Original subtitles

♪ green acres is The place to be ♪

♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪

♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪

♪ new york is where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪

♪ darling, I love you, But give me park avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ times square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ goodbye, city life ♪

♪ green acres, we are there ♪

Can I take my Shower yet, willie?

Not yet, haney. I ain't finished Connecting the pipe to the pump.

Are you sure There's water there?

Since my other Well run dry, I just...

Look.

That ain't moxie down there.

You better be right.

Look, I didn't make My reputation

Witchin' up dust holes.

It won't be more Than a half-hour

Before you'll be a-singin',

A-soapin', and a-showerin'.

Darling, are you Ready for breakfast?

No, I haven't taken My shower yet.

Oh, well, how would you Like to have your hot cakes?

In a restaurant.

Oh, it's going to be One of those days,

When you wake up in The morning being nasty,

Then as the day goes On you get worse,

Then at night you want To kiss and make up.

And what's wrong with that?

Couldn't we start the Morning with the make up?

All right.

We're friends?

What else could we Be with a kiss like that?

Lisa, be a good girl now, and When I yell, you turn the water on.

Oh, how about breakfast?

Why I was hoping You'd forgotten that.

You're asking for Another make up.

Lisa, turn the Water on when I yell.

Eb!

Morning, mr. Douglas.

What do you think you're doing?

I'm gonna take a shower.

I was here first.

Got any witnesses? Out!

That's the trouble With you americans,

You come to a foreign Country and you think you own it.

Out!

Lisa!

Turn on the water.

Ok to turn on the water, willie?

Let her go.

Lisa.

Lisa? What's the matter?

What did you turn The water off for?

I didn't turn it off, it turned Off in the kitchen, too.

Maybe it's the pump.

Mr. Haney had Trouble with it once.

Oh!

Where is it?

Somewhere under the house.

You know where? Nope.

Mr. Haney was very Closed-mouthed about his pump.

Well, gotta crawl Underneath and find it.

Eb, where are you?

Over here, I think I see the pump.

Oh, I'll be right there.

Mr. Douglas, don't Touch that timber.

It holds up the fireplace.

I found that out.

The pump's going.

Yes.

It doesn't sound right.

What's this?

It's sucking dust.

Now why should it do that?

I guess your well's run dry.

Where did all the water go?

♪ oh, a-soapin' and a-singin' ♪

♪ and a-showerin' all the day ♪

Good morning, mr. Drucker.

Oh, morning, mr. Douglas.

I wanted to ask you...

Say, I got something here That might interest you. Well I...

Did you ever think of Irrigating your crops?

Yeah, yes, I have, But this morning...

Then I got just what you need.

The sensational new Spritzer-spray needle nozzle.

Now that nozzle will soak Anything in a radius of...

You don't look too happy.

I'm not.

Then I recommend a Spritzer-spray to brighten your day.

That's not their motto, I just made that up.

Mr. Drucker,

I can't do any spritzing.

This morning, my well dried up.

Oh, I'll be doggone.

There must be an epidemic. Hmm.

Haney's well went dry last week.

It did?

Morning, mr. Douglas, sam.

Haney. Oh, how're You, mr. Haney.

Just fine.

Spritzer-sprays.

Hey, I'll take 8 of 'em.

I thought your well Dried up. Yes, it did.

And, sam, I'll need 600 Feet of irrigation pipe.

What are you using for water?

Water.

Where're you getting it?

From my new well.

Willie the witcher Witched me up a real gusher.

Willie the...

Oh, you ought to get in Touch with him, mr. Douglas.

Mr. Douglas' well ran dry.

Oh, I'm sorry to Hear about that.

I'll tell you what.

Any time you wanna, you come Over and borrow a glass of water,

Or take a shower, And there's no charge.

Except a small rental for The glass, soap, and towel.

Yeah I, uh...

How much water are you gettin' Out of your new well, haney?

Plenty.

Kind of reminds me of all the Water I used to get from the well

On that beautiful Farm I sold you

At such a great loss.

A great loss. He made more...

That willie is the greatest Well witcher in the world.

He knew to the second when The well would start runnin'.

At 7:30 on the dot

I turned on the shower and The water just poured out...

And mine stopped.

You've got my water.

Can you identify it?

No, I can't, but it's obvious.

If my water stopped flowing at The very moment yours started,

You've tapped my water supply.

That happens all the Time all over the valley.

One fella starts pumpin', the Other fella's well starts dryin' up.

Well, that doesn't sound right.

There must be some Law about water rights.

Oh, there is. I... I got It right in a book here.

Find it here.

Here it... Here it is.

It's the water rights Code, as amended in 1912.

"If the party of the First part digs a well,

"Cuttin' off the water of The party of the 2nd part,

"The water becomes the property Of the party of the first part,

"And the party of the 2nd part

Is hereby deemed not To have a leg to stand on."

That's the code.

Well, that's pretty high-handed.

Yeah, it's known as The high-handed code.

Yes, but...

As amended in 1912.

Uh, let me know when The pipe comes in, sam.

Mr. Drucker, there must Be something I can do.

Well, like I said, you ought to Get hold of willie the witcher

And dig yourself a new well.

Hello.

H-hiya, ma'am.

What are you doing?

I'm lookin' for water.

We have a bottle In the refrigerator.

I mean, I'm looking for a well.

Where did you lose it?

You don't understand, ma'am.

Lisa...

Oh, darling, maybe you could Help this man. He lost his well.

No, he didn't lose it, I Hired him to find one for us.

Oh. What's that shtick for?

He uses that to Look for the water.

Oh, he's a shtick looker.

A dowser.

What's a dowser?

A shtick looker.

How does it work?

I don't know.

Well, in the old country they Don't look for water with a shtick.

They do it scientifically. Oh?

They put a goldfish in a shoe,

And then they throw The shoe out the window.

That's scientific?

Of course.

And then the goldfish swims Upstream, until he finds the water.

Mmm-hmm.

Now, uh, how does he swim Upstream if there is no water?

His friends help him.

Lisa.

I found it.

We'll sink the well Right here, mr. Douglas.

There's plenty of Water down there.

You sure? Absolutely.

It won't be no time at all before You'll be standing in that shower

A-soapin', a-singin', And a-showerin'.

Come on, arnold. Time for your bath.

You ain't gonna get Him into the bath,

There's a porky pig Cartoon comin' on.

Well, he's gotta take a bath.

Arnold, you hadn't Ought to done that.

Arnold.

♪

What do you think you're doing?

I'm gonna take a shower.

I am taking the first Shower with our new well.

You're not doing our Employer-employee relations any good.

I'm not trying.

Arnold,

I'm turnin' on the water.

Lisa,

Turn on the water.

Fred, did you turn Off the water?

How could I?

Well, it ain't runnin'.

Somebody must Have dug a new well.

♪

Oliver!

Oliver!

What do you want?

There's someone at the door.

Well, answer it.

I am taking my bubble bath.

Well, I'm in the fireplace.

What you doing in there?

I'm cementing the bricks Back into the hearth.

Come in.

Oh, hello, mr. Ziffel.

Hello, mr. Uh...

I'm down here.

Oh, oliver, who is it?

It's mr. Ziffel.

Hello, mr. Ziffel.

Uh, h-how you Doin', mrs. Douglas.

I'm fine. I'm taking My bubble bath.

Well, what can I do for you?

I, uh...

I sort of like to borrow a Little water, if you have to spare,

Our well dried up.

Oh, no.

Well, we got plenty now. Our new Well started flowing about an hour ago.

Just when mine went off.

You mean yours stopped When ours started flowing?

Yep.

Oh, I'm terribly Sorry, mr. Ziffel.

I guess we tapped Into your water supply.

I guess you did.

I guess there ain't nothing I can do about it, though,

According to the high-handed Code as amended in 1912.

I'll have to send for willie the Witcher and get me another well.

Arnold, will you get out of the Tub, we ain't got any water yet.

Yes, we have.

Willie just hooked her up.

You can turn her on.

Thank goodness.

Doggone it! Now Who dug a new well?

Sam!

Sam!

I'll be right with You, mrs. Prentiss.

Hello, sarah?

Get me willie the witcher.

♪ there is nobody richer Than willie the witcher ♪

♪ he digs a new well every day ♪

♪ with his little Rod and shovel ♪

Lisa!

What's the matter?

Why did you turn the water off?

I didn't turn it off.

Is the pump still running?

Yes, it is.

Somebody must Have dug a new well.

You want me to call Willie the shtick looker?

No, what I'd better Do is call a meeting.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, Gentlemen, if you'll come to order,

I'll tell you why I Called this meeting.

Uh, as you...

Uh, mr. Haney, uh, could You sit down, please?

There ain't no seats.

Sit on the floor.

How come arnold's got a seat?

He got here early.

Mr. Ziffel, I think it's more Important for mr. Haney to have a seat.

Do you mind if arnold goes in the Bedroom and turns on your t.V.?

No, go ahead.

Go on, arnold.

Gentlemen, please, uh, we Are faced with a grave problem.

As you know...

Arnold, will you turn Down the t.V., please?

Where was I? The, uh...

Yes. We are faced with A grave problem. We...

Darling, should I serve The refreshments now?

Ye-yes, thank you, as Soon as the meeting is over.

I make a motion we adjourn.

I 2nd the motion.

You can't ad... We haven't Started the meeting yet.

Well, let me know when you Are ready for the refreshments.

I made hot cakes a la mode.

Yes, we'll... Let...

Hot cakes a la mode?

Yes, that's a hot hotcake With a cold one on top.

Uh, gentlemen,

We've got to do something About our water supply.

One man drills a well, this causes His neighbor's well to dry up.

The neighbor drills a well, Somebody else's well dries up.

We spend more time Drilling than we do farming.

Now, we've got To find a solution.

Who ain't got water now?

I ain't got... Uh, I...

I haven't got water now.

You gotta find a solution.

The american farmer Has not survived

By turning his back on his Neighbor in an hour of need.

On the contrary,

Since this country was founded,

Whenever there's been A crisis in the community,

The american farmers have banded Together to help one another,

To fight off the common enemy,

Whether it be drought, Insects, fire, or injuns.

Arnold, will you please Turn that t.V. Down?

I agree with mr. Douglas.

And so do I.

And I am ready, willin' and able

To fight any indians That attacks him.

I'm talking about the water.

I'm tired of gettin' out of a hot shower And tramping through my cold store

And calling willie the witcher.

Hear, hear.

If we don't call willie, What are we gonna do?

Gentlemen, I propose To build a reservoir

To provide water For the whole valley.

Well, that's darn nice of you.

Let us know when You get it built.

Oh, no, no, this is going To be a community effort.

W-won't a reservoir Cost a lot of money?

Yes, it will.

Then I make a motion That we forget it.

I 2nd it.

Wait a minute, we don't Have to put up all the money.

The federal government Will supply part of it,

The state will supply another Part and we'll provide the rest.

Well, now, why don't we just take Their money and build a cheaper one?

Gentlemen!

If you'll appoint me As a committee of one,

I promise to look into the matter And see what the whole thing entails.

Now can we eat?

So I called washington,

And I talked to our senator.

He was very polite,

And he told me...

Who paid for the call?

Uh, I did.

That was, uh, darn nice of you.

Yeah, for a city fellow, you've got A good deal of human being in you.

Oh, thank you, thank you.

Anyway, he said that the way

We should raise money for our Reservoir was to float a bond issue,

Like they did in pixley when They built their reservoir.

Now, we pay the money back

By the revenue From the reservoir.

What revenue?

We each pay for The water we use.

Let me explain how it works.

Pay for it? Yeah.

We're getting it for free now.

Go ahead and play, fred.

You're not getting it for free

If you have to pay to Have a new well dug

Every time somebody Taps your water supply.

Now that makes more Sense than anything he said.

Yes, of course it does.

Of course it does.

Oh, mr. Kimball.

Who? Oh! Hello, gentlemen.

Uh, mr. Kimball is making a Very valuable survey for us.

Ah, it's nothing.

Oh, it's not nothing, I Worked pretty hard.

Missed lunch 2 days in a row,

Which is all right, though, because On monday, they had macaroni.

Tuesday, they had knackwurst.

Uh, mr. Kimball, did You finish your report?

What report?

The survey!

Oh, yes, I have it right Here in my briefcase.

Watch it.

Uh, mr. Kimball is making a Survey of our whole valley

To find out the Best possible spot

For our reservoir.

Ah, here's what you wanted.

No, it's not what you wanted.

It's what my mother wanted.

Sam, can I have, uh, 5 pounds Of flour, uh, 2 boxes of...

Mr. Kimball, could you Do your shopping later?

Will you be open?

Yes!

Oh, good. Then I can Get on with my report.

Wherever it is.

Oh. Here it is.

Gentlemen, as you all know,

A reservoir is Composed of water.

Except the part that holds the Water, which is made of concrete.

There are some Reservoirs that are just

A large hole in the Ground filled with water.

These are known as lakes.

Yeah, yeah, we know that.

Oh, well then that's Gonna save a lot of time.

I doubt it.

Mr. Kimball, could you Dispense with the lecture?

Just tell us where is the Best site for the reservoir.

Well, there is only one Suitable spot in the whole valley,

The old haney place.

The old haney place?

Yeah, that's the one you refer To as the new douglas place.

Use my farm for the reservoir?

We accept your offer, Ain't that nice of him.

We sure appreciate it.

No, no, hold it, hold it here. No, no, I Haven't said you could use my farm.

Lucky we didn't have to count On you to fight off them indians.

I'm not talking about indians, I'm talking about my farm.

What am I going to do With it if it's underwater?

Well, you could grow rice.

I don't want to raise rice.

How about starting a trout farm?

The government Will stock it for you.

I don't want a trout farm.

Well, it seems a shame to Just let it sit there underwater

Without growin' something.

It's not going to sit There underwater.

Lo-lo-look, if the reservoir Depends on using my farm,

Forget it.

Well, I guess we'll just have to Go back to the high-handed code,

As amended in 1912.

They wanted to build a Reservoir on our farm!

What's wrong with that?

The whole farm would be Underwater, that's what.

Sound's wonderful to me. Then we can go back to new york.

I don't want to go Back to new york.

They're not going to build A reservoir on my land.

It'd be a nice thing to do for The people of hootersville.

When they come rowing Over here in the boats,

They could look Down there and say:

"This is where that Nice man used to live,

Who let us build the reservoir."

There must be some Other way to get water.

Maybe you could run a long hose

From your mother's Apartment in new york.

Lisa, that...

Hey, that's it!

You get the hose and I call your mother.

No, no, no, no, I'm not Talking about a hose,

I'm talking about a big pipe.

I don't think they Would let her have

One of those in her apartment.

A big pipe bringing the water

From the pixley reservoir.

"At 10:00 today, the main switch

"Of the hooterville pumping Station will be thrown

"And water will be pumped from pixley To every home in the hooterville valley.

"Credit for the Hooterville-pixley pipeline

Goes to oliver wendell douglas."

Why does he get the Credit when it was my idea?

Your idea was to run a hose to My mother's apartment in new york.

That's a better idea than yours.

Cheaper too.

It must be 10:00.

That's the signal To throw the switch.

Water's running for Your bath, arnold.

Now, there ain't no sense making A fuss. You gotta take your bath.

That ain't what he's Squealing about.

The t.V. Set just went Off and so did the lamp.

There it is.

All the way from pixley.

Good, now I can Start my dishwasher.

It doesn't work.

Yeah, my printing Press just stopped,

And the juice is off In the whole store.

What?

No electricity in The whole valley?

What happened?

Well, tell them to turn Off that dad-blasted pump.

I don't care about the water.

We still got the high-handed Code, as amended in 1912,

And which we are Further going to amend.

And the water rights Code, as amended in 1912,

Is hereby re-amended to read:

"Anyone monkeying with The aforesaid section,

"Which deals with one fellow drillin' And the other fellow being out of luck,

Will be subject to a $500 fine And 2 years imprisonment, or both."

Well, that's a stupid And ridiculous law.

That's what it's Gonna be known as:

"The stupid and Ridiculous law of 1966."

Ha-ha

this has been a filmways Presentation, darling.