All language subtitles for the_parkers_s04e12_the_parent_trap

Kim, Alan called right after you left.
What did he say when he'd be coming

Does he miss me?

He said he'll be home in a couple of
days.

So how's everything going with Alan at
the fat farm?

Yeah, did he say how much weight he's
lost?

No, but he's down to dinner.

Hey, guys.

Hey. I need an update on the mentoring
fundraiser.

Well, my daddy, your father -in -law,
definitely agreed to perform, and

mom is going to do her stand -up comedy
routine.

Oh, great.

And Freestyle Unity is definitely going
to rock the house. Great, great. And I'm

going to dazzle the crowd with my magic
act.

Professor, how long have you been doing
magic?

Well, I've been taking this Internet
course for two weeks, and they just sent

my certificate of completion. I'm ready.

Boo -ah!

I didn't know you were a magician.

Let me see your wand.

It gets lonely out there on the road.
You sound just like my mom.

She's on the road a lot, too. She's a
comedian.

Is that my grandpa?

I love that new hairstyle.

But I'm not finished.

Good, because I just lied to you.

I'm going to take a nap, so I won't
begrouch you later.

I'll get that.

Mama, maybe you should take a nap, too.
Yeah.

I'll help you fix the road.

thinking what I'm thinking? Mm -hmm.
Your daddy's luggage sure is raggedy.

No, not that.

My daddy, your mama, he's lonely, she's
lonely.

Hey, good idea.

Hey,

Nikki, is Kim home?

Yeah. May I tell her who's there?

Nikki, it's me, Alan.

Big Alan?

Let me see some IDs.

Where's the rest of you?

It's at the platform.

It works wonders. You guys should try
it.

No, thanks.

My boo likes a little meat on my bones.

Yeah, because it slows you down when
you're chasing him.

Good, because I love you too, Kim.

Alan?

Oh, you look like a different person.

So glad to see you. Oh, I can actually
get my arms around you.

Alan, can I get you something to drink,
baby?

Uh, sure. You got any wheatgrass, soy
milk, or unfiltered apple juice?

Uh, no.

How about a Yoo -Hoo?

Oh, no way. You know what's in a Yoo
-Hoo? High -fructose corn syrup and lots

calories. Ooh, I'll take these.

There's a place at the mall where we can
get a much healthier drink. And then we

can get some donuts.

And I was thinking, it's such a nice
day, I thought maybe we could walk

of drive.

You didn't bring your car?

No, I drove.

With your feet?

Come on, Kim, it'll be fun. Get them
knees up.

I said get them up, Kim.

But they don't go any higher.

Uh, why are there four plates?

And Del's mama's in town, and I thought
it might be nice if... No, no.

Don't tell me this is some kind of
setup.

Okay, I won't tell you. But that's what
it is.

Come on, Mama.

And Del, this is silly.

Nicky's father's a really nice guy.

Then why isn't he married?

Why aren't you married?

Hey, Nicky. Hey, Carl.

you doing, sweetie?

Hey, Anna.

Carmen, this is my father, Quincy.

Daddy, this is Carmen.

Nick, everything smells so good.

That's because it is good.

Come on, y 'all, let's eat.

Come on.

Oh, thanks,

Mom.

Quincy, why don't you tell Carmen what
you do for a living?

Now pass the bread.

Yeah, what instrument do you play again?

I play the saxophone. I'm still waiting
for my bread.

Carmen, I saw your routine on Showtime
at the Apollo.

I laughed so hard I cried.

She is good, isn't she?

Mama,

why don't you tell Quincy about the time
you performed in Jamaica?

You just did.

in the kitchen.

Look, girl, I don't even do dishes at my
own house.

Get in here.

This is not working.

Yeah, your dad's really boring.

Is he on medication?

After dealing with your mama, he's gonna
need some.

Maybe if we leave them alone, they'll
loosen up.

Yeah, good idea.

All right.

Um,

Mom, I'll be right back.

Oh, where you going? She's going with
me.

See, we were having a cheesecake for
dessert, and Adele has to help me get

um, cheese.

All over. No, no, no, no, Daddy.

You stay here and keep Carmen company.

Here's a bottle of Alizé for you, too.

Good, because I'm going to need it.

You two relax, and we'll be back soon.

Just trying to conserve energy.

Oh, maybe they got into a fight and
left.

Or maybe they got drunk.

Then they got naked and got into a
fight.

Daddy!

Are you here?

Did you get the cheesecake?

like each other. Yeah, and exactly how
did you end up buck naked doing the

on my kitchen floor?

Would you believe Quincy slipped and
fell on top of me?

No. Okay, fine.

Here's what happened.

After a few glasses of that Alizé, we
started talking.

I loosen up, she loosen up.

My pants loosened up and her bra
loosened up. And it got loose up in

Mama, let's go.

I thought I raised you better than that.

Oh, it's okay, comrade. I'll take you
home.

Oh, okay, cool.

Take your time coming home, sugar.

on your kitchen floor.

And, uh, you get the bleach, I get the
mop.

Well, uh -uh, parents.

Rehearsal's almost over.

Oh, my mom called. They're running late.

Dang it.

I'm gonna have to burn my bed.

So where do you think this is going?

Obviously marriage.

Just think.

We'll be sisters.

Oh, good. I always wanted an older
sister.

I'm sorry, baby. Just trying to build up
these biceps.

So, you want to rent a movie later?

Yeah. Let's rent Buns of Steel.

Oh, is that that new Vin Diesel movie?

No, it's a workout tape.

Workout? Yeah, it's great.

But, Alan, I'm still sore from jogging
to the mall yesterday.

Oh, no problem. We can stop off and get
you some wheatgrass. It'll give you

energy.

Actually, that stuff gives me the
munchies.

Look, I'm going to help Steve and T set
up for rehearsal.

Okay, I'll be over here doing some one
-arm push -ups.

Do that.

This is Carmelita, my assistant.

Nice to meet you.

I'm the professor's fiance.

No, she's not.

She's a stalker.

Hey, y 'all slow down.

Ain't nobody moving nowhere.

You're right. We should take care of the
wedding first.

Yeah, we'll see you guys down at the
club.

Those two are something else, aren't
they? Yes, they are.

No offense, Quincy, but I was married
once, and I'm not trying to go through

that again.

Oh, I understand.

That should be sale for me, too. Sale,
sunk, toppled, and buried below sea

level.

Let's face it.

This is all about luck.

Can you blame me?

Sure can.

But how are we going to explain this to
Nikki and Andale? You know they will

never understand.

I know.

Let's tell them we got in a fight and
broke up.

Yeah, that might work, but then we'd
have to stop seeing each other.

But I don't see any other way to get
them off our backs.

You're right.

I guess that's it.

I guess so.

So what time does the show start?

That's a couple of hours.

Couple hours.

Two hours.

Two whole hours.

This time, let's go to Nicky's room.

Okay. But that black velvet painting of
Ogilvy gives me the creeps. Don't worry

about it. You ain't gonna see it anyway.

After a short break, get ready to make
some real noise for the amazing

Hey, Dad.

Where's Tommy? Don't mention that
woman's name to me.

I guess you heard what your father did
to my mom. I haven't heard anything.

But your mom has done something to tick
off my dad. Oh, no, it had to be your

dad's fault because my mother
referred...

That man.

Don't blame my daddy. He probably found
out your mama is a floozy. A floozy? I

know you didn't say that about my mama.
Hey, hey, hey.

Have you seen my assistant?

Oh, she tied up right now. But she
called and said to stop without her.

But I can help you, boo. See?

I'm already in costume.

Look, Miss Parker, I'm trying to amaze
the audience, not punish them.

Listen, since you're on break, could you
help me out on stage?

Yeah, sure.

All right,

people. Give it up for the amazing
Ogilvini.

Thank you.

For my first trick, I'm going to link
and unlink two rings.

Stevie?

Now I will unlink them.

This is really bad for your body.

The only thing that's bad for my body is
you.

I can't eat what I want. I have to jog
everywhere we go. And instead of making

out, all you want to do is work out.

I thought you were on board with my new
lifestyle.

I am, Alan.

But you've gone overboard.

You're no fun anymore.

So what do you want me to do? Gain the
weight back?

Could you?

I love you, Kim.

I love myself more.

I only wanted to lose the weight. I
didn't want to lose you, too.

I don't want to lose you, but, Alan,
you're not the same anymore.

And I don't want to be.

I guess this is it.

We can still be friends.

I can live with that.

Well, I guess I'll be heading out. I
want to go catch Gary's spinning class.

Take care of yourself, kid.

You too, Alan.

And for my final trick of the evening, I
will make my assistant disappear.

You are aware that none of your tricks
have worked, right?

This will be a piece of cake. Just
follow the instructions in the box.

Coming to the stage right now is one of
the hottest jazz musicians.

Holding it down for the West Coast. Give
it up for Quincy Dazon.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

about as much noise as I can take.

Now, let's bring up some real talent.

You've seen her on Showtime at the
Apollo, Deaf Comedy Jam, Give It Up.

Lord knows she did.

For my mother, Carmen Wilkerson.

Thank you, thank you.

You know, I heard there are a lot of
good men in L .A. Yeah, you probably had

all of them.

Uh -uh, don't hate because I... I can
pull a man.

Oh, I got a man, too.

My boo's sitting right over there.

No, no, no.

Yeah, I'm not her boo.

I am the amazing Uncle Vinny.

Maybe my mama don't want your daddy
because he an old geezer with a crazy

daughter. Hey, wait a minute now.

Hey, your mama didn't call me no old
geezer last night. I don't want to hear

about that. I'm going to tell you what
she did. You ain't got to recognize me.

I ain't the amazing.

Or go be me.

Command it.

What is wrong with you two?

Nikki's just upset because my mother
broke up with you. Now, just wait a

now. Your mama didn't break up with me.
I broke up with her.

She's right.

We kind of came up with this lie so y
'all could kind of stay out of our

business. Neither one of us wants to get
married.

Yeah, she's right, you know. We know our
lives are not perfect, but we're

comfortable with the way things are.

We just want to be friends.

And if our schedules permit, we want to
be booty buddies.

Nobody want to hear all that.

And don't. Now we're hoping that you two
will get married so we will be sisters.

And now you've always wanted an older
sister.

Whether they get married or not, Nick,
we are sisters.

Mom, we better go. You have a plane to
catch.

Oh, no, don't bother.

I'll take it. Nicky, let me have your
keys.

No way.

I just got my car washed.

I can't believe my assistant never
showed up after I paid her to be here.

Excuse me. I'll be right back.

You are really good.

Look, I'm going to untie you.

And just in case you call the police, I
will hurt you.

Just as sure as my name.

Watch your mouth.

Yeah, you might get slapped up in here.

Well, I don't remember what I was
supposed to say.

No, thank you.

My boo liked a little meat on my bone.

Yeah. Can we do it again?