All language subtitles for the_parkers_s04e05_food_fiasco

Kim, you ready for the test tomorrow?

I have a test?

Yeah, political science.

I take political science?

Not for long.

Say, when will Stevie get the flu just
when I have to take a test?

I'll help you study.

Oh, no, no, I don't study. I just copy
off of her paper.

That's a cute outfit, baby. When did you
get it? Same day I got the matching

earrings, belt, bracelet, and purse.

Oh, well, how could you afford all that
if you don't have a job?

No, but I do have your Visa card.

And it went through? Yeah.

With Nikki's name on it? I was just as
shocked as you were.

You know, Kim, that outfit has to go
back.

Why? Don't you think it's cute?

No. It's too tight, and so is my money.
The cookie sales are way down.

Come on, Mama. Things will pick up. They
better.

I had to use my MasterCard to pay my
American Express, my American Express to

pay my Visa, and my Visa to pay my
MasterCard.

Why are you tripping? At least your
bills got paid.

What'd you say, boy?

That wasn't me.

Kim,

you need to get a job.

Can't we just get another credit card?

Hey, boo.

What you up to?

Suicide. Well, when you're done,
remember, you still owe me.

Miss Parker, we already settled that
debt.

One measly tow job hardly evens the
score for getting you your job back at

You're not really going to make me go on
this date from hell, are you? Yeah.

A deal's a deal.

Okay. A few ground rules.

One, no touching.

Two...

Absolutely no touching.

Three absolutely positively no touching.

Got it. Good. Because after this, we're
even.

Done. Now, does tongue kissing count as
touching?

wouldn't lie to me, would you? Oh, sure
I would.

Right now, I'm telling the truth.

See, I knew it.

She sent you, didn't she?

It has nothing to do with my mama,
Professor.

All right, come on in.

So, uh, what can I do for you?

Actually, it's what I could do for you.

Okay, now you're starting to sound like
your mother.

Wait, I need a job.

Let me run errands for you.

Thanks, Kim, but I don't need a personal
assistant.

No, I could... How about... Nope. I can
keep my mom away from you. When can you

start?

Thanks,

Lucy. Put it on my tab.

How you feeling, baby?

Miserable. I'm two weeks overdue, and if
this baby doesn't come out soon, I

swear I'm going in after it.

Lucy, it's time for me to rub your belly
and sing to the baby.

got yourself a good man, you can have
him, okay?

This is all his fault.

Poor thing. See, that's why I'm never
getting pregnant.

That, and you can't keep a man.

You know, when the professor and I
finally have our baby, I hope he dotes

like Earl dotes on Lucy.

And I hope you get the therapy you
desperately need.

Lucy, water broke. What do I do?

You better take her to the hospital.

Yeah, good idea.

What was I thinking?

I forgot her coat.

Excuse me.

Have you seen Earl?

How inconsiderate. Doesn't she know the
lunch crowd will be here in 20 minutes?

Maybe she'll make it back in time for
the dinner crowd.

And now, she's a human being.

I gonna do?

Okay, girl, stop begging.

I'll be your cook.

Uh -uh, no way. Last time you worked
here, I almost had to file for

That's because I was bartending and I
didn't know what I was doing.

Then why did you take the job?

Because you was dumb enough to hire me.

But when it comes to cooking, you know I
can go down.

Besides, no more than five people come
in here anyway.

Hell, I cook more than that for myself.

I don't care. Don't get it. Look, look.

You're hired.

You won't be sorry.

Too late.

Professor!

Kim, what are you doing here? I'm the
professor's personal executive

Oh, well, that's good, baby.

It'll give you a chance to bond with
your future stepdaddy.

Now, may I help you?

Yeah, I want to see the professor.

He's not here. Can I tell him who
stopped by?

Me. And you are?

About to whip your butt.

Mama, I'm just doing my job.

That's right.

I'm sorry.

Just tell my boo I stopped by.

Is there a number that he can reach you
at? Just forget it.

Mama, can I suggest that next time you
phone ahead, he'll save you a trip?

Excuse me.

Are you the owner?

Do you have food poisoning?

On the contrary, the meal was superb.

Oh, in that case, I am the owner.

I'm Meryl Brooks, food critic for the
Los Angeles Gazette.

Well, welcome to my cozy little bistro,
Mr. Brooks. I must know, who is your

chef?

Nikki? She's no chef. Oh, that's too
bad. I was hoping to do a nice write -up

my column.

Ah, you didn't let me finish. She's no
chef.

She's a culinary artiste.

How ever did you find her?

Oh, well, it's an interesting story,
actually.

I was traveling the globe.

in search of just the right chef to
complement my culinary vision. How

exquisite. It was by a stroke of luck,
while dining in a cafe off the coast of

Tanzania, that I happened upon Nicole.

I used the promise of political asylum
to get her back to the state.

What a fascinating story.

Yeah, it was good, wasn't it?

I'd love to meet her.

Unfortunately, she barely speaks
English.

And now, I am sweating like a pig in
that kitchen.

Now, either you fix the damn ale, or I'm
serving pork rinds and Kool -Aid.

Woo, her English is really coming along.

Madam, your cooking is utterly
delightful.

Miss Wilkerson, you can expect another
visit from me.

Madame Nicole, c 'est magnifique.

C 'est what? You don't know me.

That was the food critic from the Los
Angeles Gazette. He loves your food.

Well, I told you I could throw down in
the kitchen.

And in the bedroom.

Did I ask you all that?

Now get back to work.

And wash your hands.

I'm back.

Come in.

Thank you for hiring me to run errands
for you.

Extra money's really going to come in
handy. Well, I'm glad I could help out.

Oh, good. You pick up my clothes from
the cleaners. Uh, Kim, these are

It's none of my business what you wear
when you're alone, Professor.

Did you have any trouble finding the
truffles at the supermarket?

Truffles? I thought you said ruffles. I
even got the salt and vinegar kind.

Kim, I don't eat potato chips.

I guess you won't be needing the dip I
got.

What is this?

I didn't ask for any candy.

Oh, that was for me. I got a little
hungry in the checkout line.

And a little bored.

Kim, did you get any of the items on my
list?

I couldn't. I ran out of money.

Did you at least get my car washed? I
sure did, Professor.

Good.

Um, Professor.

What happens to leather interior when it
gets really, really wet?

It gets really, really ruined.

Why? Oh, just asking.

Gotta go. Stop right there.

Tim, did you forget to roll up my
windows?

Oh, do you think I'm stupid?

in your six -hour hair appointment. She
called me a hundred times.

Okay, okay.

Just give me my two -week severance pay
and I'll be on my way.

Forget it. You're lucky I'm not suing
you. Now, now, now, go.

Can I at least use you as a reference?

Ow!

Ms.

Wilkerson. Ah, Mr. Brooks. I told you
I'd be back.

You're always welcome at Endill. Good.

And I've brought some friends and fellow
food critics along.

And they all want to eat here?

Well, of course. Based on my
recommendation, your eatery has been

restaurant pick of the week.

Oh, lucky me.

You can accommodate us, right?

Uh, let me go check with the chef.

stuffed Cornish hens, scalloped
potatoes, wild rice, string beans, mango

chutney, and your best dessert.

Um, about a week.

You're screwed.

Why?

The food critic's back with a lot of
hungry people.

Oh, girl, don't worry.

I'll go talk to him. Come on. Okay.

Hey, y 'all. Hey.

How's everybody doing?

Uh, Mr. Brooks. Now, about dinner...
This is not a problem, is there?

Well, actually... Because...

I'd hate to write that in my column.

Oh, well, you won't have to.

Now, y 'all just sit down, loosen your
belts, and prepare to be dazzled.

Does the colonel deliver?

And 10 pounds of wild rice.

And bring tea with you.

Kim, I don't know what the pay is.

I don't know about vacation days or
about a medical plan, but you're going

need one if you don't get your butt over
here.

and clean the dishes. Got it?

Wait, hold up. Why do I have to serve
the food and clean the dishes?

Because you don't want no broken bones.

Kim, go check on Adele. She's stalling
the critics.

April's over, let's get the movie, come
on.

for that salad. We ran out of clean
dishes.

Don't forget the garnish.

Mama, there's nothing to baste the rest
of these little chickens with.

Kim, hand me that aloe vera.

Who's dishes?

Wash dishes? I believe the sign out
front says andels.

Well, if you don't want to just say out
of business, you better bust some suds.

No time.

Gotta go clean off the mango chutney I
dropped on Mr. Brooks.

Nikki, unless you want me to serve soup
in my hand, we need clean dishes.

Who you calling?

The professor. We need help.

Who's he gonna call?

Trust me, once he hears the desperation
in my voice... My bull come running.

Professor, help!

He's so upset he dropped the phone.

Professor, don't hang up.

I need you here at Endell's.

Okay. If you come, your debt to me is
completely paid off.

That's right.

No date Saturday night.

Are you clapping?

Okay.

It's good to be loved.

All right, now, come on. Chop chop.

Goodbye,

Mr. Robertson. Mr. Brooks, leaving so
soon?

I've had about as much as I can stand.
Tonight's dinner was an utter fiasco.

Well, I can explain. No need. It will
all be in my column tomorrow. Good

All right, y 'all, you can

stop. The food critics are gone.

Did they leave a tip?

Yeah, they told me to stay out of show
business.

I could have told you that.

Go out front and clean up the tables.

Professor, you can stop.

Raise up off me, woman. I'm not stopping
until my debt is paid.

But the food... You heard him. Let the
man finish the dishes.

Well, looks like you did it again,
Nikki.

You don't have to thank me, girl.

That wasn't a thank you.

What's that supposed to mean?

Thanks to you, I'm ruined.

Thanks to me?

Those food critics didn't have to eat
that slop you normally serve. I knew

hiring you was a bad idea.

You lucky I agreed to work in this
overpriced, run -down, greasy hot dog

Well, you lucky I'm not suing you. Thank
God Earl comes back tomorrow.

That's what I get for helping out a
friend.

Correction, ex -friend.

Earl, I don't need you.

I don't need you either. Fine. Well,
fine, back.

I'll call you later.

Okay, you need a little food? Yeah,
girl, my feet have been bothering me.

The review for my restaurant is in this
morning's paper, but I'm too nervous.

Nick, you read it.

Samuel Thomas, 88, died on Sunday.

Oh, my bad. That's still bitch.

Okay.

My dining experience at Endell's.

Blah, blah, blah.

Horrible serving.

Blah, blah, blah.

Three -ring circus.

Wait a minute.

Tell me. I can take it. Well, Mr.

Brooks said that although the service
stinks, the food is out of this world.

Girl, he gave you five stars.

Is that all?

Oh, better look next time, Mandela.

And with a review like this, I can go
anywhere.

I'm going to start my own catering
business.

Well, good for you, girl.

And now, can you spot us up to some seed
money?

My debt is finally paid.

Miss Parker, what are you doing here?

I'm here for our date.

No, no, no, no, no.

You said if I do all the dishes that I
wouldn't have to go out with you on

Saturday night.

But I didn't say anything about Saturday
morning.

You're crazy if you think I'm going to
stay here.

about how much it paid.