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1
00:00:09,450 --> 00:00:11,670
recruiting people for a new TV game
show.
2
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:12,970
Who cares?
3
00:00:13,210 --> 00:00:14,690
You should. They're giving away prizes.
4
00:00:15,230 --> 00:00:16,230
Cash prizes.
5
00:00:16,510 --> 00:00:18,170
Next! That would be us!
6
00:00:18,410 --> 00:00:19,410
Follow me.
7
00:00:23,630 --> 00:00:27,010
this game show about? Well, the name of
the show is Family Dirt, and it tests
8
00:00:27,010 --> 00:00:30,030
the strength of family ties by revealing
family secrets.
9
00:00:30,490 --> 00:00:33,810
Well, look, go ahead and sign a brother
up, because I got a cousin who's a game
10
00:00:33,810 --> 00:00:35,610
show whiz. That sounds promising.
11
00:00:35,930 --> 00:00:38,610
But I'll have to press the buzzer for
him, because he'll be kicking in the
12
00:00:38,610 --> 00:00:39,610
straitjacket.
13
00:00:40,770 --> 00:00:43,350
When we do a show called Family Loco,
we'll call you.
14
00:00:44,270 --> 00:00:48,370
Well, if it's dirt you want, we have
plenty of it in our family. Ah, hush,
15
00:00:48,690 --> 00:00:49,950
Now, family is sacred.
16
00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,620
We're not going to air our dirty laundry
on national television.
17
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:56,840
The grand prize is one million dollars.
How dirty do you want to get?
18
00:00:57,480 --> 00:00:58,480
Because I got bitches.
19
00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:46,320
than me and the professor rolling around
naked in it.
20
00:01:46,580 --> 00:01:48,200
You so nasty.
21
00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:52,160
I'm going to take my share and invest
it.
22
00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:55,580
Yep, buy a whole bunch of lotto tickets.
23
00:01:57,740 --> 00:02:00,960
I wonder what's taking Grandma and
Grandpa so long to get here.
24
00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:03,840
Uncle Jay, here's the barbecue pit up to
his pinto.
25
00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:06,760
I can't wait to see Auntie Rita.
26
00:02:13,450 --> 00:02:16,250
Make sure there's no food out. Uncle Jay
will barbecue anything that ain't
27
00:02:16,250 --> 00:02:17,250
moving.
28
00:02:17,690 --> 00:02:20,250
Watch out there now.
29
00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:23,670
That's how my girl's doing.
30
00:02:24,290 --> 00:02:25,290
Hey, Daddy.
31
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Give me some sugar.
32
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:30,370
Baby. Hey, I'm Rita.
33
00:02:31,530 --> 00:02:33,610
Uncle Jay, how's that barbecue business?
34
00:02:33,830 --> 00:02:36,170
Couldn't be better. You know I'm
barbecuing ice cream now.
35
00:02:38,510 --> 00:02:42,550
Well, I'm so excited. I can't wait for
the show. I dropped it. everything to be
36
00:02:42,550 --> 00:02:44,790
here. Including that hot iron on my
foot.
37
00:02:45,110 --> 00:02:46,970
I was aiming at your head.
38
00:02:47,530 --> 00:02:49,030
You're lucky my eyes are bad.
39
00:02:49,330 --> 00:02:50,330
I wish mine were.
40
00:02:52,690 --> 00:02:54,630
Operator, you know you look good.
41
00:02:54,850 --> 00:02:55,870
What's your secret?
42
00:02:56,390 --> 00:03:02,530
Oh, it's simple. I just eat right,
exercise, and sleep with men half my
43
00:03:04,910 --> 00:03:07,870
Oh, when I get as old as you, I'm gonna
do the same thing.
44
00:03:08,410 --> 00:03:10,530
What? Sleep with men half your age?
45
00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:12,600
and exercise.
46
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:20,460
Now, we have to decide who our team
leader is going to be. Well, is there
47
00:03:20,460 --> 00:03:21,460
any question?
48
00:03:21,860 --> 00:03:22,759
You're right.
49
00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:23,760
I'll do it.
50
00:03:24,540 --> 00:03:26,960
Well, hold on. I'm the man of this
family.
51
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:29,920
Yeah, but Shirley wears the pants in the
family.
52
00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:35,420
Oh, and what does your woman wear? Oops,
I forgot. You don't have one.
53
00:03:43,210 --> 00:03:45,490
is you pay me back. Wait, would you two
stop it?
54
00:03:46,010 --> 00:03:48,050
We need to worry about how we're going
to win this thing.
55
00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:50,210
Yeah, because I got big plans with that
money.
56
00:03:50,490 --> 00:03:52,950
Mama said she's going to roll around
naked in it.
57
00:03:54,470 --> 00:03:57,610
Look, we have more important things to
talk about.
58
00:03:57,890 --> 00:03:58,890
I'll go take a dance.
59
00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:04,970
Oh, look at here, look at here.
60
00:04:05,810 --> 00:04:07,710
What's your name, you little sexy sharp
rib?
61
00:04:10,550 --> 00:04:11,750
The name's Andell.
62
00:04:12,010 --> 00:04:13,010
Are you kinfolk?
63
00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:14,360
Would you like to be?
64
00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:16,680
Hell no.
65
00:04:17,740 --> 00:04:19,300
See, you don't know who I am.
66
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:23,960
I'm J. Zell Washington, Jr., owner and
proprietor of the one and only J's
67
00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:25,780
Ripshack on Crenshaw and Bunning.
68
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:27,900
That hole in the wall?
69
00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:29,160
We've expanded.
70
00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:34,320
Didn't the health department shut you
down? Only temporary. See, one rat runs
71
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:36,420
across the county, everybody make a big
deal out of it.
72
00:04:38,180 --> 00:04:40,220
Like the inspector ain't never seen a
rat before.
73
00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:44,720
alone. She don't want to.
74
00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:48,160
Hey,
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00:04:49,660 --> 00:04:50,660
boo.
76
00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:54,560
Hey, Ms. Parker. Uh, Kim told me that
your family's in town.
77
00:04:54,860 --> 00:04:57,380
You mean, uh, our family.
78
00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:01,780
Yes. Well, I just came by to say hello
to your sister, Connie.
79
00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:06,200
Oh, um, uh, Connie's in the bathroom.
80
00:05:06,820 --> 00:05:07,820
Come on in.
81
00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:09,280
Hey, everybody.
82
00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:10,680
Hey, Ms. Shirley.
83
00:05:11,380 --> 00:05:12,380
Mr. George.
84
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:13,520
Hello.
85
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:16,360
Auntie Rita, and that's my Uncle Jay.
Hello.
86
00:05:16,780 --> 00:05:18,860
And this is my fiancé.
87
00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:23,180
I'm not. We know.
88
00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:26,600
Bless you.
89
00:05:27,340 --> 00:05:32,520
So, uh, what brings you all to town? A
bon voyage party for Miss Parker?
90
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:36,220
No, baby, I'm not going anywhere until
our honeymoon.
91
00:05:37,460 --> 00:05:40,380
You two remind me of George and me.
92
00:05:40,820 --> 00:05:41,820
Run, man!
93
00:05:47,470 --> 00:05:51,390
as soon as I say hello to Constance. No,
Constance isn't here. She and Tiffany
94
00:05:51,390 --> 00:05:52,390
couldn't make it.
95
00:05:54,370 --> 00:05:56,550
You told me she was in the bathroom.
96
00:05:57,370 --> 00:05:59,650
She is at her house.
97
00:06:01,290 --> 00:06:02,550
At San Francisco.
98
00:06:07,310 --> 00:06:08,770
Hey, folks.
99
00:06:08,990 --> 00:06:13,170
We are so glad that you're here. Now,
our staff has done some digging and
100
00:06:13,170 --> 00:06:15,430
uncovered some dirt that might surprise
you.
101
00:06:15,830 --> 00:06:16,950
I'll catch you in a few.
102
00:06:17,990 --> 00:06:18,990
Oh, Lord Jesus!
103
00:06:21,110 --> 00:06:22,410
Are you all right, Uncle Jay?
104
00:06:22,690 --> 00:06:24,550
I think I had too much Q for breakfast.
105
00:06:25,190 --> 00:06:27,090
I feel a pork headache coming off.
106
00:06:28,610 --> 00:06:31,670
There's just certain parts of the pig
you're just not supposed to eat.
107
00:06:32,470 --> 00:06:34,770
Oh, my headache's gone to my belly.
108
00:06:35,190 --> 00:06:36,890
I've got to find me some cascarola.
109
00:06:39,350 --> 00:06:42,490
Now what are we going to do? I don't
know, but we better come up with
110
00:06:42,490 --> 00:06:43,630
because I want some money.
111
00:06:48,070 --> 00:06:50,170
Not quite. My uncle's not feeling well.
112
00:06:50,470 --> 00:06:53,290
Oh, you have another family member who
could take his place?
113
00:06:54,430 --> 00:06:57,770
Well, you have to have six players or
I'm afraid I'm going to have to
114
00:06:57,770 --> 00:06:59,130
you. No, no, wait.
115
00:06:59,570 --> 00:07:03,190
Um, I could call my fiancé. He could be
here in 20 minutes.
116
00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:05,430
All right, you've got 20 minutes.
117
00:07:05,950 --> 00:07:07,830
Kim, let me use your phone. Is it low?
Kim!
118
00:07:20,330 --> 00:07:21,650
connection. I'm gonna just stand over
here.
119
00:07:30,070 --> 00:07:32,490
Hello? Professor, it's me. Don't hang
up.
120
00:07:32,790 --> 00:07:33,790
What do you want?
121
00:07:34,550 --> 00:07:38,370
We're at Sunset Studios about to tape
Family Dirt, and my Uncle Jay just got
122
00:07:38,370 --> 00:07:40,390
sick. You have to be my fiancé.
123
00:07:40,750 --> 00:07:41,890
Like hell I do.
124
00:07:42,770 --> 00:07:43,990
We could split a million dollars.
125
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:54,640
That took so long.
126
00:07:58,600 --> 00:07:59,140
Now
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00:07:59,140 --> 00:08:05,940
the
128
00:08:05,940 --> 00:08:06,940
fun begins.
129
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:10,240
Each of you will be asked a question,
and if answered incorrectly, you must
130
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,219
leave the stage.
131
00:08:11,220 --> 00:08:15,140
The family with the one member left
standing who answers the question
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00:08:15,140 --> 00:08:18,820
wins a grand total of one million...
133
00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:34,890
Shirley, lost her, shall we say, virtue.
134
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:39,490
Well, that's easy. On our wedding night,
April 5th, 1959.
135
00:08:41,490 --> 00:08:43,450
Sweet, but wrong.
136
00:08:44,470 --> 00:08:49,390
According to your wife's lifelong
friend, Irma Jean, it was September
137
00:08:49,390 --> 00:08:53,010
1958. Well, that can't be. We had just
started dating.
138
00:08:54,810 --> 00:08:58,770
George, I'm afraid he can't stick around
to hear it. George.
139
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,000
Heather. Wrong.
140
00:09:19,340 --> 00:09:22,460
According to your peeping Tom neighbor,
it's your father.
141
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:28,200
He says, for a hairy guy, your dad
doesn't look bad in a push -up bra.
142
00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:31,680
Bye -bye.
143
00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:40,680
Professor Ogilvie, is the hair on your
future mother -in -law's head real?
144
00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:45,620
Before I answer, I'd like to clear up
one thing.
145
00:09:46,270 --> 00:09:52,810
Although I am indeed engaged to that
woman. Give your answer, please. This is
146
00:09:52,810 --> 00:09:53,810
half an hour show.
147
00:09:54,690 --> 00:09:57,310
I would have to say yes, then. That is
her hair.
148
00:09:58,070 --> 00:10:02,730
Incorrect. I beg your pardon. This is my
hair. I got the receipt to prove it.
149
00:11:14,380 --> 00:11:15,380
is adopted.
150
00:12:13,119 --> 00:12:17,300
Wait till I get my hands on Jay. How
could he reveal a deep family secret
151
00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:19,940
that? Where'd that coward slip off to?
152
00:12:20,780 --> 00:12:23,980
How can you call him a coward after what
you've done?
153
00:12:24,460 --> 00:12:28,780
For 39 years, you haven't had the
courage to tell me the truth.
154
00:12:29,220 --> 00:12:31,300
My whole life's been a lie because of
you.
155
00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:33,520
Nikki, don't talk to your mother like
that.
156
00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:36,000
Oh, according to the show, she's not my
mother.
157
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,000
I'm sorry, Nikki. I know how you feel.
158
00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:44,460
Oh. You feel adopted, deceived, and
confused, too? Sweetheart, I'm so sorry
159
00:12:44,460 --> 00:12:45,460
found out this way.
160
00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:51,440
Mom, Dad, whoever you are, I can't talk
about this right now.
161
00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,160
Hey, y 'all. Anybody hungry?
162
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:01,400
What do you think you're doing?
163
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:04,620
I was thinking about firing up the
bridge so Red and family gets together.
164
00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:08,880
Jay, what possessed you to divulge
something so private to complete
165
00:13:09,340 --> 00:13:11,240
I was trying to win a million dollars.
166
00:13:12,580 --> 00:13:15,340
That would have at least eased the pain
and helped take some of the sting out of
167
00:13:15,340 --> 00:13:16,340
it.
168
00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:19,280
You knew Nikki was never supposed to
find out.
169
00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:21,520
Hold on.
170
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:23,640
You knew about this too, huh, Rita?
171
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:28,440
Yes, Nikki, I did.
172
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:32,420
Nick, we should talk about this later
when there aren't so many people around.
173
00:13:33,660 --> 00:13:34,660
Why?
174
00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:36,080
There are less people here.
175
00:13:36,590 --> 00:13:37,710
than on national television.
176
00:13:39,710 --> 00:13:42,970
Mama, if it makes you feel any better,
the show hasn't even aired yet.
177
00:13:43,310 --> 00:13:44,310
Get away from me.
178
00:13:48,710 --> 00:13:52,990
So if you're not my mother, Shirley,
then who is?
179
00:13:54,790 --> 00:13:58,210
Well, they don't reveal that kind of
stuff at the adoption agency.
180
00:13:58,950 --> 00:14:02,270
What adoption agency? Oh, that adoption
agency.
181
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:04,510
What's going on here?
182
00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:09,980
Well, Mama, you just asked who your real
ma was, and they just finished lying to
183
00:14:09,980 --> 00:14:10,980
you.
184
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:16,820
Is there anyone here capable of telling
me the truth?
185
00:14:23,860 --> 00:14:29,900
The truth is,
186
00:14:30,060 --> 00:14:32,000
I'm your mother.
187
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:36,490
What? I know I should have told you. I
always meant to.
188
00:14:36,790 --> 00:14:38,890
But it just never seemed to be the right
time.
189
00:14:40,330 --> 00:14:41,330
Oh.
190
00:14:42,390 --> 00:14:44,930
So the right time was on TV.
191
00:14:45,310 --> 00:14:46,730
Nikki, please, don't.
192
00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:48,930
No, Shirley.
193
00:14:49,290 --> 00:14:50,530
She's got a right to be angry.
194
00:14:52,670 --> 00:14:53,710
I'm so sorry, Nikki.
195
00:14:54,430 --> 00:14:57,510
But you see, my career was just getting
started.
196
00:14:59,390 --> 00:15:02,050
And I was on the road all the time. And
it was hard.
197
00:15:02,750 --> 00:15:07,630
Really. And it just didn't seem to be
the best way to bring a child up.
198
00:15:08,230 --> 00:15:13,410
And we thought it was best for us to
keep you, since we never went anywhere.
199
00:15:15,250 --> 00:15:17,210
Oh, you're just going to forget about
Cleveland.
200
00:15:21,430 --> 00:15:24,050
I made them promise never to tell you.
201
00:15:26,010 --> 00:15:29,350
So I get to work out for everyone,
except me.
202
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:33,500
Okay, now that we got that cleared up,
how about some red?
203
00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:37,040
You know what they say, the family that
queues together sticks together.
204
00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:42,720
Sorry, but I don't feel much like a
family right now.
205
00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:04,240
Miss Parker, how did you get in my car?
206
00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:05,840
Wasn't I king?
207
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:10,700
You know, you're lucky you just found
out you were adopted.
208
00:16:18,180 --> 00:16:24,420
What a day, huh?
209
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:27,800
You doing okay?
210
00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:35,880
I just don't understand why no one ever
bothered to tell me the truth about my
211
00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:36,880
life.
212
00:16:38,060 --> 00:16:40,920
Did you know that Rita is my real
mother?
213
00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:43,720
Really?
214
00:16:44,820 --> 00:16:45,820
What should I do?
215
00:16:50,020 --> 00:16:53,280
Well, you're never going to find the
answer just, you know, sitting here in
216
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:54,280
car.
217
00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:57,220
You need to go back.
218
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,920
Go back and resolve this with your
family.
219
00:17:02,860 --> 00:17:07,400
Why can't we just run off, get married,
and start a new family?
220
00:17:10,060 --> 00:17:12,400
See, I was trying to be nice to you, Ms.
Potter.
221
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:15,880
And I appreciate it, boo.
222
00:17:18,660 --> 00:17:19,660
Do you smoke?
223
00:17:20,060 --> 00:17:21,060
No.
224
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:36,400
Hotlink is smoking.
225
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:38,740
What are you talking about?
226
00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:41,480
I thought the apartment was on fire.
227
00:17:41,940 --> 00:17:46,180
I saw smoke coming from... Uncle Jay
brought up his grill to fire up some
228
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:48,700
Where were you? We were worried about
you.
229
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:53,000
When I saw the smoke, I was worried
about you.
230
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,640
So you do still care about us?
231
00:17:56,420 --> 00:17:57,780
Of course I do, Mama.
232
00:17:58,460 --> 00:17:59,600
But y 'all hurt me.
233
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:01,940
We didn't mean to.
234
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:04,080
But you did.
235
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,200
How can we make it right?
236
00:18:08,580 --> 00:18:09,580
I don't know.
237
00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:11,400
Q and 5!
238
00:18:16,740 --> 00:18:22,620
Nikki, giving you up was the hardest
thing I've ever done.
239
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:30,380
But the price I paid, missing out on
seeing this beautiful, wonderful woman I
240
00:18:30,380 --> 00:18:34,060
know grow up, I'll always regret that.
241
00:18:36,330 --> 00:18:37,330
But please, don't.
242
00:18:37,530 --> 00:18:39,290
Don't hold it against George and
Shirley.
243
00:18:40,630 --> 00:18:45,590
See, because what my brother and his
wife did was out of love.
244
00:18:47,030 --> 00:18:48,030
Rita's right.
245
00:18:48,510 --> 00:18:53,150
We've always loved you and we always
will, Dumplin'. I hope you can find it
246
00:18:53,150 --> 00:18:54,370
your heart to forgive us all.
247
00:18:56,170 --> 00:18:57,170
So do I.
248
00:18:58,530 --> 00:18:59,530
Aw, Grupa!
249
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:15,920
Right, here you go.
250
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:18,900
Hey, you put your foot in it this time.
251
00:19:19,140 --> 00:19:20,340
And a big foot, too.
252
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:23,200
Yeah, it's good.
253
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:25,680
But not as good as it would be to get my
money back.
254
00:19:26,140 --> 00:19:27,400
Will you stop talking about that?
255
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:30,100
I will, as soon as you pay me.
256
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:32,240
Okay, fine.
257
00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:33,300
If it'll shut you out.
258
00:19:35,370 --> 00:19:36,370
Here's your damn $10.
259
00:19:39,390 --> 00:19:40,850
What's for dessert?
260
00:19:41,790 --> 00:19:45,510
I was hoping a song from Rita. So was I.
261
00:19:47,370 --> 00:19:48,950
This one's for you, baby.
262
00:19:50,670 --> 00:19:53,850
Love, I found you.
263
00:19:55,950 --> 00:19:58,610
Love, I found you.
264
00:20:00,090 --> 00:20:03,170
After so many loveless years.
265
00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:11,850
Kisses like these.
266
00:20:40,620 --> 00:20:42,860
And I sleep with men half my age.
20449
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