All language subtitles for the_muppet_show_s05e22_johnny_cash

Oh, God, this thing never works. I'm
gonna miss my favorite trophy.

Hi, Pop.

Who's that?

I'm Johnny Cash. I sing and play a
little guitar.

How about that Johnny Cash is on the
radio?

I'm not on the radio.

What? I can't hear you.

Why don't you turn the volume up?

Oh, okay.

show with our very special guest, our
Johnny Cash.

It's time to play the music.

It's time to light the light.

It's time to make the market on the
market show tonight.

It's time to put on makeup.

It's time to dress up right.

It's time to raise a curtain on the
Muppet Show tonight.

Why do we always come here? I guess
we'll never know.

It's like a kind of torture to have to
watch the show.

It's time to get things started on the
most sensational, inspirational,

celebrational, motivational, do -sing
-what -we -call -a -Muppet Show!

Thank you, thank you, thank you, and
howdy!

Tonight, the Muppet Show goes country
-western, and our guest star is the king

of country -western music, Mr. Johnny
Cash!

And as an added surprise, the show is
going to be broadcast live over radio

station WHOG.

Why

are

you guys doing that? We're not even
broadcasting yet.

Get out, get out, get out, get out, get
out. Uh, excuse me? What? Just fixing to

check the sound.

Huh? Test in one, two, a boy named Sue,
three, four, there ain't no more.

Yeah, terrific.

Now can I start the show? Oh, you can't
start. We ain't broadcasting yet.

Well, I can't help that. Uh, ladies and
gentlemen, before our radio broadcast

actually begins, here's a great country
group. They used to be enemies, but, uh,

well, I'll let them tell their own
stories. Here they are, the Martins and

Coys. Yay!

Get around me, children, and I'll tell a
story of the mountains in the days when

guns were law.

When two families got to shooting, they
always bouncing and shouting.

So just listen, folks, I'll tell you
what I saw.

Oh, the Martins and the Coys, they were
reckless mountain boys, and they took

the family shooting when they beat.

They would shoot each other quicker.

I'm going to bushwhack them from up
here.

Neither one, I'm a music lover.

No shooting in the theater.

No fighting in the theater either.

Hey, that opening number bombed. Well,
no bombing in the theater.

Now listen, what's all this stuff doing
on my desk?

Mr. Frog, you said we could broadcast
from y 'all's theater.

I said you could put a microphone on
that stage.

Now, Fuzzy Bear, our next Fuzzy Bear.

Well, you see, your microphone, it feeds
into your preamp here. Then you got

your mixing board and your patch panels.

Well, what's this wire here about? Ha,
ha, ha, ha!

Whoa!

About neck high.

Uh, Fuzzy, are you okay?

Sheriff, could you please postpone my
appointment?

I've got to go start talking.

Johnny Cash. Johnny Cash on stage,
please.

Now, when are you going to start this
broadcast of yours?

Well, whenever Big Tiny Tall Saddle gets
here.

Howdy, howdy, frogs and neighbors.

And here he is. Big Tiny Tall Saddle
here talking at you.

Okay, Billy Boy, you all settled up.
Let's climb aboard old paint and get...

this here roundup a -goin'. Oh, you
betcha, Big Tiny.

Uh, translate for me. Does that mean
you're about to broadcast?

Yeah. Okay, I'll introduce Johnny Cash.

Who's that little green feller?

Well, I think he's called Gonzo the
Frog.

Okay, and now it's time to introduce our
very special guest, one of country

-western music's all -time great stars,
ladies and gentlemen. Step aside there,

Gonzo. This is the Big Time.

Your own Big Tiny.

Get ready to go on the Big Tiny Tall
Saddle Show.

Yes, sir. Thank you, thank you. Howdy,
friends and neighbors.

This is Big Tiny Tall Saddle coming at
you from radio station W -H -O -G -W

-H -O -B, where everybody has a swill
time.

And tonight we're broadcasting live
from... What's the name of this theater?

This is the Muppet Theater. Yeah, right.
From the Muppet...

with an old buddy of mine, Mr.

Johnny Cash!

Mr. Johnny Cash!

Once a mighty herd of red -eyed cows he
saw Flowing through the ragged skies

And up the cloudy shore Their

brands were still on fire And their
hooves were made of steel Their horns

black and shiny And their hot breath he
could feel

A bolt of fear went through him as they
thundered through the sky.

For he saw the riders coming by, and he
heard their mournful cry.

Yippee -yi -oh.

Yippee -yi -oh.

Yippee -yi -ay.

Yippee -yi -ay.

Ghost riders in the sky.

Their bait was gone, their eyes were
blurred, their shirts all soaked with

sweat.

He was riding hard to catch that herd,
but he ain't caught them yet.

They've got to ride forever on that
range up in the sky.

On the horses farting fire,

as they ride on to hear their cry.

As the rider sloped on by him, he heard
one call his name.

If you want to save your soul from hell,
riding on our reins, cowboy, change

your ways. If they are with us, you will
ride.

Trying to catch the devil's herd across
these endless skies.

Yippee -ki -yay, oh.

ride horses are called cowboys, what do
you call chickens that ride cows?

Stupid. Oh, thank you, thank you, Johnny
Cash.

Now, that's what I call a real country
classic.

Oh, excuse me, I think I'm on next.

You? Why, you're a dog.

Yep, ever since I was a pup.

Go bury a bone.

Get!

Wolf!

Now, that great old -time country act,
Grandpa McGuire and his whistling

You're not Grandpa McGuire. I sent him
home. Listen, I'm the one that says what

goes on and what doesn't go on on this
show.

Let's have a big hand for this little
fella. He's going to show off his

championship style.

That won him the Calaveras County Frog
Jumping Contest.

I've never been in any frog jumping
contest in my life. Billy Boy, you got

red hot marbles?

Sure do, Big Tiny.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Kermit, why
are you getting so angry?

Oh, it's that big, tiny, tall saddle. I
promised him he could do his radio show

here, but he acts like he owns this
theater.

Big, tiny, tall saddle is as tough as a
25 -cent stick.

Well, he can't be that bad.

All I did was drop big, tiny, geek car
pick.

It's getting worse.

goes on here at Mighty Hog Radio.

For that finger -licking country sound
out in the boonies and far around, it's

-A -O -G.

All right, what's next?

Uh, Louisiana and the Gills Brothers.

Yeah, well, it better be good, Frog. I
got plenty of these microphone stands

left, you know.

Yeah, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, look.

Sometimes I do what I ought.

Sometimes I feel a great notion to jump
in a net and get caught.

Everybody! Good night, Sardine.

Good night, Sardine.

Good night, Sardine. Good night,
Sardine. I'll see you in my street.

Didn't even let Mom and Dad know.

But my soulmate got hooked on an
earthworm.

And all I've got left is Shadrow.

Oh, stop floundering.

Stop your floundering.

Oh, you need a new purpose in life.

Don't do what that surgeon is urging.

Go home to your swell fish wife.

Sardine, I'll see you in my dreams.

Orville, he lost his sardine.

Well, finders, kippers.

Okay, well, moving right along with our
evening of country western music, ladies

and gentlemen, once again, Mr. Johnny
Cash.

Thank you. I'd like to make a special
dedication now. I would like to do a

especially for a big, tiny, tall saddle.

It's his favorite song, and it goes
something like this.

Yeah, excuse me, John, but can I play
the piano on this song?

Well, I really don't think I need an
accompanist on this song.

Oh, that's okay. That's what I'm here
for. What are you going to sing? Well, I

don't think you know this song. Well,
what key is it in?

Well, it's an A -flat. Okay, well, just
give me an A and I'll flatten it myself.

You just sing and I'm going to follow
right along.

Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you.
Okay.

Jump in any time now.

Well, he's not very handsome to look at.

Are he, Jackie?

And he's like a fox.

And he's always...

killing my chicken.

Who's that?

That dirty old egg -sucking dog.

Here comes the chorus.

Egg -sucking dog.

This is terrible.

I'm gonna stomp your head in the ground.

If you don't stay out of my hen house,

you... Dirty old egg -sucking hounds.

Yeah, but that's a lie. I never touched
a chicken in my life. I can't stand

them. They're nasty, scrawny old things.

Oh, it's nothing personal. It's just a
song.

If he don't stop eating my eggs up.

Though I'm not a real bad guy.

I'm going to take my rifle and send him
to that great

chicken house in the sky. Everybody
sing.

Egg sucking dog.

I'm going to stomp your head in the
ground.

They wouldn't do that. If you don't.

I told you, I don't like chickens. I
hate chickens.

I heard that.

Get them, girls.

Hey, you know how dogs like their eggs
cooked?

No. Pooched.

Oh, Billy Boy, this here radio broadcast
is gonna be a hit.

Well, it's a dud for us dogs.

Fuzzy, if you're okay, I'll introduce
you. Yes.

Fall back there, Gonzo the Frog. Who are
you going to introduce?

No, no, the name is Kermit.

Okay, the bear's name is Kermit.

I got it. What does he do?

Well, if you must know, he's the comic.
Aha.

Sorry, only one comic works the big,
tiny, tall, saddle show.

My nephew, Wild Wally Whoopie.

What? Another comic?

Listen, on the Muppet Show, Fozzie Bear
is the comic.

Yes.

Fozzie, Kermit Bear? What is it, a
brother act?

Okay, folks, it's comedy time, and here
is our own Fozzie. Hold on, little green

buddy. Which comic are you introducing?

I was introducing our own comedian. Yes,
folks, and here he is, that wild wit of

the West, wonderful Wally Whoopie.

Fozzie Bear.

Hi -ya, hi -ya, hi -ya, hi -ya. Thank
you.

Wonderful Wally Whoopty here on Whoa
Nelly.

You folks watching on radio won't
believe this, but I am standing next to

bear. Oh, no, no, no, sir. I'm not a
wild, well, I mean, I'm a bear, but I'm

wild. Oh, listen, I don't blame you. I'm
not wild about bears either.

I am a comedian.

A comedian. Do you know the most
important thing about being a comedian?

No, what's the most important? Timing.

Let's hear one of your jokes, comedian.

Oh, all right.

See, this walrus, he goes into the
theater.

Hey, you're not nervous, are you?

A little bit, yeah.

Oh, look.

Why, folks, he's as nervous as a frog on
a freeway with his hopper busted.

Just go ahead with your little story
now.

Thank you. And don't be nervous.

This better be good, folks.

What's the matter? Cat got your joke?

Listen, why don't you forget about being
a comedian? Why don't you learn to ride

a bicycle and join the circus?

Oh, no, no. I want to get laughs.

Fall off the bike.

Listen, you've been a great stooge, and
to show you what kind of guy Wally

Whoopie is, I'm inviting you up to my
ranch for the weekend.

You mean... Oh, wow, thank you, thank
you. Yes, I just want you to go up there

and relax. Oh, I will. Just stretch out
on the floor and take it easy.

On the floor?

Yes, my regular rugs at the cleaners.

All right, let's hear it for the
funniest man west of west of the Bay

Wally Whoopie. Come on out, Wally.

Ha, ha.

Hey, good man.

And while we're at it, let's have a
murmur of sympathy for that poor sap

Bear.

Okay, that does it.

Listen, how dare you say things like
that about my friend Fuzzy? This bear is

one of the stars of the Muppet Show.
He's loving and friendly. Funny.

He's dedicated, loyal, trustworthy.

Funny.

Handsome, generous, sweet, gentle,
charming.

Funny. And very, very funny.

Thank you.

Now,

tall saddle.

Just get out of the theater.

What? You heard me. My friends and I
work hard every week to do a good show,

we don't need your kind around being
mean and cruel.

Speaking of being cruel, I have this
little trick I like to do with necks and

microphones. Oh, wait a minute, Mr.

Tostello. I was just out in the alley,
and some kids were letting the air out

your horse.

My horse?

out of his horse?

Well, it's all I could think of.

Whatever, Scooter. Listen, you got rid
of Tall Saddle. I can't thank you

Oh, gee, Kermit, I don't need thanks.

Of course, I could use some cash.

Well, of course you could use some cash.

Cash is exactly what we all need. So
let's just sit back and enjoy the music

the one and only Johnny Cash!

to make like a train now.

Ah, baby.

We got married in a fever hotter than a
pepper sprout.

We've been talking about Jackson ever
since the fire went out.

I'm going to Jackson.

I'm going to mess around.

Honey, I'm going to Jackson.

Look out, Jackson town.

Yahoo!

Well, you

talk about

rambling. She's the fastest train on the
line.

Hey, you talk about rambling.

She's the fastest train on the line.

That's that Orange Blossom Special
rolling down the seaboard line.

It's that Orange Blossom Special rolling
down the seaboard line.

It's that Orange Blossom Special rolling
down the seaboard line.

But before we go, let us have a big
round of applause for our guest star,

and gentlemen, Johnny Cash.

Thank

you,

Kermit. It's been my pleasure. I've
really enjoyed being with you. Well, we

a good time, too, once we got rid of Big
Tiny Tall Saddle.

Looks like you spoke too soon. Listen,

Big Tiny, I thought I told you once...
Take it easy, Gonzo.

Just come back to borrow your bicycle
pump.

What?

Well, I got to pump up old paint before
they tow him away.

Pump up old paint?

I'll explain later. We'll see you next
time on the Muppet Show.

What kind of show would you call that?

Frankly, I'd call it quits.

Quits! Quits!