Original subtitles

Who are you?

I'm Melissa Manchester.

Maybe you can help me. My agent booked me onto this weird thing called The

Muppet Show. Am I in the right place?

special guest star, Melissa Manchester.

It's time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational,

celebrational Muppet Show!

This is what we call the Muppet Show!

Thank you, thank you, and welcome once again to the Muppet Show! And tonight

very special guest star is the great singer and songwriter Melissa

Through the miracle of costly special effects, we whisk you away to the high

Alps, so please welcome the Vienna Downhill Boys Choir with their alpine

Tumble and Tumble with Jim!

Thank you.

It's never too late.

Break a leg! Break a leg!

Oh, boy, it's a disaster.

Doctor, will I ever be able to ski again?

Oh, what do you mean, again?

Listen, you should have taken lessons.

Oh, I did.

I took lessons from the famous Klaus Neumann.

You did? Yeah.

Hey, Klaus.

Oh, hi, Charlie. How'd it go?

What do you think?

Did you do everything I told you?

Everything.

Figures.

Listen, Scooter, if I come up with any more dumb ideas like that, stop me.

Right. Shall I cancel the blindfolded, yodeling hang glider?

Of course not. I said dumb ideas.

Okay, well, now that we've gotten off the ski slopes and lived to tell about

it's time for some real entertainment.

Ladies and gentlemen, one of the truly great singers, Melissa Manchester.

Baby cried the day the circus came to town Cause she

didn't want parades just passing by her She

painted on a smile and took off with a clown While she danced

without a net up on the wire I know

a lot about her Cause you see, baby

is an awful lot like me.

Don't cry out loud.

Just keep it inside.

And learn how to hide your feelings.

you should fall.

Remember you almost had it all.

Baby saw that when they pulled that big top down,

they left behind her dreams among the litter.

That different kind of love she thought.

she'd found there was nothing left but sawdust and some glitter

but baby can't be broken cause you see

she had the finest teacher that was me

I told her don't cry out loud

just keep it inside

I've learned.

I was a kid. I left home to join a traveling circus.

Well, were your folks upset?

Are you kidding?

They're the ones who got me the job.

Now, listen, guys. The show will take care of all of your medical expenses.

Oh, well, that's good.

Scooter, did you cash that check I gave you? Oh, of course. Good.

Well, at least probably.

What? Well, actually, no.

What? Gee, guys, is there something wrong?

Oh, no, nothing at all.

We just wanted to invite you to come to our...

Wall Street today, commodity experts were amazed as beef fell dramatically.

Oh, no.

Kermit, where did that cow come from? He seemed to fall right out of the sky.

Yeah, well, you see, he said that beef was falling, and it's a little hard to

explain.

Why don't we just watch pigs in space?

Oh, no.

Don't worry. Things only fall on the newsman.

What did you say that next catch is called? Uh, pigs in space.

Oh, good.

I thought you said pigs from space.

Not again!

And now... Pigs in

space!

The swine tractor is just about to be boarded by a sinister spaceship from the

Crab Nebula.

Uh -oh. Oh, the crab nebula. I'm so frightened.

There are all such mean baddies over there.

There he is.

Oh, help.

Oh, help.

I'm trying to take a nap.

But this weird alien from the crab nebula just boarded the ship.

So what does he want?

I don't know. I don't speak crab.

Universal translator right there.

Knuckle brains.

I represent Flunko, the wash day miracle.

Guaranteed to turn your glooboos sparkling pink without rinsing.

Well, we knew it was important.

Sparkling pink, huh?

I'll take a dozen boxes.

You don't have any glooboos.

Make it happen.

Call you back during the commercial.

In Spain!

Pops and Fozzie. Pops and Fozzie on next.

Oh, Pops. I don't think I'm going to be able to do this.

Oh, it's going to be terrific, Fozzie. Why, back in 1948,

I played the Roxy with this number.

Yeah, but it's so complicated.

And now, here they are, Pops and Fozzie.

With Once in Love with Amy.

Aha!

Once in love with Amy.

With Amy!

Always in love with Amy.

Is this it? Ever and ever.

Fascinated by her. Set your heart afire.

Stay tuned.

Once in Love with Amy.

Tear up your list. It's Amy.

Fly her with bonbons, poetry and flowers.

Moon a million hours away.

You might be quite the fickle -hearted girl.

So carefree and bold.

Who loves a girl and later thinks it over.

And just quits. Oh, follow me.

Once in love with Amy.

Always in love with Amy. Turn.

Ever and ever.

Sweetly you'll romance her.

Trouble is the answer. Will be. Will be. That Amy'd rather stay in love

with me. I did it. I did it.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Pausing. Thank you.

You really got to hand it to Pausing. Hand him what?

Abuse. Hey,

Floyd, what are you doing?

Oh, I'm playing the blues.

Do you like blues music?

Only when I'm depressed.

You get depressed often?

Only when I play the blues.

You're weird.

I may be weird, but you're beautiful.

It's funny you should feel that way, because I've always had a thing for

weirdos, man.

Now, how can I tell when you're being serious?

Whenever I call you friend, friend.

Okay, friend, let's communicate.

Whenever I call you friend, I begin to

think I understand, anywhere at all, you and I have

always been, forever and ever.

I see myself within your eyes, and that's

all I need to show me why, everything I do.

Always takes me home to you.

Sweet love, shining in my life.

Sweet love.

Okay, next we have the Flying Teeterini Family.

Okay, on stage, the Teeterini Family on stage, please.

Hey, scoozy froggy, you tell me where the teeterboard is.

Oh, there's no room for it. Hey, that teeterboard's supposed to be on stage,

Fozzie. No, as I'm saying to you, there's no room for it on the stage.

Why not? Because there's a set in the way, sir.

Well, why is the set out there? Hey, can we clear this out, please? Clear that

set? You don't need to shout in the talky -talky thing. We're standing right

here. Can we please put this down?

Right here?

Okay. What?

Can you guys get on stage, please?

You expect the famous Teeterini family to perform on stage without their famous

teeterboard? Listen, is a teeterboard really a big part of the act?

Watch this.

Chef will prepare spring chicken.

best spot they've ever done. What do you think?

When will you ever learn? You're no spring chicken anymore.

Chickens? Would you guys keep still? What's with these chickens?

Boing, boing, boing, boing.

You can control over this show's slipping.

Skiers on crutches and chickens on springs.

These are a few of my...

This show is now officially out of control.

I'm going to introduce the final number, and then it's every frog for himself.

Hey, come it, come it, come it. Hey, why did the chickens cross the road?

Because an angry Swede was chasing him with a cleaver.

That's not it.

Hey, wait. Yours is better.

Ladies and gentlemen, backstage is a mess.

I've got angry skiers springing chickens and bouncing Italians.

So let us leave all that behind. Come with me now to the... Peace and quiet of

sunny Spain.

There to hear the beautiful soothing melodies of Miss Melissa Manchester.

Your cheating heart will make you weep.

You'll cry and cry and try to sleep.

But sleep won't come the whole night through.

Your cheating heart will tell on you.

and talented Melissa Manchester.

Thank you, Kermit. I've had a great

time. Oh, I'm so glad.

When I wasn't being hit by flying skiers or jumped on by spring chickens or held

to the back of a... Well, actually, you're lucky because next week we're

a yodeler who works blindfolded from a hang glider.

That's next week!

Watch out!