Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Brian Henson.

This next episode of The Muppet Show features Senior Wences, a puppeteer and

ventriloquist, whose most famous character, Johnny, was painted on his

like this. Hello.

In addition to his

hand, Senior Wences' other characters included Cecilia, a puppet chicken, and

Pedro, a ventriloquist dummy head.

That's right, just the head.

which proved that Senior Wences was sufficiently insane to work with the

Muppets. Personally, I don't care for puppets much. I don't find them

believable. I don't believe you!

There's even a second guest star, Bruce Schwartz, who is a great puppeteer who

performs a Japanese ghost story with beautiful Japanese puppets.

Here is The Muppet Show, starring Senior Wences and Bruce Schwartz.

Something terrible in this coffee.

Oh, it's my finger.

Hey, who are you?

I am Señor Wences, the ventriloquist and juggler. Oh, Señor Wences. Well, of

course I knew you as a ventriloquist, but I didn't know you as a juggler.

It's time to play the music.

It's time to light the light.

It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight.

It's time to put on makeup.

It's time to dress up right.

It's time to raise the curtain on the Muppet Show tonight.

Why do we always come here? I guess we'll never know.

It's like a kind of torture to have to watch the show.

It's time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational,

celebrational, muffinational, this is what we call the Muffin Show.

What were you expecting, Rachmaninoff?

Thank you, thank you, thank you, and welcome again to the Muffin Show.

And we've got a super surprise treat in store for you.

Because our guest star is one of the world's great ventriloquists, the

Senor Wences.

Yes, and we also have a guest puppeteer, Mr. Bruce Schwartz.

Right, and so what we're doing, we're going to switch the entire show around.

It's a complete change of pace, folks. Tonight, we're going to do a puppet

Yes,

yes, it's a real first. And now, to start things off, Here is Pinocchio

singing Puppet Man.

Papa, Papa, you know it's true.

I'm a puppet just for you.

I'll do anything you say.

I won't have it any other way.

Take my heart and take my soul.

I'm giving you complete control. If you want to see me do my thing, pull my

string.

Pull my string?

Papa,

Papa, I'm your sweet pet.

I'm just your personal marionette.

Wind me up and let me go.

Don't you know I'm a one -man show?

Raise your finger and I'll perform.

Cracker Jack to the crack of dawn. If you want to see me do my thing, pull my

string.

Pull my string.

If you want to see me do my thing, pull my string.

Yeah! If you want to see me do my thing, pull my string.

Personally, I don't care for puppets much. I don't find them believable.

I don't believe you.

Okay, nice number, guys.

Pinocchio, I have good news for you. Because Dr.

Bob agreed to do something about your nose.

Well, nose news is good news.

Oh, boy. You know, I just love the show tonight. I think the idea of an all

-puppet show is not too shabby.

Hey, Kermit, Kermit, Kermit. I want to do a puppet act.

Stand by for disaster.

Hi, guys. Oh, Gonzo, hey, you want to do a puppet act with me?

Cue the disaster.

It's a puppet.

Oh, well, see... It's a doll made to look alive by wiggling strings or

your hand inside... Hands, like that. What a stupid idea.

Who wants to watch dolls wiggle?

Well... I mean, even I wouldn't do an act like that. Doll wiggling? Talk about

boring.

I didn't have the heart to tell him.

And now tonight's special guest star, ladies and gentlemen, one of our very

favorite performers, the international, the fabulous, the terrific, Senor

Wenceslas! How

do

you feel today? No good. No good? No.

Headache? Yes. Fever? Yes.

Fever? No, no, no, no, no.

Give me your breath.

I don't think so. No, no. Open your mouth, please.

A little more.

More. No, no, no, no.

Too much.

Open like me.

Good. Show me your tongue.

Very good.

I have one idea, Johnny. Yes, yes.

Do you remember the Spanish song? Yes. Can you sing for me now, please? Okay.

Okay. You alone.

Very good, Johnny. Yes, yes. Nice.

Very, very nice. Nice one. Yes, yes. I like you very much. Thank you. You're

welcome. This one is white? Yes, sir.

Ready, my friend?

No, no. Not yet. No, no. Okay?

It's all right. All right, that's good.

Would you like Pedro to sing with me? Sure. Good. I have one idea.

Before, we need to vocalize. Why?

Very important.

Because I need to know your lung capacity. That's all. That's all.

When you see me close, open the door, don't you mind. No. You see, do this.

Repeat.

And repeat the same, you see the difference.

Quick.

Very good. Very nice.

You like it? Thank you very much.

Now, Gianni.

I have a very nice tree for you.

Now? Now. Yes?

Yes. Are you interested?

Very. Thank you very much. You see? You can do beautiful things. Slowly.

Don't be nervous. What?

You like it? Yes. Finish?

No finish.

Finish?

Not yet.

No? No.

Finish?

Not yet. I say not yet. Not yet?

Not yet.

Please. It's all right. All right. Please. All right.

What? Eh?

Don't be nice.

No, so close.

I know what I am doing.

Yes, but I don't.

Tell me, Gianni, are you afraid?

No. You're not afraid?

No. Are you afraid?

Not yet.

All right, don't worry.

You don't care, Pedro, if I open?

No. Eh?

Open. Open. Let's go.

Don't worry.

Please. Don't worry. And now you do this. Look.

And center.

That's good.

One o 'clock.

It's nice, eh? Yes.

Please. Don't worry.

Don't worry.

Close the door. All right.

It's all right.

Time once again for Veterinarian's Hospital. The continuing story

of a quack who's gone to the dogs.

Dr. Bob, this is Pinocchio. He wants a nose job.

Listen,

it's more than a job. It's a career.

How'd his nose get so long? Was his mother frightened by the Concord?

Dr. Bob, he is made out of wood.

Wood? Then he doesn't need a doctor. He needs a tree surgeon.

You don't understand. Every time I tell a lie, my nose grows a foot.

Then he needs a foot doctor.

That's funny.

Dr.

Bob, with a nose like that, I wonder if he has a keen sense of smell.

I hope not. This sketch could kill him.

Dr. Bob, you've got to help him shorten his nose. He'll feel better. I got a

better idea. I'll shorten the sketch and then everybody will feel better.

And so we come to the end. And so we come to the end. Good. Of another

veterinarian's hospital.

Tune in next week when you'll hear Dr. Bob say... Wait a minute. I just

remembered. I can't operate on anybody made out of wood. Why not?

I can't stand the sight of sawdust.

Okay. Decent. Fair.

Great. I loved it. Ladies and gentlemen, no puppet show would be

complete without a performance of Swedish bread lump puppetry.

As demonstrated here by our own Swedish chef.

Wow, Tonya, if you could do that, we'd have a great act. Go practice.

Excuse me, Mr. Junior. Don't worry. Yeah, I didn't want to interrupt you,

Mr. the Frog wanted me to tell you that the telephone in this dressing room is

not working.

This telephone?

Yeah, that's the one. You made me laugh.

Huh?

Yeah.

Yes, I was waiting for you for last two weeks.

Yes. Everybody nice.

Yes, I know.

Hey, what the heck?

Yes, yes, yes, I know that.

Yes.

Yes,

yes. Of course. He's here. No.

I have a message for you. For me? Oh, you must be mistaken.

No mistake at all. It is the phone company. They want you to stop breaking

telephone.

Okay?

Okay. All right.

Theater manager, green thing, and boss.

Yes, Beauregard.

Well, did you know that I have some puppets?

No. Yes.

When I heard about the show tonight, I brought them.

Look.

Hey, those look great.

Yes, and now I'm going to give you an amateur puppet show.

Oh, wonderful. I just love puppet shows.

Great. Okay, I'll go down now.

Whoops. Wrong one.

Bravo, bravo. Thank you, thank you.

Not you, Beau.

Oh.

Well, who are you?

Oh, I am just a big friendly dog.

Well, then why were you green?

I am an Irish stinter.

Oh, I hope you wouldn't bite my hand.

Here.

Oh, hey, you bit my thumb.

Beauregard, you're not supposed to come up.

Yeah, but he hurt me.

Oh, just watch it.

Oh, well. Let's see. Where was I?

Oh, I was going to bite you very badly.

Oh, I hope you don't. I might have to get out my stick.

Well, that's too bad. Here I come.

Just a second. I'm watching that puppet show right now.

Is this what you have booked on the show tonight instead of moi?

Piggy, please.

I had a song for tonight, but you said the dolls are going to be on.

Piggy, these are not just dolls.

Puppetry is an art form, Piggy. Is that violence art?

Violence belongs with puppetry.

That's Punch and Judy. They've always been violent.

It's good. It's good. It's a good aggressive behavior.

Better than my act? Piggy. I'll show you aggressive.

I'll show you behavior.

I'll show you. I'll show you.

Punch and Judy.

We have with us one of the world's great puppeteers. Oh, thank you, thank you.

You, Fozzie? I'm talking about Bruce Schwartz. Oh, well, when you're ready,

ready. That's a mighty iffy win.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, with a traditional Japanese ghost story, our

guest puppeteer, Bruce Schwartz.

oh

Boy, these puppets are really classing things up around here. You think that's

classy? Look at Gumdrop the gorilla!

Gumdrop is part of your marionette act, right? Yeah, yeah. See, he dances.

Dance, dance, dance, dance.

And then he talks.

Hello, Mr. Frog.

Huh? Huh? See, what's going to happen? I'll open with Gumdrop the gorilla, and

then I'll follow with the dancing clown.

Huh?

Yeah, well, Gumdrop looks a little tangled up there.

Oh, yeah, well, you have to know how to do this.

You've got to be a professional here. See, what happens when the strings...

All you have to do... I'll open with a dancing clown.

I'll introduce you. Thank you.

Never thank the executioner.

What? Nothing.

All right, it's showtime!

Wiggling dolls is weird.

In fact, it might even be sick.

Okay, well, I think there's no way to avoid it, folks.

So here he is, Fozzie Bear in his high -strung marionette.

Oh, boy, this is terrific.

This could be a whole new career.

I mean, I've never felt so in command before.

Look at that.

Ha, it moves at my command.

I pull the string, and it does anything that I want it to.

You know, I don't want to do this anymore.

Hey, you!

Rug face!

What, me?

Yeah, come here.

It's all part of the act, folks.

Come on!

Ozzy was right.

It's a terrific idea for an act.

What do you know about it, Banana Beak?

Poor Fuzzy. I don't know whether to laugh or feel sorry for him. He wanted

make us laugh.

I feel sorry for him.

Hey, Father, are you coming offstage or what?

Yeah, come on. Why don't you get a class act? Boy, that was terrible, wasn't it?

Just hush, hush up. Quiet down, everybody. Be quiet.

We're trying to watch the Senor's big finale.

Yeah, well, you won't get to see it unless you show a little respect and

up. We won't get to see him if you don't show a little respect and go out and

introduce him.

Quiet, quiet. Shh, shh, shh. Quiet.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, once again, here is our very super special

star, Señor Wences.

Can we please,

what is your first name? Cecilia.

Oh, Cecilia.

And second name?

Chicken. Chicken.

My name is Señor Wences.

This is Gianni.

Nice boy.

You like Cecilia?

Yes. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Tell me, Cecilia, please, what is that?

My son.

Your son or your daughter?

My son.

How do you know? I know my business.

Can you help me, please? Now? Now, yes, please.

Yeah?

Mary?

Moreno is not here.

No, no, I'm sorry.

Señor Benz speaking.

Remember me?

Oh, no.

No? Why?

I don't know.

The ventriloquist.

The ventriloquist.

How are you?

Very well, please.

Will you do me a favor? Call your brother.

Luis, very important, please.

Nice kiss.

Thank you.

To me. To you? Yes, yes, yes. Please, my nice boy.

Thank you. Once to me.

To everyone.

Not to me. Don't worry, don't worry.

Hello? Yeah, how are you, friend? Good.

Excuse me, I called you in very, very bad moments. Excuse me. Yeah, one

Yesterday, I spoke with the pianist, Mr... What is the name? Manolo.

Manolo. Manolo.

Yeah. I would like you to come tomorrow morning, plenty of time.

To study the song.

Tomorrow morning. Tomorrow morning. One more second, please.

At what time rehearsal tomorrow morning? Eight o 'clock or ten o 'clock?

Ten. Ten? Yes, ten o 'clock, no? I don't care. Ten o 'clock tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow morning. Don't forget.

No, no, no.

Thank you very much. Okay. Okay, okay.

Okay, okay.

All right.

Puppet Puppet Show.

But before we go, let us thank our guest, Bruce Schwartz, and our

guest, Arsenio Wences.

Thank you for having me, Danny.

Oh, well, it's been a pleasure, and I'd like to apologize for Fozzie's puppet

act. I like that very much. Come in, come in.

Ha, ha, ha.

How about a new act here, huh? Terrific.

It's sensational.

What a feeling of power.